by Sierra
Marcus walked over and stood directly in front of his best friend. Daniel swallowed his hurt and confusion before meeting his eyes.
“Dan, I saw your face in that hospital room. I’ll never forget that look. It was real. What you feel for them is real. Don’t throw it away.” Marcus reached his hand out and touched the place where Daniel’s heart would have lived, if he’d had one.
“Quit listening to dear old Dad.” His eyes were compassionate, his voice intense. “He’s dead, Daniel, because he chose not to live, not to love again. You’re not your mother or your father. Don’t make the same mistakes they did.”
Marcus exhaled deeply before continuing.
“Look where I was a few months ago, and look what I have now.”
Daniel was so jealous of the happiness that bounced off Marcus in waves he literally felt ill.
“I didn’t think a woman like Carrie existed, and she was right there the entire time. Now I sound like a fucking greeting card, and I don’t care. You can have the happily-ever-after shit, but you gotta reach out and take it when it’s offered to you.”
Daniel bristled. First Matthew and Shannon, and now Marcus was trying to force him to change. To be something he wasn’t capable of. He didn’t know how to love, to care, to be part of something larger than himself. His ability to hold on to someone had been snuffed out before he ever got the chance to try. He was stunted by his inability to allow anyone near his heart.
Fuck, he wanted it. He wanted it all with Shannon and Matthew, but he wasn’t about to ruin the lives of the two people he cared about most in this world.
They were in pain now, but that would fade with time. It was nothing compared to the pain to come when he let them down, as he inevitably would. As it was, Shannon and Matt would come out fine and loving each other. It was he who would be alone.
He closed his eyes, his face losing its tension as the emotion drained from his body. When he opened them again, he met Marcus’ eyes.
“I can’t.” The words were tight. They were all he could get out and keep his voice level. It hurt too fucking much.
Marcus pulled his hand back.
“I never took you for a coward.”
Daniel cringed as he remembered those words coming from Matt after that first night together.
Marcus turned from his best friend and stalked to the door. Opening it, he stopped, looking back. His face was a mask of angry disappointment.
“The wedding’s at two, asshole. Don’t forget your fucking tux.” With a final simmering look, he walked through the door, slamming it behind him.
Daniel leaned his head back against the wall. Swallowing hard several times, he fought the tremors going through him. Pushing himself upright, he picked up his coat.
Cards, booze and a willing partner were all he needed now. It was time to stop wallowing in his own misery. He hated people who whined and sat around feeling sorry for themselves, reminiscing over a past that would never change. The way he was doing right now.
* * * * *
The MGM Grand was packed with bodies. Young men in leather vied with elderly women in polyester for a spot at the slots. A beautiful woman in spangled spandex sat next to a grungy, mismatched bum at the blackjack table. It was a circus of light and sound, and Daniel was counting on it to drag his mind from his own wretchedness.
He eased his way through the throng of people as the lights and musical jingle of coins being pushed into the slot machines echoed through the enormous gambling space. Daniel made his way to the high rollers section on the second floor, going over to a set of velvet ropes that marked off the VIP rooms. He nodded to Joe, one of the floor managers. The older man raised his hand, signaling to the security guard, and Daniel was allowed to proceed into the poker room.
Sitting down at his favorite poker table, he threw his money on the green felt. The cocktail waitress came over to get his drink order, and he placed a hundred-dollar bill on her tray before saying curtly, “Whiskey. Keep it coming.”
For an hour he played, winning a few hands but mostly losing his ass off. He couldn’t concentrate, his mind kept drifting back to Marcus calling him a coward. Marcus was wrong, he assured himself. It wasn’t cowardly to accept your failings.
After losing a good portion of his money, he dropped out of the game. Somehow his “distraction” left him even more focused on his situation, on what he’d lost. Deciding to call it a night, he walked back down the stairs, setting his still-unfinished drink on an empty table.
A feminine hand grazed his arm. Looking down, he saw a beautiful, slightly familiar woman. He smiled and said, “Hello there, gorgeous,” while wracking his brain for where he knew her from. A brief, searing picture formed of Matthew, clad in a tuxedo and on his knees, Daniel’s cock buried in his welcoming mouth. What the fuck? Then it came to him. The model from the auto show. Now if he could only remember her name… At any rate, things were looking up. Maybe his frustration could be worked out in another way.
The model presented Daniel with a fake pout as she stood in front of him. Long red nails trailed up the lapel of his suit, before curling, claw-like, over his shoulders.
“Daniel, you haven’t called. I’ve missed you.”
He wondered briefly how she could have missed him. It’s not as if they knew each other. They certainly weren’t friends. Hell, the extent of their relationship was a quick screw up against a temporary wall at the auto show. One that had been utterly overshadowed by the encounter with Matthew that followed.
“Oh really?” His voice was full of healthy skepticism, but he managed to keep the sarcasm to a minimum. “Somehow, I don’t quite believe you.”
She shrugged, causing large silicon-filled breasts to jiggle invitingly. Daniel forced himself to appreciate every shimmy. She was everything he’d ever been attracted to in an affair, and he was determined to prove to himself he’d walked away from the quicksand around Matt and Shannon cleanly.
“Rumor was, you were off the market. I’m going to assume those rumors are wrong, or you wouldn’t be looking at me like that.” She licked her red lips and leaned into him. “I know a very private place we could slip into for a little fun.”
Rumors? He was floored by the idea. He’d thought the three of them had been very careful, very discreet. But people talked. Employees at Worthington, and even at Daniel’s own office, were not blind to the fact that he, Shannon and Matt shared serious alone time together behind closed doors at the office.
It didn’t bother him at all that people were speculating about his sex life, but it did disturb him that people were speculating about Matthew and Shannon. More, it disturbed him that he was disturbed in the first place.
The little brunette clasped Daniel’s hand, pulling him back through the casino. Her small ass, encased in a clingy red dress, swayed from perfect practice. She knew how to entice a man with her body language.
She opened a small door near the back marked employees only. They walked down a short hall and she opened another door. It was an empty conference room of some sort. Daniel shoved the door shut and pushed her up against it. She reached back, fumbled behind herself and flipped the lock.
He slid his hand up her side, tracing the lower curve of one ballooning breast, and she leaned into his body, shiny red lips parted for his kiss. Bending down, Daniel prepared to fuck her up against the door to relieve some of the ache tormenting him.
His lips were a breath away from hers when he stopped. He looked into her eyes, but they weren’t melting chocolate or smoky blue. They were a hard shade of blue near to his own. He breathed her in, and her skin didn’t smell like orange blossoms, or clean soap mixed with musk that was so unique to Matt. There was nothing soft on her at all. Her tan was fake, as were her tits and lips.
Daniel sucked in a deep breath as reality slapped him in the face. This woman wasn’t Shannon. She wasn’t natural and she wasn’t real. She was merely out to impress—she would never tremble in his arms. She’d never sing out of tu
ne in his kitchen, or throw soapy sponges at him. No other woman would ever come close to his angel. Just like no man would ever take the place of Matthew.
His body shut down. There was no arousal, no animal attraction. The woman in his arms was indeed beautiful by society’s standards, but not by Daniel’s.
He felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. For a moment he couldn’t breathe as he faced the enormity of what he’d done, what he’d given up, and the tension he hadn’t realized he was carrying seemed to flow off him in wave after wave.
Then the hurt started. Real hurt. It wasn’t the kind that time would ever be able to heal. It was like a huge pit had opened up and was trying to swallow him from the inside out.
Was this what he’d done to Matty and his angel? Oh fuck, what the hell had he done?
The panic rushed in again, worse than ever before. Marcus, the asshole, was right. He was a coward. He’d allowed two unhappy, bitter people, both long dead, to control his entire adult life.
Now he’d had the realization that he was not his father, destined to drink himself to death rather than dealing with disappointment. He wasn’t his mother either, to run off at the first flirtatious glance from a pretty face. Daniel was himself, and he’d thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to him.
He set the model gently away from him. Suddenly her name came to him in a rush.
“Torrie, sweetheart, I’m sorry but I’ve got to go.” He tried to smile, but he was torn between elation at his discovery and terror at the rejection he deserved.
“Daniel,” she whined, “I thought we were going to play.” The woman tried again to approach him.
“Not going to happen, sweetheart. I guess the rumors were right. I am off the market.” He unlocked the door, stepping around her. He strode out, leaving Torrie with her mouth gaping and her body shaking in disbelief.
He checked his watch—it was a little past ten. He jogged to the front of the casino and as the valet went to get his car, he pulled out his cell phone.
After two phone calls and some serious begging, Daniel jumped into his car and took off down Woodward Avenue. He had two important stops to make, and then he’d be free.
* * * * *
Daniel stood in front of the simple headstone in the ground. Robert and Sarah Ellis were buried side by side. His mother had returned soon after his father’s death, ill and desperate. Cancer had ravaged her body, and she’d begged Daniel to let her rest next to her husband. Daniel never understood why she wanted that, especially when she’d left them. She’d tried to apologize to him over and over, but it had fallen on deaf ears. His anger and resentment had been too strong to grant her forgiveness. He thought her excuse that she was afraid to love his father had been just that—a lousy excuse to explain her adultery.
He saw the truth now as he stood before them looking through the eyes of a man who had grown to be a carbon copy of them. Oh, he wasn’t an alcoholic and he’d never been in a relationship long enough to cheat. Instead he was cold, emotionless through and through.
His fear of being like them, of inflicting that kind of pain on another, had cemented his destiny to follow in their footsteps. In the end, his parents’ sins were truly laid on their son. But it ended tonight, and no matter what happened in the future, Daniel would never be the same again.
“This is the last time I will ever come here,” he stated grimly, staring down at their shared stone. “But I’ve come to tell you both that I forgive you. I don’t understand your choices. I never will. But I forgive you.” Daniel swallowed back the tears threatening to spill.
“You were wrong, old man. Love doesn’t make you weak. Running from it does, denying it does, breaking someone’s heart does. I won’t be like you anymore. And I won’t be like you either, Mom. I won’t live my life going from one warm body to the next. I want more. I want it all, and if it’s not too late, I’m going to get it.”
He ran his hand across the top of the stone and whispered his good-byes. Back in his car he raced to his second destination. He had to hurry; Marcus and Carrie’s wedding was tomorrow, and he was ready to fight to get his family back.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Shannon caught Matthew’s eye across the courtyard of Greenfield Village’s Martha Mary Chapel. He looked healthy and strong, and so mouthwateringly gorgeous she had to forcibly keep herself from pouncing on him in front of God and all of Marcus and Carrie’s wedding guests. He sent her a naughty wink, proving he really could read her mind. She thought wistfully of their near miss in the shower—they’d been running late and he’d said he wanted to take his time with her—and began planning just how long she’d make him wait to come when they were alone tonight.
Chatting idly with Carrie’s mom and sister, two women with wits as sharp as her new friend’s, she stood admiring her man and his older brother. Set against the backdrop of the beautifully restored chapel, the men looked severe and sexy in their ultra-traditional ebony tuxes. The only thing to relieve the picture was the deep flame-colored tapestry of Matthew’s cummerbund. Marcus had opted for all black.
She was pulled out of her musings by an odd prickling at the back of her neck. She knew that sensation. Matthew stiffened slightly and his eyes flew back to hers before flicking over her shoulder. Taking a deep breath, she slowly turned to face Daniel.
She hadn’t seen him since the night he’d ended things. She might have hoped the intervening weeks would have lessened his impact on her senses. She’d have been doomed to disappointment. He stood, as golden and beautiful as a fallen angel.
If she’d ever doubted his feelings, the way his eyes moved from her to Matthew and back, as if starved for the sight of them, would have ended it in a hurry. He looked tired, she decided. And as if he’d lost weight. And he’d made it clear that it was none of her business, and certainly not her job to baby him.
For a moment he met her eyes, his intent and glittering. She actually thought he might approach her, and with a sharp breath she deliberately turned away. He was too achingly beautiful, and too unattainable. She couldn’t stand and make small talk with him when his mere presence made her feel as if she was bleeding to death. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
Daniel tried to ignore the little dagger of pain he felt as Shannon turned her back on him. He knew he had no right to expect anything else. He’d hurt her too badly to fix everything with a mere glance across a flower-strewn courtyard. Still, the dominant instinct in him almost had him crossing the way to drag her to his side. She was his woman, and he’d been without her too long. It was only Matthew’s sharp look, and the even sharper shake of his head, that stopped him.
Not the time, Danny-boy. Not the place.
But damn they were gorgeous, these lovers of his. Shannon, in a floaty yellow dress splashed with scarlet and fire-colored flowers, looked like a garden pixie. Matthew, in severe black and with his hair loose around his shoulders, could have stepped out of another century.
Marcus and Carrie had opted not to have a rehearsal, Carrie insisting that they were all reasonably intelligent and could manage to walk and stand without direction, so he hadn’t seen Matt or Shannon since that grim night at his house. Hadn’t been able to prepare himself to control his response.
He’d missed them.
More than even he’d realized. Now he feasted his eyes on them, filling up at least some of the emptiness with the knowledge that they were almost within touching distance.
* * * * *
The wedding was perfect. Simple, elegant and so very like Carrie and Marcus that it made Shannon smile through her tears. As Marcus reached for his bride, she let her eyes connect with Matthew’s. She had no doubt that he loved her just as intently as Marcus loved Carrie, and the knowledge left her eyes glowing with unshed tears.
When Marcus began making his vows in his low, masterful voice, she watched Matthew’s eyes kindle on hers. He was making those same vows to her silently, and she felt every word down to her soul. Then, to her surprise, h
e started and looked away from her, to the man at his side.
Daniel placed one hand on Matthew’s shoulder, and he met the other man’s eyes with a burning intensity that was riveting. Shannon felt her lips part as her breath quickened. She could literally feel Matthew’s response from twenty feet away. The way the blood rushed through his body. The way every muscle went hard and ready.
Then Daniel turned his eyes to her, and her breath stopped entirely. There was more naked emotion in his sapphire stare than she’d seen in the entire time they’d been together. His hand still clenched on Matt’s shoulder, his face was a mask of pain and regret. And something else. Something like hope.
If she’d been into lying to herself, she’d have thought he was making vows too.
* * * * *
They’d been separated after the obligatory pictures, and once the toasts were made, Matthew left the bridal table and quickly swept Shannon to the dance floor. They looked good together, Daniel thought, her petite frame fitted to his tall, lean one. Her head nestled against his heart, and Daniel knew that they were sharing the communion that was only shared by people who were lovers in the truest sense of the word. And for the first time in his life, he wanted to be a part of that.
It was indecently early when Marcus took the microphone from the wedding singer to say his good-byes to the small group of celebrating family and friends.
“I know you will all understand my rather,” he glanced at his blushing wife, “urgent need for some time alone with my new bride.”
Friends from the Club smiled knowingly, while friends and family from their regular life laughed innocently. Daniel caught sight of Dorian on the far side of the dance floor, sending speculative looks at Carrie’s younger sister. Her recent pregnancy had left her soft and blooming with rich, fertile curves, and the cop couldn’t seem to look away.
He owed Dorian big time. The cop had convinced the drunk driver to let Daniel pay for his hospital bills in exchange for dropping the assault charges. The young man readily concurred, as well as agreeing to go into rehab after his jail sentence was served. Turned out that he was a screwed up nineteen-year-old kid with a messy past. Matthew had forgiven the younger man, and Daniel discovered he could do no less.