Her mother answered and said it was not up to her, but to the state now, but thank you for everything. He quickly wrote back another note saying that he did not do this for thanks. Duffino had nothing to thank him for, ever. I know all about this.
When the uncle came to see Duffino that one afternoon, he sat beside her for three hours. Of course, at that time, she said nothing to him. He spent all of his time anyway talking about God to her. Then he left for his home in California and never tried to contact her again. Duffino had not had a visitor since.
I thought of all this as I looked out across the hills,
which had many visitors today. I enjoyed watching others come and go.
Freddy's mother was there, with a big box of winter clothing for him, and some cartons to pack up his summer clothes. It was her way of marking time.
Freddy was always delighted to see his mother. He jumped up and down when she came and told her how he and I were doing. His mother smiled and congratulated him. Once in awhile, if I was around, she'd smile at me too. Most of the time though, she preferred to ignore me.
You couldn't blame her either. She already had four daughter-
in-laws. What would she want with me? Could she put my snapshot in her wallet to show off to her friends back home?
Every time she came to visit she pulled out her wallet and showed Freddy pictures of all his big brothers, their wives and children, and Freddy looked proud. He never asked why they never visited him, or even sent a card for his birthday.
"You have a new nephew, dear," his mother said to Freddy one day, and pulled out her wallet, which was twice as fat as any normal wallet by now. "His name is Andrew. He was born to your brother Melvin about ten days ago, and he weights 9 pounds and 3 ounces. Isn't that something?"
Freddy clapped his hands with delight as his mother showed him the inevitable photo. That made the fourteenth relative Freddy had acquired since he'd been here. All those relatives who never knew they were being displayed here at Bingham for half an hour, once a month, each year.
Else the sparrow, also received someone every visiting day. It was her sister, who was also tiny and fragile, and refused to speak above a whisper. She usually came with a basketful of goodies and Else rushed to greet her right away.
Even the doctors received visitors. Relatives, friends, old acquaintances. There was only one other person who, like me, remained alone during visiting days. Dr. Farbin.
Sometimes I would see him on visiting days, walking with his camera, looking for something to photograph. Or else, he'd be walking along the hills with his stick, tapping the ground as if he were searching for gold. Sometimes I did not see him at all. I knew he was then in his office, preparing papers for medical journals, as his reputation grew.
I scanned the hillside to see who was here now. I saw Freddy and his mother and Else's sister walking very close to her. There were fewer guests than usual, though, because the harsh winds had come. Early winter was always a lonely time.
Soon it would be time to wash for dinner. I got down from the footstool, walked to the basin, and started to wash, splashing my face over and over, just as Duffino used to.
If I maintained the routine, in a day or two my strength would return. Then, when it did, in the middle of the night, as the moon climbed over the mountains, I would slip under the gate and be gone.
I dressed carefully and brushed my hair back from my face, slicked it back hard, with water. Then I opened the door to join the rest of the inmates on their nightly march to the dining room.
* * * * *
As soon as I got out into the hallway, I felt it. Something had happened, or was about to happen. A strange electricity, mixed with the hollow sound of the inmates feet tapping along the floor, told me trouble was on its way.
I got to the dining room and looked around furtively. Everything seemed in too perfect order. The inmates were filing in quietly. Those with guests sat at a special guest table tonight. Guests always left right after dinner.
I approached my table, sat down, and was greeted profusely by everyone there.
"She's back from the dungeon," Irene said, the minute I pulled out my chair.
"Welcome, beautiful Charlotte," William leaned over and hugged me.
"Good to see you, sis," Lanny echoed.
Duffino was not seated. She was not expected back until later that night.
"Duffino," I breathed softly.
"She'll be back in two hours," Irene said quickly to ease my fears.
Not only I, but everyone was pre-occupied thinking of Duffino, waiting to find out what happened in town. I even noticed reporters in the corner, sitting, expectantly, at the doctor's table, gulping down cup after cup of coffee.
Dinner came and went quickly. I could not eat, could barely talk. It was even hard to breathe.
"Eat, my dear," William urged me.
"Leave her alone, darling," Irene said. "It's hard to eat right after Insulin. It's hard to think. It's hard to do anything. What choice do you have, though? It's better than jail."
"It is jail," Lanny hissed, and for a split second, everyone, terrified, agreed.
I didn't agree. Jail had no more terrors for me either. I reached for a fork, but it dropped out of my hand. It wasn't the Insulin. It wasn't the weakness. I was just nervous. Who knew what disaster was coming?
After dinner, as daylight faded, and guests trailed out the front doors, everyone else gathered in the dayroom. Lights went on softly, and people busied themselves in routine activities, as every night before. Although no one said it exactly, we were all waiting for Duffino to come home.
About half an hour later, Dr. Whitney walked to the center of the dayroom, accompanied by a reporter. He must have felt the anticipation, because he decided to address us directly, to calm us down.
"I know you are all waiting eagerly for Duffino," he started. "We all want to see how she did outside. And, of course, did she speak while out there? She and Dr. Ethan are expected in fifteen minutes. However, they will be coming in side entrance B. Most likely, she will be very tired. She will not be coming to the dayroom tonight. She will go to her new room and go fast to sleep. Please go on with your activities. Do not worry about Duffino. We will inform you all that she is back as soon as she returns. Other than that, you will see her tomorrow. That is all for the moment."
Then he bowed from his waist lightly, almost like a marionette, and departed, a reporter trailing.
Like a hundred fireflies lighting at once, the room buzzed with chatter after his announcement.
I sat back in a soft leather chair in the corner, and said nothing to anyone, only waited to hear that Duffino had safely returned.
The large clock in the corner rang out the hour. Ten o'clock. She was probably walking in with Dr. Ethan at this very moment. I leaned back further in my chair and closed my eyes, but fought sleep off until I heard the official pronouncement. I figured it would take about fifteen minutes until they came upstairs and let us all know.
As I looked slowly around the dayroom, I realized that everyone else, like me, was also waiting. No one was leaving the dayroom. All seemed to be sitting on the edge of their chairs.
Exhausted, I leaned my head in the crook of my arm. Perhaps I nodded off for awhile without realizing it, because when I sat up straight again, it seemed as if much time had gone by. Half an hour, maybe more? I looked over at the others. They were all
still in their places, not moving around much.
I called out to Lanny, "Did Duffino come back yet?"
"We haven't heard," he answered, and pointed to the clock.
An hour had passed. I sat up straight as a lightening bolt.
"What do you mean?" I shouted back. "I fell asleep. Tell me
this minute - is she back?"
Lanny rushed over to my side. "Quiet, Charlotte," he hissed in my ear. "Don't cause another commotion. You just got back up from the dungeon!"
Right after inmates just returned from Insulin
, there was a greater chance of their going back down if they weren't unusually quiet and stable. If there was the least sign of commotion, the staff decided the treatment wasn't yet complete. Memories that had been activated still weren't thoroughly dissolved.
"Quiet, quiet." Lanny was insisting.
He was right. I shut right up.
"Yes," I whispered, "but tell me. . ."
"She's not back yet. They're about an hour late!"
"An hour late?"
"People are scared."
My head started spinning. I put my hand up to it.
"Don't start again, Charlotte." Lanny put his hand on my arm.
"It's all right. It's only an hour. Lots of things could have happened."
"An hour's an hour," I answered.
The staff was impeccable about being exactly on time. All the daily activities were conducted at the precise moment. If anyone was late for anything, they had to answer for it.
"A whole hour!"
"Could have been a car accident," Lanny's eyes glittered.
"No." I was sure it wasn't.
"Else thinks they'll be back any second."
I stood up out of my soft chair. "They won't."
"What do you mean?" Lanny edged closer.
"I don't think they'll be back any second, Lanny." I spun around at him like a madwoman. "They're not coming back at all!"
Lanny looked astonished. "Crazy!"
"I'm not crazy. And I never was."
"They'll be back any second," he repeated mindlessly.
"Ethan's grabbed her. They're on the run."
Lanny laughed at that one, a squeaky, raucous sound.
"He wants her and he's got her!" I said. "Duffino has no idea how to get out of his grip."
"You're imagining it, Charlotte. Been down in Insulin too long. Sit down. Be calm. Insulin does funny things to your mind."
"How long is the staff gonna sit on this one?" I burst out loud.
"I told you to be quiet."
"Answer!"
"If you keep yelling like this, no one will answer you ever. You'll end up down in Insulin again."
He was right. I got very quiet. Too quiet. I dipped my entire
mind into the silence of this strange night, and with the others,
waited.
The clock on the wall rang out midnight. Two hours had passed. Duffino and Ethan still had not returned. Although usually by now all were asleep in their rooms, no one left the dayroom. Everyone was wondering what was going on.
At almost one o'clock in the morning the dayroom doors opened
and Dr. Whitney came back in, a reporter still trailing. He went to the center of the room, and spoke loudly.
"It is almost one in the morning. We have allowed all patients to stay up later tonight, in order to hear that Duffino had safely returned. However, now it is time to retire. It will not do anyone any good for you to stay up and wait like this. You will be exhausted in the morning."
"When did she get back?" Freddy yelped out.
"Duffino and Dr. Ethan have not yet returned," Dr. Whitney said, ashen.
My ribs pounded against my chest. Disaster. I had known all along.
"There is absolutely no cause for alarm," Dr. Whitney continued.
Alarm, alarm, little bells went off inside.
"Undoubtedly there is a perfectly fine reason they were not able to return on time. Staff, gathered in the conference room, will wait up for them. You will all be informed in the morning. By then, we are sure, all will be fine."
The inmates stirred ever so slightly. No one wanted to go back to their rooms.
Dr. Whitney sensed it, and spoke more emphatically.
"Get up, go on. Go back to your rooms. Duffino is fine."
I could see, however, he didn't believe it. His upper lip twitched as he spoke. He was also afraid of an uprising if we became too alarmed.
I knew he'd send me back down to Insulin in a second if I even breathed a word out loud. I wanted to know, however, if anyone had gone looking for them. I took three slow, deep breaths in, and spoke out as calmly as I could.
"You're right, Dr. Whitney," I said, looking both at him and the reporter, who was itching for a big story now. "I'm sure Duffino is well. We're all sure. No one is really worried."
Dr. Whitney could see I was trying to quench any uprising that might possibly be rumbling below. He liked what I was saying.
"Yes, Charlotte?" he smiled pleasantly at me now.
"Just one question, if I may," I had to ask him.
"Go ahead."
"Has any one actually been sent out to search for Duffino and Dr. Ethan, as yet?"
"No, they have not. We have not deemed it necessary." As Dr. Whitney answered me, the reporter scratched fervent notes on his pad. "The delay is still inconsequential. We are all secure that they will shortly return."
"Very good," I agreed, nodding my head up and down.
The other inmates, watching, began to do the same. Soon the room became a blur of heads nodding, but Dr. Whitney had no idea what I was actually thinking.
"Just one more question, if I may?" I smiled more sweetly.
"Of course." Dr. Whitney took a step closer and looked at me kindly. He probably thought I was a new person, that his precious Insulin Therapy had done its magic with me.
"Duffino and Dr. Ethan are due to arrive back through Side Entrance B door?"
"That's what we said." He looked over his shoulder at the reporter, who was still taking careful notes.
"And the guards?"
"They are now stationed in that direction as well, to spot Duffino and Dr. Ethan the moment they come into view."
He was giving me all the information I wanted to know.
"Then we can all feel secure," I said so sweetly, and with such certainty, the other inmates followed suit.
"Secure, secure," they echoed after me.
Dr. Whitney took it well. He took it that I was his ally, and had forgotten the allegiance I had to Duffino.
"All right, now," he was speaking to the others. "Get up. Come on. Go back to your rooms. It's time."
The inmates rose slowly, and one by one, followed each other, in a single line out of the door. I went to the end of the line and was the last one to get to the door. As I passed through, I nodded both at Dr. Whitney and the reporter. To my surprise, the reporter smiled back, and waved his hand.
Chapter Twenty
The minute I got back to my room, I went to the wash basin and splashed my face violently to make sure I was fully awake and all sleep was completely gone. I splashed and splashed for about five full minutes as I made intricate plans.
I was thrilled for them. They made it, did it. They wouldn't come back. They had probably taken the first train out. They were running together, on the loose. How about me?
The guards at the gate were all diverted, waiting for Duffino's arrival. Fools. It was perfect.
I pulled on my sweater, kneeled for a minute before my picture of Jesus, opened the door, crouched down in the shadows and slid along the wall. Tommy would be fast asleep. He fell off each night just before midnight.
I reached his chair and was right. As always, his keys dangled from his pocket, and his fat head nodded down.
This would be easy. This would be beautiful. The good angels were with me. I could feel it.
I reached over gingerly, slipped the key chain out of his pocket and tucked it all quietly in my fat fist. He shifted and snored a second, tossing his head. I stood very still, holding the keys tightly.
I thought I heard a pattering sound coming from the top of the stairs. Feet? Did someone see me? I ducked into a stairwell and waited. I curled into a knot until the sound faded, then fled down the stairs on the tips of my toes. Step by step I danced my way down.
On the loose. I got to our Ward door. It was huge, with wrought iron bars running across it in every direction.
I raised the keys with shaking hands and fumbled for the right one. My
palms were soaking wet. I dropped them. They landed with a crash.
I stood frozen. After a long, tense wait I could hear Tommy snoring again. I reached back down and snatched them up.
With my hands totally folded over the keys, I grabbed the biggest one, shoved it in the lock, but it wouldn't go. Damn. I tried another, and another, cursing under my breath. I knew one of these did it. I'd seen it myself.
Finally, the smallest one fit in. I turned it to the right, heard it unlock, pushed at the door with my knee, then with my whole body. It opened slowly into a long, wide corridor .
The corridor was white, round, and hollow. Food and medicine trays were sent up and down here all day long. God was with me. I'd make it. If not, they'd shoot me dead on the spot. I was ready either way.
I scurried along the wall, looking for the vent. It was farther than I thought. I could see it, but it was on the other side of an intersecting hallway. I hadn't thought of that. I stopped before the gap and listened closely. Nothing. It was ten feet away. Now or never.
I held my breath and made a run for it. No one was there. I was across in what seemed like forever, my heart pounding. I quickly reached down and attacked the vent with my pocket screwdriver. It fit. I had all four screws undone in no time. I let them fall in my hand as they came out and stuffed them in my pocket.
I lifted the heavy grate out from the wall and gently placed it on the highly polished floor. I looked at the opening. It was a big gap, but I was a big girl. This was the one thing I wasn't sure of: would I fit, and would the shaft support me?
I tucked in my shoulders and squeezed in, head first. I fit okay: there was even room to spare. I stood easily along the shaft. It rose sharply, then evened out, more or less. Here and there, there were tiny holes in the grating and I could look down into the offices as I slid by. They were all empty.
As I slid, I thought I heard a voice. I stopped myself with both palms, frozen. I waited, but heard nothing.
It's my mind, I thought. I would not allow it.
I undid my palms and slid the rest of the way. I reached the end in no time. Another big metal grate. I held up my pocket screwdriver, but there were no slots. Nothing. They must be on the outside.
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