Big Sky Eyes

by Sawyer Belle

  “I’m talking about Brent, Mackenna! From the day we got here, you knew that I liked him, that I wanted him, and ever since then you’ve done nothing but stand in the way. He hasn’t even spoken to me in the last two weeks and we’re leaving next week. He’s sure found time to hang out with you, though, hasn’t he? I never thought you’d be the kind of friend to let a guy come between us.”

  “I’m not, Kelly, but you obviously are,” Mackenna returned bitterly. “Brent is my friend. So, he hasn’t succumbed to your charms. How is that my fault? Have you ever stopped to think that maybe he has too much respect for the McCraes to embark on a summer fling with you? What would Ty and Leslie think? What would Bev think? You think he hasn’t been tempted? You think he hasn’t been interested? Are you blind to the way he looks at you? He thinks you’re beautiful, Kelly!

  “God, don’t you know anything about this man other than that he is gorgeous? You think if Brent wanted to get with you that I could stand in his way? Not a chance. I don’t lead him around like a pony. He’s got more important things to worry about than lifting up your skirts! Don’t act like you have genuine feelings for him either when you and I both know that you want nothing more than a roll in the hay. The only part of Brent Thompson that you care about is what’s in his pants. You’re just pissed because he is the first guy to turn you down!”

  “So, what?” Kelly returned angrily. “You think you’re better than me now that you’ve finally been able to turn a guy’s head your way?”

  Her words stung.

  “I don’t think I’m better than anyone,” Mackenna said painfully. “And I certainly don’t think I’ve turned anyone’s head my way. I just can’t believe that you and I are fighting like this. This was supposed to be our last hurrah! Our last great Montana memory, and you’re ruining it because you’re sulking. It’s not enough that every man you ever pass comes barking up your tree? It’s not enough that you’re always the one? The beautiful one? The one everyone wants?”

  Kelly said nothing and Mackenna felt her heart hardening toward her friend.

  “Fine,” she said. “Go back to the lodge and pout. I’m sure you’ll find other things to blame me for.”

  Kelly’s eyes glistened with tears as she spun her horse around and ran back toward the stables. Mackenna watched her go and gritted her teeth against invading emotions. Kelly was right that she had stood in Brent’s way on the very first day. At first, she really had believed that it was for Kelly’s protection from Brent, but somewhere along the way it had turned into protecting Brent from Kelly. The buxom redhead was as notorious for loving and leaving as she was for being loved and left and as Mackenna’s friendship had grown with Brent, she didn’t want to see that happen to him.

  “So, is this part of the tradition, too?” he called out from behind her and she spun around with a startled gasp.

  “You scared me,” she said with her hand over her heart.

  “Sorry.”

  “Did you…hear all of that?”

  “Afraid I did,” he answered sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but you guys kind of fell in my lap.”

  “I apologize for Kelly,” Mackenna said. “She’s not normally like this. She’s just…”

  “Don’t apologize for her,” he said sternly. “Apologize for yourself.”

  “What do I have to apologize for?” she asked, stunned.

  “For thinking yourself inferior to her.”

  “What?” she asked, just above a whisper.

  “You heard me.”

  “I don’t think I’m inferior.”

  “You think she is more beautiful than you, that she is more deserving of male attention.”

  “She is,” she said with a shrug.

  “No, she’s not, Mackenna.”

  “Oh, please,” she laughed. “Everywhere we go men stop and stare, including you Brent. That’s not me making things up in my mind. Why do men flock to her if not because she’s beautiful?”

  “Because she’s confident,” he said solidly. “Men look at her and see a woman who knows her own worth, who values herself.”

  “And they look at me and see what?” she jeered. “An honest face?”

  “They see an honest face, and a warm heart. They see goodness through and through.”

  “So, what you’re telling me is that men value confidence over honesty and goodness?”

  “Men understand confidence,” he answered. “Truth be told, goodness scares the hell out of a lot of men. They don’t want to see their own flaws and that’s what happens when they’re standing next to someone like you.”

  “Don’t put me up on that pedestal, Brent,” she said sadly. “It’ll hurt when I fall.”

  “There’s that insecurity talking again.”

  “I’m not insecure,” she responded defensively. “I have confidence in myself.”

  “You have confidence in your skills and opinions,” he corrected. “Not in your beauty. Sometimes, I wonder how you ended up friends with Kelly because you two are the exact opposite that way. She is all confidence and no humility and you are all humility and no confidence.”

  “Well, when I see a man look at me the way he looks at Kelly, instead of looking at me like a little sister, maybe I’ll get that confidence.”

  She spoke objectively but she and Brent both knew she was talking about him, and what she said was true. He imagined that most men looked at Mackenna with the affection and protectiveness of an older brother. She was too pure to be tainted by sexuality, but it was obvious that it’s what she wanted. He said the first thing that came into his mind.

  “One of these days, Mackenna, some man is going to fall completely head over heels in love with you. Believe me.”

  She blinked, not knowing what to say in response. Some man. She didn’t want some man. She wanted this man, but he was telling her, in his way, that it would never be. The thought broke her heart. Before they could continue their conversation, Ty and Leslie broke through the trees.

  “You guys really don’t get the concept of this game, do you?” Ty said. “We could hear you across the meadow.”

  “I think it’s the trees,” Brent said, covering up the seriousness of their exchange. “Our voices bounce off of the trunks. Anyway, Mackenna won. She caught me.”

  No, Mackenna thought. I’m the one who’s caught.

  She could not contain her smile as she entered the stables with the wrapped box in her hand. It was her last day on the Slanted S. In less than an hour, Ty would be taking her and Kelly to the airport. The season’s final guests had departed and she had her bag all packed. She’d gone into town to buy Brent a parting gift, knowing what she was going for long before she’d ever set foot there.

  As she stood at the bottom of the steps leading up into the loft, she ran a nervous hand through her hair, which was cleaned and unbound. Her outfit a simple blue jeans, white tee-shirt and boots, was freed of Montana dust for the last time. But for the lingering tension between her and Kelly, the last week had been heavenly. She and Kelly had apologized to one another the day after their fight, but they had known in their hearts that the friendship had suffered a tear that would prove fatal. Brent’s charm had increased and Mackenna found the impossible happening. She had fallen even more in love.

  “Hey, you up there!” she called up the steps. “Are you decent?”

  Suddenly, his face peered out to look down at her.

  “Never,” he answered and she laughed.

  “I’m coming up then.”

  She climbed the stairs and saw that his space was all cleaned and packed into two duffel bags, one stacked atop the other. His faded jeans were clean. His white tank top clung to his muscles like a second skin. His stubborn jaw refused to stay smooth and already darkened his skin with fresh stubble. His hair was brushed and tied back in a ponytail and his cowboy boots had been replaced with black leather biker’s boots.

  “Looks like you’re all ready to go,” she said.

 
“Yep. What about you?”

  “Yeah. You forgot something though.”

  He frowned. “I hope this doesn’t have anything to do with that box in your hand. I don’t want you giving me any gifts.”

  She looked down at the package and grinned.

  “Well, too bad,” she said. “Because you’re gonna get one.” She reached out her hands and held the box for him to take.

  He shook his head at her and then took the box, unwrapping it as Mackenna clasped her hands excitedly beneath her chin. When he opened the final flap a gleaming black and silver Canon AE-1 manual camera stared back at him. His eyes widened and his mouth went slack as he lifted the camera out of the box. He inspected it before turning a shocked expression on Mackenna.

  “It’s used,” she said, as if in warning. “But the man at the shop said he had cleaned and repaired it himself. He said the lens is good. He seemed trustworthy to me, but I don’t know anything about cameras so you’ll have to check it out. Sorry if I got you a dud.”

  Brent dropped the box and wrapped his arms around her. She returned the hug and savored his scent and warmth one last time, reviving the ache in her chest that she’d been combating all day. Before she could stop herself, the words bubbled up from her heart and out of her mouth.

  “God, I’m going to miss you.”

  He shut his eyes and breathed deeply of her hair. It carried the mingled scents of shampoo and Sass and he buried his face in it. He felt it, too. He would miss her terribly. While he held onto the camera in one hand, the other smoothed a line up her back and he was overcome with a deep sense of contentment. He did not want to let her go and she didn’t seem to want to go.

  He wanted to kiss her, to taste the lips that could scold him, tease him and force his and every other mouth into a smile in the worst of circumstances. He knew she wanted it, too. More than any other moment this summer, he could feel her love reaching out to him, wanting to be acknowledged, begging to be returned, and he nearly let his desire loose.

  He couldn’t do that to her, though. Mackenna was young and pure and he could not give in to his own desires when there was no chance of giving her what she craved most, his heart. He broke the embrace and stepped back from her, avoiding her gaze by inspecting the camera once again. He hid his emotions and thanked her for the gift, adding an apology for not having one for her.

  “Oh!” she said “I almost forgot. There’s four rolls of film in the box, too, just to get you started. It’s black and white, which seems like a loss in a landscape like this, but it was all he had.”

  Brent squatted and reached into the box for one of the rolls. He removed it from its canister and popped open the back of the camera. Carefully, he wound the thin black strips onto the teeth before cocking and releasing the shutter a few times to get it secure. He closed the camera and released the shutter once more before looking through the lens, reading the light and adjusting the exposure.

  Once all of the settings were exactly as he wanted them to be, he turned the big black eye on Mackenna. As he used his thumb and forefinger to adjust the focus on her face, she realized what he was doing and put her hands up shyly to cover herself.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” she cried. “No pictures of me.”

  “Come on,” he urged, circling her so that she had to turn constantly to avoid the dreaded snap.

  “No, I take horrible photos. Seriously.”

  As her hands continued to shield her face, Brent snapped away, taking photo after photo as she wailed in protest. When the clicking finally stopped and she could no longer hear the shuffling of his feet, she peeked through an opening she made in her fingers and saw him standing in front of her with the camera lowered. She let her hands drop.

  “You just wasted an entire roll of film on the back of my hands, you know,” she said.

  “Not an entire roll of film,” he said. “There’s one picture left. Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?”

  Her cheeks colored instantly at the compliment and she looked down, smiling shyly as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. Just then, the shutter hissed once more and her eyes shot up to Brent’s. He smiled smugly as he began using the lever on his camera to roll the film back up.

  “There,” he said. “That’s the one I wanted.”

  Mackenna gasped. “You dog!” she said, playfully smacking his shoulder. “I actually believed you!”

  “You should,” he returned as he laughed. “It’s true.”

  They stood, silently facing each other until their smiles faded, replaced with the impending sadness they both felt approaching. Before either could speak, Ty’s voice boomed from somewhere outside of the stables.

  “Mackenna! We gotta go, girl!”

  “Coming!” She called through the walls.

  She turned back to Brent and drank in the sight of him once more.

  “Goodbye, Brent.”

  “Bye, Mackenna.”

  She turned and left him there, joining Ty and Kelly in the same truck that had brought them. As it sped away, she watched Brent emerge from the stables in the side view mirror. She watched him watch her go and the departure simmered in each of them like the dawn. They knew it was not goodbye. Somewhere deep inside each of them, they knew they were unfinished.

  Chapter 15

  The engine rumbled to a stop in the apartment complex parking lot and Brent withdrew the key, shoving the kickstand out to prop his motorcycle in place. He removed his helmet and shook his hair off of his face. Montana was in full fall, with leaves blushing crimson and gold, the air crisp as ice chips. He unstrapped his duffel from the back of the bike and headed inside, tossing his keys on a small table near the door as he entered.

  “I’m home, Ma!” he announced, dropping his duffel beside the kitchen table.

  “Hey, honey!” Alora called from the back of the apartment. “Emma got the mail before she left. There’s a package of some sort for you on the table.”

  “Thanks!”

  Brent went to the table and found the box, smiling as he noticed the Kodak stamping all over it. He opened it up to find four envelopes, rolls of film turned to prints. He’d been back in town for a month and had been using Mackenna’s gift as often as possible. Eager to see the rebirth of his skills, he thumbed through the prints.

  Images of falling leaves and bent trees in a windstorm, horses gathering in the early morning blowing steam from their nostrils, and dogs leaping through a mountain stream all greeted him in precise and aesthetic perfection, exactly as he saw them in his mind’s eye the days he had taken them. The contrast was dramatic, the exposure perfect. He smiled, pleased with himself. As he opened the last envelope, Mackenna’s hands came into view. Next was the back of her head, her profile, her eyebrows raised above hands pressed into her face.

  When he came to the last image he held it for a long time. His smile softened and warmed as he looked at Mackenna’s smile, shyly directed at the ground. Her fingers were curled around her ear, where she’d tucked her hair, her eyes lowered demurely. The soft rose of her blush had developed as a slight shadow on the black and white print. He hadn’t expected to miss her as much as he had. As he touched the spot with the tip of his finger he sat at the head of the table and opened up the laptop he kept there.

  Hey girl, he typed into the new email box.

  How are your classes going? Is college all you hoped it would be? I finally used up all of that film you got me and I’m really pleased with the results. There’s one photo that I’m confident is my best work to-date. It’s of a beautiful, young woman with golden hair and a smile both sweet and shy. I’m looking at it right now. Can you believe it’s already been a month since the Slanted S?

  Hope all is well,

  Brent

  He closed the computer and went into the kitchen to begin cooking dinner for his mother.

  When Mackenna left the university library it was just past midnight and the October sky overheard was clear and cold. She wrapped her scarf aro
und her neck and began the trek across the deserted campus, then across Virginia Street and down a small flight of stairs to her apartment door. Once inside, she removed her gloves and rubbed her icy hands together to generate heat as she made her way to the space heater positioned near the foot of her bed.

  As the tiny globe buzzed its way to life and began to do its job, it cast the walls and the tiny space between in an orange glow. Mackenna heated a mug of water in the small microwave she lived with and dropped a bag of chamomile tea into it once the bell rang. It was still too cold in the place to remove her scarf and coat, so as she warmed her hands around the mug she sat at her computer desk and signed on to the Internet.

  The first email in her box was from Brent and the joyful heat that surged through her at reading his words did more for her body temperature than the appliance behind her. As she hit the reply button a little jingle came across her computer speakers, signaling that one of her contacts had signed online. She looked and saw his name there. It had been a month since they last spoke and she was starved for contact with him. She double-clicked on his name and opened up the instant messenger box.

  Mackenna: Hey there! What are you doing up so late?

  Brent: Hey! Just checking to see if you’d replied to my email. How are you?

  Mackenna: I got your email just now.

  Brent: Really? I sent it hours ago. I wonder why it took so long to go through?

  Mackenna: No, I mean, I just checked my email. I just got home actually.

  Brent: Partying it up already, huh?

  Mackenna: Ha! Yeah right. No, I was putting in some much-needed study time at the library

  Brent: So, how is the semester going for you?

  Mackenna: BUSY!! I’m taking seven classes.

  Brent: SEVEN?!! You’re crazy!

  Mackenna: I know. I had to get written permission from the dean. You should have seen me trying to convince her. I barely pulled it off.

  Brent: Mackenna Sorenson overloading herself with work? Why am I not surprised? Why are you taking so many classes?