Bia's War

by Joanna Larum

  “I clutched him to me, rubbing my hands up and down his back in an effort to soothe him and the tears rained down my face as I did so. I wanted to take my time with him and explain everything in detail for him, but we didn’t have the time for a luxury like that. We had to get the bodies moved before the storm passed over and we lost the cover of the bad weather. I could feel the anxiety building inside me and I turned to see what Sammy was doing, hoping that he would come and help me with Peter. He seemed lost in thought, standing next to the warehouse door, almost as though he was listening to the storm outside.”

  “‘We’ve got to get them out of here.’ I repeated to Sam. ‘When the storm is over, any ships waiting to dock will come in and there’ll be sailors and dock workers all over this area. We’ve got to be away from here before then or someone will see us. I’m not risking Peter being sent to jail for what he’s done tonight.’ I didn’t say it out loud because I didn’t want to startle Peter, but, if he was caught for murdering Dennison, then he would hang.”

  “‘I don’t think we’re going to be able to carry out any plan.’ Sam said as he walked towards Peter and me. If he thought he was reassuring me, he was on the wrong track altogether. I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant, but the thunder suddenly returned, this time with double the intensity it had had before. I waited for it to fade before I spoke again because I knew it would be impossible for Sam to hear me over the crescendo of noise which was battering our eardrums. I could see the lightening flashing through the gaps in the boards of the warehouse walls and, even at that time and after all the dreadful things that had happened that night, I could still wonder at the intensity of that storm. It was so unlike anything I had ever experienced before in my life, but the power and the force it was displaying seemed to fit with the tableau of Hell which was the inside of my warehouse.”

  “Peter disentangled himself from me and stood upright, so I followed his lead, although the ground was shaking so much with the storm that I was having difficulty staying on my feet. I watched Peter cross the floor to where Simon lay and crouch down next to him. He cradled Simon’s head in his arms and rocked him back and forth, as though to soothe a frightened child. I could feel the hysteria rising in me as I watched him holding my dead son and I turned to Sam for his strength.”

  “‘Sammy, we will have to move the bodies before the storm fades. Where can we take them and how are we going to get them there?’ I was almost wailing at him, but he seemed to be miles away and I wasn’t getting through to him. My panic level rose as I concluded that he was going to walk out and leave me. It was Peter who answered me, in a quiet calm voice as though everything was normal and I was over-reacting badly.”

  “‘This isn’t a storm.’ Peter said. ‘That’s not thunder out there.’”

  “I stared at him, wondering if his mind had been unhinged by what had happened that night and wondering what I was going to do if both of my mainstays abandoned me now. Sam snapped my attention back from Peter.”

  “‘Peter’s right.’ Sam said. ‘That’s not the noise from a storm out there.’”

  “I decided that I was surrounded by people who were in shock after the events of the evening and my panic and anxiety levels shot through the roof. What would I do without them both? Why had they both let me down when I needed them the most? But Sam was suddenly making for the warehouse door at a run. He snatched it open and ran out into the night. But it was a night the like of which I had never seen in my life before. The gap where the warehouse door stood open was filled with an intense red light and there were terrible sounds coming from every direction. Before I had chance to wonder if Sam had left me to deal with the bodies on my own, he was back, racing in through the door and crashing it closed behind him."

  “He crouched down, gasping and panting for breath as though he had run miles in those few seconds he had been out of the warehouse. When he had enough breath to speak he raised his head and looked me squarely in the eye.”

  “‘We’ve got to get out of here, Bia, immediately. Grab Peter and run back to the shop. Don’t hang about, or none of us will make it.’”

  “‘But, Sam, we’ve got to hide the bodies before we can run away.’ I said, but Sam interrupted me.

  “‘Peter is right, Bia.’ He said. ‘That’s no thunder storm that we’ve been hearing out there tonight. I ran to the end of the little lane and I could see ships out at sea, firing their guns at us. What we all thought was thunder is the noise of the guns, both from the Hun ships and from the shore battery at Hartlepool. I just hope that our gunners have managed to hit the ships. But the shells which have landed on shore have set fire to the docks and the two streets of houses at the end of the breakwater. We need to get out of here before either a shell lands on us or before the fires spread further and reach us here. And that won’t be long before it happens, not the way it’s burning out there. So many of the warehouses must have had combustible materials inside them, because they’re going up like tinder boxes. Come on, Bia, we’ve got to get out of here.’”

  “I stood transfixed. I couldn’t comprehend what Sam was telling me. We were being shelled by the enemy? But that only happened to soldiers on a battlefield, or perhaps sailors on a warship. We were hundreds of miles away from a battlefield and we weren’t on a ship. How could the enemy be attacking us? Sam looked as though he could scream his frustration at my incompetence in understanding what he was saying. He grabbed me by the arm and shook me.”

  “‘Bia, the Hun has got ships out at sea and they are firing at us. The docks and the warehouses are already on fire and those bangs that shook the ground were the shells exploding on the docks and on warehouses nearest to the sea. If we don’t move now we will be blown to smithereens when the gunners on the ships get our range, or we’ll be burnt to a crisp when the fires reach here. If we get out of here, then the Hun will settle the problem of the bodies for us. We have got to go, now!’”

  “‘But I can’t leave Simon!’ I wailed. ‘And we’ve got to move the pig butcher and William, so that no-one will know what has happened tonight.’ I couldn’t leave my baby’s body to be blown to smithereens by a Hun shell, not to save my own life. Wasn’t that the crux of the matter, of all that had happened? Wasn’t it what raised me above the level of the pig butcher and William? The fact that I put somebody else before myself? Then Peter spoke.”

  “‘I’ll bring Simon for you, Bia.’ He said, lifting my baby into his arms. ‘You run on with Sam and I’ll bring Simon. Don’t you worry about him, I’ll look after him. He’s a little angel now and I’ll care for him.’”

  “I was anxious about Peter’s tone of voice, as he spoke those words, but Sam didn’t give me time to question what Peter was doing. He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the warehouse door and we started to run away towards the dock road into the town. Even in the panic to get away, I could see the numerous fires burning fiercely against the night sky and that a wind seemed to have arrived which was blowing the flames towards the town. Before we got to the end of the first block of warehouses, a shell came in from the sea and blew the warehouse opposite mine into splinters of wood and flame which floated on the newly born wind and threatened to land on other buildings, setting them alight. We were thrown to the ground by the intensity of the blast and I knocked my cheek on a boulder as we landed. I could feel the warm sticky blood dripping down my face, but I wiped my face with my sleeve and turned to see if Peter was close behind us.”

  “There was no sign of Peter as I looked back towards my warehouse. I wondered what he was doing that was taking him so long. Had he understood that he was supposed to be bringing Simon out of the warehouse and joining Sam and I as we escaped from the docks area? Sam grabbed my hand at that point and hauled me to my feet. He wanted me to keep on running with him, but I pulled my hand out of his and put my mouth close to his ear. If I shouted I hoped he would be able to hear me above the sound of the explosions.”

  “‘Peter’s still inside the ware
house with Simon.’ I yelled into Sam’s ear. ‘We’ve got to go back and get him and Simon.’ I tugged at his arm, expecting him to turn and follow me back to the warehouse, but he took hold of my hand and bent his head to my ear.”

  “‘If we don’t go now then one of those shells is going to land on us,’ He shouted back at me. ‘Peter will come when he can, but we can’t go back for them.’ He continued to tug at my sleeve, but I pulled roughly away from him and took a couple of steps towards my warehouse. I could see that the warehouse door was open and swinging in the wind from all the explosions and, as I continued towards the warehouse, I saw Peter appear in the doorway, with Simon clasped in his arms. I made to run back towards them when Sam grabbed me bodily by the waist and stopped me going any further. I turned my head to argue with him, but before I could utter a word a weird shrieking noise began. It was so loud and so eerie a noise that I stopped struggling in Sam’s arms and stared at my warehouse, which seemed to be where the noise was coming from.”

  “The noise got louder and louder until I had to clap my hands over my ears to try and cut off the dreadful sound, while still staring at Peter and Simon, silhouetted in the doorway. Peter raised one hand at me, as though he was waving goodbye and then I saw a ball of light, which I realised was the source of the keening noise, coming from the sea. It seemed to be moving in slow motion, although I am sure that the noise it was making was because it was pushing the air in front of it out of the way and was therefore moving at tremendous speed. But to me it seemed to take an age from when I first saw it to when it slammed into that open doorway and Peter and Simon disappeared from view behind a huge wall of flame.”

  “I screamed, ‘Nooooo!!!’ as the shell exploded, although not even the angels in Heaven would have been able to hear me above the sound of the explosion, and I tried desperately to loosen Sam’s grip of me so that I could run to try and save Peter and Simon. Sam wouldn’t let go of me, nor would he let me move one inch nearer to the conflagration which used to be my warehouse.”

  “‘No, Bia, NOOO!! He screamed at me. ‘You can’t go back into that inferno. No-one is left alive in there. We’ve got to run away as fast as we can, before we get hit. Run, run like the wind!’”

  “And Sam half-carried and half-dragged me away from the open mouth of Hell and we didn’t stop until we reached the market-place, where we had talked to the one-legged tramp what seemed like a lifetime ago.”

  “I couldn’t run any further. Even if the whole of the dockyards had exploded in a sheet of molten metal, I couldn’t have taken another step. I sank down onto the steps of the market cross and put my head in my hands. Sam sat down next to me and started chafing my hands as though to keep the blood circulating. I leant my head against his shoulder and cried the tears I had been holding back since I had found Simon dead. Sam made encouraging noises and rubbed my hands and my shoulders and my back until the paroxysm of weeping was over and I lifted my head.”

  “‘Is it really true, Sammy?’ I asked. ‘Is Simon really dead? And Peter? Is he dead too? Do you think it’s possible that he might have survived?’”

  “Sammy shook his head. ‘Nobody could have survived that explosion. Your warehouse took a direct hit and everything in it will be burnt to ashes. There’s no way that Peter can still be alive after that. He deliberately stayed in the warehouse, knowing what would happen to him if he was caught and tried for murder.’”

  “I caught my breath as Sam said this. ‘Do you really think Peter knew what he was doing when he chose to stay in the warehouse, instead of trying to escape with us? If he had come with us, no-one would have known that he had murdered Dennison, because there won’t be enough left of any of the bodies after the explosion and the fire. He wouldn’t have been arrested and charged with anything.’”

  “‘No, he wouldn’t, but he would have known that he had murdered the pig butcher and he didn’t want to live with that on his conscience for the rest of his life. He took the only way out that he could see. That lad understood much more than anyone ever gave him credit for, throughout the whole of his life. His only problem was that it took him a little longer than other people to come to the same conclusion. I think he had decided he was staying in the warehouse before he killed the pig butcher. He was the only one of us who knew that the sound wasn’t that of thunder and he also was the only one to make the connection between the sound and ships out at sea. He knew what he was doing when he told you that he would look after Simon.’”

  “Sam fell quiet after this and, for a few moments, I just sat next to him and let the tears course silently down my cheeks. The explosion in my warehouse had finally melted the ice in my heart and all the sorrow over Simon and Peter was flowing out of me.”

  “‘I’ve lost my little boy, Sam,’ I said when I could finally manage to speak again. ‘He was my everything, the only reason I had for living and without him I might as well be dead too. I wish I could just stop breathing right here and now.’”

  “‘You can’t do that, lass,’ Sam said. ‘We’ve got to tell Annie the truth about what happened tonight, but no-one else need know. Annie will need you now, more than ever before and you’ll have to be there for her. Having to look after Peter has been what has kept her going since her husband died and she’ll be as lost as you are from now on. You are going to have to be strong for her and, hopefully, together you’ll get through this and come out the other side. Of course, it means that no-one will ever know that Dennison murdered your husband and son, but it also means that Peter won’t live for years with it on his conscience. They will all be listed as victims of the Bosche and only you, I and Annie will know the truth of what happened tonight.’”

  “I thought about what Sammy said, but I still didn’t understand why Peter hadn’t escaped with us. We could all have then told the same story of what happened and nobody would have known the truth. I tried to explain how I was feeling to Sam, but he was forthright in his reply.”

  “‘Even if nobody else knew the truth of what happened tonight, Peter would have carried the guilt around with him. Eventually, it would have eaten away at him and he would have wanted to confess to what he had done. That would have put you and I in danger and he could have gone to prison for it or even been hanged for it. He decided to take the best way out for him because he knew he couldn’t have coped with a life behind bars and he wouldn’t have wanted his mother to carry the stigma of being the parent of a murderer. So it’s better this way. Annie has still lost her son, but the break has been clean and his death will be seen as a sacrifice. Peter knew very well what he was doing staying behind in the warehouse. He has always understood more than anyone has ever given him credit for and, in my eyes, he will always be a hero.’”

  “I had to admit that Sam was right in everything that he had said and, although I had never felt less like carrying any burden in the whole of my life, I dragged myself to my feet, ready to set off for Queen Street and the shop and the task of telling Annie what had happened.”

  “We stuck to the smaller roads and the back alleys as we made our way back to the shop, hoping that there was less likelihood that we would be seen by curious townsfolk. Sam kept his arm around my waist, holding me up and pouring some of his strength into me as we walked along.”

  “ ‘Once we have told Annie what has happened, we’ll have to go back to the docks and join the rest of the town as they wait for news on casualties,’ Sam said. ‘We’ve got to act as shocked as everyone else, because we aren’t supposed to know what has happened. People know that we have been looking for Simon and William because we stopped and asked when we were searching for them, but we will say that we went back to the shop before the bombardment started.’”

  “‘I don’t know if I can do it, Sam,’ I wailed. ‘I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face it all, not when I’ve lost Simon.’”

  “‘You’ve got to do it, Bia,’ he said. ‘For Annie’s sake, you are going to have to be strong.’”

  “I list
ened to Sam and I could see the truth in what he said. But why was it always me who had to be strong and carry the load? Why couldn’t someone else support me, look after me, carry me through the difficult times? I suddenly felt that I had been alone all my life. My marriage to William had obviously always been a sham, he had always been egotistical and self-absorbed and I had kidded myself that he loved me and I loved him.”

  “‘I’ll care for Annie for the rest of my life, but I do wish that someone would look after me, Sam. I’m not as strong as other people believe, you know. I just hide my insecurities better, that’s all.’”

  “‘Do you think I don’t know that, lass?’ Sam replied. ‘I’ve watched you for over two years now and you’ve always put everybody else before yourself, but I’ve seen the frightened girl behind the smart business-woman and I’ve longed to tell you to lean on me. I’ve never had the courage to say it before but I’m saying it now. You can lean on me whenever and wherever you want. I’ll always be there for you. But now, we really are going to have to get back to the shop. It sounds as though the bombardment is over and people will be coming out of their houses to find out what has happened. Are you up to it, pet?’”

  “‘I am, Sammy.’ I said. ‘I can face this if I know that I’ve got you at my side.’”

  “We reached the shop in Queen Street before any townsfolk plucked up the courage to venture outside and assess the damage done that night. Annie was in the kitchen with Hannah and her sisters and her face was creased with the concern she had been feeling all night. Sam sent the three girls up to Hannah’s bedroom so that they wouldn’t hear what William and Peter had done. Sam would give them the expurgated version later. True to his word that he would always support me it was Sam who explained to Annie what had happened at the warehouse. She took the news of Peter’s death better than I had expected her to, although she shed tears over it. His death didn’t knock her off her feet, as Simon’s death had knocked me, and I admired her even more for her courage and fortitude.”