Confinement

by Gabriella Murray

  We walked to the dining room somberly. Along the way we ran into Sharon, who was sauntering along proudly. Both Duffino and I were startled to see her. Her long braids were undone, and her hair flowed wildly over her shoulders.

  "What happened to your hair?" I asked.

  She grinned too widely.

  "Your hair," I pointed.

  "Isn't it beautiful?" she fluffed it madly.

  Duffino recoiled. I didn't.

  "Isn't it nice to see me as I am?" She leered at me and went flying on ahead.

  The dining room was almost full when Duffino and I got there. We went straight to our table and sat down. Of course, Sharon was the center of attention, with her hair sprawled all over, practically covering half of her face.

  "Miss America's with us!" William called out.

  Sharon slapped him on the hand. "Don't make a pass at me, bad Willy."

  "Who's making a pass?"

  "You are."

  Duffino and I sat down quietly. There was still one vacant chair at our table.

  "Who's the chair for?" I asked, looking around. Everyone was already here, including Barney, who was mesmerized by Sharon's hair.

  "When I got here they put this extra chair at our table," Lanny said. "The orderly said it's for Dr. Ethan. He feels he belongs at our table. He wants to join us."

  My pulse started racing. "How come?"

  "My pawns tell me trouble's brewing," said Lanny.

  "To hell with your pawns," Sharon yelled.

  "Let him talk, Miss America," William cocked his head towards her, in a dashing way.

  "My pawns tell me change is coming to our home," Lanny said.

  "This isn't our home," Irene repeated. "My home was burnt in the fire, dust and ashes, honey."

  "I'm inviting you to my home now," Freddy piped up, pointing to the dining room.

  "No thank you," Irene said.

  Just then Dr. Ethan approached our table, pulled out his chair, and sat down.

  "Good evening," he said, and smiled at us all, his eyes lingering for an extra second on Duffino.

  She lowered her eyes.

  "All right, let's have it," William said abruptly to Dr. Ethan, cocking his head back and forth several times. "What are you doing at our table? Come to steal Duffino away?"

  A strange silence fell over all of us.

  "What an odd thought, William," Dr. Ethan replied.

  "Steal her if you want to," Sharon called, "and good riddance to both of you."

  "Sharon, shut up," Irene was getting nervous.

  "I've come to join you for the meals," Dr. Ethan said quietly. "Actually, it's always been recommended that staff join patients for meals."

  "So, why hasn't it happened?" William demanded, as Barney rubbed his tufts of gray hair fervently.

  "Routines get planted," Dr. Ethan spoke as if on a podium, addressing a convention of professionals. "But it's to everyone's benefit to break free of habit, to enter new vistas, embark upon new courses of creative interaction. Creative chaos, I call it."

  Else started to clap when he finished speaking, but the others stopped her with strong looks. No one liked what Dr. Ethan was saying. No one trusted him either, right now.

  Duffino seemed to enjoy it, though. She looked at him

  and almost smiled.

  "I move that we call the judge and jury," William pronounced when Dr. Ethan was through. "Something rotten is about to happen. I can smell it a mile away."

  "Shut it up, William," Irene yelled. "Let Dr. Ethan have his say."

  "Thank you, Irene," Dr. Ethan said, now looking at her.

  The orderlies reached our table and served large platters of steaming food. There was broccoli, cauliflower, mashed potatoes and huge slabs of red meat.

  Everyone stopped talking and reached for their share. My stomach was queasy, though. I couldn't eat. I waited until everyone filled their plates, then reached for a small spoon of mashed potatoes.

  "That's all your having?" the orderly asked.

  "It's enough."

  "I have to report the ones who don't eat to the medical station. Take more and shovel it down."

  I heaped more on my plate, but knew I wouldn't eat it.

  Satisfied, the orderly left and I stared at the food, while others avidly chowed theirs all down.

  * * * * *

  After dinner we drifted into the main room together, where

  the lights were shining brightly, and soft music was playing. Freddy was rambling around grinning, looking for me, as usual.

  "Where is Charlotte?" he kept asking. Then he saw me. "There she is!" he whispered to Lanny. Lanny, unnerved from dinner was simply occupied with his pawns.

  "Lanny, there's Charlotte," Freddy repeated, longing for a response.

  Lanny mumbled, "So what?"

  "You're the first one here for the big event," Freddy

  grinned broadly.

  For Lanny there was only one big event: the day he figured his next move. It was there waiting for him. He just had to find it, and then he would be released from Bingham. His court case would be resolved, everyone would realize he was innocent. He never kidnapped that child out of his stroller. He never carried him for miles in his arms, and left him on the riverbank alone,

  thinking he was Socrates, who had returned from another lifetime, and was longing to sit at a deserted river, stare into the water and find truth.

  Freddy started speaking more loudly than usual.

  "Lanny, it's Charlotte. Look!"

  Lanny looked up for a brief second. "Congratulations," he quipped, and I saw that deep down he really only wanted the best for Freddy and me. Despite our acts of madness and cruelty, essentially we were all kind, and suffered enormously for the deeds we had done.

  Lanny repeated, "Congratulations, Freddy, old pal."

  See that, I thought to myself, we would all only be filled with kindness, if just for a little while we could stop staring at our chess boards, worrying about the next move.

  "Thanks, Lanny," Freddy blustered.

  Then I came over, sat down on a nearby chair and smiled prettily at both of them.

  Freddy brutally killed his baby brother in a fight. It was accidental, he told us. He never meant to. He can't remember. And then he killed his sister's cat. It was the cat that did it. After that he couldn't be trusted. Everyone on his block was convinced that Freddy was evil and had to be locked up. To this day Freddy claims he can't understand what happened.

  "I still deserve some happiness, don't I?" he asked us all, many times over. He asked again now, point blankly.

  I told him, "We all deserve happiness, Freddy. But first we have to pay our debts."

  "Am I good at heart, Charlotte?" Freddy pleaded with me.

  "All of us."

  "Really?"

  "Of course."

  "Are the caterers coming soon?"

  "Very soon, Freddy."

  He clapped his hands delightedly. "Do you realize how happy you've made me, Charlotte?"

  Look how easy it was to make Freddy happy. Although I didn't go along with the idea about the caterers often, that night I wanted to. Although I'd been warned not to encourage his fantasies, that night I was too restless to say to Freddy that no wedding would ever take place.

  Dr. Farbin entered the room briskly.

  "Good evening," he said grandly, to no one in particular. "Good evening. Good evening."

  I was in no mood for Dr. Farbin.

  "I'm so glad you could make it," Freddy said, rising to welcome him. Freddy was one of Dr. Farbin's daily patients.

  "Could make what?" Dr. Farbin asked.

  "The engagement party, of course."

  Else the sparrow came in next, then Barney, Sharon, all guests at the reception. The place was filling up. Freddy was delirious.

  Dr. Farbin tried to stop him. "Do you realize what kind of dream you are living in, Freddy?"

  Freddy's head bobbed up and down.

  "There is no engagement par
ty. There never will be one."

  Like a scarecrow on a windy night, Freddy's head kept bobbing.

  "Stop shaking your head."

  "I'm not shaking it, Doctor. My head's shaking me."

  William came in, then Irene and some nurses. Who among us realized what dream they were living in? Why couldn't this be an engagement party for me and Freddy? What difference did it make?

  "You keep thinking you're having an engagement party," Dr.

  Farbin was tremendously persistent, "and still the wedding never comes." He was talking to Freddy solidly. Dr. Farbin was dedicated to truth but I was dedicated to the truth, too. It was only two different truths that we occupied.

  But no matter how Dr. Farbin persisted, Freddy never heard him at all. He would not be deprived of his rightful engagement.

  Sharon wriggled close to Dr. Farbin and started flirting

  with him. Everyone knew she had an eye for Dr. Farbin. She was not ashamed of it either.

  "Come sit with me, sweetie," she crooned to him.

  Dr. Farbin's back arched, and just at that moment Dr. Ethan entered the room and sat right down on the yellow sofa, too close to Duffino for his own good.

  Duffino slid away slightly, closer to Lanny, who was still

  buried in his game of chess. Lanny looked up at her for a second as she slid closer.

  "Game's going pretty well," Lanny murmured to her.

  Duffino moved even closer.

  Dr. Ethan moved closer to her as well.

  "You're making Duffino nervous," Lanny called to Dr. Ethan, in a shrill tone. "Move down the sofa a little."

  Duffino held up her hand. She didn't want Dr. Ethan down further.

  Dr. Farbin came over immediately. "Something wrong here?"

  Dr. Ethan flushed. "Nothing at all." Insulted, he got up swiftly, and fled to the other end of the room.

  "Don't be afraid, Duffino," Lanny kept calling, "when I find the perfect move, this game will be over for us all. But I can't find it, exactly. It's here. . ."

  "There is no perfect move Lanny." Dr. Farbin interrupted.Lanny's face creased into a look of pain.

  "Do you disagree with me, Duffino?" Dr. Farbin turned his attention to her.

  She said nothing. Her hands just fell open in her lap.

  "I know you heard me," he said softly. "Why not reply?"

  She didn't even blink an eye.

  He moved closer still, then sat down between her and Lanny. "I know you hear every word I say."

  She did not move away, just looked up at him slowly.

  "Was Dr. Ethan bothering you?"

  She tossed her head vigorously No.

  Dr. Farbin was taken aback. It was the first time Duffino had tossed her head that way at him.

  "Are you sure, Duffino?"

  She stood up tall.

  Lanny interjected, "It's you. You're bothering her, Farbin."

  To my amazement, Duffino managed the bare hint of a smile, turned away from him, got up, and walked over to the corner of the room, right over to Dr. Colin Ethan.

  Everybody watched. Dr. Farbin seemed astounded. I was glad.

  Dr. Ethan smiled radiantly, and reached out both hands. For a moment he and Duffino seemed like old companions, veterans of the same war.

  Lanny started yelling, to break the unsettling moment.

  "I've got to find my move, Dr. Farbin. I haven't found it, but I'm close. Closer than all of you realize."

  Dr. Farbin didn't even seem to hear him, only stared at Duffino.

  It was almost five o'clock now, time for evening notes, and Dr. Farbin walked right over to Duffino and Dr. Ethan holding his note pad high.

  He tried to wedge his way between them. "Time for evening notes," he said.

  Dr. Ethan held his ground. "I am with Duffino for the moment. She wants me with her. Not you."

  Dr. Farbin looked startled. The entire room fell into such a hush you could hear a pin drop.

  Dr. Farbin took a step closer. "Don't be afraid of me, Duffino," he said.

  "But she is afraid," Dr. Ethan countered, stepping closer, making sure Dr. Farbin could not get between them.

  "Your whole manner of operating is out of order, Ethan!" Dr. Farbin growled. It was strange to hear him growling like that, something I'd never heard before.

  Duffino edged closer to Dr. Ethan.

  "I said it's time for evening notes!" Dr. Farbin's eyes were

  shooting fire.

  Dr. Ethan remained too calm, I thought. "In a moment or two, I'll join you," he said languidly. He was enrapt besides Duffino.

  Dr. Farbin spun on his heel, vigorously walked to the door, turned a moment, and looked at the two of them.

  The hush grew deeper. Neither Duffino nor Dr. Ethan seemed to notice. They simply turned to each and stared. And stared, and stared.

  The entire room took a deep breath at the very same moment.

  Dr. Ethan took Duffino's hands very gently in his.

  Dr. Farbin, at the door called, "This is entirely out of order. I'm calling administration."

  Dr. Ethan and Duffino continued gazing into each other's eyes.

  Dr. Farbin left the room.

  "Talk to me, Duffino," Dr. Ethan whispered.

  It was too much for Lanny, though. He suddenly bolted up out of his chair, and ran over to both of them.

  "Leave Duffino alone! Duffino doesn't want to talk and she doesn't have to."

  "Of course she wants to." Dr. Ethan folded her hands inside his.

  Like Lanny, I was shaking inside. Was he going too far? Didn't he realize Duffino was in my custody?

  I ran closer to the crowd that was forming around them and elbowed my way into the middle of it. I didn't have any scruples about being a lady at a moment like this.

  "Ethan, you're going too far," I blustered. "Leave Duffino alone."

  "Step back, Charlotte."

  If I wasn't so wise and tremendously compassionate, I would tell them all what was really going on.

  "Take your hands off her," I commanded. His hands were not on her exactly, but he was all over her. I didn't like it. "Take your clammy hands off her," I shouted, loud.

  "My hands are not on her!"

  "Oh yes, they are."

  That very minute, Dr. Farbin returned with Dr. Whitney.

  "It's all right, Charlotte," Dr. Farbin was breathing hard. "Just tell Dr. Whitney exactly what's going on here."

  What did Farbin want? Me to join him in destroying Ethan? I would never go for that.

  "Dr. Ethan is doing his very best to help Duffino," I said.

  Both Dr. Ethan and Duffino looked at me kindly from far away.

  "Not exactly. Not exactly," Dr. Farbin was muttering. "In my opinion, there has been an inexcusable breach of professional boundaries. Look how close he is standing to her. He is holding her hands in his!"

  "Calm down, Dr. Farbin," Dr. Whitney was taken aback.

  "Inexcusable for many reasons," Dr. Farbin would not calm down.

  "Come over here, Dr. Ethan," Dr. Whitney called loudly to him.

  Dr. Ethan dropped Duffino's hand gently, and walked over to him.

  "Yes?"

  "Dr. Farbin is extremely disturbed."

  "I realize," Dr. Ethan said, "but my first concern is with Duffino. In my opinion, great progress has been made. She's accessible, communicating in a way. Dr. Farbin is disturbed because she's turned to me, not him. Professional jealousy of the worse kind."

  Dr. Ethan spoke softly, almost into Dr. Whitney's ear, but we all heard it anyway. Every last word.

  "Now, wait a minute, Colin," Dr. Whitney's face grew pale.

  "I told you he was overly involved a long while ago," Dr. Farbin practically stamped his foot on the floor.

  "Insulin Therapy without personal contact is absolutely meaningless," Dr. Ethan went on fast. "Especially in the case of Duffino. If you want her to talk, leave it to me. Look how well she has responded. Obviously, she and I have rapport."

  "There
is a rapport," I interjected. "I have encouraged it from the start."

  Both of them stopped and stared at me.

  Dr. Farbin turned to me tautly. "This one is a factor too," he went on, "although she's made tremendous progress, there are times when she still instigates trouble, enjoys disorder, feeds off outbursts!"

  The entire room stared at me. I wanted to laugh out loud.

  "Remove Charlotte, and Duffino will grow better. She'll become more manageable. Separate the girls." Dr. Farbin continued grabbing at straws.

  "Remove me? Why?"

  "That's absurd," Dr. Ethan stood up tall.

  "I demand that Duffino and Charlotte be separated," Dr. Farbin said firmly to Dr. Whitney. "If you will not respect my wish to remove Dr. Ethan from the case, at the very least, grant me this. Separate Duffino and Charlotte." Then he turned and stared at me hard.

  "Please calm down, Dr. Farbin," Dr. Whitney was measured.

  "I will not calm down, and I will not continue here if you do not respect my wish."

  Dr. Whitney came and placed his hands on my shoulders.

  "Charlotte, I'm sorry. I have no choice," he said lamely.

  I could not believe what was going on.

  "No choice but what?"

  "I will have to put you and Duffino in separate rooms. The two of you will stay separated during free hours."

  My heart started pounding hard. "Oh no, we won't!"

  "See, see!" Dr. Farbin was victorious.

  "I've worked too hard for that!"

  Dr. Whitney looked dismayed. He put his hands back on my shoulders again.

  I pushed him aside, clearing the decks. He was easy to push, too, no more than a feather.

  Duffino looked completely ashen.

  "You see, you see, this has gone too far," Dr. Farbin kept calling. "Duffino is my patient, and I will not tolerate these intrusions. We were making progress together, she and I."

  "You were not," I yelled.

  "Get Charlotte out of my sight." Dr. Farbin's voice was gravel. "Are you trying to obstruct progress, Charlotte? Do you want Duffino to stay sick here forever?"

  "Do you?" I called back. "Go to hell!"

  The rest of the room had grown terrifically quiet.

  Dr. Ethan came over and stood close besides me. I felt his sorrow rise and fall. He tried to speak up, but Dr. Farbin out- ranked him.

  "If you do not want me to leave the staff, and report this to the press," he shouted at Whitney, "get rid of Charlotte now." He couldn't say get rid of Colin Ethan, so he chose me instead. He had been helpless with Duffino, now he was trying to make me helpless too.