Legacy (RiffRaff Records Book 2)

by L. P. Maxa

  “You in over your head, Evie?”

  I studied her, watched her throat work to swallow and her eyes almost glass over. Whether it was with tears or emotion, I didn’t know. “I don’t think so.”

  “That doesn’t sound convincing.” I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me, kissing the top of her head. “Tell me what’s going on, Evs. I can’t help if I don’t know.”

  “Sometimes…I just don’t know who I am anymore.” She sniffed and I realized it must have been tears. “I was always the good girl, always home and dependable. I didn’t date. I didn’t party. I made good grades and did as I was told. I was the daughter my parents wanted me to be.”

  “And now?” I was almost afraid to hear her answer.

  “And now, I’m someone else. The sorority, the frats…school. It’s like they all expected me to be this spoiled little rock star, and when I wasn’t, they didn’t like me. So I became who they wanted. Alcohol, parties, boys. I play my part, and most of the time, it’s fun.”

  “But?”

  “But then, sometimes, it’s not.” She sounded so sad, so broken.

  “Did something happen, did someone—”

  “No. No, I swear, it’s nothing like that. I’m falling behind on some classes and I may have developed a slight Adderall addiction.” She held her hand out to keep me from interrupting her. “But I’m handling it. I promise, I have everything under control.”

  “Evie. It doesn’t really sound like you have—”

  “Hey, there you two are.” My Aunt Dilly popped her head out of the front door. “Everything okay?”

  We both smiled, lying through our pretty white teeth and answering her at the same time. “Yes.”

  My aunt furrowed her brow. “You sure?”

  “Yeah, we’re just waiting on Halen to get back with the wine.” Evie sat up and stretched her arms over her head. I tried to school my expression when I noticed the tattoo on her thigh. I scooted a little closer, putting my leg right next to hers to keep my aunt from seeing it.

  Her mom seemed to relax a little knowing her daughter was out here waiting on her cousin. She wagged a finger at Evie. “Okay, but don’t you go try sneaking any of the wine when she gets here.” She chuckled like she was joking, but we both knew she wasn’t. Uncle Smith and Aunt Dilly were the strictest of all the parents.

  Evie put a giant, innocent smile on her face, expertly slipping on a mask. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” When Aunt Dilly shut the front door again, Evs slumped back down in the swing. “I fucking hate wine.” She looked at me, winking, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “You’re a mess, you know that?”

  She nodded slowly, lips pursed. “I do.”

  We sat in comfortable silence until Halen’s white SUV pulled into the driveway. Evie stood and gazed down at me. “You still in love with her?”

  “You knew about Halen and me?” I never really figured Evie knew, and if she did, I didn’t think she cared. She was always so quiet, so reserved. I had to say, I was digging this new Evie. Without the failing grades and amphetamine salt addiction, of course.

  “Yeah. I knew.” She watched Halen climb out of the car with two fabric grocery bags filled with wine. The aunts could really put it away. “I figured she was the reason you left. What happened?”

  I got to my feet and headed down the steps to help Halen, answering Evie on my way. “That’s a story for a different day.”

  ***

  I was sitting next to my sister at the large dining room table. We were passing around kale salad and grilled chicken. I hated eating dinner over here. It was always so damn healthy. I took another pull off my beer, trying to choke down the leafy green side dish. “Hey, you want to have breakfast together tomorrow? I feel like I’ve barely seen you since we’ve been home.”

  Landry turned to me, beaming. “I’d love to have breakfast with you.” She leaned her head on my shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much, bud.”

  I kissed the top of her head. “I missed you too.” And I had. My sister and I had always been close and it’d been hard to be so far away from her.

  “How are things going with Halen?” She gestured down and across the table to where Halen was sitting with Cash on one side of her and Avory on the other.

  “Not too bad, actually.” I shrugged as I tried to force down another bite of salad. “She agreed to try to be friends again and she’s helping me get some stuff ready for my next show at the gallery.” I’d say that was a huge step in our new relationship. I lowered my voice even more. “And today, there was a brief moment where she just kind of, let me be near her. You know? Like she didn’t automatically move away.”

  Landry cocked her head to the side. “You are one lovesick puppy.”

  “I am not.” I shoved some of my broccoli onto her plate. “I’m trying to be her friend. I’m trying to ease some of the tension between us. That’s all.”

  “Sure. Keep telling yourself that.” She moved the broccoli to her left, over to Jett’s plate. When he went to stop her, she used her I’m the oldest tone. “You’re a growing boy, Jett. You need the nutrients if you want to pull girls like your brothers.” He rolled his eyes but started eating both hers and my vegetables. She used her fork to point across from Jett, whispering so only I could hear her. “Evie sure grew up this past year, huh?”

  I snorted. “You don’t know the half of it.”

  “Really? What’s going on?”

  I shook my head. “We’ll talk about it all over breakfast, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  After most everyone was done eating my Uncle Smith stood from his place at the head of the table. “You all know Jared’s memorial is tomorrow. The cars will be here around three to pick us up. It’s a remembrance, a celebration of life, so no one needs to wear anything sad or depressing. But there will be press, so everyone does need to look nice.”

  Look nice. That was the parents’ way of saying we all needed to look like respectable little offspring of the Devil’s Share. Rocker chic. We all had the clothes in our wardrobes; we all knew what was expected of us. Our parents kept us away from the media as much as they could. They rarely let reporters in, rarely gave interviews. But when we were all together in public, when things like the memorial shoved us into the spotlight, we all had parts to play. My uncle kept talking about tomorrow and how it would go and what was expected of each of us. But I stopped listening.

  Everything started to make sense, and yet confuse me at the same time. The parts the parents wanted us to play. The people they expected us to be. That was the root of our problems, all of us. No freaking surprise Evie was making herself crazy trying to be who her so-called friends expected her to be; she’d been doing it her whole life. Being the perfect daughter she thought her parents wanted. And Cash and Crue? Cash was bending over backward trying to keep everyone’s assumptions about them on an even keel; trying to not draw attention to the change.

  Because change wasn’t good.

  It was no wonder I’d felt like I’d needed to leave so Halen could be happy. I thought to be happy, she needed to be the old her, like her father had wanted. How was that even possible? After everything we’d been through, what we’d lost…neither one of us would ever be the same again.

  Whether I’d stayed or had gone.

  I stood, suddenly completely overwhelmed and unsure of everything I’d thought I’d known and loved about my family. I knocked my chair over backward, my chest heaving. The table went silent and all eyes were on me. When I didn’t try to explain myself, my mom put her drink down. “Beau? Are you okay?”

  I shook my head, trying to clear it. “I, uh, yeah.”

  “There’s a spider.” Landry squealed and jumped to her feet and then started swatting at the table. “It’s huge.”

  Jett followed suit, knocking his plate full of vegetables to the floor and stomping on them. “There, I think I got it.” He ground the leftover broccoli into the tile, smirking at me. “Yep.
It’s dead.” He sat back down and shrugged. “They were right, it was a big one.”

  Landry squeezed my hand and then lowered herself to her chair, and she pulled Jett in for a hug. “Thanks baby cousin, you know I hate spiders.” She shimmied in her seat for effect, pretending to have chills wracking her body.

  He laughed. “That’s what family is for, right?” He looked past her, his eyes on me. Silently asking if I was good.

  I sent him a slight nod. “Right.” Was that what family was for? Or were we just perpetuating the problem? Just teaching him to hide the truth? I picked my chair up and sat it in place. I didn’t sit back down, though. I walked into the house and grabbed some paper towels then went back under the table and silently cleaned up the mess we’d made while the family went right back to discussing the memorial.

  While I was down on the floor scooping up squished broccoli, Halen poked her head under the table. “Hey, you good?”

  I nodded, again. But was I? Were any of us? We knew each other, we knew the real us. But our parents didn’t. The world didn’t. The people we were only truly existed within the confines of this compound. Landry knew I’d needed saving, and Jett had joined in, no questions asked. Halen knew from all the way across the table that there was no spider.

  We knew Cash was drowning, and we knew Crue hated himself for hurting his brother but he loved Avory too much to stop. We knew Avory was smart enough to know that this was all going to blow up in their faces. We knew Jett and Marley were up to something, but we’d all silently decided to give them space and the benefit of the doubt. We could see the change in Evie; we could see that she wasn’t happy. And Landry? I knew there was something going on with her, something she wasn’t sharing.

  Everyone knew I still loved Halen, still wanted her. No matter what I said to try to convince them, and myself, otherwise.

  I’d never thought of us as liars, as fakes. Not once in my whole sixteen years of living on this compound. But now? I wasn’t so sure.

  Was it us against the world?

  Or us against the truth?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Halen

  I thought Beau would use dinner to try to get closer to me. I thought he’d be a little space invader. But other than helping me carry in the wine, he’d pretty much stayed away. Something was off with him; all of us could see that. But even though we were trying, we weren’t friends anymore. I didn’t feel like I could demand answers from him. I wouldn’t confide in him. Why should I expect him to confide in me?

  We’d been back home for a couple of hours and it was getting late. I’d told my parents goodnight and headed down the hall to my room. I had class tomorrow, a class I would have to miss for Jared’s memorial. A man I’d never really known. I shut my door then jumped in surprise, my hand going straight to my heart. “Beau?”

  He stood from his seat on the edge of my bed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “What are you doing in here? Is everything okay?” I wanted to be mad that he’d crawled through my window. I wanted to be pissed and irritated that he thought he still had that right. But I just couldn’t muster up the emotions. Not after the look on his face at dinner. He’d seemed so lost.

  “I just wanted to see you, I guess.” He shrugged, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. “To be honest, I started walking and ended up outside your window.”

  “What happened tonight?” I took a step toward him, a small one.

  He looked down at my bed then back to me. Like he was asking permission to sit down again. When I nodded, he did. “I started thinking about life on the compound, life with the parents. It was like everything I thought was clear and right suddenly got so fucking muddled up, you know?”

  “Like what?” I took another step, in spite of myself.

  He was staring at his hands, not really speaking to me…more just, speaking. “We all have a part to play. We all have a box that we fit in, a box the parents put us in. But no one fits in a box, right? None of us are the people they think we are. We all have secrets. We all have lies. It’s like we lead double lives.”

  I joined him on the edge of the bed, both relieved and sad that his freak-out wasn’t about me. Did that mean he was he over me? Did he truly only want to be my friend? “It’s always been that way around here, though. We let them believe what they want and we live our lives the way we see fit.”

  He scoffed. “Crue is hurting Cash and Cash resents Crue. That’s all about keeping the parents in the dark. Evie is spiraling out of control. She feels like she’s two different people, and she doesn’t really like either one of them. Landry, Avory, Jett, Marley…who the hell are we?”

  “We know each other. We know the real us, and that’s all that matters. I know who you are.” I put my hand on his leg. I wasn’t trying to flirt; he just seemed so upset and my instinct was to comfort him.

  He met my eyes. “Do you? Because I didn’t know who you were, not really.” He shook his head, his face full of regret. “Your dad came to me the day I found out you were pregnant. He asked me to convince you to go out more, have more fun with your friends. You’re only young once, that’s what he told me. You were staying home a lot, with me, but they didn’t know that. They were uncomfortable with the change. They thought something was wrong with you.”

  I bit at my bottom lip. That sounded like something my parents would say. They tried to talk me into having more of a social life every damn day. “Who cares what they thought? You knew why I was home. You knew I was happy.”

  “And yet, I still let your dad get in my head. I started to wonder if he was right. I started to think that life with me wasn’t good for you. I started to believe what he believed. That to be happy, to live the life you wanted, I needed to go. I needed to set you free, give you the future you deserved.” His eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them away before they could fall.

  “After we lost the baby, you were so broken. So sad. I thought if I left, you’d go back to being the old you.” He let out a humorless laugh. “Which was so fucking stupid. We lost our baby. We’ll never be the same.” He shook his head while my heart wept a little. “Being here these past few days after being gone so long? It’s like everything I thought I knew doesn’t make sense anymore.” He grabbed my hands in his. “I’m so sorry, Sweets. I’m so fucking sorry.” He put his forehead on our joined hands. “I fucked up. I fucked it all up and I’ve missed you every minute of every damn day.”

  I didn’t really know what to say or how to react. He was being so real, so open. The emotion in his voice was bringing tears to my eyes. The touch of his hands was making my insides get all warm and tingly. I knew he was sorry; he’d said it before, over and over. I knew he’d missed me—he’d said that too. But this was the first moment I’d let myself feel it. It was the first time I let his words start to heal me. “I missed you too.” My voice was small, soft and unsure.

  But it made him pick his head up, and his eyes started to search mine. “Can you ever forgive me?”

  I nodded. I could, I knew I could. I’d always known I could. Hanging onto the anger, the pain and the resentment? That was me trying to keep my walls intact. Trying to keep myself from getting hurt again. But I wasn’t the one hurting right now, he was. And all I wanted to do was make it better for him.

  “I don’t think I can make it without you, Sweets. These past two years have been torture. I felt so alone. I convinced myself that staying away was what was best for you. But what’s best for me is you. And I thought I was being selfless and giving you the life you deserved, but—”

  “But you never asked me about the life I wanted.”

  “I thought I knew everything. I thought I had it all figured out. But life here, life at this compound, it’s confusing and alienating. And I’m not sure any of us know what the hell we’re doing.”

  I smiled and took his face in my hands. “I know you, Beau. Not the person you show your parents, not the artist you show the world.” I moved one hand down to his
heart. “I know the person you are in here.”

  “That’s because I’m never truly myself, unless I’m loving you.” He closed his eyes, turning his lips toward my palm and placing a kiss there. “And I’ve loved you my whole damn life.”

  “Kiss me.” If his soft gasp was any indication, my request shocked him as much as it shocked me. But I’d meant it. I wanted him to kiss me more than I’d wanted anything else in a really long time.

  “Are you sure?” His voice was soft, almost scared.

  I nodded, and that was all the permission he needed. His lips came crashing down on mine, his hands fisting in my hair. It wasn’t sweet or gentle. It was hard and desperate, like he was afraid that I’d change my mind and disappear. I wouldn’t. I’d already crossed the line. I’d already put my heart back on the chopping block and I knew there was no way I could turn back. I still wanted him, and I still loved him. No matter how hard I wished those things weren’t true.

  He pulled back, his eyes searching mine. “I can’t believe this is real.”

  There was so much love shining in their depths. And I realized that the love in his gaze never went away. From the moment he walked out, to the moment he came home, it was always there. Every time he looked at me. “It’s real.”

  “Why? Why did you suddenly forgive me? I don’t deserve it.”

  I bit my lower lip. “No, you don’t deserve it.”

  “Then…”

  “I don’t know, Beau. Maybe I’m tired of trying to be so strong. Maybe I’m tired of denying how bad I still want you. Maybe it was the lost look on your face at dinner, or the love and regret I see swimming in your eyes. Does it matter? We’re here now, and I’m asking you to kiss me.”

  “It matters, Sweets.” His gaze dropped down to my lips, briefly. “I want you back. But I want all of you, not just your body. I want your heart, Halen.” He moved my hair over my shoulder, letting his hand rest on the column of my neck. “But until you’re ready, I’ll take your friendship.”

  He was right. I was taking the easy way out. I could offer up my body. I could spend the night wrapped in Beau’s arms. It would feel good, and we’d both fall asleep happy and content. But it would just be a patch; in the morning all our problems would still be there. The hurt, and the past. It’d be waiting for us. “Beau. I, uh—”