I hurried to my buggy, as Vance called after me, and then the horses were galloping down the road leading to Heather Ridge House. I didn’t stop them. I had walked this road twice, and now I was urging the horses on. I had to get rid of my ghosts, like Vance had insisted I did. I needed to revisit the tower, and get rid of those ghosts too.
The horses were tired, by the time I pulled up in front of the monstrous house. It still looked dark and foreboding, but there was scaffolding set up for repairs on the outside, only all the work men had left for the day.
The sun was just setting, and I knew I would have to remain there for the night. Connor would probably worry about me, but there was nothing I could do. I had already made the impulsive decision to come here. The door was open, which didn’t surprise me. Anything of worth had long been sold by Aldridge, and the walls were bare of art work or expensive decorations. There was very little furniture left behind. Even the rugs no longer remained on the floor. Only the piano remained. It was probably too hard to cart it away, I thought, and I went and sat down at it, and started to play.
The music echoed through the house, as my fingers pounded on the keys in an angry song of glory and doom, and then the songs became mellow, as I played softly to sooth my aching heart.
Eventually, I would have to go to the tower room. I took my single lit candle, and made my way to the door, that no longer was locked, and began climbing the stairs. The door to the tower room, stood ajar, and I pushed it open with my foot, hesitantly peering in. Shadows wavered over the walls, as the light tried to wipe away the gloom. I moved the candle, holding it in front of me, and then I stood stiffly, as the light illuminated the bed.
Laying on the bed, smiling at me, was Sheldon. He was no longer the sixteen year old boy I remembered. He was bigger, and more mature, but the smile was still the same, the brooding eyes, and curly hair, falling over his forehead. “I have been waiting for you,” he half whispered. “I knew you would come.” I stepped back. “Don’t be afraid,” he said, not making a move towards me. “I won’t hurt you. I have never intended to hurt you. I banished Jim when I learned what he had done. He was only supposed to remind you that I had only married Tamara out of necessity, and still loved you. I told you, I would always love you. But he got too cocky, and thought he would teach you a lesson. I came searching for you, when he told me what he did. I wanted to explain to you, I never intended for him to hurt you. But they said no one could find you. I thought he had lied and had actually killed you, not just cut your face.”
It was then he rose from the bed and walked towards me. “You are still beautiful to me,” he whispered, reaching out to touch the scar. I couldn’t move, as I stood trembling, holding the candle. “Chandra wrote me, and told me you were alive and safe. She knew how much I loved you, and worried about you, but she was upset about the accident with Tamara. I never loved, Tamara. I told you that. But it was my fault that she was with child, so I had to marry her. She told me you had tried to stop her from marrying me. She said you told her I had told you I loved you, and didn’t love her. She knew her brother loved you, and she wanted to get back at you, by telling her father about you and the groom. I had to back her up, or I never would have heard the end of it. Besides, I didn’t want you marrying Vance.”
Sheldon’s hand traveled down the side of my face, and landed on my neck, lightly caressing it. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to hurt Tamara, but she was heavy with child, and lost her balance. I tried to grab for her, but she was angry at me and pushed me away, because I admitted to her that I still loved you, and only married her because of her money and the baby. I’m sorry the baby died. I’m sorry Tamara died. But it was never meant to be, Floriana. You and I were the ones meant to be.”
“I don’t love you, Sheldon,” I finally managed to say. “I don’t think I had ever loved you. I was too young to know anything about love. It was all about taking tests with you, and I was confused, because the tests were sometimes so enjoyable.”
“Don’t say that, Floriana. I stopped paying on the mortgage when father mentioned you had bought it up. I knew if it went into foreclosure, you would return, and I was right. Father died in his cups, and I hired on as a workman, since no one really knew who I was. All the workmen came from the city, and they didn’t question it. I told them I would remain at the house at night to make sure no one bothered anything. I stayed because I wanted to be here when you finally returned, and now you have.”
“You can’t stay here, Sheldon. The house no longer belongs to you any longer.”
“But it could belong to us, Floriana. Don’t you ever think of the wonderful times we spent together, right here in this room?”
“I have put that behind me now,” I almost whimpered, but I wondered if I really had?
“I must kiss you one last time, then,” he told me, as his hand grabbed tighter on my neck, pulling me towards him. The sudden movement, caused me to drop the candle, and the room went dark.
I could feel Sheldon’s hands grasping my upper arms, as he clutched me to him, and then found my mouth with his. I stepped backwards, and ended up stepping on the candle holder, which caused me to lose my balance, pulling Sheldon against me, as I staggered against the wall. My hand reached out to catch my balance, and as it did, I could feel the tower window against my fingers. It had not been latched, and it pushed out, causing me to stagger even farther. I could feel the back of my knees hitting the low window seal, as I started to fall against the opening. Sheldon must have realized what was happening, and he pulled me, and turned me, just in time, but in doing so, he lost his balance, as I grabbed against one of the remaining bars of the window. I heard him call out in surprise, as he grabbed out towards me, momentarily grasping a fist full of my dress, which ripped away, as I clung to the side of the window, my fist clutching the bar.
The rip filled my ears along with Sheldon’s scream, when he realized he was tumbling from the window. “Sheldon!” I screamed, and then I heard a thud below. I sank down beside the window, shaking in fear and remorse. Sheldon did not deserve to die in such a manner. I wondered if he had been telling me the truth, and all of his misguided actions were brought on by his unreasonable love he felt he had for me.
I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt my way back down the stairs, and made my way out to the buggy. The workers would find his body, when they returned the next morning. Maybe they will think he leaped on purpose, only I knew he still had a fist full of my dress in his hand.
Somehow, I managed to make it back home, by daylight. When I stumbled through the door, Connor came rushing towards me. I could tell he had not slept, the same as me.
“Floriana! Where have you been, my little ward? My darling,” he added, as he clutched me to him. “I have looked everywhere. I thought you had run away from me for good!” Suddenly he seemed to notice my ripped dress, and his eyes went dark. “Good Lord! What happened?”
“I’m too tired to tell you right now,” I mumbled, “but just hold me, Connor. I am so frightened.”
“I have been frightened, as well,” he groaned in my ear. “I can’t afford to lose you, Floriana. Don’t you know that? I wanted you to grow up, and lose your fear of marriage. I thought if Giller married you, I could stop worrying about you, but I realized I could never stop worrying about you, because I really didn’t want Giller to marry you. I wanted to have you for my own. Only I knew you would never have me. You only thought of me as your guardian.”
Conner buried his head in my hair. “Don’t you understand, my little ward, I love you. I have loved you from the beginning, with all your bravery and spunk that would make you conquer all your fears. I tried to fight against it, because I was supposed to be your guardian, and find you the right match, and make you see that you were worthy of being loved. Only tonight, I had to admit to myself, that I couldn’t bear to live without you. I don’t care what you have struggled with, Floriana. I know your heart is good, and you just need someone to love you, for who you a
re, not shun you because you have faced distasteful challenges.”
I merely stared across the room, as Connor hugged me to him, not believing what he was telling me, but realizing that Connor was the only one who could love me, in spite of myself. I had always feared the day he would leave me, but I thought I was a bother to him, and didn’t want to hold him down. It was then that I realized, that all this time, it was Connor I loved, only I wouldn’t admit it to myself, because I didn’t believe I even deserved his love either.
“Say you will marry me, darling,” Connor begged. “If not, I don’t think I could ever take another happy breath.”
“You truly want to marry me?” I gasped.
“I wouldn’t have you any other way,” he insisted.
“I have to tell you something,” I said quietly.
Connor, held me from him, and looked into my face. “As long as it is not that you refuse to marry me,” he said anxiously.
“Vance found me at the graveyard today, and wanted me to become his mistress, or at least his lover on the side. It was tempting, because I thought I still loved him. But I remembered how you told me that I had to put everything behind me and start new. So I went to Heather Ridge House, to bury all my old ghosts, but Sheldon was there. He…he accidentally fell from the tower window. That is why my dress is ripped. He grabbed for me, to keep from falling. In fact he was trying to stop me from falling from the window, when I tripped.”
“Oh, you poor darling,” he groaned, pulling me to him again. “I’ll have someone alert the authorities, so they can take care of everything. You will probably have to make a statement.”
Connor hugged me tighter. “You have not answered my question,” he mumbled, against my ear. “Tell me, I never have to leave you, Floriana.”
“Are you sure you actually want to settle down in one place and get married?” I questioned.
“If you are beside me, I would never wish to wander from your side.”
“Only we may not be able to have children,” I whispered. “All the times I spent with Vance, I never got a baby.”
“It’s you I love, Floriana. Not what you bring with you, whether it is your scar, or your past, or even your inability to bear children. I don’t even want your money, if you would rather sign an agreement before we are married. I only want you.”
“Then I am yours,” I whispered, and when I said the words, Connor, covered my mouth with his, giving me my first true lover’s kiss, and I knew that Connor was the only man I could ever trust, and know loved me beyond anyone else.”
EPOLOGUE
It is hard for me to understand all my misgivings about life. I was so wrong about everything. Even now I have my doubts about all those people I believed I could trust. Only in the end, it was Connor I could actually trust. I had always trusted him, only I had misgivings about him as well. It took a while to get over the hurt, and anger. I don’t blame Sheldon anymore. I don’t even blame Vance. All those things strangely fell into place so I could be with Connor in the end. I even started forgiving God for everything that had happened in my life and realized that sometimes hardships are unavoidable. However, I do have to take some blame for being so headstrong and mistrusting of those I should have been able to trust. I still feel bad about not trusting Gill, only maybe it was a good thing, because I don’t think Gill, even with all of his money, could make me as happy as Connor could.
As it turned out, I was not barren after all. It took a year or so, but eventually I was able to have a baby. He is a strong son and looks like Connor, with his green eyes that are still as appealing to me as they ever were. He has a little sister, and the two are screaming as they run through the house, while Connor plays tag with them.
My parent’s house has come alive again, as children’s laughter echoes off the walls accompanied by the deep chuckles of their farther as they continue their game of tag. We are making our own happy memories here, to combine with all the good memories left over from my own childhood.
I sometimes wonder if Conner ever gets the wanderlust he used to have, when I see him gazing out the window, with a misty look on his face, but when I ask him about it, he tells me he was merely thinking of me and the first time he saw me. He said it made his heart leap and he was afraid he wouldn’t make a very good guardian because he was too attracted to me.
He said it killed him to even suggest I marry anyone other than himself, but he was trying to be a bigger man than he actually was. Gill comes to visit us from time to time. He brings his wife, who is very pretty. Her name is Violet, and she is like a little flower, with her violet eyes, and cherub smile. I am happy because I know she loves him the same way he loves her, and she deserves him more than I ever had.
I finally got over my anger with Vance and Chandra, realizing I had never really loved Vance the way I believed I had. It was because I needed to be loved by someone, and I thought Vance was willing to love me when no one else would. They bring their children to play with my children, and we often invite each other to various events that we have on special occasions. Vance’s father was finally convinced by Chandra and Vance that Sheldon and Tamara had been lying to him about me, and Connor had a long talk with him as well.
In spite of everything, I feel happy now, and believe that God is looking more kindly at me, and has forgiven me of my many sins. At least He saw fit to give me a loving husband, whom I can trust, and know he loves me more than anyone else ever did. Connor had been right about love and changing my mind about getting married once I finally found true love. He also makes sure that I enjoy his caresses, and always treats me gently, assuring me that I am the only woman he has ever loved and ever will love, and I believe him.
I thought I would never trust a man again, when all along I had trusted Connor and hadn’t even realized that he was the person I should have trusted from the beginning. I think of what I put him through by trying to get revenge over what had been done to me by Sheldon and his father. He could have died because of me. I’m glad he didn’t, or I never would have found happiness.
I hope my parents are smiling down on me now. I miss them, but I only try to think happy thoughts about them and not their last days of life in this house.
I still go to the graveyard and sit by those unknown people’s graves and bring flowers. I have also started to visit my own parent’s graves as well. I often glance at the mausoleum and try not to remember what happened there, but it always rushes forward. Only I am brave. I have always been brave, I suppose. I even sometimes visit Sheldon’s grave. He was so confused and as misguided as I was back then. I have forgiven him too. What else could I do? He died trying to save me from falling. Maybe he did love me in his own way. I actually feel sorry for him. Like me he could not find happiness. But in the end it was Connor who really saved me. He saved me from myself and showed me what true happiness was all about.
Now I can put everything behind me, and look to the future as Connor comes in and sits down beside me.
“How is my little ward?” he asks as he kisses my forehead.
“Happy that you are my guardian,” I reply.
THE END
The Fledgling Page 19