Every Kiss

by Tasha Ivey

  “Okaaaay,” she draws out, looking back and forth between Wes and me. “Well, you’re going to have to help me here because something tells me you’re not here for family planning.”

  Wes lets out a weak breath. “I want her to know, Casey. I know I told you that it remains confidential, no matter what, but this is different. She needs to know about our arrangement.”

  “You’re sure? Because, honey, you don’t look too sure.”

  “No doubt in my mind. But I’m going to leave the two of you to talk, and I’ll wait in the jeep. Callie, when you’re done, just meet me out there, and you can ask me any questions you have. I . . . I just can’t stay in here right now.”

  He does look awfully green. But he should because I feel a little ill myself. I just don’t understand for the life of me what could possibly be going on.

  Casey stands at the same time Wes does. “What do you want me to tell her?”

  “Everything. Nothing is off-limits. Answer any questions she has. I have nothing to hide from her.” He walks out without even a glance at me and shuts the door.

  Casey slowly sinks back into her seat. “Wow, well, this is new.”

  “What? Would you just tell me what’s going on? This is really freaking me out.”

  “We’ll get there.” She picks up a pen and taps it on her desk. “But first, I need to know how much you already know, so I know where to start. You know about his ex-wife, his biological mother, or his volunteer work here?”

  “Yes, yes, and no.”

  She grins wide, showing two perfect rows of white teeth. “Well, if you know about the first two, that tells me you must be special to him. The third one isn’t much of a mystery, but it’s how we started our little side arrangement. You see, back when Wes was in college, we’d just gotten this clinic started, and he was needing some community service work hours for some extra class credit. At the time, I had no idea what would make a guy choose to volunteer at a pregnancy crisis center. But I didn’t give up until I understood why he is so passionate about these young girls, faced with making the hardest decisions of their life.”

  Whoa. He volunteered here because he thought his mom gave him up and because his wife aborted their baby. “He wanted them to know there were other options out there. He was trying to stop the things that happened to him from happening again.”

  “That pretty much sums it up.” She stands and walks around her desk to sit in Wes’ empty seat, lowering her voice significantly. “But that was only the beginning. He continued to volunteer when he could, even after he didn’t get class credit. Even after he graduated and got the job he’s working in now. Before he started making any decent money, he’d still make donations of any amount he could come up with to help these girls, to help the clinic fund different programs for them. But once he started making more money than he really knew what to do with, he approached me about a little charitable organization he wanted to start on his own.”

  Oh shit. I can’t believe this. I think it all makes sense now. “The apartments?”

  She nods. “But that’s only part of it. You see, he wanted to be able to give options to those that truly didn’t believe that they had any. Those really tough cases that we couldn’t seem to turn around. Wes wanted to be able to give these women the option to raise their children and not put them up for adoption, just because they didn’t have a way to care for their baby. He wanted to be able to do the same for those that wanted to abort. There are some qualifying factors, but if there’s someone that I think he can help, I refer them to him. He purchased three duplexes right next to each other, made an arrangement with an obstetrician and a pediatrician, and set up transportation services to help them get to their jobs or other appointments. Basically, while a woman is still pregnant, he allows her to move in, rent-free, until three months after the baby is born, providing her with routine exams, paid utilities, the works. After that, there’s a social worker that helps them to find childcare and employment. They are allowed to stay there until the child is a year old, but he does make exceptions on occasion. Although, many are on their feet well enough to move out before then because he does everything he can to foster their independence. There are still those who still end up giving up their babies, but he has contacts with adoption agencies all over the country, and he’s been able to get every child adopted and keep them out of the system.”

  So this is why he lives so simply. All of his money goes into this project. “I don’t know what to say. I just can’t believe he does something like this and hides it from everyone.”

  Her deep green eyes are kind, compassionate. “He doesn’t do it for the recognition. This is something that started out as a way to heal his own heart, I think. To make something good out of the bad. But between you and me, he’s been a little obsessive about it for quite a while now, and I think it’s because he doesn’t have closure. What he’s doing hasn’t made him feel any better because there’s still so much unresolved.”

  I guess he hasn’t clued her in on the most recent developments. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But this is just a little weird, isn’t it? I mean, he seems fairly normal, but it seriously makes me wonder about his emotional stability.”

  Casey giggles. “Honey, Wes is just fine. From what I’ve seen of him over the years, he’s a fixer. He doesn’t let too many people see it, but he’s generous and compassionate. He takes on little pet projects like this all the time, trying to better the community and help the people in it. It’s just that this particular project is near and dear to his heart, so he throws all he can into it.”

  That still doesn’t explain why Sarah is in the picture and why he has a daughter he’s lied about, but I don’t think Casey is the right person to ask. “Well, that clears up a lot of questions I’ve had. It seems to make a little more sense.”

  “Callie, I know I don’t need to tell you how lucky you are to have him. He’s opened up to you about his mother, his ex-wife, and now this? There are very few people that he lets in, so I know he must really love you. Now, whether or not he admits it is another story. He’s still a man, after all.”

  I smile at her. “Yes, he is. A stubborn, bull-headed man.”

  She gives me her card in case I have any more questions, and I head back out to the jeep, trying to decide what I’m going to say to him. Needless to say, it all makes a little more sense, but he’s not forgiven by any means.

  When I get inside and close the door, he’s sitting there silently, staring into space. I think he’s prepared for me to tell him how stupid this whole scheme is, but when I’m honest with myself, I think I love him a little more. He’s been doing everything he can to help women that he doesn’t even know, giving them a chance to keep their child and get on their feet. He’s probably prevented several children from being aborted or given up at birth. Wes is giving these children a chance that his own child didn’t have, that he didn’t really have. Eve has been a wonderful mother to him, but he’s always known that his biological mother was out there somewhere. I can’t imagine what a head trip that must’ve been.

  “First of all, I understand what Sarah meant about the other women now, and I think you’re an amazing man for what you’ve been doing for them. But what I don’t understand is the fact that she’s there, and she has a child by you. You told me that your child died, that she aborted it.”

  His mouth forms into a grim line. “My child did, Callie. I was eighteen years old when that happened. Don’t you think Macy looks a little young to be 8 years old?”

  Oh. Yeah, I didn’t think of that. “The very first time you took me to your house, I saw the little pink elephant in your jeep, and I’ve known all this time that there was a child that you just weren’t telling me about. But I cared enough about you that it didn’t really matter to me. I thought you’d eventually open up to me about it. She calls you ‘Dad,’ Wes. She even saw a picture of Shane and called him ‘Uncle Shane.’ Can’t you understand why this doesn’t add up for me?” />
  “I do understand. And it’s really a lot more innocent than it all appears; although, my stupidity in the situation is what got me into this mess. You see, Sarah calls me every now and then, trying everything she can to get me to give her another chance. I’ve never given her any indication that I want anything to do with her, but she gets desperate enough—financially, I think—to try anything she can to have someone support her. So when she called me several weeks ago, telling me that she needed a place to stay because her mom kicked her out, I told her that I couldn’t help her. That’s when she told me about Macy, her child with her third husband. I told her I’d let her stay in an apartment I had free, not explaining what I used them for. Hell, I even helped her move that day, just to make sure the kid had a roof over her head that night. That’s why the elephant was in my jeep. I kept it strictly professional with her, though, saying I’d give her a few months to get herself together, and then she had to be on her way.”

  I look at his downcast eyes, knowing he’s ashamed of what he’s done, even though he shouldn’t be ashamed for trying to help someone. “So she’s convinced now that she has a shot with you, just because you finally gave in.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” he sighs, dragging a hand through the dark waves on top of his head. “And Macy hasn’t ever met Shane; she’s only seen pictures of him that Sarah has from years ago. I know this because I stopped by one day while she wasn’t home and did a routine inspection, like I do on a regular basis with all the tenants. She had out all sorts of old pictures of the two of us when we were dating, some of my family, our old friends . . . photos of my old life. I guess since Sarah thought she actually had a chance to get me back, she taught Macy everyone’s names. But as far as her calling me her dad, she’s had so many men in her life that she calls nearly every man that. Sarah might’ve pushed it a little, too.”

  “She’s psychotic. You know that, right?”

  “I do.”

  I don’t know what else to say, but I think I understand everything a little better now, no matter how ridiculous it all is. He clearly got way too fixated on things that a lot of people would eventually get over, but thankfully, he used his depression for good instead of evil. I get why it’s important to him to help these people. Not only is he a good man, but he also holds the reason for this program very close to his heart. He just wants to give these kids a chance that they may not have had otherwise.

  But his obsession isn’t healthy. “You can do what you want, and I’m not saying I won’t support you if you don’t agree with me, but I think it might be time to step back from all this. Maybe you can still help some, but more low key. You know . . . a yearly donation, helping out with fundraisers, stuff like that. You don’t have to singlehandedly save every one of them. You need a little saving yourself.”

  Wes turns around, reaching into the backseat to slip a file from his briefcase and dropping it into my lap. “Take a look.”

  I open up the front cover to reveal some sort of legal document that makes absolutely no sense to me. “What’s this for?”

  “I met with my lawyer on Monday, and against his adamant advice, I made a tough decision.” He reaches across the console to tap part of the page that lists the pregnancy center. “I’m signing everything over to the clinic. It’ll be theirs to use now. . . the apartments, the money that I’ve raised for the organization, everything. I’ll still help them when I can, but I’m done with it. Maybe it was stupid to get that wrapped up in it, Cal, and I don’t really know what possessed me to start all of it in the first place. I was still pretty messed up over what Sarah did, and it was my way to bring some balance into my life. But I became infatuated with it, concentrating all of my free time and resources into it. But I know I can’t keep this up. I need to concentrate on me. On us.”

  His eyes finally meet mine, the raw emotion showing behind them is enough to cause a lump to form in my throat. He’s waiting for my acceptance, for me to tell him that everything is okay. But that’s not what he’s getting.

  “You know what, Wesley Baxter? I don’t like how I had to find out about all of this. Do you realize what kind of position you put me in? Why in the hell didn’t you feel like you could trust me enough to understand all of this? You didn’t even feel the need until it was all thrown in my lap, making you look like a coward. Again. You tell me you love me, but you keep secrets from me. That’s not very reassuring. That doesn’t give me any faith that we’ll ever work. What else are you keeping from me, Baxter?”

  The cool blue of his gaze is chilling. He’s trying hard not to show any emotion, but it’s not working so well for him. His throat works a little too hard on a swallow, and there’s an extra glisten in his eyes. “I’m not hiding anything else, Callie, never again. I’ll tell you anything you’d ever want to know. For starters, I never deleted your number from my phone like I said I would. I started to call you every single day to tell you that you were right about me. You’ve always been able to see right through me. The night of my birthday party, when Allison and I went to my room? Nothing happened because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Then when I followed you to the pool, I lied to you about my wish. Yeah, I wanted to kiss you, but my real wish was that someone like you would come along and turn my world upside down. That I could find someone like you who wouldn’t take my shit and would force me to pull my head out of my ass. Someone like you who would make me smile when it was the last thing I wanted to do. It took me a long time to realize that I found that someone . . . and it isn’t someone like you. It is you, Callie. I know I don’t deserve you, not even a little, but for some reason I got lucky enough to have you, even if it’s just for a little while. There’s nothing left between us now. It’s just you and me. But the choice is ultimately yours, and I’ll respect whatever you choose, whether it’s to stay or go. Just tell me what you want and that’s what I’ll do.”

  Why? Why do I have to look like the weak one right now? The stupid tear trailing down my stupid face is such a stupid traitor. I want to look like the strong, unshakable one, and now I’m crying like a baby. “Wes . . . all I want is to go home.”

  “I HAD NO clue that giving you a necklace would make you depressed all night.” I whisper into Callie’s ear, sneaking up behind her. “I think I should take a mental note that jewelry is off-limits from now on.”

  She whirls around and clasps her hands loosely at the back of my neck. “I’m not depressed. You’re the one that got me thinking about the past—how we met, how much of an irrational ass you could be, how incredibly hot you were when you were being an irrational ass.”

  “Hey, I’m still incredibly hot.” I nod my head toward the entrance of the restaurant. “I just saw myself in that mirror over there.”

  Callie rolls her eyes playfully. “You can also still be an irrational ass . . . but I love you.”

  “Love you, too,” I say before kissing her forehead. “So what were you thinking about that had that nasty scowl on your face just now? Don’t get so wrapped up in the past that you make me pay for my mistakes again. I make you mad enough on my own, so I don’t need any help from your little trip in the time machine.”

  “I was just thinking about the day that you took me to the clinic to talk to Casey for the first time. Remember? We were arguing back and forth—well, it was more me than you—and you asked me what I wanted to do.”

  Damn, I haven’t thought about that in a while, but her answer to my question nearly killed me. I thought we were done for good. “I won’t ever forget that day. You told me you wanted to go home. I just knew it was all over.”

  Callie flashes my favorite mischievous smile. “But I only let you think that for a few seconds. I couldn’t let you off too easy.”

  Oh, she didn’t. I remember starting my jeep and shifting into reverse, wondering how I could drive her all the way home without completely breaking in half. I was a wreck on the inside, and I knew it was only a matter of time before it all showed. But her hand covered mine, shovin
g the gear shift back into park, and she turned to kneel in the seat and flung herself at me. “What you said then . . . those five words are, to this day, the most special to me.”

  “You’re my home, Wesley Baxter,” she says dreamily, remembering the moment just as well as I do. “You still are, you know.”

  “And even though this makes me sound like a girl, you’re my Tiffany’s.”

  She screws up her face and raises a perfectly manicured brow. “What?”

  “This,” I explain, touching her new necklace. “The movie I watched with you on the day we met. She said that when she’s down, the only thing that can bring her happiness is to go to Tiffany’s. And that’s the way I feel about you. No matter what kind of day I’m having, you’re always the best part of it. Whenever I see your face, all of my stress, all of my worries, everything melts away. All that’s left is you.”

  The color in her cheeks amplifies a little, and she stretches up on her toes to kiss the corner of my mouth. “What did you do with my husband? You haven’t said anything like that to me in a long time.”

  She’s right. I don’t tell her what she means to me nearly enough. But seeing everything that’s happened with Makenna and Sawyer lately, it’s all made me truly appreciate the life I have. The love I have in it. Callie has changed my life completely. Without her, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to truly love someone. Sure, she drives me crazy sometimes with her opinionated, pushy attitude, but she keeps me in check, and I need it. And I love being the one that she turns to when she needs a hug or a laugh after a rough day. I think we balance each other.

  Without Callie, I also wouldn’t have had the year to get to know my biological mother before the cancer took her. We never got close like a mother and her son would be, but she became a friend, and that’s more than I could’ve ever asked for. I needed that time with her to heal my heart, and I think she did, too. And once she was gone, I realized how much my mom and dad mean to me. They were right there by my side at the funeral, just as they’ve always been there to support me in everything I do. Eve is still, and always will be, the rock of my family.