by Alice Raine
‘Actually, before I go, have you seen Sean around this week?’
The guard shrugged and took a sip from a mug. ‘Can’t say I have, but I just got on shift last night. Sorry.’ Another dead end then. ‘Remember to stick to the central driveway when they separate,’ he reminded me. Nodding my thanks, I strode through the gate and started the hike towards his house.
By the time I reached Sean’s house, I was sweating lightly from the heat of the day and glad when I stepped up into the shade of his porch area. Digging out his key, I opened the door and paused on the threshold, suddenly unsure. We had technically broken up, so should I really be entering his place unannounced?
Looking back outside, I couldn’t see a doorbell. Presumably these places had an intercom at the front security gate, and there was no way I was trudging all the way back down there again. Hmm. What to do? I settled for knocking loudly and then poking my head inside and calling him. ‘Sean? You here?’
There was no answer, so I entered and closed out the heat, glad for once that Sean favoured air-conditioning when I was surrounded by a refreshingly cooler temperature.
‘Sean?’
I tentatively made my way through the hall calling out his name every now and then, but my voice dried up when I came to the lounge. There was no sign of Sean, but the coffee table and surrounding carpet was absolutely littered with beer bottles.
Shit. Doing a quick count, I got at least thirty bottles, but my stomach plummeted when I spotted two vodka bottles under the table too. Sinking onto the couch, I picked them both up, letting out a relieved sigh when I saw that one was full and the other had barely been touched. Thank God. Sean wasn’t an alcoholic, but I knew he never drank spirits. His avoidance went back to the speedboat accident with his ex when she had died and he’d blamed himself. Apparently guilt and sadness had led him to six months of binge drinking, mostly hard spirits, and of course binging on women too, but I tried not to think of that part.
He might not have drunk much of the vodka, but thirty plus bottles of beer was still a hell of a lot. Certainly enough to make me seriously concerned for him. Mind you, I had no idea how many days he had taken to amass this collection of empties. He might have drunk four a night for the past week and just not bothered to clear up. Standing up, I headed off to check the rest of the apartment.
Sean was usually pretty tidy, so seeing the state the kitchen was in – dirty pans, two pizza boxes, and a pile of unwashed dishes – not to mention the bedroom with its unmade bed and clothes strewn on the floor, made my stomach twist with guilt.
Was this because of me? Had finishing with him caused Sean to go completely off the rails?
He clearly wasn’t here, and from my limited detective skills, probably hadn’t been for at least a day – the food on the plates was congealed and old, and the bathroom surfaces were all completely dry, indicating that no one had showered recently.
So where was he?
Wandering back to the lounge, I sank down onto the sofa again and stared hopelessly across the sea of beer bottles. Something caught my eye and I leant forwards and peered at the small square of paper propped against one of the bottles.
My breath stalled in my lungs when I realised what it was. The photo of us that I had seen in his wallet weeks ago when we’d first come here. We looked so happy in his picture, loved-up, and flushed from arousal.
So he’d been sitting here drinking himself into oblivion and staring at a picture of us. I definitely was the cause of his drinking, then. And probably to blame for his disappearing act. Shit. I couldn’t have felt any lousier if I’d tried. Closing my eyes, I leant my head into my hands and tried to hold back the tears I could feel building behind my lids.
Regardless of how badly Sean had taken our split, I still felt justified in my actions. There was no way I could be with him while he was still supposed to be with Savannah, it would kill me, and I had more self-respect than to be his secret woman. I’d thought Sean would have reacted a little more maturely than this, perhaps get on his director’s case about going to the press and get things sorted so we could be together, not drink himself stupid and vanish.
Suddenly feeling totally drained, I lay my head back and closed my eyes. Drawing in several deep breaths, I tried to calm myself and plan what I could do next. As I pulled in another lungful, I got a whiff of perfume and frowned. Sniffing again, I rapidly opened my eyes.
What the heck was that smell?
I was now sniffing the air like a dog, trying to work out where the sweet, floral aroma was coming from. It was nice, but definitely not my perfume. Twisting my head, my gaze landed on something pink tossed over the end of the sofa. I had been so distracted by the bottles that I hadn’t seen it at first. Shuffling along the couch I picked it up and felt my stomach drop so fast that I thought I might puke.
It was a cardigan.
More accurately, a woman’s cardigan, and definitely not mine.
Lifting it to my nose, I breathed in and got a stronger whiff of the scent. Holy shit. Why was there a woman’s cardigan at Sean’s apartment?
Was it Savannah’s? She was the only woman I could imagine coming here, but she had said no one had seen Sean all week. My head was spinning, but my thoughts were coherent enough to recall that her perfume had been pungent and earthy, so unless she had changed fragrances and lied to me again, she hadn’t been here. Besides, even in my panicked state I had to acknowledge that this scent was far too nice and light to belong to Savannah. Someone with taste had chosen this perfume.
So from the evidence, it seemed that Sean had completely reverted back to his old ways, drinking himself silly and entertaining women here.
Bloody hell. My stomach cramped at the thought of him with anyone else and I had to bend forwards to try and ease the pain spreading across my mid-section.
As much as I hated the idea of him with someone else, and I really flipping hated it, I had no one to blame but myself. I was the one who had agreed we were ‘on a break’. As much as I had needed the distance between us I hadn’t expected him to jump into bed with the first thing he encountered with a pulse.
Looking around the lounge for any other tell-tale signs, I spotted a multi-coloured scarf tossed over a chair and a pair of heeled boots casually discarded next to it on the floor. Seeing unfamiliar but obviously feminine things in his house was a surreal and unpleasant experience. Walking over in a daze, I picked up the scarf and examined it. It was lovely, soft and high quality and just the type of thing I would buy. Sniffing it, I smelt the same perfume and felt my stomach roil.
Gagging on a sudden wave of nausea, I dropped the scarf and dashed to the kitchen sink, where I heaved several times as my world seemed to crumble. What was worse was knowing that it was all my fault.
In the background, I heard my phone ringing, but I was too busy empting the contents of my stomach into Sean’s sink to be able to answer it. Once I had finished, and rinsed both my mouth and the sink, I stumbled over to my bag and pulled out my phone to see a missed call from Cait. Listening to the message I frowned as she told me that Jack had heard from Sean and that he was in Las Vegas staying at The Mansion in the MGM Grand.
He was in Vegas?
Looking around the depressing evidence again, I weighed up what I should do. There was plenty of proof to suggest that my worst fears had indeed come true – he was on a bender again like when Elena had died, and was out there drinking and fucking himself into oblivion.
But even suspecting that Sean was quite possibly off his head on booze and balls deep in a random woman, I still loved him more than I had ever loved any other man, and every molecule within me was telling me to find him and shake some sense into him.
So really, the question was, did I fly to Vegas and fight for the man I loved, or give up and run away with my tail between my legs?
FORTY
Cait
The very day after I’d agreed to a coffee with Jack, he had woken me with a text asking if he could pop by
during the morning break to see if I was around. Talk about keen. Deciding there was no point delaying it, denying it, or avoiding it, I had agreed, and now, at just gone ten thirty, there he was in all his glory at the outdoor café area in the studio with a grin on his face and a happy twinkle in his eye.
Man alive, he was hot.
An appreciative sigh slipped from my lips, but I was too far away for Jack to have heard me. At least I hoped I was.
‘Good morning.’ Jack greeted me with a nod, holding the coffee jug in his hand as I took a seat at one of the high stools in the sun.
‘Good morning,’ I replied with a small returning smile. After initially berating myself about agreeing to meet him, I had spent the night considering it and decided that actually, this was a good step for me. I liked him, he’d somehow made me trust him, and most importantly, I felt safe around him.
What it really came down to was one simple fact. I wanted to be friends with him. Jack knew I was only capable of friendship, I’d made that more than clear, and yet he was still intent on sticking around, so why shouldn’t I indulge?
Now I had relaxed my defences, I’d come to work today with a totally new outlook. I was no longer going to be terrified of bumping into him around the set. Quite the opposite, in fact – I was looking forward to seeing him and getting to know him. Who’d have thought it?
‘Any news on Sean?’ Jack asked, his grin fading marginally as he spoke.
Shaking my head, I felt a tingle of worry in my belly, briefly covering my earlier happiness. ‘No. I got a text from Allie yesterday saying she was heading to Las Vegas to talk to him, but I’ve not seen her and she’s not picked up any of my calls so I don’t know much more than that.’ Her one text had been brief, thanking me for the information and giving me her flight number, but I had a strange feeling about it all and suspected there was more to it all than she had told me. I would certainly be sitting down and grilling her once she was back, that was for sure.
‘I hope they work it out. He seemed OK in his text, but it was clear he’s missing her,’ Jack mused.
‘Yeah, me too. They’ve certainly had enough drama in their relationship so far.’
Nodding, Jack raised the coffee pot and gave it a waggle, presumably his silent way of asking if I wanted one. ‘Yes, please. I haven’t had chance to grab a coffee yet, so I’m really looking forward to this.’
Jack looked pleasantly surprised by my more relaxed state and nodded as he poured out two cups. ‘Me too.’ I couldn’t help but think that he was talking about more than just the coffee, but that was fine. I was looking forward to chatting with him too.
‘I’m glad you agreed to meet me,’ he added quietly. I decided not to answer, and gave a small, one-shouldered shrug and tiny smile instead.
Pulling in a deep breath, I turned my face towards the sun and felt my shoulders relax. Sharing a coffee with a man. Blimey. I’d come a really long way, and I was actually rather proud of the steps I’d taken. I was stronger than ever, more confident, and loved my work.
Considering we’d kissed and admitted to having feelings for each other we weren’t acting on, it was slightly odd just how comfortable I felt around Jack. I had worried that it might be awkward with all that unspent sexual chemistry churning between us, but it wasn’t in the slightest.
The buzz was noticeably still there though, hanging between us like static electricity making my skin tingle and prickle deliciously, but surprisingly I felt relaxed enough to just enjoy it and not worry that he would push my boundaries. I wondered if he felt it too.
It was a tantalising feeling, offering promises of something potent, powerful, and sinfully good, if only I would give in to it. But as much as I had decided to relax my defences with him, that was one limit I wouldn’t be changing. Regardless of how good he made me feel, friends was one thing, but opening up about my history and explaining what a freak I was about sex was a whole different ball game I couldn’t even entertain where Jack was concerned. Not yet, anyway. Maybe not ever.
I would allow myself to enjoy the thrill of being near him though and see where it led, and it really was quite thrilling. He emitted this strong calmness that simultaneously seemed to arouse me, calm me, and strengthen me.
Watching as he poured my drink, my eyebrows rose as he added just the right amount of milk, and topped it off with a dash of cold water. He’d remembered the way I took my coffee?
As he held out the beverage to me, I looked down and couldn’t help the small smile that slipped to my lips. It looked perfect, and I was oddly touched by the gesture.
‘Strong coffee, a splash of milk, topped up with cold water. Just how you like it, right?’ Jack announced proudly.
‘Yes.’ Looking at the drink, I chuckled and grinned at him. ‘Your stalker-like tendencies are still active, huh?’ I couldn’t help making the dig again, but I saw Jack’s mouth twitch into a smile in response.
‘Stalker?’ He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes as if deep in thought. ‘I’d prefer to be called sweetly observant,’ he concluded, watching me over the rim of his cup as he took a sip of his own drink.
I blinked several times and tried to hide my growing blush by sampling the coffee in my hand. Sweetly observant. He was actually rather accurate with that comment. So far in our acquaintance, Jack had proved his attentiveness time and time again. He’d spotted my dislike for contact and made every effort to avoid it, identified my elastic band habit and tried to alleviate it on several occasions, stuck to his promise that we could stay as just friends, and now had my coffee choices spot on.
Yeah, all in all, he was sweetly observant. But seeing as we seemed to be entering a new teasing dimension to our relationship, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of rolling over and agreeing.
‘A sweetly observant stalker then,’ I concluded with a small smirk.
Jack threw his head back and laughed, the lovely raspy sound sending an answering grin to my own lips regardless of how much of a spin it had sent my brain into.
‘Some compromise that is,’ he grumbled good-naturedly, his eyes shining as he looked back at me with a wink.
His winks were so charming that they caused my heart to skitter in my chest, and this occasion was no different, as my heart leapt up several gears. After several moments of companionable silence, Jack glanced at me and tilted his head curiously. ‘Can I ask you a question, Caitlin?’
Blowing the steam from my cup I gave him a measured look and smiled cautiously. ‘Sounds serious. But go on. I’ll retain the right to deny you an answer,’ I joked, which elicited a smile from Jack before his face turned thoughtful.
‘I was just wondering if you might tell me why you don’t date?’ Instantly the smile fell from my face as my mask slid back into place and I found myself firmly shaking my head. That story didn’t get broadcast publicly, and I wasn’t planning on changing that rule for Jack.
I saw a flicker of disappointment cross his face, his brown eyes clouding over with acceptance as he nodded glumly. A twinge of guilt twisted in my stomach and I realised that he obviously thought we were becoming close too. And we were. But could I extend that new friendship bond and take the huge step of sharing my past with him?
My fingers were trembling slightly, so I put my mug down and fiddled with the elastic bands at my wrist. Jack watched me ping them, but made no move to stop me this time as he had in the past. I almost missed his intervention.
The air between us suddenly felt strained, the playfulness of earlier completely vaporised and replaced with a tense, stilted silence. I hated knowing that it was me who had created that void, but I didn’t know what to do to alleviate it.
Stilling my hand, I gripped my stinging wrist and stared at the concrete below my stool before making a decision to let him in. Just a little. I couldn’t tell him the whole story, but perhaps a small nugget of information might ease the pressure between us and get us back to the relaxed friendship we’d been trialling.
‘My ex …�
�� Swallowing hard, I could barely bring myself to say anything else, but I managed to get past the painful lump in my throat and elaborate slightly. ‘Let’s just say he wouldn’t have won any awards for boyfriend of the year. Can I leave it at that for now?’
Jack’s focus on me immediately became intent as he nodded once and feigned casualness by sipping his coffee and sitting back in his stool.
‘Thank you, Caitlin,’ he murmured softly, and I nodded in response, my eyes feeling moist.
‘I …’ Jack started to speak, but instead he paused, dug in his jeans pocket and produced a crisp, neatly-folded hankie for me. Another one.
What man seriously carried real cotton hankies around any more? Did he do this for my benefit, or was it possible that Jack really was a gentleman in disguise, handkerchiefs and all? Maybe he wore braces with his suits and had a pipe and slippers sitting at home waiting for him too, like a true, olden-day, romantic hero.
His hand hesitated on mine as he passed the hankie over, our fingers caught in a not-quite-hand-hold for a second or two. The thin cotton was separating our skin, but it didn’t reduce the thrill I got from his touch one little bit.
‘Th … thank you.’ I fingered the soft material and used it to quickly wipe under my eyes. I’d have quite a collection if he kept doing this, but it was yet another show of his sweetly observant nature and made my stomach tumble as I dabbed at my few stray tears again.
‘You’re welcome,’ he murmured softly, his gentle tone somehow making me feel OK about the fact that I was basically a sniffling mess. ‘Our friendship means a great deal to me, Caitlin. I just want you to know that I would never jeopardise that. How we proceed, and what you choose to share with me, is all up to you, your pace, and your comfort.’
I couldn’t help thinking that he was talking in terms of more than just friendship, but I didn’t try and correct him, so I just nodded my agreement.
‘You’re safe with me, Caitlin. I swear it,’ he added, almost so quietly that I wasn’t sure I was supposed to hear it. But I did, and those few simple words meant so much to me that I could barely even comprehend the direction my thoughts were starting to take where this man was concerned.