“And you only live for the future.” Jaden smiles.
They sit in silence for a while before Grace lifts her head off his chest and sits up.
“How’s Ian?”
“I haven’t seen him at all. Coral has been in London, so I haven’t talked to her. Micah has been away for a while too. I’m sure Ian is miserable being with Emma.”
“Emma is such a bitch,” Grace says, as she recalls her run in with her.
“I can’t stand her.”
“Me, either. I don’t see what Ian would ever see in a woman like her,” Grace says, her own words piercing her heart.
“She was sweet to him in the beginning and I think she helped him with the heartache of losing you, but she turned on him as soon as he moved in with her. I mean, they had some problems before he bought the condo, but she really did a three-sixty once they were living together.”
Grace sits up and pulls the throw tighter around her body as if it would help to mend her broken heart. “I can’t stand the thought of him being with her and having a baby with her.” She can feel her still fragile heart breaking into pieces once again.
“I can’t either, but you know Ian. He’ll do the right thing.”
Grace wishes Ian would not do the right thing. That for once in his sober life he would not be the standup guy that he is and that he would leave Emma and be with her instead. She knows she cannot ask him to because then she would be the villain in her sick, twisted scenario. Grace cannot allow herself to be a home wrecker.
“I get most of my information about Ian from Micah, but like I said, Micah has been out of town. Probably with this woman he’s secretly seeing. Ian wouldn’t talk to me even if he were around.”
“He’ll forgive you, Jaden. I did,” Grace says, with a tiny smile.
“Are you okay, Grace? I mean are you really okay?” Jaden says, grabbing her hands.
“I will be. I’m getting there. My art has really helped me to express my emotions. My time with James, Abby, and Sara has been a joy. I’m taking baby steps to becoming me again. And honestly, Ben has been my rock lately.”
“Are you really attracted to this Ben dude, like James says you are?”
“Yeah, I am. The more I talk to him, the more I open up to him, the better friends we become, the more attracted to him I become.”
“You’re going to date him, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I am. I’d be crazy not to. He’s every woman’s dream come true. He’s tall, handsome, educated, and sexy.” Her stomach drops at the words she speaks and at the comprehension that she is finally ready to let go of Ian and try to see where things go with Ben.
Chapter 19
The world seems to look a little brighter to Grace now that her ordeal with Sean is over. As she gathers the last of her paintings and puts them into the back of Sara’s car to take to the gallery, she reflects on the trip back to Ocean View, up the California and Oregon coast, with James. Long and heartfelt conversations with her brother brought her new perspectives on her life and acted as an emotionally cleansing experience. She recites James’s words of wisdom about how she needs to move on with her life and try to become herself again. She knows that once again she needs to let go of not only her past, but also her love for Ian, and the fear of Sean hurting her again.
Walking over to the garage, she stands there for a moment, taking in deep breaths. It’s time to start over, she thinks while she pulls the creaking door down and then padlocks it shut. Turning back to the car, she sees Sara and James watching her from the kitchen window, and she waves. The smiles on their faces help to bring one to hers. After blowing each of them a kiss, she crawls into the car and drives off in the direction of the gallery.
Grace walks halfway into the gallery, stomping her boots against the door as snow falls off them onto the sidewalk. She takes a moment to breathe in the scent of the snow soaked pavement, the cold winter air filling her lungs.
“Hi, Grace,” Lisa says, in a kinder tone than usual.
A man who appears to be Lisa’s age sits on her desk. He pops up at Lisa’s words, as if in trouble.
“This is my boyfriend, Brian,” Lisa explains.
“Hi, Brian.” Grace says extending her hand to him.
“Nice to meet you,” Brian says, his cheeks a little red.
“Grace is our most popular artist. This is mostly all of her work,” Lisa says, waving her arm around the galleria.
“Oh wow, cool,” says Brian, “Your work is great.”
“Thank you. Is Mr. McKay in?” Grace asks, glancing up the chrome stairway.
“He’s in his office. I think it’s okay if you just go up,” Lisa says, grabbing hold of Brian’s hand.
“I need help getting some canvases out of my car.”
Brian raises his hand. “I can do that.”
Lisa and Brian take Grace’s keys from her and go out into the cold to get her work from her car.
A thousand butterflies flutter inside Grace’s stomach, as she climbs each step toward Ben’s office. She is surprised at the way she is feeling and it makes her even more nervous. She gently knocks on Ben’s office door and pokes her head in. Ben has his telephone resting on his shoulder as he writes something on a piece of paper. He peers up from the desk and his eyes brighten when he sees Grace. His mouth swoops into a smile, and the nerves in her stomach go wild.
“I need to get going. Can I call you later?” he says into the phone. He places the receiver on the phone, his eyes not leaving hers as usual. “Hi.”
“Hi, Ben.”
“What brings you here?”
“I’m bringing the last of my work in.”
“Oh, I see. When do you leave for Paris?” Ben asks with a disappointed tone.
“Next week, but I won’t be painting anymore. I want to spend as much time as I can with my family before I go home.” The word home causes her heart to beat faster. Although she is sad to be leaving Ocean View, she is anxious to get back to a normal routine.
Ben gets up from his chair and walks around to the front of the desk. He pulls out one of the leather chairs and motions for Grace to take a seat. With an air of elegance, she sits. Ben returns to his chair and leans back in it, folding his hand behind his head.
Gosh, he is so gorgeous. “What?” Grace asks, after she grows tired of the silence between them and Ben’s gawking.
“You look beautiful today.”
Grace can feel her cheeks warm. “So do you.” She smiles. Ben’s beauty is different from Ian’s, though she is not sure if the word “beautiful” accurately describes his shabby masculinity.
Ben’s cell phone rings. He glances down at the screen and pushes a button, silencing it. “I am going to try this one last time before you leave,” he says. His powerful eyes burn through her as if she is the last remaining woman in the world. “Would you like to join me for dinner?”
A wide smile washes over her face, glad that he asked one last time. Her hands tremble and for one moment, she has a doubt, but shoves it away. “Yes.”
Ben sits up and claps his hands together. “Really?”
“Really. I would love to go to dinner with you.”
His eyes narrow and his lips sweep into a dashing smile, his lips parted as if he is in shock. “I’ll make reservations.”
Grace looks down and pink rises into her cheeks. She is not sure what brings on the sudden wave of shyness, but it reminds her of what it is like to start a relationship, to get to know a man, and to possibly fall in love.
“Thank you,” she says, lifting her purse over her shoulder and rising from her seat. “I have to run a few errands.” Though she had no previous afternoon plans, her mind panics at the idea of having to get ready for her date.
Ben walks her out of the gallery and out to Sara’s car. “I’ll pick you up at seven?” he asks, standing so close to Grace that she can feel his body heat.
“Seven sounds great,” she says, a cluster of nerves gathering in the pit of her stomach.
Ben opens her door for her and takes her hand as she slips into the driver’s seat. As she drives away, she is still in awe that she has finally agreed to go out with him. She watches in the rearview mirror as he stands in the same spot, watching her pull away.
Grace sits on her bed, dressed in a dark purple cocktail dress, her matching shoes in her hands. Am I doing the right thing? Thoughts of Ian sweep into her mind and she quickly banishes them. She slips her high heels on her feet and lifts herself from the bed. Leaning over the dresser, she applies a coat of lip-gloss and brushes her fingers through the loose curls. Ian’s face fills her mind. She wonders what he is doing, how he is dealing with everything that he must be going through. Does he still think of me? She worries that he will come to her brother’s house again, looking for her, or that when she arrives home in Paris, he will show up there. Seeing him would screw up any chance she had of moving on with Ben.
When she thinks of Ben, she cannot help smiling. He makes her feel good. For once, in a long time the excitement of going on a date rids her of the fear and torment of heartache that she has almost become accustom to living with. With a long exhale, she leaves the room to go downstairs to wait for Ben.
She doesn’t wait long before Ben pulls into their driveway in his silver BMW. He walks around to the passenger side and opens the door, holding his hand out to Grace. “Be careful it’s icy.”
Grace takes Ben’s strong hand and holds onto it tightly as her shoes slide on the ice. He helps her into the car, and she eases herself into the warm vehicle.
They make small talk on the way to the restaurant, and he tells her some funny stories about customers who have come into the gallery. At the restaurant, Ben firmly puts his arm around Grace’s waist as he escorts her inside. For the first time in months, Grace finds having a man’s hands touch her comforting. Her respect for Ben grows as she realizes the care he is taking with her.
The strong smell of garlic and spices dance their way into Grace’s nose.
“They have delicious chow mein here,” Ben says, as he takes a seat next to her, instead of on the other side of the booth.
“It smells fantastic.”
“May I get you a drink?” asks the waitress.
“I’ll take a diet cola.”
“Water, please,” Ben says.
The waitress scurries off, and Grace follows Ben’s lead in opening the menu.
“Do you like lemon chicken?” Ben asks.
“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites. That and sweet and sour.”
“Do you enjoy spicy foods?”
“Some.”
“Would you like to order rice?”
“If you do.”
“Only if you promise to help me eat it.”
“Oh, I’ll eat it,” she says, a large smile taking over her face.
They order an array of Chinese food and have a pleasant conversation about art before it arrives. It does not take them long to devour it.
After dinner, still sitting in the booth, drinking tea, Ben becomes quiet and stares at Grace.
“You’re staring again,” she says, her cheeks once again warming.
“I can’t help myself, Grace. You’re ravishing.”
Grace giggles. “You’re sweet.”
“I wish you didn’t have to go back to Paris.”
His voice seems to seep into her veins and rush through her body, making a part of her wish she was not leaving.
“I need to get home. Don’t you ever feel that way?”
“Not really. I see my home about three months out of the entire year.”
“You’re always traveling. I don’t know how you do it.”
He smiles a glorious sexy smile. “I have to. I’m either opening new galleries or tending to the ones I already have.”
He places his hand on her thigh and she is content to leave it there.
“I just need to be grounded,” she says, turning her head to face him and smile. “I want to travel more, but traveling and being away from a permanent place to rest my head are two different things. I don’t know how you go from hotel to hotel all the time.”
Ben nods. “It’s just part of who I am, I guess. When I was a boy, I attended school away from home. My parents are world travelers and when I was old enough to appreciate it, they took me along with them. I’ve always been one to enjoy constantly being on the go.”
The waitress lays the check on the table and Ben places his credit card on the plastic check holder. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah.” She is not ready to leave Ben, to end their date. In one evening, the feelings that she has for Ben have built inside her and now fill her with a happiness she has not experienced in several months.
Ben signs the credit card receipt, stands, and reaches his palm out to Grace. As they walk back to the car, once again he comforts her by placing his hand firmly around her waist.
They sit in Ben’s car outside of the restaurant, the motor humming, steam filling the cold winter air. They are both silent. “Come to my place,” Ben says, breaking their silence.
Grace smiles at him and nods her head yes. There is no doubt in her mind that she wants this man. She knows exactly what Ben means and she wants him just as badly as he wants her.
They do not even make it into the elevator before their hands are rubbing all over each other, their hot mouths sucking on each other’s lips. Ben’s tongue plunges into Grace’s mouth, his arms wrap around her waist, and his hands rub over her body. He removes one of his hands from her and pushes the button for his floor. The elevator doors shut and his hand rushes in between her skin and her panties, and in between her legs. She gasps from the sheer pleasure of his touch. He slams Grace against the elevator wall and sucks on her neck, his fingers reaching between her legs.
The doors to the elevator glide open and he lifts her into his arms. He shoves his key card into the slot on the door and kicks the door open with his foot. Ben sets Grace down and with expert hands, has her clothes off in seconds.
He stands there staring at Grace dressed only in a black lace bra, black garter belt, and black lace panties.
“You dressed for the occasion,” he says, with a wickedly sexy smile.
Grace was honest with herself as she dressed for her date with Ben. She hoped it would go this way. She wished that Ben would want to make love to her. After months of recoiling from strangers, she wants to be intimate with Ben and let her fears slip away.
With a swift move, Ben is on her again, sucking on her skin, his hands moving firmly all over her tense body. Walking her backward, his mouth on hers, he directs her to the bed. With a slight push, he eases her down onto it. She grabs at his pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them. The anticipation of getting him out of his pants overpowers her with yearning.
For an instant, Ian’s face blazes into her mind. Looking up at the man that stands above her, his light, seductive eyes, full lips, and the rise and fall of his chest, are all it takes to make Ian’s face vanish. He unbuttons his dress shirt, slowly, teasing her with each bit of tanned skin he exposes. When he drops it onto the floor, showing her what is beneath, she feels her lips curl up into a smile. Darker shades of skin define each ripple of his muscular abs. Running the tip of her finger over his stomach, and along the barely there trail of hair, she licks her lips. “Wow, Mr. McKay, just wow.”
His eyes narrow and his mouth sweeps into a sideways grin. Grace looks back down at his half-undone pants and her mouth waters. She finishes removing his trousers, and then slips the tip of her index finger under the elastic of his briefs. Tugging on the elastic she pulls it away from his skin, then lets go and the band slaps onto his skin.
“Tease.” He reaches behind her back and unfastens her bra. Her heavy breasts ache to feel his hands on them. Taking both of his hands into hers, she places his palms over her hard nipples and makes him squeeze.
“These are fantastic,” he breathes.
“Kiss me.” Her voice almost sounds like she is
begging for it.
Bending down, Ben takes her bottom lip into his teeth and bites down just enough to cause a little pain, but not injure her. He glides his tongue into her waiting lips and swirls it over hers, sending chills over her cold skin.
He breaks away from their kiss and pushes her back onto the bed, then runs his hands under her legs, up to her hips. Her panties are off and, in an instant, he is inside her, thrusting himself into her, pressing against her walls. Pleasure flows over her as she lets go of everything she has had pent up inside. He fills her up as he moves on top of her with hard, slow moves.
When he comes, his warmth lingers inside her body. He eases himself off her and lies next to her, panting. Ben lays his head on her breast and moves his hand between her legs, rubbing her clit with soft circular motions until she, too, climaxes.
They spend the entire evening, until the winter sun rises, making love to each other. Ben ravages her body and leaves her spent, exhausted from their lovemaking. She peacefully falls asleep in his arms to the sound of Ocean View waking for the day.
Chapter 20
The following week, Grace sits at her piano in her loft, snow silently falling from the Paris sky, as she plays a rendition of Moonlight Sonata. She is alone in the loft and enjoying playing as she recalls her evening with Ben. It is hard for her to believe that just days ago she was in his arms, naked, sweating, and exhausted. He has called her every day since the night she spent with him at the hotel.
Ben is in San Francisco tending to his gallery. He told Grace that he plans to head to Napa for a few short weeks before he flies to London, but it will be weeks before she sees him again. She misses him, but it is a different kind of missing than what she is accustomed to when it comes to missing a man. It is a comfortable feeling, not a painful ache like it was with Ian. For the first time in a long time, Grace is comfortable in her own skin. At ease with being alone. Each day, she slips more and more into her former self, mixed with the new person she has become. The person she was before Ian came back into her life. The woman she was proud to be, but now, she is different, having not come out of the rubble unscathed.
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