“Sorry, I thought you were out. I was coming in to clean the room and get it ready for you.”
“I won’t be long.” Edgar stands, and searches around the room. “Grab her pipe from over there,” he instructs someone. I hear the footsteps, but don’t know who he’s talking to. Edgar grabs me like a rag doll and holds on to me. “Jesus, look at the mess she’s made. Shit, I’ll have to get the carpet replaced. Can you rip it up and burn it? There’s too much blood for me to have it cleaned.”
“Yeah, I can do that.” The unknown guy walks past me, and I notice it’s the hamburger guy from the front desk.
The door closes, and I’m carried down the corridor. Where’s he taking me? I want to protest, but I’m so tired, not to mention the intense pain all over my body. I close my eyes and try to let the gentle motion of Edgar’s walk soothe me.
It’s not long before the cold air hits my body, causing my skin to erupt into goosebumps. “Cold,” I moan in pain.
“Shut up!” Edgar spits toward me.
He heard me! Yay, he heard me. “Please, I’ll be better. I won’t get pregnant again, I promise I’ll do better.” I’m thrown with a thud, the back of my neck hits something hard.
“What’s she saying?” the bodyguard asks.
“Who knows? It just sounds like mumbling to me. Like I care.” I open my eyes and realize I’m in the trunk of the car. The trunk lid closes, and I’m surrounded by darkness.
The lullaby of the car’s motion settles me. I’m not freaked out, or scared, I’m actually enjoying the solitude. Weird, huh? I should be terrified because I have no idea where I’m going, but I know Edgar will keep me safe.
But I do wonder why he has me in the trunk. I don’t know. Maybe he’s taking me to a surprise party, and he doesn’t want me to see where we’re going.
I don’t know.
I wish he’d let me see a doctor. I’m really not feeling well. My head is thumping like crazy. I try to move, but my movements are restricted by the way I’m lying. My left arm is behind me, and my right arm is squashed under me.
The car finally comes to a stop.
The trunk lid opens, and both the bodyguard and Edgar stare down at me.
I smile at Edgar, like he’s the sun after a long, difficult night.
“Look at her looking at you,” the bodyguard says as he gently slaps Edgar on the shoulder. “She loves you so much.”
Edgar shrugs. “She’ll learn to unlove me.”
What? “Don’t you love me?” I say.
“It sounded like she asked you if you love her.” The bodyguard chuckles again.
Edgar rolls his eyes, and steps back. “Just get rid of her. She’s costing me too much in meth, and she’s not worth it anymore.” He leaves. A second later, I feel the car dip, and I know he’s sitting inside.
“Right, let’s get rid of you.” The bodyguard leans in, grabs me under the arms and pulls me out of the trunk. He hoists me up and over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry. “Thank god you’re a skinny bitch.” He walks a few steps and drops me to the ground. He retrieves my pipe, and a bag of rocks from his pocket and throws them by my head. “Good luck.” And with those final words, he turns and walks away.
“Wait!” I try to yell.
I watch as the tail lights of the car become smaller and smaller.
Lying out here, I try to look around, but the pain is really preventing me from moving. The night is dark, and the stars are twinkling above. I want to get up and start walking, but there doesn’t seem to be anywhere to walk to. Maybe, if I close my eyes, I’ll wake up and realize this is all just a bad dream.
Yep, that’s what it is. A nightmare.
Edgar would never leave me. He loves me. He told me he loves me. We’re going to have this little baby, and we’re going to be a happy family. I’m caught up in a nightmare, but it feels so real. I know it’s not though.
When you wake, Hannah, you’ll see how perfect life is.
Chapter 21
The heat is what wakes me. Opening my eyes, I try and move. I’m in a lot of pain; everything is hurting. But thankfully it’s not as bad as I imagined it would be. Slowly, I sit up, and look around me.
Beside me is my pipe, and a bag of crystals. Yes, I need that right now, because I have no idea where I am. What a crazy-ass dream I’ve been having. I take the pipe, open the bag, and pour some crystals into the bottom. There’s a lighter in the bag, and I use it to get my first hit of the day.
I inhale deep and the smoke travels through me.
When the high takes over, I’m finally able to relax.
Looking down at my body, I notice that my shorts are drenched with blood around my crotch area. Lifting my hand to my face, I feel several places where I’m hurting. I try and not focus on the pain; the pipe will help with that. I just need to find a way to get back to the motel. I don’t even know where I am. I can hear some cars, but there really isn’t any other native sound.
Carefully, I stand, and start making my way toward the sound of the cars. I’m in the scrub along the shoulder of the road, but not too deep. It doesn’t take me long to get to the road’s edge. I try to stay back, so the cars whizzing past don’t see me. God, they’d probably call the cops if they saw me. I can’t go back to Edgar in a police car. He’d lose his shit. I duck down behind some larger shrubs and have another hit of the pipe. It gives me the courage to keep going. I don’t need it, I just want it. There’s a big difference.
I try to stay behind the tree line so people don’t see me, and I can’t walk too fast either. The pain radiating through my body prevents me from moving fast. But thankfully, I have my pipe, and that helps me though when the pain gets too much.
I keep walking for what feels like days, but I know it’s only been a few hours. The sun has passed from high in the sky, lowering closer to the horizon. I’m not sure where I can sleep tonight. I’ll need to find somewhere. Considering I have no idea where I am, I’ll have to make do with what I have. And all I have is my ragged clothing, a massive headache, a sore body, and my pipe.
As I continue stumbling through the scrubs, I step on something crunchy. It’s a few pages from a discarded newspaper. Yes! I can try to find some more for warmth. The sun is setting, and it’s getting darker, so I’m going to have to find more soon if there’s any chance of me being able to get out of here.
I manage to find a few more sheets of newspaper, and I head further into the trees. I can still hear the cars, although a lot of them have disappeared now, probably because it’s getting later. I find a small clearing, no bigger than a dining room table, and I try to gather some sticks.
I’m not a camper. I never have been, but right now my survival instinct is kicking in. As long as I can stay warm and safe, I should be okay.
I’m sure Edgar is sick with worry and probably out looking for me. I have to get back to him. I can’t leave him alone. He’ll be lonely and heartbroken without me.
Taking my pipe out, I check to see the residue on the bottom. It’s not enough to keep me going all night, but at least it’s enough for right now. Since I don’t know where I am, or even how long it’ll take me to get back to Edgar, I’m going to have to make this work.
Panic sets in. What if I get lost out here? What if I never get back to him? Oh my God! I should flag a passing car down and ask them to take me back to him. But I know other people aren’t like us. They’ll try to take me to the hospital or the police. Raking my hands through my hair, I rip the hair out as I try to contain my stress.
All the “what ifs” are killing my head. I can’t deal with this. I load my pipe up and have another hit. Yes, the pipe makes everything better.
Edgar’s the sweetest man ever. He really looks out for me, everywhere I am. I can’t wait to see him again. The thought makes my heart warm, just knowing how much he loves me and looks after me. I wish every woman in the world had their very own Edgar.
I collect a pile of twigs and use my lighter to make a fire. I have no
idea what I’m doing, but I just need to get through the night. In this instance, my pipe isn’t going to be enough.
The fire isn’t lighting. The twigs aren’t catching. “Ugh,” I grumble. I’m going to have to use a piece of newspaper to help it. I crumple the newspaper and stick it under the collection of twigs I’ve gathered. I light the paper, and hope it works.
By some miracle it does, and the twigs catch alight. At first the fire is angry and red, but it quickly dwindles down and I place a bigger branch on it to continue the heat.
I wonder what Edgar’s doing right now. I bet he’s searching the streets for me. He’s probably not leaving any corner unsearched. “I’ll be home soon, baby.” I smile, and my body sparks with a nervous energy. I can’t wait to see him. I’m going to run into his arms, and never let him go.
I sit staring at the fire, not really thinking about much other than Edgar. He’s in every thought. Well, nearly every thought. The pipe is a close second.
As the night gets darker, and the temperature drops, I try to get closer to the small fire I’ve got going. It’s the only thing I can do until it becomes light and I can start walking again.
Happiness feeds my soul. I’m hoping tomorrow is the day I get back to Edgar. I just need to get to my room, and I’m sure he’ll be there, worried sick.
Opening my eyes, I know today’s the day. Reaching for my pipe, I inhale a crystal, and it fills my body with warmth, and love. It’s such a good friend to me. It never lets me down. It always looks after me. Exactly like Edgar. He’s by far the best thing to ever happen to me. I just need to get home to him.
My body may not like it, but I’m going to push on and get back to my room. Standing, I see the fire has gone out, but I’m okay with that. I don’t need it anymore. I follow the sounds of the cars whizzing down the highway, peek out from behind the shrubs and see a huge street sign up ahead. I walk toward it, being very careful not be seen. My entire body is aching. But thankfully, the pipe lets me escape the pain for a while.
I look down my body and notice the number of bruises I have on my legs and arms. I can only imagine how I look. But it’s not how it looks.
I’m hazy how I got these bruises or how I got here, but it’s okay. I don’t need to remember. I just have to get back to Edgar. Once I do, I know everything will be fine.
I walk until I get to the huge sign, and sigh with relief. I’m not that far from the motel where my room is. I should be able to get there by sundown if I continue walking. But how will people react to my clothes being so bloody? What do I do? Ugh, this is annoying.
My feet are hurting, and the pain is returning everywhere else. I take a few minutes to have another hit of my pipe. It takes the edge off, and I know I can keep going with help from it.
I’m not exactly sure how far I’ve walked or how much further I have to go, but I’m getting thirsty. Near that big sign, there was a discarded bottle with some water in it, I should’ve taken it and drunk it. My mouth is parched, and my head is becoming lighter and lighter. I need water. I need something to drink.
I stop for a while and sit on a big boulder. I’m getting sorer and now I’m thirsty. But, I know I’m close to the motel. The trees aren’t as dense, and there are more cars speeding past. I have to cross the highway and head toward the left, then I should be able to get to the bridge on the east side of town. Then all I have to do is cross the bridge, stay in the shadows, and the motel is only about another hour’s walk from there.
“Okay, Hannah, you can do this,” I say to myself.
As I cross the highway, I’m super careful that no one sees me. But a brilliant idea crosses my mind. Kristen lives close to here. I’ll go to her house and ask to use her phone. Maybe she’ll give me some money too.
Now, running on adrenalin, I try to move as fast as I can toward her house. I can’t wait to see her. She’s going to be so happy to see me.
I know it’s out of the way from the motel, but I really can’t show up looking like this.
I have to look good for Edgar. Have to.
Walking the streets, I finally arrive to Kristen’s house. I fix my hair and straighten my clothes, and knock on her door.
I hear her laughing before she gets to the door. I know it’s her. She opens it, and looks at me. For a moment, I don’t think she’s happy to see me. “Hannah?” she shrieks, staring at me.
“I’ve missed you,” I say as I step forward to hug her, and she steps back.
“Oh, my God,” she mumbles. Her eyes keep wandering my body. “What has happened to you?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, suddenly angry at her judgement. She’s looking at me like she’s better than me. She’s not. If anything, I’m better than her. I cock my hip to the side, and cross my arms in front of my chest.
“Hannah, you’ve been gone for nearly six months. And you’ve shown up now, looking like this?” She waves her hand over my body.
“What’s wrong with me? Am I too hot for you, Kristen?” I spit her name with distaste.
She stares at me, shocked. “Hey, I’m worried,” she says in a gentler voice.
I take a moment to stare at her and decide she’s not a threat. “Look, can you lend me some clothes? I fell over and hurt myself, and I’ve been bleeding.”
She looks my clothes over. Her eyes widen as they notice the huge bloody stain on my crotch. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Her question has an underlying tone to it. I don’t like it.
“Yeah, never been better. Look.” I smile at her. Her sharp intake of breath drags me back to her shocked face. “What now?” I wanna smash her. She’s looking at me like I’m shit.
“I’m so worried for you. You’ve lost so much weight; your skin is filled with scars. Your arms look like you’ve been clawing at yourself. Are you on meth?” she asks.
“Oh, now you’re Little Miss Perfect? I’m not a drug addict. I can stop whenever I want.”
She shakes her head at me. Tears sparkle in her eyes as she holds in a cry. “Who are you?”
“I’m Hannah, your best friend,” I say with so much venom. Who does she think she is?
“That’s not what I’m asking. And you know it.”
“Look, can you give me some clothes, or what? And can I borrow five dollars?”
“Borrow? Like you’ve got any plan to give it back? Like your grandmother’s engagement ring? Do you still have that?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“What happened to your grandmother’s engagement ring? Your mom called me, in an absolute state that you left the house, and stole her mom’s engagement ring. Not to even mention you stealing your dad’s phone.”
“I’ve never stolen anything. Did they also tell you that Dad’s a chronic gambler, and Mom’s a whore? I bet they didn’t tell you that. Did they also tell you they tied me to the bed and refused to let me go to the toilet? I had to pee on the bed.”
“Hannah, everything you’re saying has never happened.”
“Really? I bet Dad didn’t say he beats the shit out of me. How do you think I got these bruises?”
“You haven’t been home in months. How’s he been able to beat you?”
“You don’t know anything!” I turn to leave, but remember I need some clothes. “Are you going to give me clothes, or what?”
“Of course, I am.” I take a few steps toward her, but she shakes her head at me. “You have to stay out here. I can’t have you inside.”
“Kristen, what’s going on?” Her mom appears at the door. “Oh, my God,” her mom says when she sees me. “Hannah. What… ?” Her mouth is open as she stares at me. “What have you done to yourself?”
I roll my eyes. Great, another judgmental bitch. “Can I have the clothes?” I snap at Kristen, totally ignoring her bitch of a mom. She has no idea.
“Sure. Just wait.” Kristen steps back, but her mom keeps staring at me. “Mom,” she urges her to go back in the house.
“Want a taste? Twenty bucks,” I say to
her mom as I grab my crotch.
Her mom stares at me horrified, her mouth gaping even wider. “I hope you get the help you need, Hannah. For your own sake.”
“Whatever,” I spit at her as the door closes.
I can hear them talking, and I know they’re talking about me. As I pace the front yard, I see someone peeking out the front window. I poke my tongue out and stick my middle finger up at them.
“She looks like shit. I bet she’s hooking,” I hear her mom say.
“Mom, she’s probably blown half the state,” Kristen replies, then laughs.
“More like all of it. I always thought she’d amount to nothing,” her mom continues.
They both laugh.
The front door opens, and Kristen is standing there, holding a plastic bag. “Hannah,” she calls.
I walk over to her, ready to smash her pretty face in. “I can’t believe you think I’ve had sex with half the state!” I snatch the bag out of her hands, and rifle through it.
“What?”
“I heard you and your mom. She said she always thought I’d be a hooker, and you said I’ve probably had sex with half the state. I can tell you I don’t hook.”
Her face falls. “We didn’t say anything like that? If you heard, I told Mom to call your mom and let her know you’re here. Nothing else was said.”
“Bullshit! Why are you lying? I heard you with my own ears.”
“You heard wrong, Hannah. You must be hallucinating. I’d never say anything like that. I’m worried about you. You look terrible, like you’ve been on the streets and haven’t had a shower in weeks.”
“You know what? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Edgar takes care of me.”
“Who’s Edgar?”
“He’s the father of my baby.” I rub my stomach to show her I’m pregnant.
She stares at me, then looks away for a second. “Hannah, can I take you to the hospital?”
“No! I’m fine.”
“You’re covered in blood and bruises. You need help.”
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