Charmed

by Woods, L. R.

  Evan’s face starts turning red and I know I’m in for it. “You think that’s a good enough answer? You think ‘I don’t know, I just couldn’t’ is a good enough excuse to not tell me my parents died. To not let me say my good byes. You sit there all high and mighty, judging my actions, telling me to fuck off, yet you did this to me, Kimber. What makes you think you had the right to keep that from me?”

  I scream back to him, not believing he just called me Kimber, thinking he can speak to me this way. “They were my parents, Evan. Mine. Not yours. I had the right to do anything I damn well wanted.” I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth.

  He screams back, tears pouring from his eyes, “They were my parents! Don’t you tell me they weren’t my parents. Don’t ever fucking say those words to me again. You hear me! You don’t get to fucking take that away from me too.”

  I nod, watching the tears stream down his face. In a less angry voice he seethes, “Forget the fact you just couldn’t call me. It should have been the first thing you told me when I walked into the bar. When I asked to see them.”

  “I shouldn’t have said they weren’t your parents, but I don’t owe you anything, Evan. And it’s not something you just open a conversation with. And, I would have told you eventually, but how was I supposed to know you’d even be back. Your track record being what it is.” I’m back peddling because I know he’s right about that too. I had many chances to tell him.

  “How can you be such a little shit to me? I never did anything to deserve this from you. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand any of it.” He’s running his hand through his hair, head turned down to the floor, and I’m not sure he even meant to say that out loud to me.

  But is he serious right now? “You never did anything? That’s a fucking laugh. Get the hell over yourself. Everything happening is your fault, not mine.”

  He continues, slightly lowering his voice even more, “I know I made mistakes. Mistakes I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life, but this is...I don’t know what the fuck this is.” His voice fades into almost nothing.

  Evan sits back down, hanging his head, crying, putting his hands on the back of his neck, elbows cradling his face. He lets each tear fall, darken his jeans, not bothering to wipe any of them away. After a few minutes, he chokes out, “I need to get out of here. I need to go see them. I need to talk to them.”

  I nod, not knowing what I should be doing. I find the cemetery address, writing it down for him. He takes it from me and moves towards the door but doesn’t turn around when he speaks softly, “I’ll be back tonight to play for you.”

  “Evan, I…”

  He turns to face me and am surprised when I hear, “Wildfire, I will wait here for you. Always.” He holds my eyes for a long time and I see it through the tears. Through the pain and sorrow. I see another hard truth. He does love me. There is no doubt of that.

  I watch him walk out of the room and I break down and cry like I haven’t cried in years. I cry for losing my parents. I cry because I’m a horrible person for not calling. I cry because I don’t understand any of this either. I cry because that whole conversation felt exactly like the one we had seven years ago. Like I’m completely missing something.

  I cry for a solid ten minutes, and then cry another ten more because Evan may have broken my heart years ago, but I just ripped his from his chest and nothing I can say will ever make that right.

  Chapter 13

  7 years ago

  Evan

  I’m so frustrated I throw my pen across the room. “Evan, dear. It’s going to take time, but you are a smart boy. You’ll get it,” Nancy assures me, putting her hand on my shoulder. “After all, you snagged my daughter and she wouldn’t date a dummy.”

  This has me smiling and my frustration fading. Nancy has been helping me work on getting my GED as a surprise for Wildfire. She shouldn’t be with a guy who doesn’t have a diploma, so I’m trying to do that for her. “Thanks, Nancy. I really don’t know what I’d do without your help.”

  I’m not just talking about the GED either. Wildfire can be a handful and Nancy sensed I needed help the first time she met me.

  I want to make sure I keep Wildfire living in her fairy tale and Nancy helps me with ideas. The guys say I’m pussy whipped for feeding into this whole made-up life she has created for herself, but I just tell them to fuck off. Sure, it’s a little crazy, but I need her fairy tale just as much as she does.

  My mom dumped me at Grandpa’s when I was three, saying she didn’t want me and didn’t know who my father was. I don’t even remember her and other than to tell me that little story when I asked, Grandpa never talked about the past. He said roots hold you back and until I met Wildfire, I thought that was true. She has changed me in ways I never knew were possible. With Wildfire, Bill and Nancy accepting me as their own son, and the band, I’ve got the family I never knew I wanted. And now know I can’t live without.

  I’m worried about the tour. Wildfire and I haven’t really talked about what that means for us. Eight months is going to be a long time to ask her to wait for me, but I plan on doing just that. I feel like I need to do something official to seal the deal, but I don’t know what. I thought about getting a tattoo so she’d know I was always thinking of her, but I don’t know what she’d think about that.

  She told me once that getting a name tattoo of a lover on your body was created by an evil tattoo spirit, as a way to break couples up because of the jealousy he felt over losing his true love. It sounds crazy, but she does kind of have a point. But still, it doesn’t have to be her name. I could get something else to prove I’ll be coming home to her for the rest of my life. Guess I’ll think on it some more.

  I haven’t told the guys I’m staying with her yet because they think we should fuck girls every stop. Drink booze and party till dawn. Generally, live the rock star lifestyle. I wanted that too up until two months ago. Steve wants us to set up in Cali, but I’ll be coming back to a town for the first time in my life. I’ll be coming home to Wildfire and growing my roots right here in Mills Point. I’ll have to figure something out for staying with the band, but all that truly matters is what I have here.

  “No thanks needed, Evan,” Nancy says, pulling me into a hug. “I don’t want you giving up on yourself. You have a lot to offer this world and I’ll always be here to help you when you need it. You’re family, Evan. No matter what, you’re always family.”

  Family. Yeah, one day, I’m going to make that official too.

  Chapter 14

  Present Day

  Evan

  I’m sitting on the bus, heading toward the cemetery, thinking this is officially the most fucked up day of my life and I thought I’d already been through it. I can’t believe they are gone.

  I talked to Nancy on the phone a few times after I left. She would call to check in on me but I had gotten into drugs and alcohol and was pretty much an asshole. I took my anger out on her and it wasn’t fair, but that’s where I was in life.

  Eventually, she stopped calling and I can’t say I blame her. The last thing she said to me was that I was better than this and that she’d always be there for me when I was ready to change. That I’d always be welcome home. By the time I was ready, I was too ashamed of myself to call her.

  I can’t believe Wildfire didn’t call me to at least tell me when the funeral was. And I want to be angry at her, but I did it to myself. She was right about that. Didn’t do enough back then. Didn’t do enough later on. Just never did enough.

  Still, how could she be so pissed at me as to not tell me my family was gone. I get that I said some pretty crappy things before I left, but shit, I was pissed and had every right to be. And those words shouldn’t have stopped her from telling me my parents had died. Nothing should have stopped her.

  I can’t believe I’m considering this, but maybe she really meant her words all those years ago. I’ve been telling myself that we were just stupid kids, too full of pride
to budge, and now as adults, we could work through it. But if she really had decided she didn’t want me, then I don’t know what I’m doing here.

  My phone rings and I see it’s Alex. “Hey, Asshole, what’s up,” I utter with defeat.

  “You sound like shit. Things not going well in never never land.” I can tell by his tone that he is loving this. He never did like Wildfire.

  “Bill and Nancy died four years ago. I’m on my way to the cemetery now.”

  “And she didn’t call you? What a fucking bitch.” I stay silent, trying my hardest not to tear him a new one. “How are you holding up?” he asks finally.

  I lash out. “I just found out my parents died four fucking years ago and Wildfire didn’t think I was important enough to call. How the fuck do you think I’m holding up?”

  “Hey, Fucker, don’t jump down my throat. I only called to tell you we are about to be heading that way from the airport. You need to back your shit off.”

  I begin rubbing my hand across my forehead and after a long silence say, “Maybe I’m making a mistake. I mean, how much does she have to hate me to not tell me they passed?”

  “You know my thoughts on Kimber. Bitch is only in for what works for her. Why don’t we meet you at the cemetery? Drew is pulling up in the rental now and I’d like to pay my respects anyway. The Lucky Charm put us on the map.” Besides talking down to Wildfire, that was actually nice of the asshole.

  “Yeah, thanks, man. I’ll text you the name and address. And, Asshole, don’t ever talk shit about Wildfire again or we are going to have a problem.”

  “You’re the problem, Fucker. Not me,” he spits out.

  I hang up and try to clear my head, but I’ve got my greatest fuck ups on a loop going through my mind. Girls, drugs, booze. Girls, drugs, booze. If I had stayed sober, I would have been able to talk to Nancy when she called. I could have let her and Bill know how much I loved them. But I had to fuck that up by turning into the worst part of myself.

  Yeah, it’s pathetic, because the first two years of the band blowing up should have been the best days of my life. And maybe they were. I wouldn’t know because I only remember waking up with strange women and either snorting a line or grabbing a bottle. Usually both. Then it’s a blur until another woman, another line…well, you get the idea.

  Once, James found me passed out in a hotel restroom holding an 8-ball and a bottle of Jack. The girl I had brought back with me was crying while trying to shake me awake. He called the paramedics and I got a scroll line across the news reporting the lead singer from the up and coming band 23 Strokes had died from an overdose. Lucky for me, it wasn’t that serious. Unlucky for everyone else, it didn’t stop me.

  After about my fourth time in a holding cell, James picked me up and basically told me I needed to wake up and get over my shit or the label was going to drop us. They were through having me drunk during shows and high during interviews. I was about to lose it all for us.

  The guilt was enough of a wake-up call and I went to rehab voluntarily to get clean. Threw myself into the music and have been pretty straight and narrow since. I’ve had some relapses, but nothing like those two years. I still drink, but I don’t get lost at the bottom of a bottle anymore. Once I fully accepted my life without Wildfire, I found I didn’t really need the booze and drugs to cope.

  The bus pulls to a stop and I thank the driver as I get out. The cemetery is a few blocks away and I thought the walk would give me some time to prepare for this, but when I arrive, I’m not sure I can even go in. I stand by the gate, waiting on Drew and Alex. They pull up about ten minutes later and I see Drew’s eyes going straight to my hands, probably searching for a bottle. “I’m not drowning in booze, Asshole. I haven’t coped like that in a long time.”

  “Yeah and you haven’t had a family member die in a long time and you haven’t seen Kimber in a long time. I’m not being an asshole, I’m being a brother.” We give each other a long hug and slap on the back. Yeah, Drew and I hug. We aren’t afraid to show the love. Alex stands there with a scowl, being his typical asshole self.

  The three of us find a caretaker and he gives us a map showing where the plots are. Soon, we are standing in front of two graves, silently staring at the headstone. What do I even say to make up for the disappointment they probably died feeling about me? They took me in, trusted me with their only daughter, and I left her here to deal with it all on her own. I’m a pathetic excuse for a man.

  After about five minutes, I turn and start to walk away. I can’t take being here for one more second. “Let’s go get a beer.” They follow me out and we all get into a black SUV.

  “Where to?” Drew asks.

  I reply, “Let’s head to the hotel. They have a bar and you guys can get checked-in.”

  While we are driving, Drew and Alex keep looking back and forth between each other. After about ten minutes, I’ve finally had enough. “If you have something to say to me, just say it.”

  Drew is the first to speak. “I didn’t want to get into this with the deaths and all, but I talked with Steve and told him we were all going to be here for a while and he freaked out so bad that he is on the way with James in tow.”

  He looks to Alex and Alex nods. “He basically told me to make sure you didn’t bail on us before he got here. Why would he say that, Evan?”

  I know exactly why Steve thinks I’m going to bail, but I’m not going to tell them that. “Steve freaks out over everything. I know we still have work to do on the album and I won’t bail out before it’s done.” They continue to look back and forth at each other.

  “For fuck’s sake, spit it out,” I yell.

  “He wasn’t talking about the album. Steve thinks you are going to bail on 23 Strokes.”

  I can see both of them watching me in the rearview mirror. Breathing out, I run my fingers through my hair and down my face. Drew yells now. “Shit, you are, aren’t you? How could you do this to us after everything we put into it?”

  “Calm down, Drew. I’m not going to bail out on 23 Strokes. I’m just trying to figure out my life right now. That’s all.” Truth is, I don’t know what is going to happen but I won’t leave the guys hanging on the album. Her album. I know that much. The rest depends on Wildfire. I don’t want to leave my brothers, but I can’t leave her.

  “Whatever you say, Fucker,” Alex mutters, clearly not convinced.

  We pull into the hotel swing drive, pile out, and make our way over to a round bar in the middle of the lounge right off the lobby. We order a couple rounds of beers, not talking much. Alex is turned on his stool facing me, glaring, but I keep my head forward, ignoring him. He is stewing and the minute he finally starts to open his mouth to let loose what’s been brewing, I know it’s going to end with fists.

  “Listen, you little piece of shit,” he starts, getting close to my face, “I know you are going through some sort of life crisis here, but you need to stop being so goddamned selfish and think about the brothers you are fucking over. We have been in this for too long for you to just up and quit for some little redheaded bitch that couldn’t give two shits about you.”

  I turn and connect my fist with his jaw, sending him stumbling off the barstool. He recovers quickly and lands a punch right into my ribs. I hit him in the face again and he connects with mine before Drew gets my arms pinned behind me. “Stop, guys, this is not the place for this.”

  Drew still has me pinned as Alex pokes me in the chest. “You need to remember who has put up with your fucking ass for the last seven years. You need to remember what real family is. Not this made up shit you have in your head.”

  He stalks out and heads over to the check-in desk, wiping the blood from his lip. Adrenaline is coursing through me as I shout out after him, “She is my real family, you fucking asshole.” Drew keeps me pinned before I take off after him and do more damage to his face.

  After a few drawn out seconds, Drew asks, “You calm enough for me to let go?”

  “Yeah,” I r
eply, shrugging him off. I don’t know if I’m calm, but I’m not twitching to punch anyone anymore. I huff out, “You know that’s not what I’m doing here, right?”

  Before he turns to follow Alex, he questions, “You sure about that, man?” He walks away before I can answer.

  No, I’m not sure. I don’t know what in the hell I’m doing other than I can’t go another single day without my Wildfire and I’ll do anything it takes to make sure I don’t. Anything. I sit drinking a few more beers before I head up to get ready to play for her again.

  Chapter 15

  Kimber

  I’ve never seen The Lucky Charm like this. When word got out that Evan Stone hangs out here, the masses arrived to pay homage. The guys better hold on to their ladies, because not a one of them is paying attention to the man she walked in here with.

  And if I had a man, he’d need to watch out too because I also can’t keep from watching the door, hoping he’ll walk in. The calmness I felt when his arms were wrapped around me is one I haven’t had since my parents died, and it’s left me a little desperate for more.

  I’ve been through our conversation a million times in my head and I still can’t make sense of it. The things he said, life’s been a nightmare, didn’t get what he wanted, not letting me take anything else away from him, are not adding up with what I know to be true. Especially when he said he didn’t do anything to deserve my anger.

  I realize he doesn’t know I overheard his conversation back then, but surely, he knows that’s why we broke up. After all this time, how could he have not put that together?

  Unless you were wrong, the voice inside my head whispers to me. But I wasn’t wrong. I had confirmation I was right. Still that voice is giving me doubts and cracking open my heart, because my heart has always wanted me to be wrong.

  “Drew!” I hear Penny screech as she runs off towards the front door, leaving the tap on and overflowing a pint glass. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her move that fast and I’m wondering who this Drew guy is. Maybe it was her coffee date from yesterday. Holy shit! Was that only yesterday?