by Sierra
All she heard was him saying that he wasn’t coming. “I love you, Daniel.” Matt’s eyebrows shot up at her words. “But you can do your own dirty work.” Without another word, she handed Matthew the phone.
* * * * *
For two weeks Daniel had managed not to be alone with either of them. He’d timed his visits to coincide with Marcus’, or even better, with Meredith’s. And Matt had clung to every second Daniel gave them, even as he felt the man slipping further and further away.
Two weeks was more than enough, though, and they weren’t going to let Daniel hide any longer.
Shannon waved a sauce-covered spoon at Matthew as he stalked her around the large island that dominated Daniel’s state-of-the-art kitchen.
“If you want to eat tonight, you’ll leave me alone.” She tried to sound severe, but the giggles kept creeping through.
“Oh.” Matthew’s voice was low and suggestive. “I think you’ve already got plenty for me to eat, and there’s no cooking required.” Matthew reached out one long arm and snagged her wrist, pulling her gently against his still tender torso in a move that left them both facing the doorway. And Daniel.
“You’re home!” Shannon instantly untangled herself from Matthew’s arms and dashed across the room, remembering at the last minute to raise her spoon enough that it wouldn’t smear Daniel’s designer suit.
Matthew smiled at the sight of them, Daniel so serious and Shannon like a ray of sunshine, wrapping her free hand around his neck to pull him down for a warm kiss. As amazing as the sex was, and fuck was it amazing, Shannon gave them something more. She showered them with affection. She made his heart smile.
Quirking a devilish eyebrow, Matthew repeated her words.
“You’re home.” He walked over to slide one hand around her waist, pressing into Daniel’s abdomen. He shot him a wicked grin as he felt Daniel’s stomach muscles ripple beneath his hand, and pressed a light kiss on the top of Shannon’s head. “And your garlic bread is about to burn,” he added. His teasing words sent Shannon flying back across the kitchen, drawing Matthew’s laughter and a brief smile from Daniel.
The men watched her for a moment, Daniel leaning on the door frame, and Matthew leaning on Daniel. As fast as he was healing, he still got tired too fucking fast, and he was glad to have Daniel’s strength to draw on. He was close enough to feel the familiar, light tension in Daniel’s body, and it spread to his own. He was also close enough to feel Daniel stiffen at his next words.
“She’s going to make an amazing mother one day.” He’d really only been thinking out loud, but once said, the mental picture of Shannon, swelling with their baby, took on a life of its own.
Daniel’s sudden stillness caught his attention and Matthew tipped his head back, trying to make eye contact. Daniel’s perfect jaw was rigid. Putting his hands on Matthew’s shoulders, he gently moved a step away before responding. The bleak look in his eyes left Matthew with a hollow feeling somewhere in the vicinity of his heart.
“Yes. She will. Every child deserves an amazing mother. Too bad I won’t be around to see it.”
“Won’t be around to see what?” The men had been so focused on each other that neither had noticed Shannon’s approach.
“Won’t be around to see you with your babies.” Daniel’s voice was carefully level.
“Umm.” Shannon blinked and shot Matt a bewildered look. “Well, since I have no immediate plans to have any babies, maybe we should shelve this conversation for the moment.”
Stepping between them, she handed Matthew the cutlery, and Daniel a box of matches. “Why don’t you boys finish setting up the table, and I’ll bring out dinner.” She laid her hand on Daniel’s cheek. “I’m sure we can find something more interesting to talk about.”
“Angel, ignoring the facts won’t make them go away.” Daniel laid his hand over hers before pressing a tender kiss into her palm and releasing it. “This has been fun, it’s been a fucking awesome game, but you both knew it wasn’t permanent.” He forced a sardonic smile. “Or even exclusive.”
He watched his words impact Shannon like a blow. Seeing her hurt, knowing he was the one who had caused it, left him feeling sick and disgusted with himself. But she had to understand. Hell, she and Matthew both had to understand. He’d given them all he had to give. To ask for more was to ask for disaster and pain all around. Better to be cruel now. He wanted them to hate him. It would make it easier for Matt and Shannon to go on and have a great life together.
“You didn’t really expect that we were going to have some happily ever after, did you?” He didn’t meet her eyes, but saw Matthew’s hands come to her shoulders, bracing her.
“Daniel.” Her voice was soft and firm, drawing his eyes unwillingly to hers. He could drown in their liquid brown depths. Taking a step away from Matthew’s supporting arms, she laid one tiny hand on his chest and spoke directly into his eyes. Directly into his soul.
“Daniel, I love you. Matthew loves you. Without you, there will be a part of our hearts that will always be empty.” Her words were matter-of-fact, almost unemotional. The emotion was all in her eyes. “I am willing to give up everything for you, and for Matthew. I will face the disapproval of my friends, my family.” She gave a small, sad smile. “Heck, I’ll face Matthew’s big sister. I won’t even ask you to love us back. Just be with us. Be with only us. I need that from you, and Matthew does, too.” She blinked back tears. “We deserve it. All three of us deserve it.”
Daniel’s muscles stiffened and bunched beneath his suit. Every word Shannon spoke echoed in his head, as though he were listening to a recording. After the “I need that from you… Matthew does too…” Daniel seemed to lose his concentration. What they were asking for was not something he had to give. Even though every cell in his body wished that he could.
He looked from Shannon, her eyes filled with unshed tears, over to Matt who stood behind her like a knight behind his lady. The younger man’s face was unreadable. Gone was the jovial man Daniel had come to know so well. In his place was a cool, cautious creature of Daniel’s making.
They were both watching him, silent and solemn, and Daniel cleared his throat. It wasn’t every day a man ended a relationship like this.
“I told you both from the beginning, there is no more for me than this. Than sex.” He crossed his arms, trying to hold in the pain growing inside of him. “I can’t be what you need.”
“You have no clue what we need.” Matthew’s voice was as cool as his eyes. “You keep saying we want to change you. And you know what? You’re right, we do. We want you to be happy. That’s something you’ve never been. Not in all the years I’ve known you. And yes, Dan, you did tell us it was all about the sex. Fine. Don’t throw that away because you’re scared to let it mean something more.”
Shannon, ever the peacemaker, tentatively reached out to touch Daniel’s sleeve. He refused to look at her as she spoke.
“Daniel, we know who you are. We love who you are. We just want you to let us give you that love.”
“And what would that look like, angel?” Daniel kept his eyes on Matt—it was easier because at the moment Matt looked ready to kill him.
“It would look like whatever we want it to. We belong together, the three of us. Alone none of us is complete. Together we make a whole. A family. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but us.”
Daniel gently removed Shannon’s hand. “I’m not looking for a family. I don’t need a family.”
“I was here, Daniel. When Matt was in the hospital.” Her words were matter-of-fact and terrifying. Daniel shook his head. No, she wouldn’t betray him like this, use his weakness against him. He knew that Shannon had witnessed his breakdown. He’d clung to her through the night, basking in the comfort she offered him. She never questioned him, or forced herself on him. Shannon had been as she always was—a ray of light to his dark soul.
“Shannon, you don’t want to do this.”
“Daniel, I’m fighting for u
s. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.”
She twined her fingers with Matthew’s on her shoulder.
“That night we were both so scared you wouldn’t wake up, Matt.” Her eyes never left Daniel’s. “And we held each other. You were the only thing solid in the world for me, and I think—no, I know—that you needed me, too.”
Daniel felt his skin burn as Matt and Shannon faced him together. Panic, sharp as a knife, sliced though his chest.
“Fine,” he shouted. “You want to hear me admit I lost it that night and you had to pull me back together? That the thought of Matthew dying at the hand of a drunk driver tore a chunk out of me? Is that what you need to hear?”
Matt started forward, Daniel jerked away.
“Don’t.” He was acutely aware of the open doorway at his back. “It’s over. I won’t go through another night like that. You two have trust and faith and all the rest of that happy shit that makes love grand. I can’t give that to you, don’t you get it? I don’t know how.”
Matt held Shannon back when she went to try to comfort Daniel.
“When are you going to get tired of all your excuses? We want to give you everything. It’s up to you now, Daniel. It’s your turn to reach out, to take what we’re dying to give you. To give us all what we need, what we deserve.” Matt’s voice was gruff with emotion. He’d never sounded so grown up. So much a man. “When are you going to quit living in the past? Finding excuse after tired excuse as to why you can’t just be happy. Let it go, let them go, then maybe you’ll have the guts to take what we’re dying to give you.”
Overwhelming sadness enveloped Daniel from head to toe, but he managed to break away from Matthew’s stormy hazel stare. Gathering strength he didn’t really feel, Daniel straightened and faced the two most important people in his life.
“I’m broken, Matty.” He heard Shannon’s low sound of pain. “Be good to each other.” He turned his back and took a step toward the stairway. “Have a good life.” He walked quickly downstairs, heading for the safety of his playroom. His steps faltered as he heard Shannon’s soft cries behind him. He fell against the wall when he heard them softly shut his door. He ground the heels of his hands against his eyes, not allowing moisture to gather.
Dear God, what had he just given up?
For a split second in there, Daniel had believed. Believed that the three of them could carve out a life together. Then he returned. The voice that haunted him year after year.
Love makes you weak, boy, don’t be like your old man.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Shannon lay on the bed, flushed with her recent orgasm. Her body was loose and relaxed, but her eyes were sad. The way they’d been every time she’d made love with him over the two weeks since they’d walked out of Daniel’s house and life. Matthew knew no matter how good the sex was, how hot, how tender, there would always be something missing. Shannon had been their heart, but Daniel had been their foundation, the one who kept them grounded.
Now, Matthew lay beside his love, his body still buzzing with satisfaction, and felt the emptiness in the spot that Daniel filled. He thought of when he would return to work next week. The idea of passing Daniel in the hallway, seeing his face, cool and blank, was a pain almost beyond bearing. He knew Daniel could shut them out completely, just as he knew they could never shut Daniel out.
It was far too easy to imagine the expression on Daniel’s face, the one he’d seen so many times on his own father’s face. Sometimes Matthew thought Old Stirling had hated all three of his children. More often, though, he thought the Old Man just hated him. Marcus was the golden son, the heir. Meredith, or so Stirling claimed, was destined to make a great marriage and consolidate the Worthington Empire.
In his father’s eyes, Matthew was just a mistake. A changeling. He understood why Stirling didn’t love him, he was too different…too frivolous. But he could never figure out what he did to make the man hate him.
The man he was knew that Daniel didn’t hate him. The adult Matthew knew that Daniel was scared, that he’d been hurt by his own childhood and that being with Matt and Shannon had dug up hurts he’d kept long buried.
But that vulnerable little boy who’d wanted nothing more than for his father to love him could only see another rejection. That wounded child could only lie in the dark and wonder what was so lacking in him that first his father and now Daniel couldn’t stand to be with him.
He stroked a shaky hand over Shannon’s hair. His emotions were in a tumult. He knew he had to let them out somehow, somewhere, and he knew Shannon didn’t need to handle his grief along with her own.
Later that night, while Shannon was occupied with grading papers, Matthew turned to the one person who’d been his rock since childhood.
The open door shed a golden glow over Matt, much like the sunshine of Shannon’s smile. He felt his own smile falter, then fade entirely as Marcus reached out and drew him into the house.
* * * * *
Daniel pushed the property sheets away, scattering them across the desk. His mind wasn’t on work tonight. Hell, it hadn’t been on work for a while now. He moved his leather chair back and stood. Walking to the window, he peered out, taking in the view of the city from his seventh-floor office.
He normally loved the city at night, the lights on the Ambassador Bridge, the cars moving around like fireflies. But he was restless tonight, pent-up energy screaming for release. He needed a distraction. A large sign caught his attention—the casino. Maybe he’d kill a little time there. Play some cards, have a few drinks and end the evening by sinking himself into a hot, willing, anonymous body.
It sounded really good, but Daniel didn’t have the stomach for it anymore. His edge was gone; his innate ability to move on had disappeared. He shook his head. Fuck. Pull it together, Danny-boy.
His father’s words haunted him. Over and over the lessons his old man had taught the eleven-year-old Daniel repeated in his head.
You can’t depend on anyone, boy. Love will kill you, make you weak. Don’t give yourself to anyone, Daniel, or you’ll be broken just like your old man.
He must have heard that speech a thousand times before the old man drank himself into a stupor and took a header into a tree.
He heard his office door open. Through the reflection he made out the form of Marcus entering. His shoulders tensed and he went on the defensive. He so didn’t want to have this conversation.
“Knock much?” He kept his voice neutral, hoping to avoid a confrontation.
“What the hell is going on, Daniel?” Marcus’ voice was soft, not a good sign.
“Nothing’s going on,” Daniel replied. He didn’t want to have this fight with his best friend. And besides, nothing was going on. That had all ended two weeks ago. A month, actually, if you counted from the night of the accident.
“Cut the crap, asshole. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
Daniel turned his back to the window and faced his oldest friend. Profound sadness wound through his body at the hurt and disappointment so evident on Marcus’ face.
Daniel had never noticed how much he resembled Matthew. Especially now that he was no longer masking his emotions behind steely eyes. Carrie and her love had given Marcus that freedom.
“Nice,” he commented mildly. Marcus scowled and started to speak, but Daniel cut him off. “I am not having this discussion with you, Marcus. I think you need to leave.”
Daniel felt tired. Defeated. But he knew he’d made a big mistake in trying to send Marcus away when Marcus descended upon him like the wrath of God, grabbing his shoulders and propelling him into the wall.
“What the fuck were you thinking, playing your head games with my baby brother and his woman? I knew you were a selfish son of a bitch, but I never thought you were capable of hurting my own flesh and blood!”
Marcus released him, but still stood aggressively in his space. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides.
“I shared the love of
my life with you. Wasn’t that enough for you, man?”
Daniel shoved Marcus away, moving across the room.
“The thing with Matthew started long before you and Carrie.” Disgusted with himself, he walked to the other side of the office. He leaned his tired body against the wall and folded his arms over his chest, unable to meet the silver eyes that were so familiar to him.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Matty is so easily swayed. Dammit, he’s only twenty-eight years old.” Marcus’s voice was getting louder with each word he spoke. He pointed an accusatory finger at Daniel.
“I know you, Dan, too well. There are dozens of willing couples at the club. How could you seduce those two? Didn’t it ever occur to you that there are plenty of other people in this city to play with?”
“Marcus, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. And I’m not one of your employees, so don’t fucking yell at me.” This time it was Daniel’s turn to get loud.
“If anyone did the seducing, it was your so-called baby brother. Matt came to me, buddy, and more than once. You think I didn’t know this was a bad idea from the start? Matt and Shannon are both adults, Marcus,” Daniel continued heatedly. “Matt knew good and well who I am and what being with me meant from the very beginning. I never lied to either of them.”
Daniel forced his shoulders to relax as he took in a deep breath. Screaming at Marcus wasn’t going to get them anywhere, nor would it change anything.
“I didn’t want to hurt either of them. You know I would never do that on purpose. Marcus, you know I can’t give anyone a commitment. Matthew knows it, and so does Shannon. If they hadn’t tried to push me into a corner, none of this would ever have happened.”
Marcus barked out a laugh that sounded anything but happy.
“You keep telling yourself that shit over and over again, and people might start believing it. Hell, you might even start believing it yourself.”