BRAKING HARD To Load

by Cassandra Bloom

  That’s when I saw the other message, and I became increasingly certain that the message was for me.

  Two bodies—Two more bodies, I corrected myself—had been carelessly dumped in a shadowed corner beside where the message had been written. I frowned, turning my flashlight on the bodies and saw that they had been savagely murdered. I could hardly recognize their faces from all the slash marks, but what was left from their faces that didn’t make me certain was made up for with the jackets they wore. I began to shake with rage, looking around the terminal, challenging anyone who was out there to come out from wherever they were hiding.

  “COME ON OUT, YOU FUCKERS!” I roared. “UNLESS YOU’RE TOO CHICKEN-SHIT!”

  Nothing.

  I frowned. I hadn’t been too hopeful that any of the Crew had decided to stick around, but I figured it was worth it to throw the taunt out; eager to lure them out and know sooner than to stand around there a second longer and have to wonder if I was actually being watched. But, no, I was alone; standing in the near-dark terminal. Just me and two dead Crows. Did they really just leave this here for me to find without keeping someone here? What if it hadn’t been me to find it?

  Come on, Jace, you know even if you hadn’t found it, the message would’ve gotten to you,” the logical side of my brain said.

  Fuck that! They are here! One of his workers gotta be here,” the other side challenged.

  I shook my head, needing to have a clear head to work all this through. I glanced around one last time and agreed with the logical side that there wasn’t anyone down here. Which only meant that this was the only message they wanted to deliver tonight. Sighing, I switched off the flashlight app and went to dial Danny again. I was glad to see that only a few hours had passed since our call and I wouldn’t be making Mia wait too much longer.

  “Already missed talkin’ ta my cute butt that much, huh?” Danny answered.

  “Yeah, was just dying talk to you again so soon after you scolded my ass,” I replied, not bothering to hide my snide tone.

  “Righty-o, so what’s up?” Danny said, switching to his business-mode.

  “We were right to follow this lead,” I began. “Just pissed that we were played like fools. Dammit, Danny. They got two of our guys. Left them dead down here—fucking mutilated them! Then, to add insult to injury, they left a fun little message on the wall. And, oh yeah, they left the message in their blood, too. Fuckers!”

  “Shit…” Danny groaned, sounding like he was going to be sick before suddenly changing gears and saying in a very stern voice, “Jace, we’ll get them, don’t worry.”

  I flushed at that, realizing how much he was keeping contained for my sake. I hated that Danny had to stay calm and collected for me. Hated that I had to be treated so delicately. But he was right. We would get them and I had to stay calm. Had to stay calm for Mia, Danny, and hell, for myself. But it was so fucking hard. They played us for fools! Used our own men to send a fucking message.

  And the message was clear.

  They weren’t done playing, far from it from the fucking way they left our men. I knew the men had families and the idea of having to give them the news, to tell them that they couldn’t see their loved ones. I couldn’t let them see what had befallen the two. It was too fucking much.

  “Jace? You there?” Danny’s voice, now nearly completely devoid of his normal “redneck” drawl, brought me back and I was thankful for the interruption.

  “Yeah, I’m here,” I said, sighing. “Can you call your buddy on the force? Tell him about the crime scene and see if he can’t keep it under reps.”

  “Already planned on it,” Danny said. “In the meantime, why don’t you go back to yer place and get some rest with that pretty lady of yers.”

  “Right,” I said, hating how hard it was to try and stay calm. “Thanks, Merc.”

  “All will be well, okay? Just stay calm,” Danny said.

  “I’ll try,” I said, hitting the end call before Danny got the chance to respond.

  I needed this right now. As much as I wanted to stay calm for everyone else, I had to blow off some steam. And I knew exactly how to do it. I headed out of the subway station, moving back to my bike in record time. I slid on, hit the ignition and sped out of the parking area towards the freeway.

  I needed a drive.

  I remembered all the times I’d gone for a drive after Anne’s death. All the times I felt like I’d been haunted by her ghost. Now, it seemed it was replaced by the ghost of my father and brother. I saw them standing ahead of me, looking at me with disapproval. I snarled, pushing harder on the accelerator, needing to get rid of the image however I could.

  Fuck them!

  It was all their fault I was in this place now, anyway. It hadn’t been my choice to lead the Crows. I was the second son, it wasn’t ever supposed to come down to me leading the Crows. I knew that I wasn’t in the right place right now to see Mia. As much as I wanted to go home, to tell her that I was okay… was I though?

  Was I okay?

  I continued to drive, barely noticing the tears as they began to stream down my face. The wind blew the tears away, leaving cold trails where the tears had once been. I ignored it all, ignored every part of me screaming that this was wrong. Ignored the memory of both my father and brother’s looks of disapproval.

  Fuck everyone.

  Fuck Tyler.

  Fuck my father.

  Fuck ME.

  I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, hating the fresh wave of tears that had replaced the old trails. I felt so weak suddenly. I had been so strong, fighting everything that came my way, but how was I supposed to fight Tyler? The man who killed both my father and brother, two men who seemed so much stronger than I was.

  He killed my father, one of the strongest men I’d known. How the fuck was I supposed to take him out?

  “Simple,” the logical side stated. “You don’t do it alone, dumbass.”

  I frowned, beginning to slow the bike down as I realized how stupid I’d been. I wanted to get this all done on my own, but this wasn’t the way, was it? I had help and it’d been stupid to go into this on my own. I’d used the excuse that I didn’t want to waste the extra men, but that wasn’t what it really was, was it?

  I wanted to do this on my own.

  Wanted to prove something that I didn’t even need to prove.

  Stupid!

  So fucking stupid!

  I needed to get back, needed to get to Mia.

  Feeling a new sense of strength, I turned the bike around, racing the get home. To get to Mia. I wouldn’t do this alone any more than I had to. I’d been so wrapped around taking out the killer who’d been responsible for so many deaths, that I hadn’t considered all the help I had. I’d gotten stupid again and because of that, two of our men had died. Tomorrow I would make sure to implement some safety measures, especially now that I knew the Carrions were no where near done.

  I’d do this right.

  For my father.

  For my brother.

  For Mia.

  For Danny.

  For myself.

  I smiled at the last thought. I would do this for myself. I’d already proven that I could be the leader my father would be proud of. As I made it to the exit, I slid onto the side streets, pulling out the small Bluetooth device Danny had gotten me and decided to call him back.

  “Ya gonna hang up on again, asshole?” Danny bellowed. “And where the fuck are you? I called Mia and she said ya still ain’t home!”

  “Sorry, Merc,” I said. “You were right. I am an asshole.”

  “Well then… sounds like someone had themselves a revelation.”

  “Yeah, yeah, shut it,” I said, turning on another street, seeing the condo up ahead. “And I’m about to be home, I hope you didn’t worry Mia too much.”

  “Don’t get yerself in a tissy, I told her you had one more stop and was just seeing if ya had gotten in touch with her yet,” he said.

  “She’ll see rig
ht through that,” I groaned.

  “Well, better go make things right.”

  “Thanks for this.”

  “Fuck you! Ya got me worried, Jace. Sorry,” Danny said, his voice sounding more sincere than ever. “Y’know, yer father and I were close too… all this business with Tyler, well, it bugs me too, y’know.”

  “I know, Mercury,” I said. “And I’m sorry for not including you more. That ends now, I promise. Between Mia, Candy, you, and the rest of the Crows. We’ll take Papa Raven and his Carrion Crew out together.”

  “Sounds like ya got yer shit together,” Danny said. “Good drive?”

  “You could say that,” I said. “Anyway, I’m pulling in now. I just wanted to call… and well, apologize.”

  “Well, consider yerself forgiven,” Danny said. “And don’t do it again!”

  “Alright, alright!” I said, laughing at Danny’s seriousness. “I won’t, I promise.”

  “Good, have a good night, Jace.”

  “You too, Merc,” I said before hanging up the Bluetooth device.

  I quickly parked the bike and moved through the lobby, hoping Danny hadn’t worried Mia too much. Luckily the elevator didn’t take too long and I was home within a few seconds. As the doors opened, I saw Mia pacing with her phone to her ear, obviously talking to someone.

  “I don’t know, Candy,” she said. “Should I call him? Maybe I’m being paranoid, right?”

  She paused and I watched as she listened to Candy’s response. Whatever she was saying seemed to be helping, and while I was glad that it was helping, this wasn’t Candy’s job right now. This was my fuck-up and I had to be the one to help. As the elevator doors closed, Mia jumped, glancing over and saw me standing there.

  “Actually, Candy, he just got in,” she said. “Can I call you later?”

  A quick pause at Candy’s reply and I watched as Mia smirked at me.

  “Yeah, I’ll make sure he gets the memo, thanks, Candy,” she said, pausing. “You too, have a good night.”

  As she hung up the phone and moved to step over towards me, I lifted my hands in defeat. She stopped, raising an eyebrow as she waited for me to speak up. I took a deep breath, running my hand through my hair wondering where exactly to begin.

  “I take it Candy had some choice words for me?” I started, hoping that would be a good place to begin.

  “Something like that,” she shrugged, her eyes narrowing at me.

  “Alright, fair enough,” I said, my shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry for worrying you, Mia. Danny said he called and I… I figured you wouldn’t believe what he said.”

  “Not for one instant,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “What happened, Jace? You better tell me everything.”

  I nodded in agreement, knowing she deserved to know the truth. So I told her. I told her about what I found, about who I found. I told her about the message. I admitted about my reaction to the message, even telling her about my drive. I took a deep breath, finishing with my revelation, hoping that that would help things out. I could see from the tightness in her lips that she wasn’t happy with the situation at all and I was relieved to see that the look had calmed since I told her about my revelation, about not doing this alone any longer.

  “You promise?” she said. “Promise you won’t do this bullshit again?”

  “I promise,” I said, glancing down at my feet. “I was being stupid.”

  “Yeah, you really were. Real fucking stupid.”

  I nodded slowly, realizing how upset Mia was. I hated that I’d done this to her, hated that my stupidity had effected both Mia and Danny like this. I ran my hand through my hair, glancing back at her. Her own shoulders had slumped as she sat at the dining room table, moving her hands to her thick, curly hair.

  “I was really worried, Jace,” she whispered.

  “I’m so sorry, Mia,” I said, moving to sit beside her. “I didn’t want to worry you this much…”

  “You can be such an idiot,” she whispered.

  “I know,” I agreed, wrapping my arms around her and holding her against me. “Anything I can do to make it up?”

  “Order pizza?” she asked. “I’m starving.”

  “Yeah, that Medieval Times food was good, but definitely not very filling, huh?” I said, smiling.

  She nodded, burrowing her face against my chest. I held her tight, taking out my phone as I did and made a quick order for food. The entire time I held her against me, needing her as much as she needed me then. I kissed her forehead, wondering just what else I could do for her.

  “Is there anything else I can do?” I offered.

  “I miss Candy,” she said. “Can we invite her over for dinner?”

  “Right now?” I asked, tilting my head.

  “Yeah, right now,” she nodded. “She isn’t working and I want to see her.”

  “Alright, why don’t you call her?” I said, smiling warmly. “Let her read me the riot act in person, right?”

  “Why don’t you invite Danny too?” she said, grinning. “They both can team up on you.”

  “You manipulative little… ,” I said, grinning.

  “Witch?” she offered, seeming to find something funnier than I understood.

  “Huh?”

  “Never mind, you wouldn’t get it,” she said, standing up.

  “Hey! Not if you don’t let me!” I called back as she began to head to the other room.

  “Give Danny a call!”

  “Alright, fine!” I pouted, grabbing my phone and making the call.

  ****

  Within forty-five minutes, both Danny and Candy had severely read me the riot act. I sighed, eating my own slice of pizza as we all sat in the living room. I glanced over as Mia and Candy chatted about something on the other couch.

  “Aw, don’t sulk so much, Jace,” Danny said, patting me on the back.

  “How many times do I have to say that hurts?” I asked.

  “Well, ya fuckin’ deserve it this time,” he said, shrugging. “So, what are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking we need to figure out what the other two messages are going to be and I’m thinking I shouldn’t go to those on my own.”

  “Good thinkin’, finally,” Danny agreed. “We can talk to the guys tomorrow and work things out. See who is free to join ya.”

  “You aren’t going to?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “I feel these are only leadin’ ta somethin’,” Danny said, patting his large stomach. “I gotta reserve all the energy I can fer those things.”

  “Really?” I rolled my eyes. “Wouldn’t want to lose any of that weight putting in some effort now, would we?”

  “Fuckin’ A,” he said, laughing. “Fat and proud, mothafucka. ‘Sides, tons of gays into the bears!”

  “Bears?” I asked and then shook my head. “Never mind, I don’t wanna know.”

  “Big, bearded, and gay,” Danny answered anyway.

  “That’s a thing?” I asked, blinking.

  “Yeah, Jace, that’s a thing,” he said, smirking.

  “What are we talking about?” Candy said, interrupting the conversation,

  “I was just teachin’ this boy about gay terminology,” Danny said, patting me on the back again and throwing me into a coughing fit. “Bears, specifically.”

  “What? Ya don’t know what a bear is?” Candy said, laughing. “Big, hairy, and gay, right?”

  “Close enough,” Danny shrugged.

  Mia smiled, her eyes twinkling in amusement at everyone’s taunting at me. I knew I deserved it and I couldn’t help but smile back at her. I couldn’t deny that it was nice to be with everyone like this.

  It felt…

  It felt like we were a family.

  I smiled, leaning back on the couch as I watched the others talk, wondering what my father would’ve thought of Mia. I knew my parents had loved Anne, although I remembered a few times when my father had asked if I thought she was really the one. My father had loved and
accepted Anne, but had worried about the differences in our lifestyles. Glancing over at Mia, I thought that he would’ve adored Mia. I frowned, wishing that they could’ve met Mia, wishing they were still here.

  “Jace? You okay over there?” Mia asked, her face filled with concern as she looked at me.

  “I’m okay,” I said, shaking my head. “Just thinking about my parents, that’s all.”

  “What about ‘em?” Danny asked.

  “Just wondering what they’d think of all this,” I said.

  “I think they’d approve of what you were doing,” Danny said, leaning back on the couch. “They’d fuckin’ adore Mia.”

  “R-really?” Mia asked, flushing in embarrassment.

  “Oh yeah,” Danny nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, they loved Anne. But even then, they could see the differences in lifestyle between Jace and her.”

  “Danny,” I frowned, not wanting to think anything bad of Anne.

  “Hey, I’m not saying different lifestyles are always a bad thing, Jace. And Annie definitely could handle her own,” Danny shrugged. “Just… it’s a dangerous life we live. And having a normal life ain’t exactly easy.”

  “Well, they certainly would’ve loved me then,” Mia laughed. “College grad gone whore.”

  “Hey,” I said, shaking my head. “My father had nothing against prostitutes. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He’s the reason I respect them so much.”

  “An’ besides, what’s wrong with bein’ a whore?” Candy said, raising an eyebrow.

  “Nothing, really,” Mia said, shaking her head. “Just wasn’t my first choice.”

  “Amen,” Candy said. “Ya ain’t good at it, either.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Mia challenged.

  “Ya were too interested in lovey-dovey shit,” Candy teased, bumping her on the couch.