by Tasha Ivey
Something in his voice tells me that there’s more to the story. I’m so worried that it didn’t go well. “I’m proud that you gave her that chance, Wes. I know it’s something that she’s wanted to do her entire life, and I’m sure you’ve given her some peace that she hasn’t felt since the day you were born. How did it go?”
“That’s why I’m calling,” he says almost inaudibly. “Cal, she hasn’t shown up. I never thought I wanted to meet her until I was finally faced with it, but she’s now an hour late, and I’m not going to lie, I’m gutted. I’m pissed that she put me through all of this and didn’t even give me the courtesy of showing up. I mean, hell, nervous doesn’t even begin to describe what I’ve been feeling the last couple of days. I get it. But this is huge. I hope she doesn’t ever expect me to agree to this again. I’m done with her.”
No. This isn’t right; something is very off. I don’t know her all that well, but I have a hard time believing that she just wouldn’t show up. This is something that she wanted more than anything, something that she’s fought for. Meeting Wes is the one thing she wants to do before she dies. Oh, shit. Before she dies.
“Wes, I don’t think she just wouldn’t show up. This meant too much to her. There has to be a good reason she’s not there right now, and I’m scared that it’s because she’s physically unable. I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing that would keep her away today.” I hear the intake of breath on the line. He’s making that same realization.
“You think she’s . . .”
“Just wait a minute. Did you try calling her?” I ask, trying to think of what to do.
“No, and I’m not going to. What if she’s just decided she doesn’t want to do this?”
“I’ll call her, then, and I’ll call you back when I have some news, okay? Just keep an eye on your email, and let me know if you hear anything.”
As soon as he hangs up, I scroll through my phone to find Chesley’s number. I have a sick feeling deep in my gut that she’s not going to answer.
“What’s going on?” Makenna appears behind me.
“She didn’t show up, and Wes is freaking out.”
Shane groans. “Damn it. I was afraid of something like this. How could she do that to him?”
“There’s something you don’t know,” I explain, turning to face them. I know they’re both concerned about Wes, but they’re only wasting my time right now. I have to find her. “Don’t make any assumptions about her right now. Just wait until I have the facts, okay?”
Shane nods. “Yeah, okay. For now, I guess we’ll head back to my parents’ house, and I’ll let Mom know what’s going on. Call and let us know as soon as you find anything out.”
“Promise.” I kiss Makenna on the cheek. “Thanks for coming here today.”
As soon as the front door closes, I dial Chesley’s number, hoping and praying that she’ll answer. With every unanswered ring, the knot of dread tightens in my stomach even more. I just can’t make myself believe that she chickened out. There has to be a reasonable explanation, but the only one I can come up with is far worse than her being a coward. I’m scared that something is horribly wrong, and I don’t know how I’ll ever find out.
When the voicemail picks up, I leave a short message, asking her to call me, and then I call Eve. I can’t wait for Shane and Makenna to get there and explain. I need to know what I can do now.
“Wes just called me,” I blurt out as soon as I hear the beginning of her cheerful greeting. “Chesley never came.”
“Oh, no. As much as she’s hounded us to meet him, there must be a good reason. Maybe she’s just really nervous and is having a hard time taking that step. If she’s just toying with him, she better believe she’ll have me to deal with. Have you tried calling her?”
“Yes, and I left a voicemail. But what if her health is what’s keeping her away? I have a hard time believing she’d purposely hurt him. She wanted this more than anything.”
She exhales a short huff. “Well, I was going to say that we can’t think the worst, but either way, it’s bad. Wesley has told himself all these years that she turned her back on him, and now it appears to him that she’s done it again. He doesn’t need this.”
“I know.” I feel nauseated. I’m the one who practically forced him into this, so I feel responsible for everything. I had my doubts about all of it, but I never would’ve guessed it would turn out this way. “I feel awful about it.”
“It’s not your fault, sweetie. I’ll talk to Robert and see if we can track some of her family down. I know she doesn’t have any other children, but I’m pretty sure she has some cousins in the area. Just to be sure, we’ll also start checking local hospitals to see if she’s been admitted. While we’re trying to figure all of it out, why don’t you go to Wes’ house and hang out with him? I’m sure he could use the company right now to get his mind off of it.”
Yeah, that’ll go over like a lead balloon. “He doesn’t want me there. You know that.”
Eve chuckles softly. “You’re a smart girl, Callie. You and I both know that isn’t true. But if he gives you any trouble, you just tell him that it was my orders. He knows better than to cross me. Keep your phone close, and we’ll talk soon.”
“Yes, ma’am.” When she gets that tone of authority in her voice, even I don’t want to cross her.
I send a quick text to Wes, letting him know that I’m on my way before he decides to leave.
Me: ‘Your mom asked me to go to your house, so I’ll see you in about twenty minutes.’
Wes: ‘I’m fine. No babysitter needed.’
Me: ‘Too bad. Already hired. Don’t make me call your mom.’
Wes: ‘I’m really not in the mood for this. Do NOT come over here.’
Oh, forget it. This argument could go on for hours with him. And I know this because I’m just as stubborn as he is. Instead of wasting precious time, I jump in my car and head that way. I really don’t care if he wants me there or not. I think Eve is right. Maybe if more people would show him that they care, instead of folding when he says “no,” he might actually believe that he can rely on people. He might see that some people can be trusted to be there for you anytime you need them, whether you know you need them or not. My goal today is to prove that to him.
The twenty minute trip seems infinite, especially since I don’t even have the radio on. I want to be sure that I hear Eve’s call, and every minute that my phone doesn’t ring adds another layer of panic and disappointment to the ever-growing pile. Of course, it also doesn’t help that every slow driver in the state gets in front of you when you’re in a hurry. It never freaking fails.
Finally, though, I pull into his drive, relieved to see his jeep still sitting here. And I’m going to make sure it continues to do so. Pulling up as close as I can without actually touching my bumper to his, I park right behind him, effectively pinning him in. And he knows it. As he steps into the doorway and leans in the jamb with his arms crossed, I can easily see that my least favorite of his personalities is back again. But I can’t honestly say that Mr. Moody didn’t warrant a comeback this time.
I want to reassure him that everything is going to work out. I want to let him know that he didn’t make a mistake by agreeing to see her. More than anything, I want him to know, without even a shadow of doubt, that I’m here for him.
So I do the only thing I can think of. I walk up the porch steps, and before he can grumble about me coming here after he told me not to, I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him tight, hugging him with every ounce of strength I can muster. He resists it at first, but finally, I feel the weight of his hands at my hips and his cheek pressed against the top of my head. God, it feels good to be here with him. The warmth of his body radiating into mine. The familiar scent of soap and a hint of cologne. It’s nothing short of blissful. I’m home again.
“Thanks for coming, Cal,” he says softly into my hair. “But I’m okay. I don’t need you here to console me. Nothing has changed
.”
I look up into his crystal blue eyes. He looks haggard, disappointment shows on his hardened scowl. Regardless of her reasons, he can’t let his mother’s actions dictate his entire life. The same way he shouldn’t let his ex-wife’s stupidity continue to shape his future relationships. Before, I thought that he needed to wake up and take a hold of his life before it passes him by, but now, I think Eve may be right. And with today’s disappointments weighing on him, now is the time for me to show him that he’s worth fighting for. I’m not going to leave just because he’s afraid I might eventually walk away. No, I’m staying to prove to him that people who truly care about him won’t run, no matter what.
“I’m staying, Wes. I don’t give a damn what you say.”
He narrows his eyes. “I don’t need you here to cheer me up. And you know what happens when we’re together. We get a lot closer than we need to be, and right now, I just don’t have my head on straight.”
“You? Without your head on straight? Hard to believe.”
“Okay, smartass, you know what I mean. We can’t do this. I won’t do this. You just need to go back to your simple, uncomplicated life, and let me deal with my own shit. On my own.”
I shove past him and walk in the door. He’s not going to make this easy at all, but I’m sticking to my guns. He can try to push me away all he wants. If I didn’t think he had any feelings for me, I wouldn’t press the issue at all, but I’ve seen his calendar with my name at the top of his list every day since we met. If Wes doesn’t want to admit it, that’s fine, but I’m no quitter. I won’t give up on him. I won’t fail him like he thinks every other woman has.
“What are you doing?”
I plop onto his couch. “Staying. Deal with it.”
“Why are you so damn stubborn?” He stalks across the room and hovers over me. Yeah, sure, he’s getting irritated with me, but I think it’s just a scare tactic. “I do not want you here right now. I don’t understand why you don’t get that. Just go home.”
I cross my arms over my chest as butterflies erupt in my stomach. Tension crackles in the air between us. “No.”
“Callie,” he growls, placing both hands on the back of the couch and leaning in closer. His close proximity is completely unnerving, and an unexpected heat blooms just under my skin. “Leave. Now.”
I feel his warm breath at my lips, and I look up at him. He’s trying hard to intimidate me. He wants to upset me enough that I want to leave. But he’s failing miserably. Instead of making me want to run, he’s only making me want to tear his clothes off and throw him down on the floor. And when his glance falls to my lips, I know he’s thinking the same thing.
Before he loses that thought, I act on it. He starts to move away when I reach for him, but I get a hold on his shirt before he can get away. “Don’t fight this anymore, Wes. You can’t make me leave, and I know that you don’t truly want me to go. I need you just as much as you need me, so I don’t care what you do or say. I’m not walking away.” I pull him down just enough to barely skim my lips along his cheek. “Don’t push me away anymore,” I whisper.
Wes just glares, nowhere near as compliant as I hoped I’d make him. In one swift motion he straightens, grabbing my arms and pulling me up with him. I think he’s dragging me into his bedroom at first, but when he turns toward the foyer, I realize how wrong I am. He’s literally pushing me out. He lets go of me and opens the front door, letting it swing wide open with enough force that it knocks into the wall. “Go,” he orders, pointing toward my car.
“Nope,” I spit out, putting a little extra emphasis on the “p.”
Wes lunges at me, gripping the top of my shoulders, and for a split second, he scares me enough that I wish I hadn’t crossed him. “Callie, why are you so stupid? Why do you . . . why are . . .” He’s seething, unable to even form a complete sentence. “Just . . .” He groans so loud that I can feel it rumble in my chest.
“I’m not leaving. You can kick me out of this house, if you think that’s what you need to do, but I’ll just sit on your porch. You might want to run, but I’m sure as hell not going to anymore.”
His chest heaves in and out, and his jaw muscles bunch and work as he clenches his teeth. I can feel his fingers digging into my shoulders as his anger increases with every breath. “Why? Why would you stay?”
My answer to this question will either make or break this moment. He needs reassurance. He needs to know, for once, exactly how much he means to me. I can’t expect honesty and trust from him unless I take a leap myself and give it to him. “Because somewhere along the way, we became more than friends. Because I truly care about you, no matter if you want me to or not. Because even though my life would be so much simpler without you in it, being away from you hurts me more. Because, Wes, no matter how much you’ve tried to shut me out, I’m still falling in love with you.”
As soon as the last sentence falls on his ears, his arms drop to his sides. The tension and anger immediately melt away, only to be replaced by sadness. “No, you’re not. You’re just trying to fool me into believing it, so I’ll let my guard down. This isn’t a game, Callie. I’ve never given you a reason to love me. And if you really knew everything about me, you never could. There’s a lot you don’t know.”
I’m guessing he’s talking about the child he’s hiding from everyone. “I don’t care, Wes. You’re right. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, but in time, we’ll get there, and we’ll work through it. I can’t promise that it won’t ever end, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying, from giving it everything we have. Don’t tell me you don’t care for me enough to try because I already know you do.”
One hand fists in the top of his hair, and his eyes fall closed. “I don’t,” he says softly. “I can’t do this with you.”
Reaching out for him, I take his face in my hands, catching him off-guard. “You’re lying. This isn’t about your mother or about your ex-wife. This is about you and me. For once in your life, Wes, don’t let them have any effect on what you want. Push all of that out of your mind for just a minute. Be honest with me, and more importantly, be honest with yourself. What the hell do you want? If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s not me, then I’ll leave.”
His jaw clenches, and I hear the sound of his teeth grinding together. He stands there silent for what feels like an eternity, but when his gaze locks onto mine, I know this is our moment of truth. He’s told me that he “felt” something for me before, but it’s more than that, and we both know it.
“Cal, I . . .” His throat works on a hard swallow. “No, I don’t want to be with you.”
His words shoot like daggers straight into my heart. I know he cares about me; I’ve seen the proof. But when I open myself up to him and make myself completely vulnerable and exposed, and he can still deny his feelings for me, then there’s a thick layer of cold steel around his heart that I’m not sure I can ever get past.
“Fine,” I sigh, trying to keep my composure. I can feel the tears threatening to spill from my eyes, but I can’t let them. Not yet. “Then I guess I’ll go. But only for now. I won’t give up on you as easily as you give up on yourself.”
Spinning on my heel, I dart out the door, determined to keep my steps quick but steady, even though all I want to do is run. I was naïve to think that this would work so easily and that no matter what has happened with his mother or ex, I would be enough to make him let go of the past and finally grab hold of his future. Clearly, at least while he’s in this frame of mind, I’m not even close to enough.
But by the time I reach the door handle on my car, a hand grips my elbow and jerks me to a stop. “Damn it, Callie.”
Before I can turn to look at him, before any words can escape me, he turns me around and lunges, shoving me against the car. All at once, his body pins mine against the sun-warmed metal of my car door, and he’s all over me. His long fingers dive into my hair, tugging just enough to urge me impossibly closer, and his mouth a
ttacks mine almost brutally, bringing both pleasure and pain every time he draws my lips into his mouth deeply or nips at them. It’s all so intense that I want to tell him to stop and beg him for more at the same time.
When he pulls away, I have to stop myself from whining, but all is forgiven when Wes’ lips skim along my jaw and up to my ear. “Of course, I want you.” His voice is a soft rumble, but almost pleading. Like it’s killing him inside to make that admission. “I hate myself every time I have to lie and tell you differently. I hate myself every time I push you away. You’re all I’ve wanted since the day I met you.”
“Well, don’t fight it anymore,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling my face into the crook. “Just give it a chance. Give us a chance.”
Every muscle in his body turns to stone. “I can’t, Callie. You know that. I just can’t do it.”
“Bullshit.” I shove at his shoulders as hard as I can, catching him off-guard enough that he stumbles a step backward. “You can. This is your chance to prove you aren’t the coward that I think you are. I’ve seen the calendar on your desk at work. I know about the lists, and I’ve seen my name on them every single day. You can’t fool me anymore, and I’m not giving up on you. I’m not letting you run away from me anymore.”
His skin blanches slightly. “Why were you snooping on my desk?”
“Stop deflecting. That’s the only thing I saw. Just admit that I’m on your mind, admit that you think about me as much as I think about you, which is all the damn time.”
“You know I do,” he groans, taking a step toward me. “Every second of every day. But you make it seem like this has been easy for me, and I can promise you that it hasn’t. I just know that I’m better off right now, only thinking about you, than I will be when you leave me.”