by Alice Raine
And that was the depressing but accurate summary of my situation. I was in love with a man I couldn’t be with without losing a part of myself.
THIRTY-SIX
Allie
I’d now had a full week to stew on my problems with Sean, and as much as I wanted to just ignore the Savannah issues and say that everything between us was rosy, it wasn’t and I couldn’t. If I stayed with him and had to see that scheming bitch pawing all over him every day then I just knew it would eventually sour my feelings for him, and drive an irreparable wedge between us.
All hope wasn’t lost though; I was determined to try for a future with Sean, and after many near sleepless nights I had finally decided to go with his idea of us being on a temporary ‘break’. I had my own stipulations to add to it, though.
My idea was relatively simple – until Sean had arranged the press conference and set the world straight about Savannah, we would basically be separated as he had suggested, but I would stay in LA, so that as soon as he was completely free to date me properly, we could try again. If he still wanted to.
My main condition was a tricky one though, during our break I would insist on no contact between us. At all. No calls, meetings, or even our nightly text messages. Nada. It seemed fairly drastic, but I just couldn’t deal with seeing him with her, or even knowing that he’d spent the day working with Savannah.
Now I just needed to see what he thought of the idea, but the idea of calling him and hearing his sexy as sin voice after seven days of abstinence was causing me to bite nervously on my lip and stare at the phone in my hand.
As if sensing my stare, the phone suddenly chirped to indicate a text, and nearly made me jump out of my skin with shock. Pulling in a breath, I gathered my wits, and then frowned as I saw the last name I had expected, or wanted to see – Savannah Hilton. Or more accurately, ‘Fish Lips’ as she was now saved in my phone.
The idea of immediately deleting it crossed my mind, but curiosity got the better of me and I opened the text.
From: Fish Lips
I’m sure I am the last person you want to hear from, but I need to know if you’ve seen Sean? He disappeared after your break-up to go to his beach house and no one has seen him since. He’s not turned up to work and he’s not answering his phone. The director is going mental. Please let me know if he’s with you. Savannah
I was momentarily surprised by her use of the word ‘please’. Never in a million years had I expected her to be quite so polite, but my frown significantly deepened as I re-read it. Sean was missing? And had been for a week? Thinking about how upset he’d looked when I’d walked away, I felt my throat tighten and my stomach do some strange flip that made me feel instantly sick. Instinctively bringing up his number, I pressed call without hesitation.
The phone rang, which I took as a good sign. He might not be answering Savannah or his director, but surely he would answer me. But after it rang and rang, never going to voicemail and never cutting off, I had to re-think my earlier thoughts.
Hmm. Well, if he wasn’t going to answer my calls then I could at least go to him and check he was all right. I dashed to my bedroom and grabbed the spare key Sean had given me to his house and then swiped up my phone and handbag before dashing to the door.
Just as I was reaching for the door handle, I heard the sound of a key in the other side and pulled it open hoping to see Sean, but it was Cait who almost tumbled in on top of me and laughed. ‘Ha! Thanks, that was good timing.’
Taking one look at my face, the smile fell from her lips and she reached out to touch my arm. ‘You’re white as a sheet, what’s up?’
Grimacing, I tried, and failed, to get a grip on my emotions. ‘Sean’s missing. He’s not turned up to work this week and he’s not answering his phone.’
‘What? Really? Oh God, no wonder you look like that.’
Thinking how he had turned up at here and spoken to Cait on Saturday – two days after our break-up – I suddenly realised something. ‘Actually, you might be the last person to have seen him.’ Today was Wednesday, so if Cait had seen him last Saturday, then he’d technically only been missing for four days. But still, four whole days?
Where the hell was he? It was probably nothing. Sean was no doubt just holed up at his beach house sulking. Hopefully, that was the case, but as much as I tried to convince myself, I still had a decidedly edgy feeling in my gut.
‘I’m heading over to his place to see if he’s there.’
‘Do you want me to come with you?’ Cait asked, dumping down her work bag and looking completely ready to drop any plans she had just to help me out.
‘Nah, it’s OK. It’ll be a waste of your time if he’s not there, and besides, if he is then I think it’s about time I sat down and had a talk with him.’
‘OK. If you’re sure?’
‘I am, thank you though.’ Pausing, I had an idea. ‘Actually, could you call Jack and see if he’s heard from Sean?’ Seeing Cait blanch slightly, I winced but persevered, Sean was missing, I needed to follow up all possible links. ‘Sorry, I know things are delicate between you two at the moment, but he’s good friends with Sean. He might have heard from him.’
‘How about I give you his number and you call him?’ Cait asked, looking almost as frantic as I felt.
‘No time for that, I want to get to Sean’s house as quickly as I can. I owe you big time. Call me if you get any news.’ And with that I was gone, dashing from the house with Sean’s key clutched in my fist as I hurried off to find a taxi.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Cait
Picking up my bag, I walked to my room and sat on the end of my bed worrying about Allie and flicking at my elastic band as a consequence.
Sean had been really upset when I’d seen him on Saturday, but I certainly hadn’t expected him to go missing or skip out on work. It was concerning, to say the least. But was it concerning enough for me to consider calling the one person I’d been avoiding since our declaration of ‘friendship’?
Squinting hard, I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I tried to think what else I could do. I almost immediately drew a blank and so dragged my bag over to pull out my phone with a nervy sigh. Allie had a good point – Jack was friends with Sean, so maybe he did know where he was.
I really didn’t want to initiate contact with him – mostly because I still hadn’t fully decided how I was going to progress things – but if Allie needed me to, then of course I would.
Drawing in a deep breath, I pulled up Jack’s number and persuaded myself that this would be fine; I could keep it short and sweet, quickly check if he’d heard from Sean, and then bid him a polite goodbye. Simple.
Yeah, right. A dry laugh left my throat.
Nothing that involved Jack Felton and me had ever been ‘simple’.
Pressing call, I tried to steel my nerves so that his voice wouldn’t affect me and turn my senses to jelly. Unfortunately, my preparation was completely wasted, because as soon as his deep, rich tone resonated down the line I felt my fingers start to tremble as the breath stuttered in my lungs and my stomach filled with excitable butterflies. Damn it.
‘Hello. This is a nice surprise …’
‘Uh … hi, it’s me. Uh, I mean, Cait.’ I was such a blathering idiot. Kill me now.
I heard a soft chuckle down the line and closed my eyes as a warm sensation spread through my body. His laugh was so lovely that it seemed to warm me from the inside out. How was that even possible? ‘I know, Caitlin, my phone has caller ID. How are you?’
Of course he had caller ID. I think all mobile phones had that these days for stored numbers, didn’t they? I tried to engage my brain so I wouldn’t make any more ridiculous comments, cleared my throat, and got straight to the point.
‘I’m fine, thanks. I’m actually calling on behalf of Allie, she’s worried about Sean. Apparently he’s gone missing. No one has heard from him for four days now. She wanted me to ask if you’ve seen him.’
‘Hmm. No, I
haven’t. I wouldn’t worry too much, Sean often goes off and plays golf if he wants to get away from it all. It’s a little strange that he didn’t tell Allie where he was going, but I bet he’s in a resort somewhere practising his putting or something. He won’t want to be away from Allie for long, though.’
It wasn’t really my place to discuss their relationship issues, but it did affect the situation, so I decided I needed to let him know. ‘Actually, they split up. And he’s missed work all week.’
There was a pause down the line this time and then another thoughtful humming noise. ‘That’s a little more concerning. He takes his job very seriously. They’ve really split up? When?’
‘Yeah. Last Wednesday. Long story involving Savannah. But I think they’ll work things out, I hope so, anyway. I know how much she cares about him, and she’s really worried about his disappearing act.’
‘I bet,’ Jack paused as if wondering what help he could be. ‘Tell her to check the St Almino Golf Resort, they’re an exclusive club and boutique hotel, and they’re really discreet so celebrities often go there because the staff never tell the press.’
Grabbing a sheet of paper, I scribbled the name of the resort down and wandered back towards my bed, still with the phone clutched to my ear.
‘I’ll try calling him, but tell Allie to try not to worry. He does this type of thing sometimes when he needs to think.’
‘OK. I’ll tell her. Thank you, Jack.’ I was preparing to hang up when I heard Jack take a deep breath down the line.
‘Caitlin, wait.’ Swallowing hard, I felt my tummy quiver in anticipation as the butterflies upped their fluttering.
‘Yeah?’
‘Can I buy you a coffee sometime?’
Closing my eyes, I tried to control how wildly my heart was suddenly beating, but it was a difficult task because it was pounding like the bass line on a dance track.
‘Jack …’ His name whispered across my lips as a drawn-out breath. ‘I really don’t think …’ My hesitation must have been obvious because Jack cut off my reply mid-way though.
‘If it’ll make you feel better we could just meet at the studio during a break?’ Hmm. That sounded more feasible, and definitely less scary than a real ‘coffee date’. Perhaps sensing that I was close to giving in – which even against all my better judgement, I was – Jack persevered. ‘Just a friendly coffee between two colleagues. Just friends? Please?’
‘Why me?’ I asked, knowing it was a stupid question but blurting it out as a delaying tactic.
‘Why do I want to be friends with you?’ he chuckled, but I was so torn I could barely swallow normally let alone laugh. ‘Well, if I really have to give you a reason, I’d say I like you, you’re interesting, and I’d like to get to know you more and find out how you’re settling in.’
‘Do you see me as a challenge? Because I said I don’t date?’ I asked curiously. ‘Is that why you’re pursuing me?’
A scoffed laugh sounded down the phone. ‘No, of course not. You’re intriguing, but a challenge? No. And I’m pursuing you because I like you, Caitlin, no other reason.’
He knew my hesitation was because I was scared of something more developing between us, but would a friendly coffee between two workmates really be such a bad thing? He’d proved himself time and time again to be a gentleman, and I’d made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t in the market to date, so really, it couldn’t be so terrible to spend some time with him, could it?
Allie’s words about me needing to start getting some male friends swam in my mind, but seeing as I’d kissed Jack, and liked it, he didn’t exactly seem to be a completely platonic choice. ‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea,’ I whispered.
‘Why?’
Put on the spot like that, I suddenly couldn’t think of a reason. Because … because what, exactly? Because he was the first man I’d found attractive in four years and I barely knew where to start with my feelings? Because I was terrified of how he affected me? Because I was scared to admit that I knew next to nothing about sex? Now I’d started to think of them, the reasons just wouldn’t stop coming. Closing my eyes, I scratched at the back of my neck as I struggled to find an excuse I could say that didn’t make me sound completely immature. I failed, and ended up staying mute, thankful that this conversation was over the phone and not in person so he couldn’t see how badly I was floundering.
‘If you’re hesitating because of the way I kissed you, then don’t,’ he added softly, and even his casual mention of our kiss made my cheeks flame. ‘I promise I’ll behave myself from now on. Scout’s honour.’ I could hear the smile in his voice, and could almost imagine him holding three fingers aloft and touching his thumb to his little finger in the Scout salute while grinning down the other end of the line.
‘I brought you bacon when you most needed it, didn’t I? Surely that earns me a coffee in return?’ he added, the humour in his tone making me smile. I suddenly got an incredibly vivid image of his face in my mind: his dark, intense eyes, floppy, brown hair, tanned skin, and gorgeous mouth. I imagined him grinning broadly at our teasing conversation. Little creases that made my stomach flip always popped up at the corners of his eyes, and I’d place money on the fact that they were there now. Gosh. He was so handsome when he grinned. Biting on my lower lip, I shook my head in resignation. He was handsome, full stop.
I needed to say no to coffee.
Agreeing would mean setting myself up for future torture, because being mates with a man that I secretly lusted after – but was too scared to pursue – was just asking for trouble. Not to mention heartbreak.
‘Please, Caitlin?’
I needed to say no.
But honestly? I didn’t want to any more. I was sick of fighting my feelings, and I was sick of deflecting him because it was obvious that Jack wasn’t going away anytime soon. Closing my eyes, I wondered if I might live to regret the next words from my mouth as I sighed and nodded. ‘Yes. OK. Coffee.’
Bugger. I really was my own worst enemy sometimes.
THIRTY-EIGHT
Jack
I hung up and allowed myself a second or two to absorb the almost euphoric feeling buzzing around my veins. She’d said yes. Finally. It was a coffee as friends, but it was a good start, and I was so bloody happy that I could barely get the grin off my face.
Thinking back over her call, I shook my head and my smile faded somewhat as my thoughts turned to Sean and Allie splitting up. It didn’t seem possible. I knew how crazy he was about her, and on the occasions I’d met her she had seemed just as smitten. I couldn’t imagine either of them dumping the other.
Frowning as I recalled Caitlin’s mention of Savannah, I made a disgusted grunting sound and shook my head. If that devious bitch was involved then I could only assume she was up to her old tricks and had somehow managed to poison the relationship between Sean and Allie.
I’d never seen Sean so into a woman, so splitting up with Allie was sure to have screwed him up. I wasn’t overly worried about his disappearance because I knew from experience that he often liked to head off on his own to escape the pressures of fame every now and then. I was much the same, but whereas Sean would usually veer towards a mountain retreat or golf course somewhere, I usually liked a remote spot with sun, sea, and sand.
Even though Caitlin had said he wasn’t answering his phone, I decided to give it a go anyway and searched for his name before pressing call.
It rang out without going to answerphone, so I sent a message just in case he was checking them.
To: Sean Phillips
Hey. I heard about you and Allie, and I get that you need some space, but people are worried about you. Especially Allie. Let me know where you are. Give me a shout if you want to grab a beer. Jack
I didn’t actually expect an answer, so when my phone chimed a few seconds later my left eyebrow arched with curiosity as I quickly opened the new message.
From: Sean Phillips
Thanks. Allie tried to call me, but I di
dn’t answer in case she just wanted to finalise our split. I miss her so much. I needed some space from Savannah and her bullshit, so I’m in Vegas at the MGM. Probably golfing tomorrow. Tell everyone not to worry. I’ll be back soon.
Vegas? Although actually, that made sense; it was just a short hop on a plane from here, and seeing as his uncle ran The Mansion – the MGM Grand Hotel’s exclusive suite of rooms and villas – it was often somewhere Sean headed for a break. Privacy was guaranteed at The Mansion, not to mention sumptuous luxury and service in style. If he wasn’t going through such a shitty time right now, I might be jealous.
As desperate as I was to hear Caitlin’s voice again, I was worried that calling her so quickly again would be too much for her. She was definitely fragile, and seeing as she’d just agreed to a coffee with me, I didn’t want to push my luck, so instead I opened up my messages and sent her a text with an update about Sean’s whereabouts. Once I put my phone down, I headed off to my gym session grinning like a Cheshire cat as I thought about the date we had arranged. It was only coffee, but I could not wait.
THIRTY-NINE
Allie
Arriving at the gate to Sean’s complex, I jumped out of the cab and walked up to the security hut. Thank god he’d moved to this place that no one knew about yet, because there was no way I could have turned up at his old house and its resident journalists without drawing attention to myself.
Handing my passport to the guard as ID I waited while he checked me over. I was on Sean’s approved list of visitors, so it didn’t take long for him to look at me with a nod as he handed my passport back. Leaning out the window, he frowned. ‘You walking? You want a lift up the drive?’ I flushed slightly. Everyone in LA seemed to have a car, so I was definitely in the minority as a pedestrian.
‘Um, yeah, I got a cab over, but I can walk. It’s fine, thank you.’ Granted the driveway was long, but it wouldn’t kill me to get a bit of exercise.
‘OK.’ He raised his eyebrows as if walking a few hundred metres was a marathon, then opened the gate for me.