I Take It Back

by Liza James

  I shivered in the cold and slid my arm into Jake’s elbow, linking us together while he steadied my walk in these horribly uncomfortable black heels that Savannah had convinced me to wear.

  “You, my darling, are going to slay tonight. So, don’t be freaked out when everyone stares at you.” Jake spoke quietly into my ear, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

  Smiling back, my heart kicked up twenty speeds the closer we got to the front of the house. Several different couples passed us or came up behind us, excitedly chatting and laughing amongst each other.

  The house was covered in Christmas lights, but was decorated resplendently for the event. Only white string lights were used, and they lined every edge of the massive house, as well as the doorway. Even the trees had white lights zig-zagging back and forth across the lawn with large stand-alone heaters, creating a warm atmosphere where people could escape the chaos inside and catch a breath of fresh air without freezing to death.

  As we stepped inside, I immediately scanned the crowed for familiar faces, or mainly Cade in all honesty. But I didn’t see him and took that as a damn good sign that maybe I wouldn’t have to see him tonight.

  Just as Jake had predicted, I noticed several people glancing back at us and doing a double take. But I quickly realized how uncomfortable I felt as my cheeks went hot and my chest began turning bright red in embarrassment. I looked back down toward the floor and tried to block out everyone’s stares, holding onto Jake’s arm tightly and stepping in closer behind Savannah.

  Suddenly, I felt Jake tense up next to me and Savannah reached her hand behind her to grab mine, giving it a subtle squeeze. Glancing up, my heart flipped in my chest as I met Cade’s gaze straight on. He looked like he had frozen mid-sip of his drink because his arm was raised halfway and his eyes were wide as they landed on me.

  Logan took the slightest step in front of me with Savannah on the other side as they all stood taller and wider in a markedly protective stance. Cade’s eyes cut straight to Logan’s as a slight frown appeared on his face before he nodded and turned his back on all of us.

  “I need a drink.” I sighed, releasing the breath of air I didn’t realize I was holding.

  “Definitely a shot,” Savannah added.

  “On it!” said Logan, and then both of the boys were gone and getting all of us drinks.

  Savannah and I moved into the converted living room ahead of us, which was set up with several tall tables draped in silver cloths and topped with sparkling, gold candles. Looking around, I was shocked to see how the entire house had transformed into an arguably beautiful event space for the evening. There were silver and gold drapes everywhere, hanging from the bannister on the staircase and even the rafters in the ceiling. There were hundreds of silver, gold, black, and white balloons that hung above us, but also some that littered the floor below.

  There was a small dance floor near the back of the house, where everyone was grinding and moving in sync with each other. Other people were drinking and taking shots throughout the house while there were a few of the usual couples making out and blocking out everyone else around them.

  The guys arrived with six shots of tequila, four limes and four cups of some sort of alcoholic fruit punch. “Both of you get two shots. We figured you girls would want extra,” Logan explained as he sat them all down.

  “You know us so well, baby,” Savannah said as she handed me two shots before taking her own.

  The four of us all clinked glasses and took one shot, then Savannah and I cheered a second time before throwing back our next one.

  “Just a heads up, I’m getting drunk tonight. K? K,” I said as I took a huge sip of the punch. Which was incredibly dangerous, because that didn’t taste anything like alcohol.

  Win win.

  Savannah threw her arm around my shoulders and hugged me.

  “That makes two of us, baby girl! Let’s get wasted!” she shouted, throwing back her drink and chugging the entire thing in one go. I could always count on her for a damn good time.

  “Savannah! Oh my gosh, okay. Let’s go get more.” We were giggling as we left the guys to talk at the table while we went for more shots. Making our way through the crowded room, we finally came to the familiar kitchen we had been in on the first night we had been to the Theta Chi house. Trying to force back the memories, I reached over the counter for the bottle of tequila and handed it to Sav so she could pour out shots.

  Two more down the hatch. Each.

  At this rate, it was going to be an early night. But I was okay with that, as long as I got good and drunk and could pass out by the end of this. I pulled out my phone and quickly checked the time; it was just about nine PM, so we still had a good hour or so before we would probably be ready to leave.

  “You might want to slow down a bit, don’t you think?” The voice that hit my ears laid across my skin like a heavy velvet blanket, enveloping me in warmth and heating my skin like I was standing next to a fire.

  Turning around, I practically hit Cade with my shoulder because of how close he was standing next to me. Savannah didn’t say anything, but she did watch us intently, her eyes glaring at Cade like nothing I had seen before.

  “Not really any of your business anymore, don’t you think?” I retorted, snatching one of Sav’s shot and throwing it back just to prove my point.

  “No. I guess it isn’t. But I’d rather not have to throw anyone out tonight because of indecent behavior.”

  “Really, you’re going to lecture me on indecent behavior? Let’s not get crazy, Cade. Mind your own business and leave me the hell alone.” Grabbing Savannah’s arm, I pulled us both away from the kitchen and passed Cade. But those shots began hitting me quickly and I stumbled a step as I passed him. His familiar, huge hand was on my waist in an instant, catching me and steadying my step before I fell.

  Quickly, I pulled myself out of his grasp and continued walking away. My racing heart felt like it was causing the tequila to race through my bloodstream at an even quicker rate.

  “Shit, it’s been ten minutes and I feel like I’m already tipsy,” I mumbled to Sav as we made our way back toward the guys.

  “Good, by the end of the night I want to be puking in the yard! PS. Cade wants you so bad. Seriously. Mission freakin’ accomplished.” Sav sang the words with a grin as we walked.

  I started giggling uncontrollably as Savannah joined in and the two of us were doubled over in so much laughter that the tequila threatened to make a second appearance.

  Chapter 52

  The night continued uneventfully. Cade had all but disappeared since I last saw him. But the four of us were several drinks in and thoroughly drunk. Logan kept a light buzz but stayed decently sober so Savannah and I could really let loose. And loose was cutting it mildly. Jake stopped pretty early into the night so that he could drive us home. Savannah was absolutely plastered, slurring her words and giggling between each sentence. She was definitely the happy go-lucky kind of drunk and, the next thing I knew, I was being pulled onto the dance floor with Logan and Jake trailing behind us.

  Jake quickly found his own tuxedo-wearing dance partner and left me to third wheel it with Savannah and Logan. Which was actually totally fine. I had been the third wheel for a long time before Cade ever came along. The three of us went wild and laughed as we all danced together, moving and swaying to the fast-paced music blaring overhead.

  I was facing Savannah, with her arms wrapped around my neck while we shouted the words to Bruno Mars 24k Magic. But I quickly felt a large, warm body press up against my backside while someone’s hands slid across my hips and gripped me up against him. Our bodies synced up and we began moving to the music together, the hazy drunk I was experiencing completely wiping out any care that I was dancing with a total stranger. Savannah looked at the guy behind me and gave me a discreet thumbs up as she backed up against Logan started dancing against him.

  Closing my eyes, I let myself get lost in the beat of the music. The thick, heady feel
ing of the alcohol pulsing through my blood and letting each new distraction take hold and pull my mind from what I actually wanted to forget about. My dance partner let his hands slide higher up on my waist, his long fingers wrapping around my rib cage and pulling me against him.

  I let my head drop back against his chest as we turned and moved with the crowd. As the song ended, I thought briefly about going and finding a cold drink to refuel, but when the next song started, my body immediately sank back into that rhythm and I decided to keep dancing.

  When I opened my eyes, I didn’t immediately see who was staring at me. In fact, I was so caught up with everyone moving around me that it hardly registered until those piercing blue eyes cut through everything.

  Cade was hidden in the back of the room, barely visible from a dark hallway. He was leaning against the wall, a drink in one hand and his other casually resting in the pocket of his slacks. The look on his face had my breath catching and my heart racing. With his blue eyes staring intently at me as I danced, I felt a new rush of energy surge through my body.

  If he wanted a show? I didn’t mind giving it.

  Arching my back, I pressed myself farther into the guy the behind me, welcoming his hands to roam a little more as we danced. One of his hands slid down around my hip and as I grinded against him, I let his fingers dance a little closer toward the front of me. I brought my hand up, coming around the back of his neck and pulling his head closer to my neck, all the while my eyes never leaving Cades’.

  Cade’s lips pressed into a hard, tight line before he lifted his glass and swallowed the rest of the drink. Letting his glass fall to his side, he continued to watch as I moved and rocked against the guy I was with, who was obviously eating this shit up, by the way. His lips moved across the nape of my neck while his hands slid up and down my waist and across my hips while we moved. I felt a hard ridge thicken against my back as we kept dancing and, while I wished my body had some sort of erotic response to that, it didn’t. It was responding more to Cade’s eyes running up and down my body as he watched us, that familiar heat simmering under my skin and clearing the fog of alcohol that had taken root all evening.

  Breaking focus, I felt Savannah’s hands in mine as she pulled me away from the mystery man and out of the crowd. Quickly, I scanned the hallway where I had seen Cade, but he had already disappeared somewhere else.

  “Damn girl! You were getting it out there! I don’t know who that guy was, but he was a babe. So kudos, Em.” She handed me a bottle of water as we wandered to the edge of the room where there were less people.

  “I didn’t even see him, honestly. I was just having a good time.” I cracked the seal on the bottle and let the icy water hydrate every inch of my body as I drank. It was incredibly refreshing after taking six shots and some mixed drinks all night.

  “Good, you deserve it. You stay here and take a breather, I’m going to go round up Logan and Jake if you’re about ready to head out?”

  “Sure. That sounds good. I’ll wait here for you guys.” As Savannah walked away, I drank the entire water bottle and finished off hers. Shaking my head, I was already starting to feel the buzz dissipate a bit and the adrenaline from dancing wear off.

  Patting my dress for my cell phone—it had built in pockets, of course—I realized I didn’t have it with me. Looking up, I tried retracing my steps for the night when I was suddenly pulled backward and toward the dark hallway I had seen Cade in a few minutes ago.

  My heart was thumping. My skin felt like kindling that had been lit with fire, but it wasn’t from fear. I knew who was with me. His strong hands were on either side of my arms, his huge body pressed tightly against my back as he led me to the tiniest bit of privacy available on the main floor of the house.

  Turning us as we stepped into the shadows, Cade pressed my body up against the wall, both of his arms braced on either side of my head. He had taken off his jacket, exposing the long-sleeved, white dress shirt underneath. His sleeves were uncuffed and rolled up on his forearms, allowing some of his tattoos to be revealed across his tight, veined skin. Even in the dark I could feel how powerful he was. His muscles stretching the thin fabric of the shirt tight across his broad shoulders and biceps. As he leaned down and shifted closer toward my face so we were looking eye to eye, I couldn’t help but notice how the buttons on his shirt strained as they pulled to accommodate the width of his chest.

  My entire body started lighting up like a Christmas tree, every inch of my skin igniting and burning with a heat that only he could create between us. My breathing became shallow as I leaned as far as I could into the wall. I didn’t trust myself this close to him, and we had a lot of unresolved shit we needed to deal with.

  “Is all of this this a joke to you?” His voice was low and rough, scraping across my ears as his breath brushed my lips. And while I knew he was definitely asking a serious question, I found myself laughing at how ridiculous it really was.

  “A joke? You’re kidding, right? Believe me, I know exactly how much this isn’t a joke, Cade.” I let my head fall back against the wall as I scoffed at his assumption.

  “Then what the hell are you doing out there? Getting wasted, dancing with some loser, obviously trying to piss me off?”

  “Honestly, after the last time we talked, I didn’t think you’d give a damn what I was doing.”

  “Really. You didn’t think I’d notice you grinding against some other guy? His hands on your hips and sliding across your body?” At this his lips dropped next to my ear. His whispered words sent so many mixed signals that had me struggling to remember why we were even in this position right now.

  “Shit. No. No, you don’t get to this again,” I said quietly. I was talking more to myself than to Cade. I was trying to convince myself, through the foggy tipsy mess, that this was a bad idea. We always ended up here, every damn time. We couldn’t keep our distance from each other and I hated the fact that even after he was a total ass, I still couldn’t deny us these fleeting moments. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking that there was so much more to this than what Cade had said at the fight that night. There had to be. I refused to believe that he didn’t feel the same way I did when we were together.

  Without warning, my hands lifted and landed on his chest. My breath was quick, almost inhaling and exhaling to the beat of the music. But the second my hands made contact, I couldn’t stop myself from letting them drift upward. My mind instantly focused on the feeling of his taught muscles under my fingers, the way they were thick and roping across his shoulders and up into his neck.

  Throwing out all caution, I moved so that I could look straight at his blue eyes, which were currently dark and deep like a cobalt blue, before I pulled his lips down to mine. And then it was like nothing had ever changed, nothing had ever come between us. His lips crashed and collided with mine as his tongue sought entry and I welcomed him inside. It was messy and chaotic and desperate and everything I had been missing between us. He licked inside every space of my mouth, and then syncing with my tongue as we explored each other as if it were the first time.

  His hand dropped down to my leg, seeking that incredibly high slit in my dress. I lifted my knee just a bit so that it fell open and he took control from there. His hand slid underneath the silk and gripped the back of my thigh, sliding down so that he could lift my knee completely and pull it up to his side. He rolled his hips forward, his knee coming between my legs and urging me farther apart.

  A quiet moan slipped from my mouth as he moved against me, and my core shifted against the long, thick ridge that had formed under his zipper. His other hand moved to grip the back of my neck, pulling me harder against his mouth as we lost ourselves in each other, taking what we so fiercely needed and wanted to give.

  Abruptly, he pulled away, breaking our kiss and dropping my leg as he stumbled backwards.

  “I can’t ... we can’t do this.”

  “What? Why the hell not? What aren’t you telling me, Cade?” I worked to catch my
breath and rubbed my thumb underneath my lower lip, hoping to fix any obvious smearing of my lipstick.

  “There’s nothing to tell, Emma. We’re done, okay? We can’t do this again.” His voice was short and callous, conveying that he was done with the conversation and not to push further.

  He turned to leave but I leapt forward and grabbed his arm, pulling him back so that he would look at me.

  “Cade ... why can’t we fix this?” I hated how quiet my voice was, the heat of the moment turned completely to an ice that was a lightning pain in my chest. There had to be some way for us to move past this, together.

  “There’s nothing to fix, Bambi. I’m just not into it anymore.” And with that last, cutting remark, he was gone.

  Chapter 53

  Shaking off the tears that had begun pooling in my eyes, I refused to cry one more time over him. That was it, he wasn’t into us anymore? Fine. I wasn’t going to waste any more of my life worrying about him.

  Taking a couple of more deep breaths, I straightened my shoulders, tilted my chin up and stepped out of the hallway and back into the busy party. I glanced back over to the spot I had been waiting to meet Savannah and the guys and noticed they weren’t there. Scanning the crowd, I searched for any of them and finally found Logan stopped and looking over the crowd. I waved my hand and caught his attention as he gave me a kind smile and motioned for me to head towards him.

  As I got closer, I realized Savannah and Jake were both with him as well.

  Thank God, I was ready to leave.

  “Hey! Where did you go—? Whoah, are you okay? What happened?” Instantly, Sav was by my side, grabbing my arm and pulling me in front of her.

  I offered the best fake smile I could manage as I leaned forward and hugged her against me.

  “I’m good! Promise. Just drunk and tired. Let’s head home, yeah?” I didn’t look her in the eyes as I shifted to lead the way out of the frat house. She didn’t push it, thankfully and took my cue to leave.