Flawlessly Broken Trilogy
Finding Solace
Affliction
(Companion Novella)
Fearing Regret
Fighting Fate
Fighting Fate
Barbara Speak
Copyright © 2014 by Barbara Speak
Cover Art by: The Final Wrap
Edited by: Wendi Temporado
Kindle Edition
This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material herein is prohibited.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Something is pulling me to get my story out there. The thought that maybe what I have been through can help someone makes it a story that needs to be told. We're all human; we make mistakes. It's what we do after they're made that define us, not the mistakes themselves. And sometimes fate just hands us something we never asked for. I want to warn you. What I am about to tell you isn't all sweet and fluffy. At times it’s downright awful. Life isn't always fair so why would I lie to you and tell you it is? We all have a choice and I feel it's time to share mine with you.
My name is Marissa Johnson and this is my story to tell...
Chapter 1
"Don't touch that, that's a no-no! Kendal Grace, did you hear what I said?"
She wasn't listening; she rarely does. At that exact moment, the potted plant went crashing to the floor. I attempted to reach for it before it landed after she decided to walk away, but I missed.
"It's okay, MoMo, I do it."
Kaden immediately went to pick it up before I stopped him. He had to be the sweetest child on the planet, where as his twin sister was a complete spit-fire. They may have looked like the opposite parent but they definitely took after the same sex.
"No, thank you, Kaden. It was very nice for you to offer, but Kendal needs to pick up after herself. Kendal, please come here and pick up what you dropped."
"No."
"That's not nice talk. Go pick the pot up, please, so I can clean up the dirt."
"No!"
I wanted to pull my hair out right then and there. I have been the nanny for these two practically since they were born. But, after two years, I have had about enough. Please don't judge me; I love them like they are my own. I'm twenty-two years old and going into my junior year of college and I'm ready to do what I came to this town to do: have the time of my life. I wasn't doing that by being a nanny. I was missing out and my roommate Blythe reminded me constantly.
"Hello?"
I heard their parents, Sadie and Ash, walk in through the garage door.
I yelled, "We're in here!" as I looked back over to the twins. Kaden had the pot in his hands, carefully placing it back on the table while Kendal was elbow deep in soil and spreading it all over the floor.
"What happened? Let me guess…" Ash walked over and picked Kendal up. "My little sassafras has decided to strike again."
Sadie walked in just as Ash turned, taking in her baby girl that was covered in dirt.
"Really? Again? Why must you do everything you're not supposed to? It's as if you have to learn everything the hard way."
She smiled at me and then winked, taking Kendal from her father and leaving the room.
Ash watched her leave and then turned to me and said, "She will never see it, but Kendal is just like her."
I laughed as I watched Ash walk over to Kaden who had been standing there patiently waiting for his turn in his daddy's arms.
"How is my big guy, huh? Did you have fun today with Marissa?"
Kaden never looked away from his dad as he responded, "We saw a weal skeleton, Daddy."
It was spring, so of course there were no Halloween decorations he could be talking about. No, that would be a hell of a lot better than the truth.
Ash looked at me and then back at his son. "What do you mean you saw a real skeleton?"
"She wawked and tawked, Daddy. She was weal."
I so didn't want to tell this story in front of Kaden because I knew what his father’s reaction would be already.
"Hey, Kaden, why don't you get your new puzzle and show Daddy how you can do it all by yourself? I left it upstairs in your room."
"Yes!" He was out of his dad's arms and on his way up the stairs before I could even look back over to Ash to explain.
"We went to the drug store and there was an obviously anorexic women who walked by us. She was literally bones and skin. Ash, I'm telling you, it was so sad! But as I was trying my best to not make it obvious that I was staring, you know who said, "Wow, look, MoMo! It’s a real skeleton!" and you know full well he didn't whisper. All of a sudden Kendal says, "It is! It is! Right there, MoMo. Look!” I about died trying to apologize while the lady just mugged me and walked away."
Ash burst out laughing, hard. Grabbing his stomach and bending over kind of laugh.
"I knew you would find my mortification hilarious."
"I'm...sorry...”
He could barely get the words out. All of a sudden Kaden was running back into the room with his new puzzle.
"Dada, look!"
Ash had no choice but to stop his laughing frenzy to give Kaden attention.
"Wow, buddy, that's so cool! Do you know who that is?"
"Mickey!"
The way they looked at each other made what I was about to say that much harder. I didn't want to lose what I had with this family but it was time to break from them. I had been feeling this way for a while. Something Ash's sister Kate had said to me a long time ago kept coming back to me. "Leave. Don't live your whole college experience as a nanny." I now know she was right but I loved them like my own family.
"Ash, I need to talk to you and Sadie about something."
He turned to look at me and said, "Sure, let’s go find her. I bet she's got Kendal in the tub upstairs."
He started to walk away, leaving me to follow him. My stomach was tied in knots. I knew by the way he reacted that he had no idea what I was about to say to them.
We reached the top of the stairs when the sound of Sadie crying hit our ears. Ash put Kaden down and ran down the hall as fast as he could to the master bedroom. I picked up Kaden and walked into the nursery, finding Kendal on the floor stripped of her clothes but she hadn’t yet been bathed. I set Kaden down, ready to grab Kendal and bathe her myself, when I overheard Sadie say, "It’s just not fair. She was four months along, Ash. No one should have to lose a baby, definitely not three. Heather doesn't deserve this. She and Jason... I have to go. I have to go be with her."
"Go. I will stay here with the kids. And Sadie? I'm sorry. I know how bad you wanted this for her too."
I watched as Sadie flew by the room two seconds later. Nothing could have been worse than hearing what I had just heard. Heather is Sadie's best friend and someone I have also become very close with since I moved here to go to school. They both were very good friends with my older brother Bryan and would do anything for me, just as I would for them.
I was in a daze when I went into the bathroom off of the nursery and turned on the faucet for the tub. I was checking the water temperature, making sure it wasn't too hot, when Sadie came barreling into the room screaming my name. I turned to see her just as she grabbed my arm, lifted me up from the ground and hugged me.
"I'm so sorry, Sadie."
"Aww, honey, so am I. Do you want to come with me? I ran out of here forgetting all about you."
I wanted to be there for Heather more than anything, but I also needed to get back to the dorm to study for an exam the next day and there we
nt my chance to quit.
"Can Ash finish giving Kendal her bath?"
"Of course he can. Ash! Come in here please so we can leave."
Two seconds later Ash walked in and said, "I got this, you guys go, and tell them I'm sorry too. I will try to come by later."
I didn't have time to respond before Sadie was pulling me out of the room and down the stairs.
When we got in her car, she turned down the radio and said, "I can't believe I forgot you. You’ve been one of us for so long and I just left you behind. I'm so sorry."
I looked at her with an expression on my face that was easily read.
"You're being ridiculous. She is upset and you wanted to be there for her. I might have done the same thing had she called me."
"Did she? I can't imagine that she didn't."
That's when I realized I didn't have my purse or phone with me. We left in such a hurry that I completely forgot to go in the kitchen and grab it.
"I don't know. I haven't looked at my phone in hours. It's on the kitchen counter."
"Oh, shit! You have an exam tomorrow! Why didn't you remind me?"
"It's okay. I think I've got it all down by now."
"Are you sure? We can go back and you can get your car."
"No worries, I’ll be fine. How was Heather when you talked to her? Did she go to the doctor today?"
"Yeah. Remember she was supposed to have that ultrasound again? They checked for growth and realized there had been none. The baby must have died several days ago. Now they need to do a D&C and clean her uterus out. This is just awful!"
"I don't get it. They took every precaution and followed the doctor's recommendations to a T. She has got to be just devastated."
"They scheduled the procedure for Friday, like she really wants to wait four more days!"
Since Heather lived seconds away from Sadie, it didn't take long to get there. We pulled into the driveway and I lost all train of thought. There it was, the blacked out Escalade he got six months ago after he won the last heavyweight MMA championship.
Why it didn't even enter my mind that he would be here was beyond me. He is Heather's brother-in-law, after all.
He has never been far from the forefront of my every thought since I saw him for the first time almost three years ago. He consumes my dreams and yet he has never really seen me. Looked, yes. Spoken to, also yes. But actually seen me? Never.
Sadie got out of the car and started for the house when she turned and yelled, "Marissa, are you coming?"
I had no choice, I had to go inside and see him. I was dressed in lounge clothes, with my hair tied up in a knot, and had zero makeup on to describe to you. Yes, I looked like a hot mess and Michael Harrison was inside that house.
I opened the door and told myself it was time to let it go. He was never going to give me the time of day and I was wasting my time hoping for a miracle. Besides, one of my best friends was in that house suffering and that was what I was here for.
I got out of the car and walked behind Sadie, focusing on ignoring him and not letting him affect me. That didn’t really work out, seeing as he was headed out the door when I came crashing through. We smacked right into each other and all of my so-called determination went right out the door, no pun intended. My hands were on his chest, due to the fact that I was only a few inches shorter than him, and God did he feel good.
Being five foot nine had its advantages at times. This wasn't one of them. When I looked up, we were practically at eye level.
"Could you please move? I need to get inside."
I wasn't even sure that those words came from me. I had never started a conversation with him, especially not with attitude attached. His expression became one of complete shock, which wasn't surprising at all. He had never heard me speak to him like that. My words always came out as a stutter when we were forced to communicate. You would think I would jump at any chance I got but something about talking to him always made me clam up. Something I was never like with anyone else.
"What did you say?"
Holy shit I have to say it again!
"I said move, please!"
He looked down at me, attempting to dominate me with his eyes, but it wouldn't work this time. Something in me changed in that moment. He was just like anybody else and he was in my way. One of my best friends was hurting and I needed to get to her.
"If you won't move, I’ll just go through the back door."
"I'd like to see you try."
My hands were still on his chest and I could feel his heart rate pick up. It was as if he loved the challenge. Well I was ready to give him one. I was used to being picked on by Bryan my whole life.
I pushed off of him and turned to walk away, when he grabbed me by the arm and said, "You giving up that easy?"
I turned and took a step forward to get in his face. We were basically nose to nose when I said, "Never. Bring it, pretty boy. I'm not in the mood for games."
I could feel him suck in and practically steal my breath. When he spoke next, it was as if he was giving air back to me.
"If I had any idea this was in you, things would have been a lot different before now. And, I am far from a pretty boy."
WHAT? Did he just say what I think he said? Prior to this moment, I would have melted at those words but something was changed in me.
"Well, it's too bad you chose now to air your feelings or the 'what could have been' scenario. I really don't care. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get to Heather."
His expression softened and instantly he was stepping to the side. I didn't even give him a second look. I walked past him and into the house, hearing Heather crying from the back bedroom, and finding myself feeling heartbroken for her and empowered all at the same time.
When I walked into the room, Heather immediately got up from the bed and ran into my arms sobbing. I held onto her as tight as I could. Sadie stayed seated on the bed while I let Heather cry her heart out to me.
"It's just not fair! Why us?"
I wished I had the answers to those questions but I didn't. So I responded simply by saying, "I'm so sorry."
Kate came bursting through the door and grabbed on to us both.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner. Anthony wouldn't stop crying and Tony was in trial. I didn't want to have to bring him and Brooklyn."
Heather let go of me and fell into Kate's arms. I went and sat down on the bed with Sadie and she reached for my hand. It was so hard seeing Heather hurt this badly. We all had tears in our eyes.
I decided I should go get her a drink of water and asked Sadie if she wanted anything.
"Grab a bottle of wine and some glasses. It’s going to be a long night."
"Sounds good, I will be right back."
I got up and walked into the kitchen finding Jason there leaning against the counter. His head was down and I wanted to kick myself for not thinking about the fact that he lost his baby too.
I walked over and wrapped my arms around his shoulders to hug him and his went around my waist, pulling me in. His grip on me was firm. I knew from having my brother that talking was pointless. Men just needed to let it out, not talk about it for hours like we women do. When he pulled back, I just slapped his back a couple of times, letting him know I understood, and then I walked over to the cabinet for some glasses. Just as I was going to ask if he wanted some, Mike walked into the room and said, "You want to go get a drink?"
Jason looked at me and then him and said, "I think I need to stay here with Heather."
I had just gone for the wine when I saw there was none. I turned to Jason and said, "Are you out of wine?"
"Yeah, Heather got rid of it all so she wouldn't be tempted during the pregnancy. Sorry, I should have thought of that when I saw you grabbing the glasses."
"It’s okay, I’ll just go grab some real quick. Shit! I don't have my purse with me."
"It's all right, Daisy, you can ride with me."
I had no idea who Mike was talking
to even though he was looking right at me.
"What did you call her?"
"Doesn't she look just like Daisy Duke from the Dukes of Hazzard?"
Jason turned to me and said, "I've never seen it before but yeah, she sure does."
I was still at a total loss. Who is Daisy Duke and why is he talking about me like that? He normally doesn't even acknowledge my presence.
"I have no idea who you’re talking about but can't you just grab the wine if you're going anyway?"
Jason looked at me like I had two heads. All of my friends have noticed how I get when Mike's around, and for some reason that day was different. I could breathe and treat him like he was just any other guy. It was almost as if now that he could see me, I was angry that he never did before.
"What would be the fun in that? Come on, we’re only going to the liquor store, it's not like it’s a date."
"As if I would go on a date with you?"
Jason's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets.
"Oh, you would and you would love it."
"Don't flatter yourself. Grab a groupie. You have plenty of them to adore your every word. That's not me. Grab a couple of bottles of Riesling and Pinot. Thanks."
I walked past both of them and back into a room of three girls with their jaws on the floor.
"What?"
Kate whispered, "Shut the door" while her hands flailed around.
I followed her instructions and then turned to find out what was going on. All three of them attacked me.
"I can't believe you did that!"
"Or said that!"
"I'm so proud of you!"
I couldn't tell which one said what since it all came out simultaneously.
"You guys don't understand."
I thought they let it go but I was still very much the center of attention. Each one sat down on Heather's bed, staring at me.
"What?"
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