I Take It Back

by Liza James

  After placing our order for our entrees, Savannah and Jake jumped into a discussion on the newest season of Making a Murderer. Savannah was dead set on the fact that Steven Avery was framed, while Jake argued his points as to why he believed Steven Avery actually did it. I knew this show all too well, because Sav forced me to binge it over the course of one entire weekend last year. We didn’t leave our dorm one time, and when we finally finished it, I was ready to take a week-long vacation to Mexico. I happened to side with Savannah on the case, though.

  Snickering, I kept my opinions to myself and listened to the two of them banter back and forth. Sadie brought our meals, and I was pleasantly surprised with how quick the service was here, especially for how busy it was.

  The lively conversation died briefly as we each devoured our meals. I brushed my napkin across my face and scanned the room, admiring all of the different people sharing the restaurant with us. I noticed couples, some who looked like they had been dating for a while, sitting on opposite sides of the tables, slowly chatting in between bites of their food. A few even stole pieces from each other’s plates without a second thought.

  Other couples were new, I could tell by how nervous some of them looked. One guy had visible sweat trickling down his forehead, his cheeks shiny and the girl across from him seemed to be talking non-stop. They were sitting directly next to each other, a sure sign that whatever relationship they had was new and still an adjustment.

  There were families and kids, older couples and younger students sitting alone. As I was about to turn my attention back to Jake and Savannah in front of me, my eyes landed on someone staring directly back at me. It took me a second to realize who it was, but a shiver ran down my spine as I noticed Tyler’s stiff stance and the frown that had formed on his lips. He was sitting with another girl, the two were obviously on a date, and she was still chatting his ear off beside him. She hadn’t realized that he had tuned her out and his attention was solely devoted to me.

  I tore my eyes from his and shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Sav immediately noticed the change in my attitude and leaned forward, reaching her hand across the table and gently squeezing mine.

  “What’s going on, Em?” she asked, tension filling her words.

  “Tyler’s here. I haven’t spoken to him since ... well, since the rumors got out.”

  “Oh shit,” Jake added, turning his head to look toward Tyler.

  “Don’t look!” I whispered loudly, bringing my hand up to my forehead as I tried to become completely invisible.

  “Uh oh, you don’t look because he’s coming right over here and girl, he doesn’t look happy.”

  Fuck me.

  I felt his presence before he spoke. His waves of anger and frustration radiating off his body and lapping up over me. I wanted to shrink back into the cold, plastic fabric of the booth and disappear out of sight.

  “Emma,” he said, absolutely zero emotion in his voice.

  “Hey, Tyler,” I choked out, forcing my eyes up to meet him. “I wanted to chat with you ... but I just hav—”

  “You’ve been busy? Hanging out with Cade? I heard you two got real close at the party last week.”

  Yep, he was pissed.

  “Tyler, listen. I’m sorry if I hurt you, that was never my intention. You have to know I didn’t plan on any of that happening.” I was torn in this moment. I truly didn’t want to hurt Tyler, but he and I were also never dating and honestly. I didn’t think I owed him a reason to explain myself. But I could see the pain in his eyes now, even if I didn’t realize how he felt that night.

  As if reading my mind, Savannah threw her two cents into the ring as well.

  “Actually, Tyler. I didn’t know you and Emma were in a relationship? Last I checked she was allowed to do whatever she wanted, with whoever she wanted. Who cares if she hooked up with you and Cade in the same night? I don’t see her hounding you about being on a date with someone else after you two hooked up?” She made a solid point there, but my cheeks flushed in embarrassment at this entire conversation.

  “Excuse me? She went to sleep in my bed that night and left to hookup with someone like Cade!” His words were even more venomous now than they were a minute ago. His had raised his voice and I could almost see the heat rising off his skin. His level of anger caught me by surprise as he slammed his fist down on our table, shaking our cups and knocking a fork to the ground. Several eyes turned toward us, noticing the commotion in our little corner of the restaurant.

  I jumped back and noticed his face was on fire. A small, delicate hand slid up around his arm from behind and I saw the girl he had come here with was whispering in his ear. He closed his eyes, his shoulders visibly gliding up and down with each slow, ragged breath until he opened them back up to look at me.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to let that happen. You’re right, you can do whatever you with whomever you want. I don’t have a say. Have a good night, Emma.” Without another word, and without a response from me, he turned with the girl as she led him out of the restaurant. I was too shocked to speak and, when I turned toward my friends, I could see the surprise in their expressions as well.

  “Well, that was awkward.” Jake was the first one to comment on the situation. His eyebrows rose as he nodded toward me, expecting some sort of explanation to Tyler’s anger.

  “Don’t ask me, I had no idea he would be that upset by it.”

  I thought he knew our hookup was just a casual deal? Hadn’t I said that? Shit, did I say that or was I just thinking it? Either way, it was a college party, we were both drinking. He wouldn’t have expected anything more, right? But he did ask me on that date afterwards ... maybe he was signaling relationship the entire time and I hadn’t realized it.

  A frown settled into my face, and I instantly felt Savannah’s warm hand once again with a soft, reassuring squeeze. “Don’t. Don’t do that. I see your brain overthinking this, blaming yourself for what just happened. So, don’t. Okay? You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, smiling softly at me. She turned to signal our waitress, asking for a few to-go boxes and our check.

  The next thing I knew, we were packing up and heading out the front door, letting the swinging screen door slam behind us. I felt a wave of relief wash over me when the cold, fresh air hit my face and filled my lungs. I hadn’t realized how stale the air was inside, how much oxygen I wasn’t breathing in until we stepped outside. Jake threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled me up against him as we walked toward the car.

  Neither of them said a word on the way home, I think they knew I wanted to sit in silence. I let my head roll against the window as I closed my eyes, willing myself to forget about what had happened tonight. I tried not to replay every word Tyler said to me, every moment of that night with him in his room. I tried to push away the uneasy feeling I had when he had first locked that door behind us, and again at the restaurant when he slammed his fist down on our table. But when I wasn’t replaying every moment with Tyler, my mind drifted off to somewhere else I didn’t want it to go. It recounted each moment I’d spent with Cade that night at the frat house. His strong hands sliding down my arms. His warm, soft lips trailing down my jaw and moving to my neck as the hot water lapped across my thighs. The feeling of his hands pushing my legs apart, so he could settle between them, his fingers pushing my panties aside and slid—

  No. Stop thinking about him.

  That was casual, too, and it wouldn’t be happening ever again.

  Chapter 18

  It was Friday. As in, Friday Night Lights. As in, Friday’s big football game against our rival school. That meant everyone at Grandview was going, and I would be sitting alone in my stuffy old dorm, shoveling handfuls of Cheetos in my face and wiping my cheesy fingers down my old baggy pajama pants while watching every single episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

  Savannah and Jake both tried to convince me to go out with them tonight and to tell every person who dared glance my way to shove it. But they
knew I wouldn’t say yes, so they offered to stay in with me and keep me company.

  “Don’t even think about doing that. Go and have fun. Tonight will be a blast and I want ya’ll to get toasty and have a good time,” I said, genuinely looking forward to them having a night out. I stood up and playfully pushed the two of them right out of our door as they laughed and promised they wouldn’t be out too late. But I knew Savannah and Jake better than that, they’d probably be gone until tomorrow morning.

  Sighing, I walked back over to the couch, grabbed my family size bag of puffy Cheetos and flipped to Netflix on the laptop in front of me. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was already seven PM and figured I could probably try to fall asleep around ten, if I could shut my mind off to everything that had happened this week.

  I chose a show I hadn’t started before but had heard a lot about called Sex Education. I needed something funny to distract me, and Savannah assured me that this show would leave me curling over in laughter. I started the first episode and understood why she found it so hilarious. I was definitely getting into the story line, successfully being distracted for short periods of time. But as the night drew on and I was four episodes deep, well past ten PM, I found my mind drifting off to places it shouldn’t. I was wondering how the game had gone. Did we win or lose? I was thinking about Savannah and Logan, whether they were together or if he was with Cade, and then focusing on Cade and all of the women who were probably hanging all over him tonight. Their hands sliding up his chest and their lips brushing against his ear as they whispered and giggled at the stupid things he was probably saying. Soon enough, even the funny show in front of me couldn’t keep my attention for long and I decided to turn it off and head to bed.

  Crawling under the warm covers, I pulled one pillow over my head and tried to block everything from my mind. I decided to run over my lines for theater, over and over again until I finally drifted off to sleep. I wasn’t sure exactly how long it had taken me for everything to finally fade into darkness, but I knew it wasn’t quick.

  I was startled awake by the sound of my phone vibrating against the hard wood of my nightstand. Groaning, I pulled the pillow off my head and reached for it, narrowing my eyes against the harsh light of the backlit screen. It was Savannah calling, and it was also two in the morning. I instantly sat up, sliding my finger across the answer line that danced at the bottom of my screen. Sav never called me this late unless something was wrong.

  “Sav? What’s going on? Are you okay?” I asked quickly, listening for any background noise that could give me an idea of what was happening.

  “Emma? I’m so sorry to wake you but ... it’s Cade,” she started. She was yelling over the loud music and voices shouting from wherever she was. A prickling feeling started shifting in my stomach, a fear of what could be going on with Cade.

  “Cade what, Sav? What’s going on?” I urged her further. I was already getting up out of bed and shuffling around my room looking for clothes so that I could get dressed quickly.

  “He’s absolutely wasted, Em ... like plastered, and Devon called him for a fight. Ryan thinks he’s trying to goad him into a fight while he’s drunk on purpose, so he can win and beat the shit out of him.” Savannah’s voice was running a mile a minute, and I struggled to make out every word she was saying, but she thankfully moved to a quieter area and I understood.

  “Asshole. Cade said no, right?” I asked, assuming Cade wouldn’t fall for such a stupid trap like that.

  “That’s the thing, Cade said yes. They’re getting ready to leave and head for the fight location right now. But he’s so drunk, Em. Like he stumbled to the car and climbed in the back after making Ryan promise to take him there.” A wave of nausea rolled through my body and I grabbed the edge of my dresser to steady myself.

  “Please tell me you’re fucking joking, Sav.” My body trembled but my voice was strong and level, taking every ounce of my strength to hold back the rage that was burning through my chest.

  “I’m not kidding, but I think you’re the only one who could possibly get through to him,” she continued, her voice was quiet, unsure if I’d understand what she was saying.

  “What? How in the world would I be able to get through to him? We hardly know each other!” My nerves were taking over, and I was fighting being absolutely livid with him and simultaneously being worried for him. Devon was a damn good fighter, and he’d be even better if Cade was too drunk to fight back.

  “Oh, come on Em, you know you two have some weird, innate connection. If anyone can convince him not to fight tonight, it’ll be you.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, I knew she was right. I did find myself constantly thinking about him, about that night in the pool. I could practically feel his presence if I was in the room, and it was near impossible to focus on anything else. But that was for me, who knew if he even felt the same way. I was probably just another conquest to him, another girl he’d hooked up with and moved on from.

  But I couldn’t let him fight tonight without at least trying to stop him. Maybe I could talk some sort of rationale into his drunk-induced brain. Maybe I could convince him to let me take him back home to his room and he’d pass out until morning.

  “Fine, tell me where the fight is.” I reached for my bag and ran out of our dorm room. I stopped across the hall, banging on our neighbor Angela’s door and begged her to let me borrow her car for the night. Sleepily, she agreed and threw her car keys my way as I turned and raced out of our building, hoping I’d catch Cade in time.

  Chapter 19

  Thirty minutes later I was pulling up outside of an old abandoned warehouse. Half of the walls were missing, chunks thrown around the premises and old rusty beams showing underneath.

  There were already several cars here, no doubt people who were excited and ready to watch the epic fight that was about to go down. I stepped out of Angela’s small car and the thick smell of smoke and rust drifted through my senses. I could hear shouting and laughing beyond the thin walls of the structure in front of me, and I hoped that Cade either wasn’t here yet, or was sobering up enough for him to know this wasn’t a good idea. I had to step over old tires and fallen beams that were covered in dirt, looking like they had been laying there for quite a long time. Careful not to fall, I made my way to one of the makeshift openings in the building and stepped inside.

  The crowd was small but was gathering numbers with each passing minute. I could hear more and more cars pulling up outside, with doors slamming and people laughing, obviously drunk or buzzing from whatever they were indulging in before. I searched the crowd, looking at each face as I tried to pick Cade out of the group in front of me. I still couldn’t find him when I decided to brave the crowd and work my way to the center in order to see if Cade was already there, waiting for Devon’s arrival.

  As I approached the temporary fight ring, the nerves in my stomach continued to grow. I was starting to feel nauseous as I worried about the possibility that Cade could actually be facing Devon shortly, falling victim to a professionally trained fighter who was sober while Cade was completely wasted. What an unfair fight, and a dangerous one at that.

  What if Cade couldn’t fight back or defend himself? Would anyone step in?

  Unfortunately, I doubted anyone would. Everyone who attended these fights loved the thrill of watching the fights unfold in front of them, and most of them had money wagered on who would win. I shuddered at the thought that almost everyone was probably betting on Devon tonight.

  Just as I suspected, Cade stood at the center of the ring. But he wasn’t the focused, determined fighter I had seen last week. His eyes weren’t full of that passion or strength he bared when he prepared for his fight. Instead, this man was stumbling back and forth. His eyes were directed toward the ground, and they were sloppy. His lazy movements coursed through his body from his feet all the way up to the way his eyes moved across the ground. He was hardly present, and my heart almost broke in my chest.

  As
more people gathered around us, cheering and shouting while the tension rose, I noticed Ryan walk up and stand next to Cade, steadying him with his arm and leaning over to whisper in his ear. Ryan looked like he was pleading with Cade, begging him not to do this. But Cade didn’t even react; instead, he clumsily shoved Ryan off of him as he stepped up to the center. Devon must have arrived with the way the crowd was getting antsy, and I knew I needed to make a move now, or leave before I had to witness what was going to happen.

  I stepped into the ring, searching to meet Cade’s eyes with mine. I continued walking, ignoring the shouts from the people around me, and moved forward until I was inches away from Cade’s body. Cade didn’t even notice me at first, his eyes were still glued to the ground in front of him as he cracked his knuckles in each of his fists.

  I reached forward and pulled his hands into mine, urging him to look at me and praying he realized who I was. His eyes lifted to my face, but they danced back and forth between each of my eyes, not understanding what was happening.

  “Cade ...” I whispered as I brought my hand up to the side of his face, forcing him to keep eye contact with me.

  “Bambi?” he asked, and in that moment, all of the anger and frustration I had inside of me melted away.

  Warmth slid up my spin as goosebumps jumped down both of my arms. I visibly shivered when he mentioned the nickname he had given me, and brought my other hand to the opposite side of his face, hoping to block out the people around us.

  “Cade, please come with me. Don’t this tonight, okay? I need you to come with me.” I stepped closer to him, bringing our bodies together and the heat from his touch seared through my belly.

  “I can’t Bambi, IhavetofightDev—” His words were sloppy, slurring into each other and causing that gripping fear to root itself in my chest.