Betrayal

by Margaret Bingley

  The genuine anguish on the nurse's face was terrible and Lisa turned away. She closed her eyes and tried to recapture some of her pleasure in the day that was rapidly becoming little more than a distant memory.

  'Your loyalty's very touching,' sneered Neal. 'However, it does seem to me that such attachment to my wife isn't entirely healthy and precludes any chance of a dispassionate approach to her case. She'll be better off without you even if it's hard for her at first.'

  Nurse Clarke was ashen, aware of the enormity of her mistake. She swallowed hard. 'I'm sorry about my earlier remark,' she began. 'I suppose I sounded unsympathetic but… '

  'Just go.' Neal's voice was casual. 'If you want a good reference I suggest you don't make any kind of scene when you return to collect your personal possessions. If you're right about the strength of my wife's feelings for you, then you should be able to help her make the transition to a new nurse more easily.'

  Lisa saw the nurse's hands trembling and she was having trouble keeping back tears as she collected her bag and coat. 'I'm sorry' said Lisa impulsively. 'I never meant… '

  The nurse glanced round and saw her employer was standing outside the front door talking to his chauffuer. 'You cunning little bitch!' she hissed. 'I can see what you're doing: playing the innocent and keeping him waiting. He won't marry you, you know. He can't, not so long as his wife's alive, and there's nothing wrong with her physical health. She could easily outlive him the way things are going, and then where will you be?'

  'It isn't like that!'

  'And the moon's made of green cheese, I take it? You all make me sick! None of you consider her feelings. That poor woman. I'm all she had, and now you've taken even me away. I only hope you can live with yourself.'

  'Ready?' enquired Neal, and stood to one side as he let her out. 'I'm not sorry to see her go!' he continued cheerfully, turning back to Lisa. 'I've been waiting for an excuse to… What's the matter? What did she say to you?'

  'Nothing,' murmured Lisa, sitting down on the nearest chair. 'I'm a bit tired, that's all.' But she wasn't, she was suddenly seeing herself through the eyes of the nurse and she didn't like what she saw one little bit.

  Neal took out his diary. 'Right, let's get organised. There's an important dinner on Saturday night that we ought to attend. Formal, your blue silk would be about right. Then on Sunday… '

  'I can't come,' she said tightly. 'You've just sacked the nurse and Jessica can't be left with an untrained babysitter these days.'

  'I'll get someone who knows what autistic means by Saturday. Now, on Sunday… ' 'What about your wife?' 'Naomi?'

  'Unless you've got others I don't know about.' 'Lisa, calm down.'

  'I didn't like what Nurse Clarke said.'

  'I thought she'd said something to you . One minute you were fine and the next you looked as though you'd just discovered there was no such person as Father Christmas.'

  'Perhaps I did. She made me realise what I look like to other people. I didn't stop to think before. I'd assumed that when you said Naomi didn't like doing the social round with you, that was true.'

  'It is.'

  'Have you asked her to anything lately?' 'No.'

  'Then for all you know, she's changed. Also, I don't like thinking of myself as just another number in a long line of women you've taken around.'

  'You're not!' he protested.

  'Nurse Clarke implied otherwise.'

  'I'd just sacked the bloody woman, she wasn't likely to sing my praises! Use your common sense.'

  'I suppose I've been naive not thinking about what it must look like to other people. We know we're only friends but… '

  'What I feel for you is far deeper than friendship. The only reason I haven't made it more obvious is because I know you're not over your disastrous marriage, but I'm not taking you around with me as an act of charity. All my contributions to charity are strictly tax-deductible!' He gave a short laugh.

  Lisa sighed. 'She's spoilt it, hasn't she? I had such a lovely day as well.'

  'I'm going,' he said abruptly. 'You're over-tired and not thinking straight. What does it matter if some people don't approve of you? You can't go through life pleasing everyone, and she was only an employee of mine. I could understand your attitude more if you'd been snubbed socially, but that's not going to happen. In all the years Kay and I were together it never happened to her, and I promise it won't happen to you either.'

  'You don't understand what I'm talking about, but I suppose it's always different for the man.'

  'It will work out all right. Just put Nurse Clarke out of your mind.' She nodded, knowing full well that she couldn't but not wanting to spoil their day any more than she had done already. 'Do I have to wear the blue silk on Saturday?' she asked lightly.

  'Of course not! Wear what you like. Why not go out and buy something new. I know a very good woman who's just starting her own business off Bond Street. She's going to be very popular, but at the moment she'll have time to work out a style that's uniquely you. I've got a card of hers somewhere.' And he began to go through his wallet.

  Lisa kissed him lightly on his left cheek. 'You're very sweet. I don't know what I'd do without you at the moment.'

  As he handed over the card, he smiled. 'I'll always be here,' he assured her. She thought it strange that such a reassuring remark should make the hairs at the back of her neck prickle, and as though her unease was contagious, Jessica chose that moment to begin crying.

  With her awake, Neal quickly left. 'I'll let you know about a new nurse,' he promised, hurrying away. 'You could interview a couple if you like. Choose the one you feel comfortable with.'

  He thought of everything, she reflected; everything to make her secure. He was also intelligent, and exuded an aura of confidence and power that was undeniably attractive. Then why, she wondered, was she so hesitant about their relationship?

  During the next two hours, as she struggled to get Jessica back to sleep, she pushed the problem away. Sometimes she thought she was deliberately punishing herself by resisting becoming his mistress. As though as long as she didn't let him make love to her she wasn't harming Naomi or his children. That was the only logical way to explain her fear of total commitment to a man who obviously thought highly of her, and who could save her from having to cope alone with Jessica.

  'You could have been a model!' exclaimed Carol in delight as she slipped the tape measure around Lisa's hips. 'I must thank Mr Gueras for sending you here. We'll really set them talking between us. Dramatic colours but no frills, that's how we'll do it. Of course you'd look good in a sack, but that wouldn't get me any attention! You do like clothes, I hope?' she added, breaking off a monologue that had started the moment Lisa walked in the door of the tiny shop tucked away behind Bond Street.

  'I suppose so. I like to look good for special things, but the rest of the time I usually wear slacks.'

  'What does Mr Gueras say about that?' 'Nothing. It isn't really his business.'

  Carol pulled a small face. 'Don't tell me you think that would stop him! I was a friend of Kay's—don't worry, she was bound to get the elbow one day, it wasn't your fault—and I know he absolutely forbade her to wear slacks. You say you've got an important dinner this weekend? Well, I've got a lovely red and black number in shot silk that would probably… '

  'Kay left Neal,' interrupted Lisa. 'Sorry?'

  'You said she was bound to get the elbow, but she left him. Apparently she wanted to settle down and find herself a husband.'

  Carol flushed slightly. 'Very probably. I never saw her after they split up. She died before I had a chance to talk to her. Naturally I assumed… Still, Mr Gueras should know.'

  'Are you surprised that she'd leave?'

  'It's nothing to do with me,' said Carol quickly. 'She always seemed potty about him, but she was getting older and perhaps… Anyway, let's talk about something more cheerful—like clothes!' In a relatively short space of time, Lisa chose three evening dresses, two day dresses that would
be made up for her, and a selection of vivid casual clothes suitable for wearing around the house. Before she left , Carol brought her a cup of coffee and invited her into her small office. 'If you like I could work on an Autumn collection just for you. I've got the time and it would help both of us. What do you think?' 'That's the best idea I've heard for ages. Neal wanted me to go to the big fashion shows but… '

  'You'll have to go to them as well. He'll expect you to wear designer clothes most of the time, but if I do the specials and people like them I'll be made!'

  'Will you really?'

  'Of course. That's how it works. You've got a little girl, haven't you? How about one or two matching dresses for her. I know it's rather twee but it's still an attention grabber, and all girls like dressing up.'

  Lisa shook her head. 'I don't think so.'

  'Why not? I bet she's as beautiful as you, you'd look fantastic together.'

  'She is beautiful,' said Lisa slowly, 'but she's also handicapped.'

  Carol looked down at the floor. 'I'm sorry, I didn't realise. I'd heard Mr Gueras mention your beautiful daughter and… '

  'He did what!'

  'At least he isn't bothered by her handicap. It was at a meeting I went to. I was trying to raise capital. He was there and said he might be able to put some custom my way and that his… that he knew this attractive young woman with a beautiful daughter who'd be perfect for my style of clothes.'

  'He must think that since people are bound to see her eventually it's better to talk about her than ignore her, which is what he does when he visits.'

  'What's wrong with her?' 'She's autistic.'

  'What does that mean?'

  Lisa sighed. 'Unfortunately that's what most people ask. I can't explain but there's no way she could be dressed up in clothes like yours. Neal's invested in your business, has he?'

  'Along with a few other people, but he's the main backer.' 'Did Kay ever wear your clothes? '

  'No, she went for the town and country, Jaeger look. Besides, until recently I only designed for myself. I worked as a fashion editor for a woman's magazine—that was really tacky.'

  'I hope you do well,' smiled Lisa, finishing her coffee. It was only when she was in the shop doorway that she managed to catch Carol off guard. 'How long had Kay been interested in boats?' she asked abruptly, and Carol's expression told her the answer.

  Back home there were two women waiting outside the front door. The younger of them automatically took a step back when she followed Lisa indoors and saw Jessica standing naked in a corner of the room, banging her head rhythmically against the wall while a defeated-looking Mike sat in the middle of the settee, watching her. The older woman's reactions were more reassuring. 'Poor little thing,' she said gently. 'It's difficult to understand why they're so self-destructive, isn't it? You must be frantic with worry.'

  'I am,' admitted Lisa, murmuring her thanks to Mike as he slipped away. She talked to both women but it was the older of the two that she chose after discovering she'd spent three years with another autistic child, until he finally went into a home.

  'I never want Jessica to go away,' said Lisa firmly. 'You see, I think that if I only spend enough time with her I might be able to break through in some way. I've got to try or I'll never know . If I sent her away and she got worse, I'd always blame myself. Is that silly?'

  'Very commendable. Mind you, never is a very long time.' 'That's why I need help.'

  'We'll work out a routine,' said Nurse Anthony calmly. 'Then the little one won't notice the difference when you're not here.' 'Except that it will be you and not me who's seeing to her!' 'It's the routine that matters most to them.'

  'Is it?' asked Lisa despairingly. 'Don't you think people matter to her at all?'

  'They might,' the nurse responded cheerfully. 'Who knows? But as long as I'm a familiar face as well as you, it should be all right. When would you like me to start?'

  'Would Friday be convenient?'

  'Certainly, and don't worry, Mrs Walker. We'll take care of her between us.'

  When Nurse Anthony had gone, Lisa walked over to Jessica, now sitting down and making complicated patterns with her fingers. 'Time to put some clothes on,' she said quietly as she crouched in front of her daughter. For a brief moment their eyes met and immediately Jessica stiffened and her eyes slid away as she tried to scamper off on all fours. Lisa reached out but wasn't quick enough. She watched as the little girl went sideways round the room like a small crab, making huge detours past a chair and a coffee table that blocked her path. Jessica uttered harsh guttural sounds as she moved, keeping her head tilted so that it was impossible for her mother to catch her eye again. When it became obvious that the child would continue scuttling round the room until she dropped, Lisa was forced to make a lunge for her and carry her, rigid and kicking, to the settee where she began trying to put back the clothes torn off in her absence.

  'To think you were offered exclusive dresses!' she said ruefully. 'Oh, Jessica, what's going to become of you?' Suddenly, Jessica lay still, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. 'I love you,' whispered Lisa, bending down close to her daughter's ear. 'I love you more than anything on earth, do you know that? I want you to know it, Jessica. I love you, and I always will.'

  Jessica didn't move, not even when tears from her mother's eyes plopped on to her upturned face. It was as though Lisa didn't exist.

  By the time the Henley Regatta came round, Lisa and Neal were an established couple on the social circuit. Nurse Janice Anthony had helped Lisa find a routine that suited Jessica and she no longer had to worry about her daughter when she was out. She often thought that because she had an exciting life outside the home she was better able to cope when she was there, and coping was becoming more of a challenge as time went by.

  The weather for the Regatta was perfect; warm, sunny and dry. Lisa looked wonderful. Carol had designed her a calf-length dress of floating chiffon in palest ivory, its tightly gathered waist accentuated by a wide sash in deep pink. Round the bottom of the skirt there was a generous scattering of matching rosebuds and when Lisa moved they seemed to sway in a gentle breeze. The final touch that made the dress truly outstanding was in the sleeves. These were long and shaped like an inverted 'V' inlaid with lace, ending just below the middle fingers of both hands. They were kept in place by tiny mother-of-pearl rings that fitted over the middle fingers.

  Her hair was slightly longer now, curling gently to just below her ears, and although her face appeared devoid of makeup it had actually taken her over an hour in front of her makeup mirror to get such a natural look.

  The amount of time and effort that had gone into her appearance brought due reward to Carol, Lisa and Neal. Lisa's photographs dominated not only the fashion magazines the following month but also some of the national papers, and so many women asked her where she'd bought her dress that Carol was swamped with orders for something similar, although she refused to duplicate what Lisa had worn, knowing that it had been right only for her.

  Neal was delighted by Lisa's success. She was beginning to blossom into the kind of woman he'd always felt she could become, and if she was still restrained and diffident in company that was all to the good.

  The last thing he wanted was a pushy woman seeking the limelight for herself.

  As for Lisa, social success gave her confidence in herself. She realised that providing she looked good no one would bother to search any deeper and find out if she felt as confident as she appeared. As long as she smiled pleasantly and stayed with Neal she was perfectly safe and always had an enjoyable time. For the moment that was enough.

  She was beginning to realise just how lucky she was to have him. Wherever they went, women made it obvious they found him attractive, sometimes becoming aggressive in their attempts to gain his interest. When she looked at him dispassionately she could understand it. He was young-looking for his age; fit and well built, with the self-assurance and air of authority that only money and power can bring, and he had an
abundance of both. Watching him talk to some of the women in their party during the day, Lisa decided that he looked like a man who'd be a good lover—the complete antithesis of Toby.

  One divorcee called Rowena spent most of the day talking to him, and kept touching him on the arm or brushing imaginary specks of fluff from his shoulders. He took her attentions patiently, but now and again he'd catch Lisa's eye and smile, so that it was obvious where his interest lay.

  At the end of the day they wandered hand-in-hand back to the car. Mike was standing close by and hurried across to open the doors. Neal shook his head. 'I'll drive us home. You can take the train.'

  Mike glanced at Lisa and back to his employer, his face suddenly expressionless. 'Very good, sir.'

  'Have a day off tomorrow,' continued Neal expansively. 'I shouldn't need you again until Monday morning.'

  'Thank you.'

  Lisa smiled at him but he looked away, suddenly absorbed by the litter scattered over the grass. She slid into the passenger seat and slipped off her white satin shoes. 'That's nice! They were beginning to pinch.'

  'I thought we'd go back to my flat and finish the day off with a quiet dinner at home, all right?'

  She knew then that he was tired of waiting. He'd been very patient but time had run out. She either became his mistress or she'd lose him, and after watching women near him today she couldn't really complain. At least the thought didn't repulse her. She too was drawn by his self-assurance and almost old-world courtesy, and he had been extraordinarily kind to her.

  'That sounds like a good idea,' she murmured.

  Letting out a small sigh of relief , Neal started the engine. He talked most of the way back to London, discussing some of the people they'd met and laughing about Rowena. Lisa put in the occasional remark but as they approached London her nerve gave way and she fell silent.

  'Nearly there,' he said cheerfully. 'I expect you're pretty tired.' 'Not too bad, but my feet ache!'

  'You'd better lie on the sofa while I see what Mrs Howard's left in the freezer. Thank God for the microwave.'