Ricochet

by Jessica Wilde

  "I couldn't wait any longer. I don't have any more time left," he said roughly. The sound of desire in his voice and the heated look he was giving me made me squeeze my thighs together. I hadn't felt that kind of heat pooling low in by belly for years, if ever.

  He leaned in and gave me one more sweet kiss before grinning and turning back to the road. It didn't take long to get to my apartment and the few minutes gave me enough time to come back down to earth. I was still in shock, wondering if the kiss had really happened.

  "What do you mean by not having any more time left?" I asked as he turned off the ignition in the parking lot. The shop lights were still on, letting both of us know that Jake was still there and I still had time before he wondered where I was.

  Jack raked a hand through his hair and reached for one of mine with the other. He gently lifted my hand to his lips and pressed a tender kiss to my knuckles. "It means that if I don't do something about this now, I will miss my chance. It means you've got other guys wanting your attention and I don't want to share it. Not anymore."

  Oh.

  I tried not to assume then that the only reason he was doing this was because of Sean. Because he felt a spark of jealousy or because he had some stupid competition with the man.

  I really tried not to assume.

  But what other assumptions could I possibly make? Years of being the sister figure to him. Years of watching him play out the typical teenage boy life; multiple girlfriends, dates, dances, uninvited guests that tagged along whenever he came to dinner.

  I chose to ignore those things back then, but I couldn't ignore them now. What would happen tomorrow when Jack realized that he could do better? When he realized that he could get Julia back who clearly wouldn't have a problem with that at all.

  I wasn't used to being suddenly wanted by a man. My relationship with Roger had gone on for six months before we ever got truly intimate and I know that is a horrible example. Even my boyfriends in high school took forever to become official.

  Molly's idea of courting actually described my life to a T.

  Jack walked me up to my apartment, his fingers entwined with mine. The unfamiliar sensation didn't feel at all wrong, but my heart was pounding and my head was still spinning and I had no idea how to react to all of it.

  Was this him finally telling me that his feelings for me were more than friendship? More than brotherly? Or was this just a game? Just some impulsive thing that played out because I agreed to have lunch with another man?

  Once inside my apartment, I dropped my keys on the kitchen counter and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath and make myself calm down.

  "I don't want you to go to lunch with Sean," Jack said beside me. He didn't touch me, but I could feel the heat of him warm my side.

  "What?"

  "I don't want you to see Sean," he said again and this time, my mind cleared away the fog of doubt and my anger was all that was left.

  "Excuse me?"

  "Ari, I'm trying to tell you that I want to be with you."

  "You want to be with me?"

  "Yes."

  "Why?"

  He frowned at me and stepped closer. "Why? Because I have wanted to be with you for as long as I can remember. Because you are my best friend aside from Jake and you know me and understand me better than anyone. Because the thought of you with another man drives me fucking crazy."

  "So that's what this is? A competition you seem to have with Sean? I've seen you two interact and all I can tell is that you don't really like each other." The words just came out. I had no control over them. It was like whatever thought was currently running through my mind was voiced immediately and all rational thoughts were put on the back burner.

  Jack shook his head and scowled, "This isn't a competition. I'm not just saying this because of him."

  I stayed silent. I didn't even look at him. In fact, I had no idea what the hell I was doing anymore. I thought I was fighting for my life. I thought I was taking back what I had lost when all that was really happening was me attempting to cover up the pieces of me that I didn't think were important. My focus had been on getting back at Roger, protecting myself. I had my fantasies about Jack, but no matter how much hope I had, I never really thought they would actually happen. And now that he was telling me he wanted me, telling me he had wanted me for a long time, I couldn't begin to decide what I wanted anymore.

  Him? Yes, but for how long?

  My life? Yes, but to what end?

  "Ari, talk to me. Tell me what is going through your mind," Jack sighed and swept my hair behind my ear.

  I took a deep breath and looked up at him. His aqua eyes bore into mine and the expression on his face held concern, with a little hint of fear.

  What did he have to be afraid of?

  "Why now?"

  Jack took a step forward, reaching for me, but I stepped away from him. I needed a clear head and him touching me would officially end whatever thought processes I would be able to manage.

  "Why now when I have no idea what the hell to do about it? Why now when I'm just a fucking shell?"

  "Baby, you're not -"

  "I am," I snapped angrily. "I can't even begin to get a grasp on who I was before. She's gone. How could you possibly want me when the Ari you really want isn't even here anymore?"

  Jack was silent for a few minutes and I had to sit down before I couldn't hold myself up anymore.

  "Going out with Sean isn't something I really want to do, Jack. But it might be something I need to do. I'm trying to put myself together and this might be the first step. Why now?"

  "He isn't right for you, Ari."

  My mouth gaped open. "How in the hell do you know what's right for me?" I whispered harshly.

  He knelt on the floor in front of me and turned my chair so I was facing him, my knees pressed against his stomach. His hands rested on the tops of my thighs and it was a fight to hold onto my head. I couldn't let him disorient me.

  "I don't know what's right for you, but I do know that you and I are the only thing that has ever been right in my life and I'm not going to fight it anymore."

  "Jack..."

  His hands cupped my face, the pads of his thumbs running over my cheeks so slowly. Isn't this what I had been hoping for? Isn't this what I had wanted for years? Why the fuck wasn't I grabbing onto it? Why couldn't I get my head straight and tell Jack that I wanted him, too?

  Roger's face flashed through my mind. The man had taken so much from me and no matter what Jack said or thought, I was just a shell of the woman I had been before. I was broken. I wasn't worthy of a man like Jack and I couldn't bring myself to accept what he was telling me.

  Jack must have seen the war going on in my head. His hands fell away and he stood in front of me for a moment before backing away. He rubbed a hand down his face and turned away from me.

  My heart thudded to a halt and I screamed in my mind, trying to force myself to tell him that I wanted him more than anything in this world, but it wouldn't be enough for him. I may not know what was right for him or for myself, but I knew damn well that I wasn't enough.

  "Are you going to tell him what is going on in that head of yours?" Jack asked, his voice hard. "Are you going to fall in love with him and trust him with all of your secrets when you won't even tell your brother or me?"

  This pulled me out of my chair and I moved toward him. He spun around, making me stop in my tracks. The angry expression on his face was one I had never seen directed at me before.

  "Well?"

  I shook my head. "No! I don't trust him with that. I just can't -"

  "I promised myself to wait until you felt like you had the room in your head and heart to handle me, but I can't wait anymore," he interrupted. "You and I belong together. Not you and Sean. He doesn't know you, he doesn't want you the way I want you."

  "Jack -"

  He stepped into me and his arm wrapped around my waist while his other hand dove into my hair holding me in place until he
pressed his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. It felt like a part of me had finally come together. Like two pieces of a puzzle.

  "He could never possibly want you the way I want you," he growled and pulled me harder against him before his lips were once again on mine, desperate and wild.

  Maybe it was the anger that he had directed toward me, or maybe it was just my stupid brain trying to process the sudden onslaught of Jack. Either way, I didn't mean to flinch. I didn't mean to lock up every muscle in my body, but my brain was functioning on its own without my permission and it happened.

  Jack felt it.

  He broke the kiss as quickly as he had started it and gazed down at me, his beautiful eyes filled with pain and confusion. I shivered at the thought of ever hurting my Jack.

  He felt that, too, and mistook it for fear.

  "You don't trust me either?"

  I opened my mouth to deny it, to tell him that I trusted him more than I trusted anyone else in my life. But once again, the words wouldn't come. I trusted him. I just didn't trust myself. If staying silent was the best way to get through this, then so be it.

  "I would never hurt you, Ari. Never. I… you are too important to me and I…"

  What the fuck am I doing? Ari, speak! Tell him that you trust him. Tell him that there is no one else on this earth that you trust more.

  But a part of me didn't allow the words.

  My trembling stopped the very second he released me and I took a deep breath, trying to get my bearings. Trying to decide what the hell I was actually doing.

  "I'm sorry, Arianna. I'll leave."

  He turned away and before I could blink, he was gone.

  It didn't take long. Maybe a few seconds after the door clicked shut. But once it finally hit me, I was on my knees with my head in my hands. Hot tears flooded out of me and my sobs tore through my chest.

  I could deal with a black eye or a sprained ankle. I could deal with broken ribs and cuts. But this? This was the kind of pain I couldn't handle.

  I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't even see past the pain.

  And I finally broke.

  Truly broke.

  No guessing, no doubts. This was what breaking actually felt like. My skin burned and it felt like every cell in my body was trying to climb out of me to get to him.

  I knelt on the hard floor for a long time. Minutes? Hours? I had no idea, but even when I stopped sobbing, I couldn't stop the pain. I stood when my legs were numb and my muscles stiff and I did the one thing I had never been able to do before. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, someone to cry to, I had no one. Now?

  I called Molly.

  "Hey, sugar pie. How was it tonight? Did Jack finally touch your boob?"

  I couldn't even bring myself to smile at her quirkiness.

  "Molly?"

  "Oh, shit! What happened? Are you alright? God, you sound like..."

  "I'm an idiot."

  She was silent for a few moments before she sighed long and loud. "He finally told you, didn't he? He told you how he felt and you being you, thought he shouldn't feel that way."

  "He said he has wanted me for as long as he can remember. I can't do that to him, Molly. I'm not the same person I was back then."

  "Yeah, well, you said it yourself. You're an idiot."

  I felt more tears spill onto my cheeks and I didn't bother wiping them away. My chest felt hollow. Empty.

  "Arianna West, you listen closely. Jack Garrett moved to this town several years ago. He showed up with his wonderful family and made a mark on this town. Of course he did. I mean, the Garretts are the perfect example of perfection. Doctor dad, social butterfly artist for a mom. And Amanda? Well, she's Amanda. Everyone falls in love with her five seconds after meeting her. But Jack. God, Ari. Jack made a mark that will never go away. He showed up, broody, mysterious, and gorgeous and everyone wanted to find out what made him tick."

  "Why are you telling me this?" I cried, not wanting to know how easy it was for Jack to move on after he left us.

  "Just shut up and listen to me. It didn't take long to realize that Jack didn't want to be here. That he had left a part of himself behind. He dated and the women flocked to him, believe me, but not one of them turned into anything more than a fling. And you know what? Every single one of them knew exactly why."

  "Why?"

  "When he first came to this town, he did nothing but talk about you. Ari, the beautiful sister of his best friend that he had to leave behind. She was too good for the life he could possibly give her after being involved in the shit he was in. She was the very idea of perfection to him and he never even tried to move on."

  "Why?" I asked on a whisper, not even sure I wanted to hear the answer.

  "Because he can't stop loving you. Because that kind of love is impossible to forget. It's impossible to even put into words, sweetie. These books and movies try so hard and they come close, but never will they truly make the heart understand that kind of devotion, the kind of power that it can wield. Seeing Jack look at you, seeing the way he longs for you, Ari? That's the kind of love that makes the world keep turning. The kind of bulletproof love that nothing and no one can stop, not even the girl who is shattered to the point where she thinks she could never heal again. Jack doesn't care how many pieces you are in, my beautiful broken friend. He just wants to make sure he has them all in his hands."

  Chapter Ten

  "Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you,

  You are my only one."

  Yellowcard 'Only One'

  Reaching

  It wasn't a surprise that I found myself standing in front of the door at West Ink an hour later. The closed sign was hanging, but the lights were still on and I knew Jack was in there.

  I felt that pull from him already. The calm he brought to my storm.

  I wanted in and I wanted him. Whether he still wanted me or not, I was getting through that door and I was telling him exactly how I felt. How I had always felt.

  There was so much in my life that I wanted to take back. Three whole years that I wish I could erase. There were embarrassments that still made me cringe when I remembered them and decisions that to this day I wondered why in the hell I made them.

  But Jack… I would never take back a single minute with Jack. Even the ones that hurt me because they were reminders that I was a part of his life and he was a part of mine.

  The minutes that we spent alone, in silence, me with racing thoughts about him and he with I have no idea what. Those were the moments I had lived for. Those were the moments that nothing and no one could take away from me.

  Not even my fear.

  I raised my hand and pounded on the glass door, the blinds rattling on the other side.

  Nothing.

  I pounded again and heard a shuffle before his voice rang out.

  "We're closed. Come back tomorrow."

  He was still angry, still frustrated with me for reasons I didn't need him to explain.

  I knocked again, softer this time but still hard enough for him to know that I wasn't leaving until he opened the damn door.

  He grumbled something I couldn't understand and in the next moment, the blinds were moved aside and Jack's face appeared in the shadows. Surprise flashed across his face, then his brow furrowed in confusion.

  He unlocked the deadbolt in a rush and pulled open the door. The jingle of the bell was deafening and the scent of antiseptic rushed to my nose.

  "Ari, are you ok-"

  I didn't give him a chance to finish. I stepped forward, lifted up on my toes and crushed my lips to his the same way he had done to me not long ago. I came here for a purpose and that purpose was Jack Garrett.

  His arms immediately wrapped around me, cocooning me, sheltering me from anything that could possibly harm me. He held me tightly as our mouths molded together as if he feared I would disappear and I suddenly forgot why I had been so nervous in the first place. Why I had pushed him away. He wasn
't just any man. He was the only man.

  I pulled away, but only far enough to speak while still sharing the same breath. He rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes tightly.

  "I'm not afraid that you will hurt me, Jack. I know you would never hurt me. You would never intentionally do anything that would make me remotely unhappy. I trust you. Of course I trust you. You're the only man aside from my family that I can let touch me without feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin. I trust you with my life and I'm not afraid of you." I took a deep breath as he opened his eyes, waiting for my next words.

  "I'm not afraid," I repeated, shaking my head for emphasis, still trying to convince myself. "I had a plan, Jack. A clear path to follow on my own. Then you showed up and everything changed. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do anymore. No, I'm not afraid. I'm utterly terrified, Jack. Terrified that the only good I have ever had in my life will disappear if I reach too far for it."

  He stared down at me, his arms still keeping me safe, his eyes keeping me captive. Those eyes, burning as they watched me sort out my emotions. Always patient. I took another deep breathing, inhaling his scent and for the first time in my life, knowing with every fiber of my being that I was safe and would always be safe exactly where I was.

  His voice was thick, the rasp of it sending a tingle down my spine. "You don't have to reach, Ari. I'm right here in front of you."

  That's when the burning in my eyes gave way and I felt the hot trail of a tear fall down my cheek. He lifted his hand and brushed it away with his thumb before dipping down to take my lips in another hot kiss. His tongue trailed along my bottom lip, asking for an invitation. I couldn't give that to him yet. I had to lay all my cards on the table first.

  "I just don't know how much I can give," I whispered and pulled away again. "I'm scared that I'm too broken, that I'm not enough."

  "Not enough?" he rasped, then let out a quick breath like he was holding back a derisive laugh at the ridiculous suggestion. "Baby, you are everything. Everything that is good in this world. In my world. You're the beauty that refuses to fade and the light that never burns out. You're my northern fucking lights and you always have been."