When they reached the Ritz Carlton Hotel and entered the ballroom, Alice could see that it was going to be a grand affair. They received a program and Alice saw that they were going to be the first ones to perform. She felt a nervous flutter in her heart. She had not done anything like this in years.
"You'll be fine." Carson whispered in her ear. "Imagine that all the people in here are wearing bathing suits."
Alice giggled. "Even that old gentleman over there?"
"Especially him." Carson took her elbow and they headed toward the front. Before they reached the front of the room, Carson was stopped, several times, by some of Jamaica's most influential people. He introduced her as his wife.
"You are very popular," Alice said in surprise.
"Cars are the great unifier between boys," Carson said, laughing. "And I do know a thing or two about cars."
When he was stopped by a guy who was about his age, Alice was looking around and admiring the décor, expecting that they would be speaking for just a moment but then Carson brought her closer. He said, "This is Alice, my wife." The young man grinned. He was tall like Carson and had a friendly face and very white teeth. He took her hand and pumped it vigorously. "Alice, I have been dying to meet you."
Alice gave him a polite smile.
"I am Pastor Bobby James. You can call me Bobby, Jamie, whatever. This is my wife, Tina." He indicated to the lady beside him.
Alice shook her hand. Tina was short and looked doll-like. Her big bright eyes were friendly.
"Hi, Alice," she said, with almost the same exuberance as her husband. Alice wondered what Carson had told them about her to make them so warm toward her.
"I am the pastor at Cedar Hill Church for about a year now." Bobby said. I heard that you were the only girl in the New Song Band from back in the day."
Alice nodded.
"I am happy you are here," Bobby said kindly. "Come with Carson to church on Sabbath, hmmm. Lunch is over at our house. Don't say No," he said quickly, before she could reply.
When they walked off Alice turned to Carson. "What the..."
"No swearing," Carson said grinning.
"But I..." Alice whispered fiercely. "Don't they know that I am the big bad witch that left her child and husband for ten years?"
Carson laughed out loud. "They are the real deal, non-judgmental Christians. Bobby is so happy that my wife is around. He doesn't care if you were away and how long you were away. What he sees is that you are here now. He is a lovely person. He and Tina have a daughter Mia's age. Her name is Sancia."
"Oh," Alice said, "They must have gotten married young too. Mia has spoken about Sancia several times."
"They are like peas in a pod." Carson said.
"But I swore I'd never go back to Cedar Hill Church," Alice said as they neared the stage.
Logan and Ian were already there. They were also in their tuxedos. They both looked handsome and Alice did an eye sweep as usual. There were some female eyes trained at them. It reminded her of back in their teenage years when the girls would befriend her so they could get introduced to a band member or two.
Carson hugged her around her shoulder. "Never say Never."
"Hey, you two." Ian came over to them. "Nervous, Alice?"
"A bit," Alice said, "but Carson said I should imagine that everyone is in their bathing suits."
"The song is a breeze for the two of you. I doubt you'll have to go that far," Ian said. He patted her on the shoulder.
She was one of them again, she realized, at least for now. The other band members gathered round and chatted with her with easily. They had all been placed at a table near the front and she sat beside Carson.
When it was time for them to sing, the Master of Ceremonies said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the New Song Band will be doing a song entitled 'The Prayer'. Apparently, they needed a female vocalist to sing with Carson. And who did they get but Carson's own wife, Alice Bell. I heard Alice sing when she was younger, so I am telling you, you are in for a treat."
The audience clapped as Carson and Alice and the rest of the band walked onto the stage. Alice took the mike from the stand and looked at Carson. He grinned at her. She felt like sixteen again, fresh, and ready to take on the world with her favorite person, Carson. She started the song and when Carson joined in, they made perfect harmony, as if they had been singing together forever. She closed her eyes and attacked a high note, finishing off the song on a high. They got a standing ovation.
"You two are very good together." The mayor himself thanked them after the performance.
"Thank you," Alice said, looking at Carson.
"I want you both to sing at the Christmas Ball," he said, his eyes twinkling, "I will call Melody about the booking."
"Carson." Alice said warningly, when they were deluged with more invitations to perform at various functions and dinners.
"Don't say it," Carson said, when there was finally a lull and Alice could talk to him.
"Don't say that you are not going to be around." He kissed her softly.
"But..." Alice did not get to protest further because a stylish, slim lady, who had braids down to her waist, came over to them.
"Carson." She hugged Carson so tightly, and for so long, that it had Alice squirming.
"Hi, Pat." Carson pried her off him and put some distance between them. "This is Alice."
"I heard." Pat nodded at her. "You have a lovely voice."
"Thank you." Alice murmured politely, but she was inwardly seething. Pat was acting too chummy with her husband.
"So when are you leaving?" Pat asked Alice after she had flirted with Carson and hogged his attention. She had effectively excluded Alice from the conversation by talking about people she knew nothing about and events that she would clearly be clueless about. She seemed innocent enough, until she asked that question.
"In two weeks." Alice almost did not reply. Why was this woman acting so familiar with Carson? And what was it to her that she was leaving?
Pat nodded, satisfied with her answer. "I must run." She looked at Alice again. "Nice to meet you, Alice, after so many years."
A compliment and a reproof. Great. Alice thought.
*****
"Who is Pat?" Alice asked Carson grumpily. She had waited until they got home and were in the room before she asked him about her.
"Pat goes to Cedar Hill Church. She helped to decorate this place," Carson said. "She's an architect and she dabbles in interior decorating too."
"She decorated this place along with Mia?" Alice sat down on the bed.
"Yup," Carson said, pulling off his shoes.
"So she's the one, huh?" Alice finally asked when he did not offer more information on Pat. "Mia's new mother, your new wife waiting in the wings?"
Carson looked at her disgruntled expression and laughed. "I don't believe this. You are jealous of Pat."
Alice sat on the bed. She still had on her heels. "I am not jealous."
"Yes, you are." Carson grinned. "You can't stand the fact that somebody is waiting in the wings, can you?"
"Oh, shut up," Alice said. "She's not a good role model for Mia. She should not be flirting with a married man, especially with his wife standing by."
Carson chuckled.
"And she was catty to me. You heard how she said 'nice to meet you after so many years' in that nasal voice of hers."
Carson watched her silently.
"And she is tall and pretty and she likes you." Tears came to Alice's eyes. "Did you sleep with her?"
Carson pulled her into his arms. "Nope. Ten years of drought. No sex. I nearly devoured you when I came to your hotel. Besides, I have always considered myself to be married. Did not want to trespass on those vows we made. I did promise to forsake all others."
Alice sniffled and kissed his neck.
Carson drew in his breath. "You really know how to make yourself miserable over nothing."
"But you like her," Alice said softly. "I could see it."
&
nbsp; "I like her," Carson said, "as I like a whole bunch of other people."
"She's special," Alice insisted. "Does she like Mia?"
"Yes," Carson said, "they have a mutual admiration for each other."
Alice closed her eyes. "If we had gotten a divorce, she would be right here right now, wouldn't she? The new Mrs. Bell?"
"Pat Bell does have a nice ring to it," Carson said, teasing her.
"You'd have pretty babies together," Alice said, torturing herself.
"You and I would have pretty babies together," Carson rebutted, kissing her on her forehead.
She fell asleep; her nose snuggled in Carson's neck. He did not have the heart to move her. He just covered her with the sheet. He stared into the dark long after Alice had fallen asleep and silently prayed for the Lord to fix his family because he did not want to live with anybody else but her.
Chapter Eighteen
Three weeks down and one week to go. Alice called Marsha to check on the salon and she was told that everything was going fine without her. Marsha was ecstatic that she was getting to know Mia, and to be honest, Alice was becoming ecstatic about Mia too. Everyday with Mia was a new discovery. She had slowly come to realize that Mia had many personality traits in common with her. It was like watching a miniature version of herself. It was enlightening and scary at the same time.
She had promised Carson that she would help with Mia's back to school shopping while she was there, so she drove down to the garage, hoping to spend the rest of the day with Mia.
She was shocked at the amount of books and school supplies that Mia would need. She parked between Carson's car and a small blue Nissan and headed to the office. Carson's secretary recognized her and she waved to her and went back to working.
When she opened Carson's door, he was on the phone and a young lady was sitting across from his desk.
"Alice," the young lady said.
Alice looked at her closer. "Friya?"
"Yes, it's me." Friya jumped up from her seat and hugged Alice.
Alice hugged her back.
"I can't believe it. I knew you were here. Mama told me," Friya said excitedly.
Carson covered the phone receiver. "You two, outside." He pointed his finger to the door, "I have a distressed client on the line and I can barely hear her."
"Sorry." Alice mouthed as she and Friya headed outside.
"I came by to see Carson," Friya said. "I wanted to know if it would be a good idea to come over and see you, but here you are."
"Here I am," Alice said simply.
"You know," Friya looked into her sister's face. They were almost eyeball-to-eyeball, "mama told me all about what happened and I have always wanted to thank you…"
"Friya," Alice said, "there is no need..."
"Yes, there is," Friya said, holding Alice's hands and squeezing it. "I have seen it Alice, time and time again, cases like ours at the hospital, where fathers and stepfathers sexually abuse their daughters, impregnate them, but they never learn, these men, because they are never punished. Some of these girls are afraid to talk, but you weren't afraid and because of that, we are both better off today."
"My case is a bit different," Alice said, "I wasn't abused by Blue. Pastor Keen raped me."
Friya gasped.
"Mama and him came up with a brilliant plan to get rid of Blue. I am not saying that Blue did not deserve to be put away but my rapist was never named and shamed like yours was."
Friya held her hand over mouth and was speechless. "So Mia is not..."
Alice nodded, "That's right. Mia is not Blue's child. Blue never touched me."
"That's why you went away?" Friya asked. "Because of the whole Pastor Keen thing?"
Alice shrugged. "I don't really know why I went away. It wasn't just one thing. I just couldn't cope."
"I couldn't cope either," Friya said. "I got counseling at college a couple years after I shared my story with a teacher. It never does go away until you let it all out, does it?"
Alice looked at her fondly. She had always thought of herself as being a sacrifice for her family. Until now, she had never really considered Friya's side of the story. She looked at her now—she was pretty and neat. Alice smiled at her.
"You are almost as tall as me."
Friya grinned. "Yes, I am." She looked at Alice, "I want us to be close again. I know you had to get time away. I understood that probably more than anybody else but I wished that we had kept in touch."
Alice liked that idea. "Sure, I would like that."
"I am getting married in December and I would like you to come."
Alice groaned inwardly. What did she expect? It was a part of being family and part of being in someone's life. She had to participate. She responded noncommittally. What else was she supposed to do?
After talking with Friya, Alice leaned on her car and thought things through. Why did she leave it all behind in the first place?
December 1999
Alice stared at the letter in her hand. It was from her Aunt Corette in New York. Her father's only sister had started keeping in touch with her some years before, when she had turned fifteen. Alice had literally poured out her anguish to her aunt when she had been raped and her aunt had started filing for her to emigrate to the United States. Alice stared at the one-way plane ticket, three hundred US dollars, and her green card.
She again read the lines her aunt wrote: "I am not telling you to leave Jamaica and Carson for good. I am just handing you a way to escape for a while. Don't pack anything. We can go shopping when you get here. Your Aunty Corette."
The baby was in her crib, and as usual, she was crying. Her face looked redder than a hibiscus flower. The baby was in distress. Alice stared at the poor thing as she wailed and then looked at the ticket. It was an open ticket.
She could hop on a plane right now and be in New York by four o'clock this evening. A new life was in her hand.
Delores had the day off and she came into the room and picked up Mia.
"Poor thing, you have colic. My sweetie. Hush, baby, hush." She quieted Mia somewhat and then looked at Alice in exasperation. "Alice, this child needs some attention."
"I can't." Alice swallowed. Clutching the ticket closer to her. "I can't do this anymore, Delores."
Delores looked at her curiously. "What are you talking about, child?"
"I can't love Mia. I can't be her mother. I don't want her."
Delores covered the baby's ears in alarm, as if the baby would understand.
"I have to leave here." Alice was feverish in her haste to help Delores to understand. "If she grows up with me, she won't be better off. I tried, Delores. The love, it's not happening."
Delores rocked the baby and watched Alice without saying a word.
"I wanted to give her away." Alice sat on the bed and put her head in her hands. "But Carson won't allow it. He has this stupid idea that one day I'll feel differently overnight. How can he love Mia? And I can't. She's not even his." Alice looked at Delores beseechingly. "Is something wrong with me? Is there some gene that I don't have?"
Delores put Mia's head on her shoulders and patted her back. "Don't move," she said to Alice. "I am going to give her some gripe medicine and then I'll be back."
She pushed the crib into the hall and she administered the medicine to Mia and put her down.
"Alice, you aren't contemplating suicide again, are you?"
"No," Alice said, "I have to leave. My aunt sent me a ticket and some money. I have to go in order to stay sane."
Delores released a heavy pent up sigh then said, "What about Carson? That boy loves you more than he loves himself. He is breaking his neck at work to move you out of the community. He comes home early from work; he brings you flowers and candy. A more love struck fool like him, I have never seen."
"I love him too," Alice said, "I really do. I wouldn't go if there was just Carson. It's just that it would be easier for me to forget and to move on without Mia around."
&nbs
p; "Oh, Lord," Delores said, wringing her hand.
"I am unhappy." Alice shook her head, "so unhappy and I just can't make this unhappiness go away."
"If Blue wasn't in prison, I'd kill him myself for causing you to hurt like this." Delores said bitterly.
Alice's eyes teared up. It wasn't Blue! she wanted to scream. This secret coupled with this baby was going to make her really lose it.
She got up. "I am going to write a letter to Carson and then I am calling a taxi. I am going to New York."
"A letter?" Delores shook her head. "Wait until he gets home and you both discuss it."
"No." Alice frowned. "Carson will convince me to stay. I won't want to leave him, Delores. I have to leave now while I have the strength. Please understand."
Delores did not move a muscle. She sat and watched her quietly as she wrote the letter and then she watched as she put on her clothes and went to get her battered handbag from the corner and stuffed all her documents in there. It was then that she spoke.
"Go with God, Alice, and for Carson and Mia's sake, don't you come back till you are better."
Alice nodded mutely, tears amassing behind her eyelids. She didn't even look back when she was in the taxi. She cried all the way to the airport. It was a wonder that the front desk person understood her when she was trying to get a flight. Her plane took off at three. She hoped that a change of scenery would give her a new perspective. Instead, she found that she missed Carson more than ever. It were as if she had lost a limb, and in order to cope, she had to block out thoughts of him and her life in Jamaica.
Summer 2010
"There you are." Carson said, coming out of the office and walking toward her. "Where's Friya?"
"She actually came to ask you if she could come and see me," Alice said, sighing. "So I guess my coming here today was providential. We had a good talk."
Carson nodded. "Good."
He leaned on the car beside her. "You look so pensive." He turned his brown eyes on her and gave her one of his long, searching looks.
"I was thinking about the first time I left Jamaica." Alice folded her arms. "I walked out that December feeling as if I was finally free."
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