Twisted

by N. L. Greene

  We all stood there and waited quietly until James picked us up. James could tell something was up and asked me what was wrong as soon as we got in the car, but I just shook my head and stared out of the car window. He knew better, of course, and shot his sister a nasty look, but thankfully didn’t say anything further. The ride back to their house was a silent one. As soon as we got there I asked James if he would take me home. He shot his sister another nasty look, but said yes. I ran in the house and grabbed my stuff; not really surprised when Mel didn’t even try to stop me. I jumped back in the truck and James took me home, where I cried and sulked for the rest of the weekend. My parents asked me several times what was wrong, but I just told them that Mel and I got into a fight and they chalked it up to ‘teenage drama’; thankfully stopping the litany of questions. Sara even tried to be supportive and talk to me, and although I appreciated her concern, I simply didn’t want to talk about it. I already knew that I could only avoid Mel and the issue for so long, and I wanted to take advantage of the intermission as long as I could.

  Although Mel didn’t call, probably knowing that I wouldn’t speak to her even if she tried, Chase did. It was only twice, and both times I told my sister to tell him I wasn’t home. She gave me a funny look and I could tell she wanted to know what was going on, but I didn’t tell her and she lied for me. I guess that was where the love-part of our sisterly relationship came in. No matter how much we fought, she still had my back. Too bad she wouldn’t be there to run interference for me after the weekend, because I just knew it was going to suck when Monday rolled around and I would be faced with both Mel and Chase again.

  ***

  Monday morning came way too soon, and unfortunately Mel was at the bus stop when I got there. I avoided her eyes while we waited for the bus, and then sat in a different seat on the way to school. It started out awkward and only got worse as the day went on. Not only did we ride the bus together, but we shared a locker and had classes together, which meant that I saw her pretty much all day. I ignored her for as long as I could, which was hard given the fact that we were together all the time. At first she left me alone, which was her way of giving me the time I needed to cope with everything. But that only lasted through Monday. Tuesday morning, apparently all bets were off.

  I thought I was in the clear when she didn’t bother me at the bus stop or say anything to me when I didn’t sit with her again. By the time we got to our locker that morning before school she still hadn’t said anything, so I hurried to get my stuff and get to class without a confrontation…but unfortunately the time had come. Just as I was slamming the locker shut, Mel grabbed the door to prevent it from closing. I glanced at her and my heart rate sped up when I saw her looking at me. I didn’t want to do this now, but I could tell by the look on her face that she was totally prepared to.

  I adjusted my backpack and started to walk away, but she stopped me. “Nat, would you just get over it already?”

  I slowly turned around and stared at her in astonishment. Whether she had kissed Chase or he had kissed her was irrelevant at this point. She was one of the guilty parties, not me! She should be apologizing, not demanding I get over it! Now that I thought about it, I don’t think she had even apologized that night. She just cast all the blame on Chase, as if I didn’t even deserve an apology from her. I knew that if I had been the one being kissed by her boyfriend, I wouldn’t have stopped apologizing yet! But I guess that’s another way we were different. I cared what others thought of me, but Mel didn’t… even if it was me.

  “What exactly do you think I should be over? The fact that you kissed my boyfriend? Or the fact that you don’t even seem sorry it happened?” I practically yelled at her.

  Mel’s head jerked back slightly and her eyes grew big. I had never, ever raised my voice at her before. I had always taken her crap and just let it roll off my back. Often I even defended her behavior, but never once had I objected or argued against anything she said or did. So I guess she was just as startled as I was when I finally did, but I wasn’t about to let the shock of that stop me. I wasn’t backing down this time. I stood there with my back ramrod straight and my chin lifted. A few kids even stopped in the hall to watch, no doubt hoping for a fight. I was sure they were going to start chanting ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ in a few more minutes. High school kids were so damn blood-thirsty! Instead of Mel being mad or yelling back at me though (and to the disappointment of those around us), she only smiled.

  It wasn’t a pleasant or joyful smile. It was more on the wicked side. I knew that look. “’Bout fuckin’ time!” she told me; pride filling her voice.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked in exasperation. I shouldn’t have been surprised, since she was always changing the rules and doing things I didn’t expect. But I didn’t want her to do that to me this time. I wanted her to yell back at me or apologize, not be proud of me. I wasn’t trying to be taught lessons by her; that was what my parents were for! Sometimes I felt like I was Mel’s social experiment or something, instead of her best friend.

  “It’s about time you got mad instead of moping around feeling sorry for yourself! Now you can move on from that jerk - like I said he was - and find someone worth your time.” She said this with a hint of conceit in her voice as she grabbed her books and jammed them into her backpack.

  “I wasn’t moping!” I sputtered. “I was hurt. I really liked him! At least I didn’t have to SEE Noah cheating on me! This sucked even worse, and speaking of which - why am I always the one getting cheated on? I am so sick of guys!” I threw my hands up in exasperation as I turned my back to the lockers and slumped against them.

  Mel laughed.

  “Sooo not the time to laugh, Mel, and are you going to apologize or what?” I grumbled at her.

  She turned to me as she slammed the locker shut. “Why should I apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, you should be thanking me.”

  I felt my eyes bug out of my head at her. “Thank you? You’re kidding, right? You kissed my freaking boyfriend! I am so not thanking you for that!” I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest and stared at her with the most intimidating look I could manage.

  She was totally not scared of me. She only smiled and grabbed my elbow to tug me down the hall beside her. “If I hadn’t been in the right place at the right time, Chase wouldn’t have kissed me and you wouldn’t have caught us.”

  “Not really seeing where I should be thanking you,” I mumbled again.

  She huffed. “Nat! If you wouldn’t have seen us, he would have just done it with someone else behind your back, and for God only knows how long. He could’ve even started dating someone else altogether while he was still with you, and you wouldn’t have even known! Think about how stupid you would have felt if that happened. And by then, who knows how much you would have liked him, or even loved him? You really would have been devastated!”

  “Chase wouldn’t have done that!” I automatically defended him. He was so sweet and caring; I just couldn’t see him as that sort of guy. But I couldn’t deny how logical her words sounded. And I hated it.

  Mel shot me a condescending look. “Nat, he kissed me when you were ten feet away in the bathroom. You really think he’s not capable of cheating on you like that? Really?”

  I glanced away from her sympathetic look. She had a point, but I honestly thought I knew Chase better than that. I also thought I knew Noah better than that, but he’d done the same thing. How was it that two guys I thought I knew, and who I thought were into me as much as I was into them, could have done something as awful as kissing my best friend? A tiny kernel of a thought started to weasel its way into my brain, but I resolutely shoved it out. Mel was truly my best friend, and I knew she would only want what was best for me. She would also never do anything to intentionally hurt me. Both times this had happened she either absolutely lost it and cried, or at least had tears in her eyes, and Mel was totally not a crier. Not to mention the fact that I knew I was pretty na
ive when it came to guys, or even people in general. I always liked to see and think the best of people.

  I looked back at Mel. Chase’s warning that I should look out for myself flitted across my brain, but I dismissed it. I decided that I was ready to come to terms with yet another horrible event in my life and put it behind me. “Okay, you’re probably right.” She raised an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes. “So you are right! Okay? Happy?”

  Her smug look turned to a frown and she pulled me into a hug. “No, I’m not happy. I hate that this keeps happening to you. You know, guys are kinda demanding, though. Do you think maybe it’s because you hold out so long on kissing them?” She asked this in a way that made me feel like I had done something wrong. I hated it when she did that.

  My cheeks heated and I looked around to make sure no one was listening to our conversation before turning back to her. “No! That’s not why!”

  She wiggled her eyebrows playfully. “How do you know?”

  “Because I kissed Chase!” I hissed at her; making my eyes go big, hoping that she would take the hint and at least lower her voice.

  “What?” she screeched. Her face wasn’t happy or teasing anymore. She just looked weird.

  “Yes, at the movie. Chase and I had our first real kiss, so I doubt he was thinking I wouldn’t kiss him.”

  “Well maybe it wasn’t good!” she blurted out. I could see right away that she regretted saying it, but it didn’t matter. Now the thought was spinning around in my head, and it was going to torture me forever.

  I groaned. “God! Do you think? Am I horrible kisser?”

  Mel laughed. “How should I know?! You want to kiss me so I can tell you?” she asked between hiccupping laughter.

  “No!” I screeched, horrified at the thought.

  “Well it would be cool with me if you did!” a male voice said from behind us. I whirled around to see Noah standing there with a sly smile and evil glint in his eye.

  I smacked him on the arm and turned back to Mel with a stern look on my face. “Thanks a lot! Now people are gonna start spreading rumors!”

  Noah threw his arm over my shoulders and pulled me to his side. I had to fight my body’s natural instinct to melt into him, although I did allow myself one small pleasure. Placing my palm on his stomach, I felt the warmth of his body seep through his shirt. I could also feel his hard muscles, which were way better than most of the guys our age. I loved that he was so affectionate with me, but it was like mind-numbing torture at the same time. His body was so much bigger than mine, so when he held me close like that; it made me feel like he was almost swallowing me. I felt wrapped up and protected, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. We were just friends and I knew that was all we would ever be. “Don’t worry, Nat,” he reassured me with a small squeeze; bringing me just a little closer to him. “I’m the only one who heard, and you know I won’t say anything.” He looked at me solemnly for a second, and then a wicked smile touched his lips again. “Especially if you let me watch.” His eyebrows waggled down at me.

  I slapped his stomach and tried to keep from laughing while I narrowed my eyes at him. “You better not! And you aren’t watching anything, because it’s never gonna happen!”

  He let go of me and grabbed his stomach as if I’d actually hurt him. “Oh, Nat! You’re killin’ me here.”

  “Whatever!” The bell rang and I started jogging to class. “Gotta go. See you guys later.” I waved over my head without looking back. I didn’t want to see Noah and Mel walking to class together. I could still picture them kissing sometimes, and I didn’t want to do that right now. I already had a crystal clear image in my head of Mel and Chase. I didn’t need to add salt to the wound.

  As I jogged to class, Mel’s words were still spinning clearly in my mind. Could I really be that bad of a kisser to make Chase turn to Mel so quickly? I thought the kiss had been nice – no, I thought it had been SPECTACULAR! I had felt all mushy and gooey inside, and Chase looked pretty affected as well, if his heavy breathing was any indication. God! Now I was never going to want to kiss another guy again! I wanted to kill Mel for putting those thoughts depressing in my head!

  For the rest of the day, I continued to torture myself with thoughts of being a horrible kisser and imagined how my love life would be non-existent for the rest of my high school career. I worried about Chase telling other guys the gory details, and talking junk about me behind my back. So much so, that I even started getting paranoid whenever I heard someone whispering and giggling. I was sure they were talking about what a horrible kisser I was, and how Chase had no other option but to turn to my best friend for satisfaction. I started feeling like my only hope was if a hole would open up in the ground and swallow me. Then I would be saved from further humiliation and torture.

  But of course it didn’t.

  Chapter 8

  Although Mel and I were talking again, things still weren’t as carefree as they used to be. I kept myself at a distance when we talked, and I didn’t spend any of my free time with her for a while. There weren’t any sleepovers, nights at the mall, or trips to the movies. She and Ash both invited me out with them a few times, but I just told them my parents said no and they’d let it go. I wasn’t sure if they knew I was lying or not and truthfully I didn’t care. Deep down I still loved Mel and still thought of her as my best friend, but seeing her kiss Chase was really hard for me. I had technically forgiven her, but it was going to take me a really long time to forget, if I ever really got to that point.

  Because of this, the next few months progressed at a snail’s pace. Thanksgiving and Christmas break came and went, and I tried to just focus on classes and getting through each day. As the days and months blurred into one another I started to feel even more depressed instead of better, and I wasn’t sure why. My mom even made a joke one day about going through best friend withdrawals and I realized she was right. I missed Mel. My life was totally boring and dreary without her around. I had no choice but to finally get over it and move on, or continue to lead a dismal and sucky life. I chose Mel.

  A few weeks after Christmas break, with unspoken words, Mel accepted me back into the fold with open arms. She had somehow sensed my epiphany, invited me to sleep over, and just like that we were back to normal. I was ecstatic that it had been so easy, because there was a small part of me that was scared she would make a big deal about it, or string me along for a little while to make me suffer. So my relief over that not happening overshadowed any lingering hurt over the Chase incident.

  I did get a little irritated when I found out that during my break from all things Mel, which was depressing and totally sucked, she’d started seeing some guy at school. She obviously hadn’t been as upset about our time apart as I was. I even asked her about it and she just shrugged, saying she knew I would come around eventually. That pissed me off too, but again, I was so relieved at how easily we were flowing back into things that I chose to simply ignore it.

  Anyway, since we hadn’t been spending any time together, I hadn’t gotten to know Mel’s boyfriend. Now that things were worked out, I noticed that he was always hanging around. Every time I walked to our locker they were there, making out. It was kinda gross, actually. I wondered briefly if that was how Chase and I looked, and if people had thought the same thing, but then threw the thought away. There was no use dwelling about that now. Thankfully, I could usually just nudge Mel’s back and she and Brad would shuffle over to the side without even breaking lip contact. Like I said, gross! Nobody really wanted to see that. Not only was he at our locker every day, but he was also at lunch, he walked home with us, and he hung out with us on the weekends. I found out quickly that he was a lot like Mel’s brother and his friends; if they weren’t sleeping, they were getting high, or drunk, or both. It didn’t really bother me, but I did think it was a little weird for someone our own age to be acting like that. Since Brad seemed to get along with James pretty well, James was cool with Brad being at their house all the time. Mel�
��s parents just assumed that Brad was one of James’ friends, so they didn’t care either.

  My parents of course, didn’t even know about Brad. They didn’t know about James and his druggy friends being at Mel’s all the time, either. Or that her parents were never home. They would never have let me go over there, unsupervised with all those older guys.

  So things sort of started progressing slowly back to normal. I would sleep over at Mel’s house like usual, Brad would come over and get high with James, and then we would all chill. At first Mel and I would stay in her room while the guys did their thing, but then Brad started getting Mel to stay with him, so I would too. James was his usual self with me, flirty and a little too touchy-feely, but nothing wildly inappropriate. Mel encouraged him because if I was there, she could be too. And if James was distracted with me, he didn’t care what Mel and Brad were doing.

  Although Mel and I seemed cool, there was still a little resentment and bitterness simmering under the surface, at least on my part. I couldn’t seem to get completely back to the way we had been before the Chase-incident. Because of this, I found myself going along with whatever she said even more than before. I just didn’t have it in me to fight her, and I couldn’t stand the thought of her being mad at me again. So when we started hanging with Brad and James and his friends while they were getting high, I didn’t even think anything of it…which meant that I didn’t realize it when I got my first contact high.

  James was sitting in his usual spot, his dad’s recliner, and Brad sat on the side of the couch closest to him so they could easily pass the bong back and forth. Mel, who was cuddled up to the other side of Brad, sat beside me on the couch watching some frivolous crap on TV. The room was smoggy but I didn’t think anything of it; because that was usually what Mel’s room looked like while we were smoking anyway, so I was used to it. We had been sitting there for an hour or so, James and Brad smoking pretty regularly, when I got up to go to the bathroom. I stumbled and felt a little dizzy, but nobody noticed so I just kept going. When I was walking back I did it again, but this time James noticed because he had been watching me; his heavy lidded eyes assessing me as I walked down the hall toward him. His face broke into a knowing smile that I didn’t understand, but I smiled back anyway. When I got closer to him, and before I could turn to go past, he grabbed my wrist and yanked me onto his lap. I was already used to this, so I didn’t say or do anything at first, but when his lips came to my ear I started to giggle. Normally I would have smiled politely and blandly answered whatever questions he had, biding my time until I could move away. This time his breath tickled my ear, and I couldn’t help but laugh.