Big Sky Eyes

by Sawyer Belle

  She could understand why. The man was almost incapable of paying attention. He was always fidgeting and restless, always trying to tempt her to abandon the library and venture into downtown mischief. His energy was boundless. It wasn’t until Mackenna threatened to stop tutoring him that he finally settled down and took her lessons seriously.

  Some nights, they’d be at the library until well past midnight and it became clear to her why Rick was always so boisterous and full of jokes. He was insecure. School didn’t come easy to him and he was embarrassed by how hard it was for him to pick up on seemingly simple concepts. So, he cloaked the part of himself that he wasn’t confident in with the part that he was, and she pitied him and toned down her scolding tongue.

  When he passed the class with an eighty-five percent, she was genuinely happy for him. He was so grateful that he’d offered to take her out to dinner as a way of showing his appreciation. She was flattered but turned him down. She had her job and her own classes to tend to, and she wasn’t interested in spending time with any guy. Rick didn’t seem to get the message, though, and continued to call her every so often and ask her out.

  Earlier in the day when her eyes needed a quick break from the computer, she’d run out to the grocery store to pick up some staples and ran into him there. What should have been a quick fifteen-minute trip turned into an hour as he kept her there talking beside a display of apples.

  When she finally and politely excused herself from the conversation she cursed under her breath at the precious time taken from her assignment. She was scheduled to work that evening and had a limited amount of time to finish the paper. After taking thirty minutes to recapture her train of thought, Rick’s phone call did nothing for her patience. She took a deep breath as she answered.

  “Yes, Rick?”

  “Hey! That was crazy running into you at the store. So, here’s what I’m thinking. You and me really need to go out. So, I’m just going to bug you until you say yes.”

  “No.”

  “That’s what you said in economics, and you lost that challenge, too.”

  “Rick, this really is not the way to get me to go out with you. I’ve got a paper due and I’m working tonight, and I don’t have time to go out.”

  “Ok, so what’s the way then?”

  She huffed impatiently. “There is no way. I don’t want to go out with you or anyone. Why can’t you understand that?!”

  She hung up the phone on him and immediately felt guilty. She didn’t like being so rude but how else was she supposed to make him back off? She worked on her paper with half of her mind focused on the need to apologize to Rick. Halfway through her shift the guilt was gnawing a hole through her belly, which is why when he appeared and sat at one of her tables she felt only relief. As she reached his table with a menu in hand, they both spoke at once.

  “I need to apologize,” they said in unison, followed by a nervous chuckle.

  “I’m sorry for shouting at you and hanging up,” Mackenna inserted before he could speak. “I didn’t mean to be so rude.”

  “You had every right,” he answered sincerely. “I’m sorry for pestering you all the time. It’s just…I can’t help it. I like you.”

  He looked so vulnerable and frightened when he spoke that Mackenna tried on the spot to will some romantic interest in him, but she knew it wasn’t there. He said no more, just looked pleadingly up at her. Aware that one word from her would make or break his night, she chose to be honest.

  “I’m sorry, Rick,” she said gently. “I’m just…not ready to go there yet. With anyone. Please respect that.”

  He deflated on the spot but still nodded his assent. “Can I still call you from time to time?”

  “Sure,” she gave. “Just not every day okay?”

  They laughed and he nodded again. He finished his food and left her a hefty tip before she even noticed him leave. When she held the money in her hands she slowly shook her head after him. He was good looking and sweet and funny…and why couldn’t she like him?

  For the next two months Rick called her once a week. There was no talk of dating or romantic interests and she genuinely enjoyed their conversations without the added pressure. He became a welcome distraction from her heavy workload and she began to forgive the pushy, passionate side of his character and appreciate the energetic and comedic side of him.

  Christmas was only weeks away when she studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror. For the most part, she kept her days so full of different forms of work that she either didn’t feel any heartache or she forgot about it. She hadn’t cried over Brent in a month, but it was only by sheer strength of will.

  The sapphire necklace he’d given her sparkled in the overhead lighting and she wrapped her fingers around it. It was warm and soft, like the last remnants of hope that she knew she had carried around since June, hoping he would come after her, hoping that he would be as miserable without her as she was without him. As her brow wrinkled with emotion, she reached behind her neck and unclasped the necklace, dropping it into the corner of her jewelry box.

  She could feel tears gathering behind her eyes but she pushed them back with a deep and determined breath. She left the bathroom and thumbed through the previous day's newspaper. When that didn’t distract her she went to the kitchen to fix some food. Every cabinet was empty. She’d not been shopping in the last week since she was hard at work preparing for final exams. She checked the cabinets above the fridge and sucked in a breath at what she found.

  A box of oriental-flavored Ramen noodles stared back at her, unopened for the two years since she’d received them from Brent. All of a sudden, her nostrils flared and a lump grew so large in her throat that it nearly choked her until a sob rushed passed it. Tears gushed from her eyes and she slammed the cabinet doors, burying her face in her hands.

  Tears of anguish soon turned to tears of rage. Why couldn’t she exorcise this demon? Brent didn’t want her. She imagined him in Montana, warding off the cold by burrowing next to Leann at night. She saw him sipping wine with her, laughing with her, kissing her…being happy with her, and what was she doing? Crying over a box of cheap food and pathetically letting life pass her by. Wasn’t this the reason she cut Brent out? To avoid doing this very thing?

  Just then, there was a knock at the door. She wiped her face dry and opened it. Rick stood there, a bouquet of red roses in his hand, a hopeless plea in his eyes.

  “I know you’re going to say no,” he began, “but…”

  “Yes,” she said solidly and his face went slack.

  “What?” he asked in a barely-audible squeak.

  “Yes, I will go out with you,” she said.

  Joy spread across his face so brightly that his brown eyes began to shine. He took a few breaths through a wide smile and then stuttered through his next sentence.

  “Well…uh…when do you…would you want…are you hungry?”

  “Yes, I am hungry,” she declared without feeling. “Let’s go now.”

  He handed her the flowers and she dumped them on her kitchen counter, grabbed her keys and locked the door behind them.

  Brent’s fingers were numb cold as he worked his key into the door lock. The warmth from inside the apartment was welcoming as he shuffled indoors. Alora smiled brightly at him from the kitchen table where she and Leann sat playing cards. Leann looked relieved and dropped her cards at once with a sigh.

  “Leann,” Alora teased, “you’re not supposed to let me see your cards, honey!”

  “I figured we were done now that Brent’s here,” Leann returned tightly as he approached. He leaned down to give her a kiss. She turned her face away and put a stalling hand against his chest. “You’ve got horse and cow hair all over you,” she said with disgust. “I don’t want any on my clothes, and you’re late!”

  “Well, Leann, it is calving season,” he returned, his voice weary. “Work hours are not exactly set this time of year.”

  “You could have called,” she jabbe
d.

  “Phone’s dead,” he held the powerless gadget up to show her, then began stripping out of his layers of jackets and sweaters. “Besides, you had Mom here to keep you company.”

  Leann snorted lightly. “Yes, cards on a Friday night is just my thing.”

  “You mean you don’t want to play again?” Alora feigned hurt.

  “I think I’ve had enough Rummy for the night.”

  “It’s just as well. I was about to beat you anyway. You don’t play cards much do you?”

  “Well, I’m not just sitting around all day, am I?”

  Alora blanched and Brent whirled around so fast that Leann feared he was going to strike her. She looked back and forth between Brent’s glare and Alora’s horror, gasped and then covered her mouth with her hands.

  “Oh, my God,” she wailed through her hands. “I’m so sorry, Brent. That’s not what I meant. I was talking about me, not her.”

  “Don’t apologize to me,” he growled. “Apologize to my mother.”

  Leann turned to Alora and spoke the words that needed to be said, but Alora knew it for an empty sentiment. The woman’s eyes said everything. What a brazen, little vixen, Alora thought as she peered into hazel-colored smugness. Then she turned to see Brent nodding appreciatively and thought, and what an oblivious numbskull.

  It was Leann’s false veneer that grated her most and though the two women had never spoken of it, they each knew intuitively that they were disliked by the other. As Brent announced that he was going to take a quick shower before he and Leann left, Alora gathered up the cards and worked them into a neat stack. Leann folded her arms over her chest and sighed impatiently.

  “My, my, my,” Alora drawled. “In such a hurry.”

  Leann stared silently at the wall in front of her.

  “Why are you still here, Leann?”

  At that, she finally turned and looked at Alora. “What?”

  “Brent says you’re always going on about how much you hate it here, and you certainly act like it. So, why don’t you leave?”

  “I will, trust me,” she returned tightly. “As soon as Brent is ready to go out, we’re out of here.”

  “Oh, you thought I was talking about here, as in my apartment?” Alora chimed innocently. “I was talking about Montana.” When Leann’s features fell slightly, Alora smiled softly. “But it’s nice to know how you really feel.”

  Leann had the look of a hooked fish for the briefest moment before her eyes narrowed and she sent a sneer across the table. Then, she returned her gaze to the wall in front of her until Brent emerged from his room, dressed to go out. As Alora called out her goodbyes to the departing couple, she chuckled, pleased that she sent the woman out of her house knowing that there was at least one person wise to her charade.

  Chapter 29

  Mackenna patted the bandana covering her eyes as Rick warned her not to peek. She had graduated that day, earning a Bachelor of Science degree in Pre-Veterinary Studies. What took most people four years to accomplish, she did in three. She still had another four years of vet school to get through, but she was halfway to her goal, and was surrounded by people who were very proud.

  “I always remembered you saying that you wanted to go here,” her dad spoke from the driver’s seat.

  “Where’s here?” she asked.

  “You’ll see,” her mom said.

  “Rick?” she sought him and he grabbed her hand, wrapping it in his.

  “Not a chance, honey,” he said. “You’re going to have to wait for the surprise.”

  She faked a pout until she felt Rick’s warm lips press against hers. She smiled against his kiss, frowning when he pulled away. They had been dating for six months and she was finally starting to relax against his kisses. Their first date had been awkward, with Rick stumbling over his own tongue and Mackenna distractedly offering nothing but empty rhetoric to their conversations.

  It wasn’t until she had returned home that she began to wonder how Rick knew her address for she had never given it to him. She met him at the rock climbing gym where he worked for their second date and began having so much fun dangling from the rainbow-colored walls that she forgot to ask him about it.

  Their third date was at the ice skating rink downtown and she soon found that she genuinely enjoyed his company. He was so lively, always playing jokes and charming everyone around her. In a way, he reminded her of how she used to be before heartbreak had sobered her.

  She was determined to take things extremely slow and had not allowed him to kiss her for a month. When he had dropped her off at her apartment and walked her to her door, she stood waiting instead of disappearing inside. When it finally dawned on him what she was waiting for, the swaggering, confident Rick disappeared and the bumbling, insecure shy boy took over.

  He took a step forward and stepped on her toe. After a gush of apologies and acceptances, he leaned clumsily in and planted his mouth cockeyed atop hers, his top lip slanting across her bottom lip and his bottom lip folded over her chin. He stayed planted to her face like that until she finally patted him on the back and took a step back. Once inside her apartment she cringed over such a fop and felt that a relationship between them would not work. A half hour later, though, she had talked herself back into giving it more time to grow.

  After their first kiss he threw himself into their courtship with so much gusto that Mackenna felt smothered. Before that, they had gone out once a week. Afterward, Rick started coming by the coffee shop every day to walk her home. He would show up outside her classes. He always seemed to know where she’d be and would appear.

  She was used to loving from afar and he was moving things faster than she’d wanted. Their goodbye kisses finally fell into place and progressed into make-out sessions inside her apartment that always left Mackenna with cotton mouth and a stiff neck. After three months of fast-paced pawing, she slowed things down nearly to a halt.

  At the time, she had blamed the distance she craved as necessary to study for upcoming exams. Rick had been emotional and torn, fearing to lose her affections. When she told him she needed space, he burst into tears and she nearly crumbled at the sight. She comforted him by reassuring him that she wasn’t breaking up with him.

  She knew she was lucky to have found someone who adored her so much, but she had been on her own for so long that it was taking longer than she would have thought to adjust to being a couple. She gave it an honest effort, though, and willed her patience to the forefront of her personality. After six months of push and pull and finding their footing, she was just starting to relax in his arms, to enjoy his kisses and to look forward to his cuddling.

  Of course, he had been trying to have sex with her since she opened the physical door with their first kiss, but that was to be expected of any hot-blooded college guy. He never pressed farther than she allowed and when she called the night over, he respected her decision. Despite the fact that Mackenna was the only twenty-year-old virgin she knew, she wasn’t ready to part with that much of her to Rick just yet. She knew she couldn’t hold off much longer, though. He was starting to show impatience. What exactly was she waiting for anyway?

  “Okay, here we are!” her dad called.

  “Can I take this thing off now?” she asked.

  Rick was already untying the cloth. When it fell from her eyes she gasped and the smile faded from her lips. They were in the parking lot of the Vintner. Her hand went to her throat, the place where the sapphire necklace had hung until six months ago. She had to box it up and remove it from her jewelry box altogether. The very sight of it got her thinking of Brent, which would then lead to her comparing Rick to Brent. Now, she was staring at a place that held one of her fondest memories of him.

  “Oh no,” her father said. “Did I pick the wrong place? I thought you always wanted to come here?”

  Mackenna steeled her face and commanded her heartbeat to slow. A smile soon replaced the look of shock and she shook her head at her father.

  “
No, you didn’t pick the wrong place,” she said. “This is the place. I was just so shocked. It’s expensive!”

  “Well, this is a special occasion. It’s worth spending a few extra pennies.” His face was bright with pride.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I really appreciate it.”

  When they were sat at the exact same table she had shared with Brent, Mackenna nearly worried herself into tears that her parents would think her mood reflected ingratitude. They didn’t notice, however, as wine flowed freely between them and Rick. She had ordered a glass herself, but had been asked for identification. When her father’s plea to give in since they were celebrating had failed, the other three drank for her while Mackenna sipped on lemon water.

  Rick placed his hand possessively on her thigh, just as Brent had, and Mackenna glared at it as though it didn’t belong there. She cursed under her breath. What was she doing? Brent was gone! Rick was the man in her life now. Of course his hand belonged on her thigh. Anger stirred in her belly and worked its way up to redden her cheeks. Life had been going fine. She was finally beginning to feel happy again. How could one memory take her right back to square one?

  Rick’s voice roared over her thoughts.

  “Well, I would just like to say that everyone here is very proud of you, Mackenna,” he said and she smiled in reply. “No one more than me. I’m sure everyone here knows, but in case you all don’t, I just want to say that I am in love with you, Mackenna Sorenson.”

  A cold fear clawed through her chest, squeezing her heart as he got down on one knee in front of her and the whole restaurant, pulling a ring from his pocket.