Wrangled

by Natasha Stories

  We still didn’t say ‘love’ or ‘marry’ right out loud, but I thought Annalee understood me when I dreamed about the house I’d buy in Texas with my rodeo winnin’s, so I could get to where it was warm in the winter. She’d lay in my arms after we made love and listen to me for hours, slippin’ away in the early mornin’ to be there with ‘em when her kids woke up. Somewhere, she’d got hold of a walkie-talkie thing she called a baby monitor, so she could hear ‘em from my room if they woke in the night, but they hardly ever did. Them was sweet times, so sweet that I didn’t even notice that she was gettin’ quieter and quieter, the more I told her my dreams.

  Chapter 7

  Loving Cody was like heaven when we made love, and a torture after. He’d tell me all his rodeo dreams, and talk about a house in Texas, but he never did say I was to have a part in it. I couldn’t understand where we stood. He was sweet and loving, as good a lover as the man on the DVD, thanks to me teaching him some things that he took to like a duck in water. Once I got a baby monitor from Charity, I didn’t have to worry about having someone check on them, so I could spend almost every night with him, most of it anyway.

  The girls weren’t jealous, but I knew they were envious, especially Celeste. She’d turned eighteen, and was getting plenty of attention, but she hadn’t found that special someone yet. She told me that we might as well have been back at Bethel City with our husband for all the fun she was having. I’d given her the DVD and books, so she was looking for sparks, someone to turn her head around and make her love him like I loved Cody. So far, none of that had happened, and she was getting close to the end of the choices. We talked about her maybe leaving the ranch and moving into town, but Russ wanted her to wait for spring weather so she could get a car and learn to drive before it got bad again.

  It was getting on for spring, at least on the calendar, though we wouldn’t see warm weather for another three months, ‘til the end of May, at least. Cody was going to have to move back to the bunkhouse soon, as soon as the doctor cleared him to put one hundred percent of his weight on his leg without the cast and gave him the okay to ride. He was getting anxious about it, and sometimes I thought he didn’t want me around. I was really glad then that our slip-up with the condom hadn’t caught me pregnant. It was beginning to look like I wasn’t going to have Cody for mine after all, once he got out on the rodeo circuit.

  On top of that, Hank still didn’t like me. He tolerated what he knew we were doing, not saying anything about it because it was no one’s business but our own. But he never missed a chance to tell Cody how bad I was for him, or talk about how young Cody still was. Cody said he’d told Hank off, but I didn’t notice much of a change.

  It seemed like no time at all when Cody’s checkup was good enough the doctor told him he could put full weight on his leg, finally. It had been a long five months for him, though. He was so glad to move back to the bunkhouse, he didn’t even notice that I was sad. There wouldn’t be any more nights together now, not ‘til the weather got warm enough that we could sneak off somewhere and catch some time alone. And it wouldn’t be all night, because the baby monitor wouldn’t work very far out of the house, and I couldn’t leave my babies unsupervised.

  Rodeos down in Arizona, New Mexico and Texas were already in full swing, but Cody was bound to wait for something closer because he didn’t have the money to travel and stay away from the ranch for very long. That, and he had to borrow a rig from the ranch and didn’t want to get too far away with it. He sent in his fee for his first one in, down in Southern Utah. I waited for him to ask me to go with him, but he never said anything about it. When the time came for him to go, he kissed me goodbye and told me to wish him luck, then left me standing with Tali on my hip and Al at my side, watching the pickup and trailer disappear down the ranch road in a cloud of dust.

  I cried myself to sleep that night, the first time of what would turn out to be every night for a couple of weeks before Cody came home. But in the daytime, we were busy with getting the garden ready again, and on the few warm days the kids wanted to be outside after the long winter. Cody sent me a postcard from Moab that had beautiful pictures of the red canyons of the Colorado River, and I got a little homesick. The scenery around here wasn’t much different to the eye, except there was more red in the rocks that made up the cliffs of Southern Utah and Northern Arizona. Made it kind of drab in Wyoming, especially since the cold weather came earlier and stayed later, so there wasn’t much sunshine to pick up the color in the dirt and rocks.

  When Cody came back, we all crowded around to hear how he did. He said, “Well, I didn’t bring home no buckles.” He gave a little chuckle then, but he looked worn out to me, and not happy. I figured he didn’t want to say anything in front of the rest, wanted to wait to tell me his news in private. He was going to unload Abo and give him the care he needed after the long ride in the trailer, then clean up the trailer and pickup. He told me he’d see me at dinner. It looked like I was going to have to wait for a hug and kiss.

  After dinner, I bathed my kids and got them ready for bed, read them a story from a picture book, and put them down to sleep. Amber had agreed to come with her baby and watch them ‘til I got back, even though I couldn’t tell her when that would be. I rushed out to the barn to see if Cody was waiting there for me, but I found his uncle there, too, and he scowled at me when I came in.

  “Hi, Hank, Cody.”

  “You got no call to be out here, girl, get on back in the house,” he said coldly. I looked at Cody, and he looked pained, but he didn’t say anything.

  “Cody?”

  “We’re havin’ a talk, Annalee. I’ll come up to the house in a little while, if you still want to come out and visit awhile. That okay?”

  Feeling the tears starting, I left as fast as I could, after nodding my agreement. I’d sit in the kitchen, probably having to put Janet off about what was wrong, and hope he’d be there before it got too late.

  Janet didn’t much approve of my relationship with Cody. It was an open secret that she and Hank had a thing going. Charity said they were like cats, you knew they did it, but you couldn’t catch them at it. I couldn’t talk to her about Cody’s coldness to me, so we pretended to talk about other things, though I was seldom found in the kitchen that late and she had to know I was waiting for Cody.

  Janet gave up and went to bed around ten o’clock, needing to be up early to fix breakfast. I should have done the same, since I was her helper, but I wanted to see Cody, and I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t come after what he’d said. I needed his arms around me, and his kisses, to reassure me that he was still mine. By eleven, I knew he wasn’t coming, the knowledge searing into my heart like a branding iron. Cody didn’t want me anymore. He probably found some cowgirl at the rodeo that was more exciting than me, that didn’t have two kids. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I made my way to bed, sobbing silently into my pillow until I fell asleep.

  The next morning at breakfast, I couldn’t see anyone but him. He sat tall among the hands, telling stories about his events that were mostly funny. Russ asked him pointedly about prize money, and Cody flushed.

  “Not much, Boss. I won enough at the first rodeo to enter the second and get there, and that’s about the way it went. But, it’ll get better. My leg’s still kinda stiff, and that costs me some time gettin’ off Abo and to the calf.”

  “Are you keeping up with your physical therapy?”

  “When I can. Hard to do it in a motel room, without no equipment. But I do what I can.”

  That was the end of the discussion, and the hands all left to get to work after that. Without a glance at me, Russ excused himself and went to his office, leaving Charity and my sisters at the table with me. Celeste was the first to say anything.

  “Annalee, you look like somebody pulled you through a knothole backwards. What’s going on?” Trust Celeste to say exactly what was on her mind.

  “Nothing,” I answered, my eyes on my plate because I couldn’t loo
k any of these women in the face. I looked up just in time to see Charity shake her head at Celeste. As if by mutual consent, everyone got up right then, and took our plates into the kitchen, rinsed them off and put them in the industrial-sized dishwasher. It was a ritual that everyone better keep, or answer to Janet. Charity held me back when I would have followed the others out.

  “Annalee…”

  “Charity, I can’t talk about it yet. Please.” I knew the misery was coming off me in waves, but I couldn’t say it out loud. After more than six months together, after I’d given him my heart and made love with him, Cody didn’t want me, and it had only taken two weeks away from the ranch for that to happen. My dreams were shattered, my prospects not much better than they had been when I left Bethel City, though now I had a high school degree and some skill with computer programs. I’d think about that later, though. Right now, I needed to cry some more, and I couldn’t do it in front of Charity without an explanation. When she didn’t argue with me, I fled the room.

  Once I’d cried all my tears out, I started thinking about what I needed to do next. I’d have to leave the ranch, that much was plain to see. Cody was the only man I wanted, and if I couldn’t have him, I certainly couldn’t let Russ support me for the rest of my life. I was young, but thanks to Russ I had some skills. Celeste was wanting to move to town, maybe we could get a place together and find jobs. We wouldn’t be too far away from the younger girls, we could see them on weekends maybe. I couldn’t say I was excited, because it didn’t match my dream of finding a man and taking care of a family, but it began to cheer me some as I realized I could make it on my own.

  I washed my face and went to find Celeste.

  “Annalee, you tell me what’s going on right this minute, or I’m not talking to you.” Celeste was mad at me, because I hadn’t told her at breakfast, I guess.

  “Celeste, I just…it’s Cody.”

  “What about him? What’s he done to you?” she asked, her fierce look breaking out. Cody would be in big trouble if he walked in right then, and he hadn’t even done anything. That was the trouble.

  “He hasn’t done anything to me, except ignore me,” I confessed. “He said to wait for him in the house while he talked to Hank, but he never came.” Fresh tears threatened to spill over.

  “Why? What’s happened that he’d be that way?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him alone. I guess maybe he found someone else, while he was riding in those rodeos.” Saying it out loud was like a knife to my heart, and I sank onto her bed, wrapping my arms around myself and drawing my legs up to help the pain.

  “Oh, honey. How could that be? He’s over the moon for you,” she said.

  “Not anymore. He hasn’t even kissed me hello or given me a hug, since he got back. Too busy with Hank, I guess. And Hank’s never liked me, so maybe Cody’s finally listening to him.” I pulled myself together with an effort, and went on in what I hoped was a stronger voice. “Are you still planning on moving to town?”

  “Yes, as soon as I can find a place. Russ told me I was welcome to stay here, but I’ve run out of cowboys and still not found a good one. All except Cody, of course.” If she meant that as a joke, it was the wrong thing to say. I looked at her with a stricken expression, and she said, “Oh, honey, I wouldn’t make a play for your man.”

  “I guess you could,” I said listlessly. “He doesn’t seem to be mine anymore.”

  “Let’s not talk about him,” said Celeste. “What I meant to say was, when I told Russ I’d just as soon move on, he offered to help with a deposit and first three months rent on an apartment, and to give me money for groceries and diapers until I can find a job and start earning a paycheck. Bet he’d do the same for you.”

  “I’m sure he would. Celeste? Would you want to get a place with me? We could maybe find jobs that had different hours so we could watch each other’s kids and not have to pay a babysitter.”

  “That’s a great idea! So, you want to leave the ranch? Then let’s do that!”

  “I don’t want to, it’s become my home. But I can’t see a future here now. I’d best move on and try to make a life for myself.” Grief filled me at what I’d be losing, but I’d already lost the most important part of why I was here. “Do you have your driver’s license yet, Celeste?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Let’s borrow a rig and go apartment-hunting today.” The sooner I could get away where I wouldn’t have to see Cody, the better I’d like it.

  We left the kids with our sisters and borrowed Russ’s SUV. Apartment hunting was discouraging. The best we could find was two-bedroom apartments, and Celeste flatly declared that she wasn’t going to have her son sleeping with her in her room, in case she wanted another kind of company. We didn’t think we could afford a house, though the idea appealed to me because then we could have a little yard for the kids to play in . But, after going to a lot of real estate offices, we found a little house that had just been renovated for rent. Built sometime in the 1970s, it was boxy and unattractive, with a tiny kitchen, but it did have three bedrooms and one and a half baths. That would be important as we had only one of the kids potty trained, and the other two were getting to that point. It was twelve hundred a month, six hundred for each of us, and we thought we could swing that if we got jobs soon. The agent waived the security deposit when he found out Russ White was our guardian, and took Russ’s blank check to hold until Russ himself could come look at the house.

  As we left, I noticed a Help Wanted sign in the window, and nudged Celeste. She looked at it, and mouthed, “Go for it.” So, I turned around and asked the agent what kind of help he wanted.

  “I need an assistant. Do you have a real estate license?”

  “No,” I said, feeling glum. “I have a GED and I know some about word processing and spreadsheets. But I don’t have a real estate license, or even a driver’s license.”

  He looked surprised, and then said, “Can you get your driver’s license?”

  “Yes, sir. I just have to take my test.” He nodded, made a note on a pad he had in front of him.

  “Are you available for full-time work?” I glanced quickly at Celeste, who nodded hard.

  “Yes, sir. I’d need to work full time. I have two kids to support.”

  “Would you be willing to study for a real estate license if I paid for it?” I wasn’t sure what I was hearing, but it sounded like he might be offering me a job.

  “Yes, sir. I’d study hard. But, Celeste and I are sharing babysitting, so if I’m working days, she’s going to have to get a night-shift job. When would I study for the license, and where?”

  “Most of the classes are available online, you could study here in the office while you work. I’ve had that sign out for three months, and no takers. If you want the job, it’s yours.”

  Excitement flared inside me, but I still had some questions that needed answers. “What are the hours, and what is the pay, if I may ask?”

  “Nine to five weekdays, and you’ll need to do some open houses on weekends once you have your license. Two thousand a month to start, and when you’re licensed there’ll be commission share.” I wasn’t the fastest at math, but that sounded like plenty to get started on, and best of all, it led to a career.

  “Then yes, sir, I’d like to have that job.”

  “When can you start?”

  “As soon as we can move into the house.” Celeste was almost bouncing, she was so excited.

  We called Russ from the real estate office, to tell him the good news and ask him to come see the house, which he said he could do that afternoon, so instead of going back to the ranch, we went shopping in thrift stores for the furniture we’d need. We met Russ at the house at three, and he approved. Then we went around to where we’d found some used beds, a youth bed and a couple of cribs, hoping he’d loan us the money to get them. It wasn’t a fully-furnished house, but it was a start. When he saw them, though, Russ balked.


  “I don’t want you sleeping on used beds. When is the house available?”

  “It’s empty now. Mr. Clark said we could move in anytime we wanted.”

  “Okay, then let’s go home. You can shop for the furniture you need online at the R.C.Willey website, and we’ll have them deliver it all from Salt Lake.”

  We just gaped at him. Judging from the prices of used furniture, we were talking about several thousand dollars worth of furniture. It was more than we could have expected. Celeste found her voice first.

  “Russ, we’ve lived with you for nearly a year and a half, now, and we know you must have some money. But seriously, just how rich are you?”

  I hadn’t ever seen Russ laugh that hard. He threw his head back and just roared, until Celeste started to get mad. Then he put his arm around her and whispered, loud enough for me to hear too, “Can I tell you a secret?”

  “You better,” she hissed.

  “I’m very, very rich. Don’t worry about it.”

  That was all we were going to get, but it came as a big relief. I asked him if we could pay him back on time, and he said he wouldn’t dream of it. Then he went in to talk to Mr. Clark, asking us to wait outside.

  I was so excited that things had worked out so quickly, that I almost forgot to be sad about Cody, until we got back to the ranch. Dinner was already started, so everyone looked at us as we came in. Russ announced that Celeste and I would be moving into Rawlins in a few days, setting the younger girls to chattering and asking questions faster than we could answer them. When I said I already had a job, I saw Cody jerk his head up, but I was trying not to look at him, so I didn’t react.

  For a long time after dinner, I wondered if I should go out to the barn and try to talk to Cody, but there didn’t seem to be much point. I decided that if he wanted to talk to me, he’d come to the house and ask for me, but of course he didn’t. That settled it in my mind. He didn’t want me. I’d have to get over him somehow.

  That night, for the first time in several weeks, I touched myself for comfort. Before Cody left for the rodeo, I made love with him every night, and while he was gone it felt kind of disloyal, so I didn’t do it. Now it occurred to me that it may be a long, long wait for another night of sweet loving. I couldn’t get anywhere, though. Those feelings had no place to land without a man beside me. If I was honest, without Cody beside me. I wondered how it had happened, that I came to love him so much after I just chose him from among the others because he looked good to me. Looking back, it seemed to me that we fell in love because we wanted to fall in love. At least, I did. I didn’t remember a single time when he’d said he loved me. That should have been my first clue, I thought bitterly.