This Is So Not Happening

by Kieran Scott

  “Perfect after a pedicure,” I said, handing her a lemonade.

  “You got 17 Again?” Chloe asked, her mouth dropping as Zac Efron appeared on the menu screen.

  “A classic,” I conceded.

  “It’s my favorite,” Chloe said.

  Shannen squirmed around, trying to find the perfect comfortable position against the pillows. “Again. Kind of the point. Is she not getting the theme here?” she said to me facetiously, making me laugh.

  The movie started up and Chloe looked down at her belly, where she’d laid out her new socks, and at the bottle of lemonade in her hand, while Faith rubbed peppermint lotion on her feet.

  “You guys?” Chloe said, her voice cracking.

  My heart froze. Please don’t let her cry. The whole point of this night was to cheer her up, not to make her cry.

  “Yeah?” Shannen said warily, holding her iced-tea bottle an inch from her lips.

  “Is it lame that this is the best night I’ve had in months?” Chloe asked.

  The rest of us laughed. “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” I said. “We could still disappoint you.”

  Chloe leaned back into her pillows and let out a contented sigh. “Yeah, I just don’t think that’s possible.”

  ally

  “I’m so bummed. This is the second year in a row I’m going to be dateless for Valentine’s Day,” Faith lamented, spearing a bright red tomato in the center of her salad, her head held up by her free hand.

  “Remember when we used to do Guys Suck Day?” Annie asked, not looking up from her laptop, where she was typing away.

  “Omigod, yeah. That was so much fun,” Faith said.

  I looked back and forth between the two of them and held my breath. Annie had been psyched to sit at our table with us, the better to spy on the Cresties, but I hadn’t actually expected her to interact with anyone, and now this? Were Annie and Faith actually talking to each other and not sniping? Unprecedented. At least in the last two years.

  “What’s Guys Suck Day?” Shannen asked.

  Annie’s head suddenly shot up. Then Faith’s did the same. They looked at each other across the cafeteria table like they’d just realized where they were.

  “Oh, nothing,” Faith said, grabbing for her soda.

  “It was stupid,” Annie added. Both of them were blushing.

  “Does it involve hating on guys on Valentine’s Day?” Shannen asked. She glanced toward the far end of the table where Hammond, the Idiot Twins, Connor, and Josh scarfed their double burgers. “Because I’m in.”

  Faith cleared her throat and looked down, rubbing her hands together under the table as she glanced around for a change of topic. Her eyes finally fell on Jake, who sat at the end of the table, catty-corner from her and me, scarfing his own double burger.

  “What about you, Jake? What are you guys doing for V-Day this weekend?” she asked.

  Jake didn’t answer. He was too busy glaring toward the food line, his latest bite of burger bulging inside his right cheek. I tilted my head and leaned out into the aisle to see what he was looking at and spotted Chloe and Will. My heart sunk. Of course.

  “I haven’t even thought about Valentine’s Day,” I said, filling the awkward silence. “I just want to get through the game tonight.”

  “Nervous ’cause your new coach is coming?” Shannen said in an overly teasing voice. The Rutgers coach had sent me an e-mail letting me know she was going to be attending the game tonight with a couple of members of the team, kind of a cool way to support the new recruit. Of course the added pressure felt anything but supportive, but if I wanted to play at RU, I was going to have to get used to it. There were some pretty high expectations surrounding that team.

  I glanced sideways at Jake. He was still glaring.

  “Well, that and it is the Valley game,” I replied. “We must beat them down.”

  “I heard that,” Shannen said, slapping my hand.

  “Great. Basketball. Rah, rah, rah,” Faith said facetiously. “But no one has answered my question.” Everyone looked at Jake. There was no indication that he even knew any of us were there, let alone talking.

  “Ja-ake!” Faith sang. She reached out and snapped her thin fingers in front of his face.

  “What?” A couple of sesame seeds flew out of his mouth and she grimaced.

  “I said, what are you guys doing for Valentine’s Day?” Faith asked again.

  I held my breath, curious to hear his answer. Chloe and Will started to make their way down the aisle. He held their shared tray with one hand and clutched her fingers with the other.

  “Oh, um—”

  Just that one second of hesitation made my stomach flip.

  “We don’t have a plan,” I interjected, feeling embarrassed.

  “No. We do,” he said, putting his burger down on his tray. He dusted his fingers and reached for his soda cup. “We have plans, you just don’t know what they are.”

  “Really?” I said, shocked. Jake hadn’t mentioned Valentine’s Day once, and I’d started to think that he was too wrapped up in his anti-Chloe obsession to plan anything. Plus things hadn’t been great between us lately, with his moodiness and my irritation over the way he’d been treating Chloe. I figured maybe he wasn’t interested. “You planned something?”

  “Of course I did,” he said, leaning in to give me a kiss. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

  A smile twitched its way to my lips, and I reached for his hand. It was the first time since he’d found out about Chloe’s lie that I felt even remotely close to him. But just when my fingers were about to brush his under the table, Chloe and Will were passing by.

  “Nice lunch, Chloe,” he said, his back to her. “I thought you were eating for two, not ten.”

  The guys at the far end of the table cackled. Faith and Annie froze. My hand fell back into my lap.

  “Jake …,” Shannen said in a disappointed, warning tone.

  Will put the tray down on the end of the next table and turned toward Jake. “Do you have a problem, man?”

  Jake wiped his fingertips on his napkin and shook his head, avoiding eye contact. “Not anymore, dude. It’s your problem now.”

  Chloe shook her head. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

  “You don’t have to go,” I said. But it was too late. She was already waddling away. Faith got up to follow her, and Jake shot her this evil look, like he felt betrayed. In that moment his face looked entirely different. Sharper. Uglier, somehow. I barely even recognized him.

  I was going to be sick. I really was.

  “Why don’t you try saying that to my face?” Will said, taking a step closer to Jake.

  Instantly, the guys at the far end of the table stood up, their chairs scraping against the linoleum. Will’s face got blotchy red, but he didn’t look away from Jake. In fact, I couldn’t understand why the heat of his glare wasn’t boring a hole in Jake’s skull.

  “Okay.”

  Jake got up as well. He was taller than Will, but only by a couple of inches. The two of them stared at each other, and I swear I could taste the flying testosterone.

  “You guys, come on,” I said nervously. People were starting to take notice, getting up from their chairs, straining to see what was about to go down. “You don’t have to fight.”

  “Oh, I actually think it’s long overdue,” Will said.

  “Don’t talk to her,” Jake spat.

  Will laughed under his breath. “Now you’re telling me who I can and can’t talk to? Who the hell do you think you are?”

  From the corner of my eye I saw one of the history teachers, Mr. Bucolli, making his way toward us. He was short, neckless, and seriously stocky, and people had been calling him Mr. Troll-ie for years. The door to the teacher’s lounge opened and the vice principal, Dr. Giles, walked out as well. It was like he had a sixth sense for when a student was out for blood.

  “I’m the guy who’s about to pummel your ass,” Jake said.

  He grabbed t
he front of Will’s sweater and I yelped. At that moment, Mr. Bucolli’s beefy hands met Jake and Will’s chests and pried them apart. Man was definitely a wrestler in his earlier life.

  “No one will be pummeling anyone’s anything,” he growled.

  Jake and Will were both panting like bulls about to be released into a fighting ring. If Mr. Bucolli lowered his arms, they would have cracked skulls. Instead, the VP arrived and cleared his throat.

  “Mr. Graydon, Mr. Halloran,” he said, tugging on the cuffs of his shirtsleeves beneath his jacket. “My office. Now.”

  Neither one of them moved.

  “Jake,” I pleaded.

  He glanced at me then, but his eyes were blank. Then he reached down, grabbed his backpack, and stormed off, shoving open the cafeteria door with the heel of his hand.

  “You too, Mr. Halloran,” Dr. Giles said.

  Mr. Bucolli released him, and Will seemed to deflate. “Would you guys make sure Chloe eats something?” he said, glancing over at their forgotten tray.

  “We’re on it,” Shannen said.

  “Thanks.”

  Then he turned around and trudged out with Dr. Giles at his heels. The guys slowly lowered themselves back into their chairs, and gradually the noise level in the cafeteria returned to normal, maybe even louder than normal, as everyone started blabbing about what had just happened. I stared down at my untouched pasta, feeling somehow hot and frigid at the same time.

  “You okay?” Annie asked me.

  “Sure.” I picked up my water bottle. My hand was shaking. I managed to take a sip, then cleared my throat. “Know how you guys were talking about Guys Suck Day?” I said weakly.

  “Yeah,” Shannen and Annie said in unison.

  “Well, I think I’m in for that,” I said grimly. “I think I’m most definitely in.”

  jake

  “It’s not like I don’t know what’s going on around this school,” Dr. Giles said.

  The dude was seriously tall with dark skin and graying hair, but not intimidating. When he sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms over his thin chest I couldn’t help thinking I could take him. If they needed a disciplinarian around here, they should’ve given Mr. Troll-ie the job. His hand had felt like a brick against my chest. For a second there I thought he was going to snap me in half. Plus you don’t fuck with a guy who has that much hair growing out of his ears. There’s definitely something wrong there.

  “I know what’s going on,” Dr. Giles continued. “The Internet age has been most enlightening.” He tugged a Droid phone out of his pocket and lit up the screen. “Thanks to this I can find out who’s doing what around here at any given moment of any day just by logging on to Twitter.”

  I swallowed, but my throat was dry, which made me cough. Dr. Giles was reading our tweets? Okay. Maybe he was intimidating. My leg started to bounce up and down. At the far end of the couch, Will was frozen.

  “I understand that the two of you are in a trying situation,” he continued, slipping the phone back into his pocket. “And I sympathize. I do.”

  He got up and walked around his desk, then leaned both fists into it.

  “But let’s get one thing clear right here and now,” he said, looking us each in the eye. “The animosity between you two will not manifest itself within these walls. Is that clear?”

  “Yes, sir,” Will barked, like a soldier.

  Kiss-ass. I couldn’t even remember what “animosity” meant. Let alone “manifest.”

  “Good. Because if it does, you’ll both be suspended. This is your warning.” Dr. Giles stood up straight. “If I hear about one punch, one kick, one shove, you’re both out for a week. Understood?”

  Right. That was clearer.

  “Yes, sir,” Will said again.

  “Yeah,” I muttered.

  “Good. I’m glad we’re all on the same page.” He crossed over to the door, stepping over my backpack to get there, and yanked it open. “You can go now.”

  I snatched my bag off the floor and walked out into the deserted hallway. Will was right behind me, but he speed-walked past me toward the caf, probably running back to Chloe.

  “Watch your back, man,” I said under my breath.

  He stopped in his tracks. I was surprised but kept walking. When I came up even with him, he turned to face me.

  “What the hell is your problem?” he hissed.

  “Seriously?” I blurted.

  “Yes. Seriously. If anything I should hate you,” he shot back. My jaw dropped, but he kept right on talking. “I was going out with Chloe all summer and she cheated on me with you! Then you get to be there for her for months while she’s going through this stuff and I—”

  “I get to be there with her?” I blurted, my face screwing up in disbelief. “Are you shitting me? You think that was fun?”

  Will just stared at me. The silence, even five seconds of it, made me squirm.

  “Because it wasn’t.”

  My face was on fire. Because I was lying. I realized it just like that and it killed me. Dealing with Chloe and the baby, it hadn’t exactly been fun, but it had been kind of nice. Being there for her. Feeling like she needed me. Knowing there was going to be a kid who was a part of me. I’d felt … important. And now I was just the idiot who’d fallen for the biggest lie of all time. I was the jackass. I was the punch line.

  And this guy, Will, was the father.

  “Whatever, dude,” I said, shaking my head and turning away. “Like I said, she’s your problem now. Have fun.”

  ally

  “I can’t decide whether I want the centerpieces to be colorful and eclectic or sleek and sophisticated.”

  My mom had been making figure eights around the four round tables of floral arrangements for at least half an hour. She paused in front of a spherical silver pot filled with white roses, and a tall, clear vase bursting with wildflowers. We’d left school together as soon as the last bell rang to squeeze in this shopping trip before my basketball game tonight. The biggest game of the year in more ways than one. I should have been hyped up and nervous. Instead I was tired and dreading it. In fact, I was dreading everything.

  “Colorful and eclectic,” I replied, leaning my hip against the table.

  “You think?” she asked.

  “Mom, this is you we’re talking about. Look at you.”

  She glanced down at her outfit—floral peasant top in deep purples, paired with jeans and mustard suede boots—and laughed. “You make an excellent point.”

  “I know.”

  I shrugged and glanced around the greenhouse. Up front, the florist was behind the counter, working the phones feverishly as he fielded his last-minute Valentine’s Day orders. He’d run off ten minutes ago to deal, promising to be right back, but we hadn’t seen him since. Now, just hearing him repeat people’s loving messages back to them made my heart hurt. After the way Jake had acted at school today, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be around him, let alone go out with him on the mushiest day of the year.

  “Oh, and you can wear these gardenias in your hair!” my mother said, placing a pair of yellow flowers just behind my ear. “They’d be just the right pop of color with your black dress. And Jake could wear a matching tie!”

  She shoved the gardenias into my hand, whipped out her notebook, and started making notes. I looked down at the blooms, twirling the stems between my thumb and forefinger until the color blurred. I wasn’t even sure that Jake was going to be coming to the wedding at this point. I mean, the thing was in May. Right now May seemed very far away.

  “Ally?” my mom asked suddenly. “Are you okay?”

  I blinked back my tears and tried to smile. “Yeah! I’m fine!”

  “Sweetie, are you sure?” She put her hand on my shoulder. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

  My heart welled up into my throat. I wanted to tell her what was going on. I so did. But she was so happy and excited. And this was the first time we’d gotten to do anything wedding rela
ted together without Quinn. I didn’t want to ruin it for her. If Jake and I broke up tomorrow … then I’d tell her about it tomorrow.

  “I’m just happy for you,” I said, my voice thick.

  You’d think I’d just told her I was going to be valedictorian, that’s how happy she looked. “Aw, Ally!”

  She pulled me in for a hug, and I pressed my face into her shoulder, letting myself squeeze out a few tears. When she pulled back again, I was smiling. The remainder of my inevitable breakdown was going to have to wait for a better time.

  “I love you, kiddo,” she said as the florist finally appeared at the open doorway.

  I tossed the gardenias onto the table and stood motionless while one of them tumbled to the dirt-covered floor. “I love you, too.”

  ally

  Thirty seconds left in the first half. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck. My pulse pounded in my ears, muting the sounds of the crowd. The ball was in my hands. I looked left. I looked right. The Valley players were everywhere, blocking out my teammates, practically tackling them to the floor. I dribbled twice for good measure, stalling. What should I do? What the hell should I do? Take the shot from here? Take the ball to the net? Make the pass? What, what, what?

  Twenty seconds left. My eyes darted around the gym. Coach screaming to make the play. The players from Rutgers on their feet. My mom, dad, and Gray, sitting together, cheering like crazy. Jake shouting his head off. It was too much. I had to focus. We needed a score to go into halftime up. We needed a score now.

  Suddenly Shannen slipped away from her defender. I saw her long arm reach out toward the sideline. I looked away from her to the left, trying to fake out the girl guarding me, and tossed it to Shannen. The girl cursed under her breath as she lost her balance and her fingertips grazed the shiny wood floor. Shannen turned. Set up the shot. Let it fly.

  “Go, Shannen!” I heard Chloe scream.

  I hadn’t even realized she was here.

  The buzzer sounded, and the ball swished through the net.

  “Three points at the buzzer!” the announcer called out. “And the score at halftime: Orchard Hill, twenty-three; Valley, twenty-one.”