“We do not know if this is a sex tape,” Mia clarified and then she turned her sights onto the videographer. “And Marc better hope to God it’s not. Or there will be a showdown tonight with me kicking his ass.”
Marc rolled his eyes. “Unpause the tape.”
Ethan’s knees nudged her in invitation and spread apart. She leaned back between his legs. She pressed play and absently caressed his bare calf as the video ran yet again.
“I really liked that.”
“Thanks, Tom,” Mia had said a bit too excitedly. Tom grinned at her, that mega-watt smile that could light anything on fire, including her. He moved a little closer to her. The camera panned out and showed Mia taking off her guitar.
“It’s been a while, Mia …” he spoke to her and damn, he was staring right at her mouth. She stumbled a little as she closed the distance between her and Tom. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been better. What about you?” she asked, pushing out her chest and adjusting her shirt.
His eyes followed her movement and then returned to her face. “About the same as you,” he said, his grin a tad more playful. She remembered why. The last time she had seen him before this night, he’d kissed her and it had been wonderful. So, so wonderful. Better than she ever imagined it would be.
“I was wondering if we could finish our, um,” he paused, looking at the guys sitting over on the couch and then back to her, “conversation from last week.”
She toyed with her lip and then smiled shyly up at him and nodded. His face lit up and he took another step closer to her.
“Do you have a feeling they’re talking in code?” Marc asked, jerking his head at the TV, all the while stroking Lizzie’s leg.
Mia ignored their discussion and continued to watch the video. She felt it was a code too, but she wasn’t entirely sure. She couldn’t remember if they had discussed anything. All she remembered was their kiss before she left the last party, the kiss that her annoying bandmates had totally interrupted.
Mia focused on the video instead of her thoughts.
“After you,” he said, gesturing with his hand. Mia walked off but Tom held back, staring after her for a moment.
“Coming?” Mia said from off screen.
His smile was telling. She saw the desire on his face, had seen it many times during their short relationship. “Yeah,” he answered before sauntering off after her.
It frustrated her that she didn’t remember this exchange and said as much. “I do not remember this!” she stated, so frustrated with her old drug-addled brain.
“Well, that’s why we’re watching … to jog that rusty memory of yours,” Todd replied.
“Tom’s staring at your ass,” Lizzie said matter-of-factly.
“He is not,” Mia protested. She knew he was but the urge to deny was way too strong.
“God,” Marc exclaimed. “Every single damn guy stared at your ass. All the time. Your gross boss did. I even did my fair share of looking as did every single guy in this room. How could you not notice?”
Shivers coursed through her body at the thought of her hated boss checking out her ass. “Oh, God! Seriously? My boss?”
Luke laughed. “Yes. He did. Didn’t it make you wonder about the hows and whys of him having you bend over for stuff all the time?”
“So gross. I feel like I could hurl.”
“I’ve got an excuse for looking,” said Todd. Mia felt Ethan’s leg tense under her hand. She was so sorry he’d ever felt like that, but he had to get over it. Todd was her bandmate—her friend. That was it. “She stands in front of me at every show, giving me signals with her fingers. I have to stare.”
Her gaze swept across the sofa, looking at her bandmates. “You guys stare at my ass?” she asked, a little shocked.
“Maybe when we first met,” Marty admitted, a little uncomfortably.
“I’ve stared too,” Allie added.
“Shut up,” Mia said, shooting lasers at her manager.
“We’ve all seen it—naked—thanks to Burn For You,” Lizzie added with a barely contained smile. Note to self, remind me to pay Lizzie back for that comment.
“I’ve seen it in person,” Allie said, one-upping Lizzie. Mia’s head whipped around at the murmurings from her band, agreeing with Allie. “All those times on the tour buses, hotel showers …”
“Well, I’ve touched it,” Luke said with a laugh. Mia glared at him, as did his wife, which only caused him to laugh even harder.
“I touched it today. I win!” Ethan said happily. The entire room laughed at that. Mia leaned back into her husband and let out a chuckle too. Nothing like an impromptu contest about her butt. Ethan squeezed her shoulder and with a sigh, she focused on the video again. Marc stopped recording and the screen went all black for a moment before it continued. The camera was focused on a dimly light hallway.
“Psst. Guys! Look at this!” came Marc’s excited voice through the sound system.
“What?” Todd asked.
“Look down the hall,” ordered Marc. “Is that who I think it is?”
The camera zoomed in and Mia saw her younger self kissing a guy. Like really kissing a guy. The kind of kissing that leads to sex. She couldn’t make the guy out at first but then the guy leaned in, attacking her neck and she saw the shock of blond hair.
“Oh, fuck!” Mia swore under her breath. She knew who it was—Tom. This had to be the night he’d spoken of. The forgotten night she’d slept with him.
“Who is it, Mia?” Clark asked.
“It’s Tom,” Lizzie correctly stated. Mia cringed, unsure of how everyone would react to this news.
“Shit! You were kissing Tom? Oh my God! That’s like incest or something!” Marc exclaimed, her bandmates groaning in agreement.
“Uh …”
Great answer, Mia.
“Is that Mia?” Marty asked.
“I think so,” Marc answered.
“Who’s she with?” Todd asked as Mia and Tom went into the room, out of view of the camera.
“I didn’t see the guy,” Marc replied.
“Go find out, Marc. It’s your house,” Clark ordered his older brother.
“No way, man.”
There was some more goading and arguing and then silence.
“Did you hear that?” Todd asked.
“What?” the other three asked in unison.
“Shh! Listen!” Todd ordered.
Mia’s head dropped to her knees, her arms covering her head as she heard her moans on the video.
“Way to go, Mia!” Todd said on the video, followed by the peals of laughter of the other men.
“Yep, definitely Mia,” said Ethan, the master of her moans.
She saw it now—in her mind. That memory from many years ago—of her and Tom making love. Kissing him. Touching him. His body covering hers. His mouth on her breasts. He had not been gentle with her breasts that night. She’d liked the way he’d used his teeth. It had felt glorious. That’s why she’d moaned.
“Okay. I think memory lane is over,” she said, reaching for the remote, but it was gone. She searched the area. Shit. Where was it?
“Looking for this?” Todd asked, holding up the remote.
“You fucker,” she spat at him, listening to her moans getting louder and more frequent.
“Go look, Marc!” Marty said, hitting Marc hard enough to make what Marc was filming blurry. “We need to know.”
“Ah, fuck,” she heard Marc say. She thought it was the video but when she looked over at him and caught his eye, he mouthed, “Sorry.”
She turned back to the screen and saw the camera going down the hallway. The door started to open. Oh, God! No way was she going to let everybody see her and Tom making love. No way in hell. Mia was across the floor so fast. She stopped the tape and quickly hit eject.
“Show’s over,” she said, ignoring the disappointed groans. She quickly got up and ran to her storage area. She punched in her code, entered, and shut herself inside.
&nbs
p; “Holy fuck!” she cursed softly, sliding to the floor. A tape of a momentous night she could not remember … until now. Flashes of that night attacked her. His words beacons in her mind.
“Mia, you’re so beautiful,” he’d told her while sucking at her breast.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he’d said as he entered her for the first time. They’d had sex a couple times that night. Yet she hadn’t remembered it for eleven years. Even after Tom had told her. It wasn’t until seeing this video, hearing it, that it all came back.
She got up and put the video away. She’d watch the full video at a later date because she needed to see what else had happened, see if this really was a sex tape.
When Mia exited the room, everyone was heading upstairs. Ethan came to her side and she couldn’t help but wonder what he thought about all that—the drugs and Tom. Glancing over at him, she saw him smile softly at her. At least there was no anger.
“Don’t do drugs, Ethan. Evil, they are. Eleven years. I did not remember that for eleven years. Fuck, Lizzie probably hates me,” she said, looking back at the family room.
“She said she knew that Tom had slept with you. He told her about it. I guess he’d asked for advice.”
“Oh?”
“It appears he liked you.” She expected jealousy but there was none.
“I liked him too,” she admitted.
“Really?” he asked, his eyes going wide at that confession.
“Oh, yeah. I had a huge crush on him. But I didn’t know how to make that move. Remember, I’m awkward.”
He shook his head at that, not believing. “Far from it.”
“Oh, I was back then. So very awkward.”
“So, a sex tape …” he said.
“Are you mad?”
He sighed and with that, she knew he wasn’t exactly happy about what he saw. “It happened,” he answered with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’ll be honest, it wasn’t the most pleasant thing to see, but I got something I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise.”
“What?”
“Insight into you,” he said. She stopped walking at that admission. He joined her, yet his eyes stayed on the closed door and after a moment, he spoke. “You ever gonna let me in there?” he asked.
In the four years they had been married, she hadn’t given him the security code to that room. He’d been inside—with her there, making sure he didn’t get into things she didn’t want him to see, like the journals she’d written when they weren’t together, before and after their initial relationship. Perhaps she should share that with him …
Not just that …
She needed to work on being more open with him. Maybe letting him in that room would help her share those bits of her past as well as the ones that weren’t in there. Like how she felt after the miscarriage being one main example.
“Maybe,” she said with a grin. She saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes before he smiled at her. Yeah, she needed to share what was in there with him. Sooner rather than later.
“Let’s go rejoin the party,” he suggested, leading her to the stairs.
Everyone was in the family room and their collective attention turned to Mia and Ethan as they entered the room. Ethan walked ahead to the kitchen. She hung back, still a bit embarrassed by what was shown on the video. But overpowering the embarrassment was anger. That surprised her. They’d known about what she had done and that it was on tape. At some point over the past eleven years, one would have thought it’d have come up. Why now?
Eyeing each man that had been there that night, she spoke curtly, her accusing voice hanging in the air. “I can’t believe none of you ever told me about this.”
“Why does it matter now?” Marty asked.
Lizzie stepped forward, standing in front of Mia, her green eyes locking on hers, and they were so full of understanding that Mia wanted to cry. “Because she remembers. She remembers what he said. Right?” she asked, looking at Mia.
Mia nodded, tears in her eyes. If she would have known, things would have been much different. She would have been with Tom. She was sure they would have had a relationship back then. But she never had that chance. If only the guys had told her … then she realized that they hadn’t known it was Tom.
So …
“Why didn’t he talk to me about it then?” she asked, needing to know. Mia followed Lizzie’s gaze and her breath stopped when Lizzie’s eyes landed on Luke. He sat on the piano bench with Allie, watching this entire exchange.
“But he and I were over,” Mia stated, staring at Luke.
“But he came back into the picture. A few weeks later, he was there,” Lizzie said.
“You were all over Luke the night he returned, Mia,” Marc offered. That didn’t help. She felt gained up on and got defensive.
She scoffed at that. “I was not all over him.”
Marty and Clark laughed and raised their eyebrows. She turned to them and gave them her best pissed off mom look. “Don’t you two say a word.” She then turned back to Lizzie, her voice quieter. “Tom saw that?”
“Yeah,” she said simply, and with that she knew all the pain seeing that had caused him.
“Aw, fuck,” she groaned, rubbing her forehead. God, what did he think of me? I sleep with him one night and then move right on to Luke, yet again. She’d wondered why Tom had been so reserved around her after the kiss they’d shared. Now she knew.
“Mia …” Lizzie spoke quietly.
God, she’d hurt him and hadn’t even known it.
Her head was spinning. She needed a moment—alone. This was all too much. Her emotions were all over the place. She needed to process this. When she turned to walk away, her eyes landed on a sullen Ethan. He was learning a lot about her past tonight, especially what a mess she’d been back then, in front of all their friends.
He had been leaning against the counter, but as she tried to leave the room, he pushed off of it to prevent that, his hand gripping her arm. “There’s still so little I know about your past. So much you keep to yourself. I need to know what’s going on in here,” he said, pointing at her head. “Why, Mia? Why do you find it so hard to talk to me?”
This wasn’t the place for this talk. What he was asking was bigger than her and Tom. That plus being on edge had her feeling anger quickly boiling inside of her. She looked up at him.
“Now’s not the time for this, Ethan.”
“When is there ever a time?” he asked, clearly exasperated.
“Don’t push this, Ethan,” she warned again.
“Why the hell not?” he countered, aggravation replacing his hurt tone. “Finally open up to me, Mia. Take the fucking step. Tell me about Tom. Tell me about Luke. Just please stop holding it in.”
“You don’t want to hear what I have to say!” she shouted. This would hurt him to know. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw everyone gather in the family room, watching her and Ethan.
“No! That’s where you’re wrong, Mia. I want to hear it. I’m so goddamn tired of you hiding everything from me,” he fired back.
“Fine!” she yelled. “I loved him. Is that what you wanted to hear? I loved him and the night on that video was not the only time I slept with him. We had a relationship.”
A collective gasp reverberated around the room, followed by a hushed silence. All she heard was the pounding of her heart.
“When?” Ethan asked. Mia looked around and noticed Lizzie and Luke staring at her, probably both wondering at the timing, she was sure.
Oh, don’t worry, you two.
“After I ended our engagement.”
His honey eyes widened, his face clouding in disbelief. “You broke up with me and went straight to him?” he asked, his voice rising in shock.
She shook her head slightly. “No. A few weeks later.”
She saw it dawn on him. The reason she had gone AWOL after their only conversation they’d had after their broken engagement. Tom.
Mia defiantly looked at Ethan. There was
a mixture of anger and hurt on his face. He didn’t even mask it. She knew he wanted her to see it. And that’s one of the reasons she’d never told him before.
“When did it end?” he spoke through clenched teeth.
“The week before Memorial Day weekend,” Lizzie answered for her.
“Yes,” Mia confirmed. How did she even know that?
“Why?” Ethan asked.
“Lots of reasons but mostly because I was a fucking mess. I was using him to forget you. I was drowning myself during that time—in alcohol, in sex. When I finally realized what I was doing, I broke things off with him. He meant too much to me,” she said, poking at his chest. “I felt awful for hurting him, for hurting you … I should’ve been getting married to you that weekend and the fact that I wasn’t killed me. Crushed me. That was an all-around bad week for me. Just the beginning, right?”
She let the question hang. Everyone in that room knew what she’d done that Memorial Day weekend. Some better than others. No one really brought it up anymore—it was in the past—but they all remembered. She saw it in everyone’s faces.
“Do you remember that night you came with me to see Tom when I came back to town after my time away in rehab?” Marc asked, breaking the silence. She turned to him and nodded. She hadn’t wanted to go to that dinner, hadn’t wanted to see Tom, but Marc had needed her support and she would never turn away a friend. So she went with Marc and her heart ached with all the pain of having pushed Tom aside so she could be with Ethan, but then Ethan left her and she was left with nothing.
“I always wondered what you meant when you told Tom that you’d gambled and lost. Until now,” Marc stated.
“You heard that?”
She had said that to Tom when he’d hugged her before they left the restaurant. Their very last embrace.
Marc nodded. “Why didn’t you ever tell anyone about you and Tom?” Marc asked. She shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to say it, but knowing she needed to. She took a deep breath and told her story, her confession. Not many people knew what had happened after she and Ethan broke up.
“After I broke off my engagement with Ethan, I, uh, drank a lot. I did a lot of drugs. And I had a lot of sex with Tom. Those three things kept the pain at bay. They were my twenty-four/seven prescription. Until my overdose and had Death look me straight in the eye. I thought it was my time but He wasn’t ready for me yet. It turned out He wanted to torture me some more when I got a call from Marc telling me that Tom had died.
Never Over You Page 35