Journey from Guwahati to Machhiwara

by Rajiv Bakshi

  P.S. : Dhirubhai Ambani after his death went to Heaven. He was curious to know from Anil Ambani and Tina Ambani about his company “RELIANCE” and the Rs. 501 Scheme. When Dhirubhai talked to Anil on Reliance Cellphone, Anil said “Papa our Reliance Customers are growing by leaps and bounds. But I cannot properly hear your voice. Let me talk to you from my AirTel connection”.

  Can we live without Mobile these days ? Think again ! May be yes 

  Resolutions are made to be Broken

  Resolution of a five year kid:

  I am not going to be late for school today

  Resolution of a young executive:

  I am not going to be late for office today

  Resolution by a young wife on her hubby’s Birthday:

  I am not going to pester my husband with my demands

  Resolution of a forty years old man:

  I am not going to drink

  One can think of hundreds of resolutions and one will find that on paper and on the day of the resolution they look very attractive and hi-fi. But only after a few days they are broken like a house of cards.

  The most broken resolution is by a Politician. He vows in front of 50000 strong crowd that he has been born and brought up in Culture of Party A. But a few days after he is given a plump ministerial post in Party B, he forsakes Party A and breaks his resolution and joins the bandwagon of Ministers of Party B.

  The resolution by an actor and actress are also one of the glariest examples of being broken. An actress will resolve that in future she will not act in a film with Director X, and a few days later it comes to light that the same actress is going to marry Director X.

  The resolutions by husbands and wife are usually broken on the very first day they are made. A husband promises that he is not coming late from office from tomorrow.

  But the next day the poor chap is so busy in office that he is slogging till 8 pm. So in order to get a bit of KICK, he goes to a restaurant and has a couple of drinks and reaches home at 11 pm. Where has his resolution gone? It has gone down the drain. He again makes a resolution on that night only but it gets broken on the very next day. Thus the vicious circle moves on.

  The resolutions made by a wife are usually shattered before they are made. She resolves that she will be prudent in spending money from the next month. But the resolution gets broken the day she receives the salary from the hubby dear. She joins a kitty party on the first of the following month and has to pay Rupees 5000 per month. The poor husband has to take loan every month or he goes for a loan from Citi Bank where he has to pay interest at 24 percent per annum. Or the husband takes loan from his friends or relatives.

  The wife resolves that when the husband comes home he will be treated to nice cup of tea with snacks. But when he comes to his home, he is rebuked by her that he must mind his physique, He is getting over weight and what not. The husband is not helping in household chores. He is busy in only TV and Internet.

  Both the husband and wife resolve that they have had enough fights and now on their marriage anniversary which falls on March 25, they are driving out to some hill station for a change. But this resolution is also broken because in the month of March the poor husband gets only Rupees ten thousand as carry home salary and the rest of money has gone for making investment to save income tax.

  A man resolves that he is not going to have drinks as it is bad for his health. But on the same day the Boss is transferred and on his relieving party the drinks are served. The poor guy can not resist the offer and the resolution gets broken.

  A student of tenth class resolves that he is going to work hard for his examination and not to waste time in future. But the resolution is broken when on Cable the movie Queen is being screened. Papa, Mama, Didi are going to a multiplex to see Happy New Year. How can you expect the young brat to study?

  An employee comes late to the office daily. He has a readymade excuse daily. The Boss rebukes him. The employee resolves that he will come to office on time. The next day he gets ready for office at 9 am. The poor guy starts on bike and on the way he is signaled by one of his female acquaintance to drop her at office which is about 20 kilometers from this place. What else could he want?. The girl reaches her office in time at 10 am while the poor man reaches his office at 11 am.

  There are hundreds of other resolutions which are broken almost on the very day they are made. I have classified the BROKEN RESOLUTIONS under the following five categories:

  1. Resolutions broken before they are made.

  2. Resolutions broken on the day when they are made ie within 12 hours.

  3. Resolutions broken within 24 hours.

  4. Resolutions broken within a month

  5. Resolutions those are never broken.

  If all people make resolutions (SIC !!!) and they fall under the fifth category then we will be in a stage of utopia and we can proudly say “Achhe Din aa rahe hain”

  Can you find a person who has never broken a single resolution in his life and fits in category five?

  Husbands – Beware Do Not Shop

  Sometime around early 2000, I had the luxury of getting reprieve from Punjab heat in June to visit Srinagar on a long official tour for 10 days. After finishing the Vigilance Inspection at 4 branches, I was free on the last day of my stay in Srinagar. Getting a free day during the official visit is a very happy feeling, even though some people think that I hardly work in my job but I know it I work hard. The debate of me working hard vs hardly working will continue forever like a Coffee Toffee – Toffee Coffee ad way back in early 1990’s. Coming back to the topic at hand, I decided to try my hand at shopping on the free day. Money is no problem for a banker because the bank has given us “limit” so we do not have to see whether the paycheck has been received or not. If we have a limit of say Five lac and our debit balance is Four lac we can easily shop for One lac. It is another matter that for every Five lac debit balance we have to dish out more than five thousand as interest per month. In other words our salary gets reduced by five thousand. Conversely the money, which we were to get at the time of retirement, will be less by five lacs.

  Anyways since it was the first time I decided to shop for my family without thinking too much on the financial impact of my deeds. I went to a big shop in Lal Chowk and the proprietor who spoke excellent English lured me to buy suits and sarees for my better half. I had decided to buy one suit but the proprietor cum salesman cajoled me for buying at least 4-5 suits. Coming to Srinagar and not buying anything! What a shame!

  Karim showed me Handmade suits, Embroidered suits, Machine embroidered ones, Chiffon suits, Chinon suits, Cotton suits, Warm suits, Kashmiri suits etc. ranging from Rs 1000 to Rs 1500. After a lot of bargaining the price was settled and KarimBhai offered me rebate of 50% on all suits since I had come from Punjab and was on holiday, as he thought. My joy knew no bounds when I calculated that each suit will give me a saving of Rs.500 to Rs.750. I thought that if I purchase ten suits at rate of Rs.500 per suit I will make a clean profit of Rs.5000 in this deal.

  First time in my life I mustered courage to do so much SHOPPING. I told KarimBhai that I did not have so much cash. He told me over a cup of tea that even a cheque will do. He had come to know that I was a Banker and a Banker’s cheque will hardly fail. He knew all about Section 138 of Negotiable Instruments Act and the consequences a drawer faced when the cheque is returned on account of “Insufficient Funds”.

  I purchased ten suits for Rs.5000/- for my wife, sister, sister in law, nieces feeling delighted and thinking that that I made a good bargain. Not satisfied with this shopping I went to a leather emporium, where I spotted beautiful purses. These were all in the range of Rs.600 to Rs.1000. On some men purses I saw the trademark “Woodlands” written. When I asked for the price from the salesman Abdul Rashid, he said that in a proper showroom of Woodlands in the land of five rivers i.e. Punjab it will cost no less than Rs.1500. But here since they were the manufacturers of the purses I will be given 50 to 60% rebate. The purse wil
l be mine for Rs. 500 and I again mustered some courage and did shopping worth Rs. 4000 collecting purses for myself, my son and some family friends and relatives.

  Two big shopping spree in a day and I was loving it, I can now imagine when the ladies shop tirelessly and with much enthusiasm every day of the week with a big smile. Next day was my flight from Srinagar to Jammu. With so much of luggage I had to do yet another shopping - a suitcase and handbag to pack my previous day shopping items. I just checked in at airport five minutes before the boarding time of 12.45P.M.

  There is so much of checking, frisking of passengers, traffic rush that it takes minimum two hours to reach the airport from the main city. When the luggage was weighed it turned out to be more than the prescribed free luggage, I had to pay extra money for extra luggage. This was turning out to be quite an affair.

  When I reached home I was very happy that I did so much shopping and it will be appreciated. I opened packets after packets in the morning. There were pungent comments that the embroidery was too small or it was too big. The color of the shirt did not match with the salwar or the dupatta was of different color.

  Then came the turn of opening purses. The purses were too long or too short. These were not fit to be taken to the school. Or the purses were too girlish!

  Oh come on, I had spent an entire day shopping and feeling good about it and end result was my family, even though appreciating the effort was not loving the items. Of course I was disheartened and irritated and I decided once for all not to shop again. It was supposed to be one of the boldest decisions of my life. But HUSBANDS BEWARE DO NOT SHOP. Shop only for the goods you need. I had bought one Blue “Khan” suit for myself and it was one of the best shopping I had done for myself. When my wife was away to school, I collected all the suits and purses and gave them to one of the shopkeepers who had a beautiful showroom in the city. I told him to sell these goods at any reasonable price and give me the money back. Just after a week I got a message on my mobile that all these items were selling like hot cake and I had made a profit Rs. 5000 in the bargain.

  Now my wife is asking me when I am going to Srinagar again ?

  But lesson learnt the hard way – No shopping please !

  Birthdays, Marriage Anniversary & Karva Chauth

  I don’t know my dear readers that for how long you have been married. But I can tell you from my own experience and those of my friends, relatives and acquaintance that buying a new suit, a new sari, a new dress for even a very small occasion comes in the mind of the fairer sex very often.

  In the first year of your marriage, your wife has enough clothes. She has enough suits, saris and skirts. She does not demand more dresses because the poor husband spends minimum 50 percent of his salary on paying for his accommodation and 25 percent for car or scooter loan installments and rest for food, entertainment and ration. Where is the money for buying new clothes and new dresses?

  With the passage of time in marriage the demands of the wife increases from day to day. One year after his marriage, the husband out of his love and affection for his wife buys and presents her a suit for Rupees ten thousand. Even after shelling out so much money the wife does not like her dress. She is in no mood to repeat this dress at any second function. If the wife has worn a new suit for her Birthday, she will never wear the same dress on for her niece birthday. The niece at the time of attending her Massis Birthday was five years old, who wont even remember or care what her massi was wearing. As long as the cute princess gets her birthday present, she does not really care.

  The poor husband has to go to various banks and LIC offices or Post Offices to get his FDR discounted, or get the lien marked on the LIC Policies or withdraw money from the Post Office after paying some discounted charges. The poor husband had saved a lot of money before his marriage. He was happy with three or four trousers and an equal number of slim fit shirts. There was no qualm of wearing the same black pant twice, three times or even four times a week.

  With the passage of time the husband in order to please his wife more often increases the number of gifts in a year from one to two. The husband now makes it a point to give one suit to his wife on her Birthday and second suit on her marriage anniversary. But the quench for the suits, saris and skirts still remain.

  These days most of the women are working and earning pretty good. But how many of them are contributing in the household expenditure? Usually the wife’s salary goes out for buying gold, diamond set, scooter, car or the bigger car. She has to pay loan installments from her salary to a nationalized Bank.

  Almost a decade after the marriage, the wife gets a new dress for her Birthday, Marriage anniversary and Karva Chauth (fast kept by the ladies for the well being of their husband). These days the husbands are considerate to pay out of their hard earned money the luxury of three suits in a year. If the suit demanded by the wife is a Designers suit, then the poor hubby has to feel the burnt. A Nalini sari above the range of Rupees ten thousand is just OK type for the considerate wife!

  Three suits in a year for his wife, no husbands minds may be he is a Banker like me or any other government official. But what to do if the wife is working in a school or working as a Doctor and she has to attend a kitty party every month. She needs a special and new dress for each outing. Besides this there are so many other functions and marriages in their circle of friends which they have to attend every year. Every lady wants a new sari on a marriage of her relatives. If the marriage has three or four functions like Shagun, Cocktail, Reception then she needs a new dress for each function.

  One can imagine the expenditure of the poor husband in that month.

  If the wife is working in a prestigious school and she has to give a speech in front of the Chief Guest at schools annual day, a new sari is a must. Even for judging a dance competition of a KG class, new dress for that teacher is a must. The best part was when Mr Mehra told me that his wife Ritu who was working in a reputed school in Ludhiana was going for picnic to the Science City near Jallandhar and she demanded a new sari for this outing !!!

  PS: Hats off to the husbands for fulfilling the small demands of their wives.

  Morning Tea @8.12 am

  My friend Alok had just retired from a nationalized bank as a Senior Manager in the leap year-2012. He is a gentleman in the perfect sense. His son is working as a Project Manager in IBM and also daughter- in-law, in Apple. Alok’s wife is from a hill state and is working as a Principal in a prestigious school in Ludhiana. Alok has no regrets in his life. He makes it a point to give all his salary to his wife so that he is tension free. After his retirement he is giving his entire pension to his wife keeping a meager amount of Rs.500 for his monthly ‘kharcha’.

  The total funds which he got from the Bank have been kept in the shape of fixed deposits for which my friend is getting substantial amount of monthly interest. What Alok needs every month is, Rs 5500 for his car expenses and Rs 1500 for his mobile bill. The rest of the money goes to the better half for her kitty.

  Ever since he retired from the bank, he is trying to look for a suitable job in the private sector. One who has worked as a Senior Manager in a Nationalized bank will not go for a job in a Laala company even if he is offered a job of Rs 50000 per month. The Banker is used to a glass of water covered with coaster at 10am. After this, tea time at 11:30 am with his staff or customers. High Deposit customer means bread pakora or paneer pakora from Kalra sweets shop or from Pannu De Pakore shop. With Boss’s visits at the Branch, then it’s time for a lavish lunch from Baba chicken, so on and so forth. At 2.15 pm it is lunchtime with staff and back to work at 3 pm.

  My friend Alok had a chance to open a prestigious new branch in one of the suburbs of Ludhiana. The area was flooded with money. My friend achieved the target of deposit and advances for March 2012 in the month of February 2012 after 8 months of opening the branch.

  After retirement no more worry for my banker friend. No getting up early in the morning at 5.30 am to catch the 8.12 am bus from the bus
stand. No worry to get the leave from office. No worry to tell Mr. Walia or Mr. Khurana that the Senior Manager will be on leave for three days to visit his friend in Gurgaon for his daughter’s marriage. Retired life is a big boon for my friend Alok.

  But what Alok has not been able to digest is the meager (sick!) amount of pension he gets. His friends in Army in the rank of Colonel are getting Rupees 60000/- per month. PAU Professor gets more than Rupees 50000/-per month. The poor banker is ashamed to tell his pension vis-à-vis his friends from other departments.

  It was God sent opportunity when new Chief Manager Khurana joined the same bank. He was staying away from his family in New Delhi but living close to Alok in Ludhiana. Alok got close to him. Khurana once committed the greatest mistake of his life by serving handmade tea to Alok. The tea made from powdered milk reminded Alok of his days when he was posted in Guwahati, Dibrugarh and Jorhat as an Officer. Now Alok visits Khurana daily at 8.12am to have his morning quota of tea. The Pension of retired Senior Manager has increased by Rupees 250/- per month (if we take cost of tea @ Rupees 10/- per day). It is not as if my Banker friend cannot afford tea at his house. He takes tea at 6.30 am and second at 7.45am.. But the tea taken at 8.12 am is the sweetest in every sense. The tea at 6.30am is prepared by my friend’s wife and at 7.45 am by his maid servant and at 8.12am by the Chief Manager (soon to be the Zonal Manager of the bank). A few days back Khurana had to go for Bank’s training at Noida for 6 days and the POOR BANKER was suffering from DEPRESSION that this month his PENSION has been reduced by Sixty rupees!!

  PS: Pension is the life line of Retirees.