Never Again Once More

by Morrison, Mary B.

  Jada wanted to confess to Wellington how she still loved him unconditionally. Instead of speaking the words, Jada decided it was time for her to show her soul mate that even though twenty years had passed, she still felt the same. Wellington continued holding her in his arms, and she let him.

  “I’ll go outside and wait for the ambulance,” Lawrence said as he quietly exited the room.

  “I’ll go with you,” Jazzmyne said.

  Shortly afterward, the paramedics moved in quickly. Jazzmyne and Lawrence came with them, but not Darius.

  “I’m sorry,” the heavy white man said.

  “Try again!” Jada shouted.

  “We’re sorry, ma’am,” the tall, skinny black man said. “We’ve done all we can.” He proceeded to help his assistant.

  When the white sheet went over Mama’s head a second time, Jada screamed. Turning her back, she couldn’t watch those strange men take Mama away. Darius stood in the doorway with tears pouring down his face. His eyes were beet red. Heavy heaves and sighs frequently escaped his shivering lips. Darius tugged aimlessly on his dreadlocks.

  “I’ll always be here for both of you,” Wellington assured Jada with a tight embrace and gestured for Darius to come to him. “We will make it through this. I’m here for you.” He kissed Jada on the forehead. “And you.” Wellington kissed his son’s forehead, too. He hugged Jada and Darius and prayed. “Heavenly Father—”

  Jada jumped up from the floor. “I have to go with my mother to the hospital. The ambulance is leaving!” She ran as fast as she could and darted outside. Jazzmyne was standing in the driveway with Lawrence.

  “Where’s the ambulance! Where’s my mother! Where’d they take her? She’s gone, isn’t she? Nooooooo!” Jada screamed and cried.

  Jazzmyne comforted her, and Jada’s thoughts shifted from her mother’s death and plunged into the depths of her soul. Suddenly, she felt alone. Frightened. Lonely. Maybe when Darius and Maxine married they would bless her with lots of grandbabies, at least three, and she’d protect them just like her mother had guarded Darius.

  Jada’s hands became clammy. Was this the green light she’d prayed for? All these years she’d helped hundreds of thousands of people better themselves and their communities. What about herself? Her son? The time had come for Darius to know his real father.

  Chapter 19

  Less than twenty-four hours had elapsed since her mother’s death. Ruby Denise Tanner was pronounced dead at 10:10 Saturday morning. Insomnia invaded Jada’s body, since the paramedics left their house. Short naps and lots of liquids fueled minimal energy. There wasn’t much Lawrence could do to console her, so the few moments he was home, he slept or watched television. He mentioned something about not dealing with the pressure, because if his mother went before him, he couldn’t handle the pain. Jada knew the truth was he resented Wellington.

  Wellington stayed all day Saturday and into Sunday morning. His presence upset Lawrence so much, Lawrence finally said, “If you don’t ask him to leave right now, I’ll tell him, and trust me, neither of you will like my approach.”

  Understandably, Jada told Wellington, “I really appreciate your compassion. I need to get some rest, so if you don’t mind, please leave and I’ll call you later.”

  Lawrence’s mild-mannered personality was one of the things Jada admired most. Easy going. He didn’t believe in arguing off the job, and clearly, Wellington’s presence had tested his limits. In Lawrence’s opinion, every situation had a logical solution. Easy for him, both of his parents were alive. Lawrence had two older brothers and two younger sisters. Why was it that the middle child always seemed well balanced when an only child appeared the opposite?

  Wellington assured her, “I’m just a phone call away.”

  “Thanks.” Jada stood in the doorway.

  As Wellington drove off, daybreak had arrived. Knowing she’d toss and turn if she crawled into bed, Jada showered, slipped into her sweats, and drove aimlessly. Not caring about her destination, she accelerated to twenty-five miles per hour as if driving through a school zone. Sitting at corners where there weren’t any stop signs, and driving through intersections when the red octagon symbol was clearly displayed, she crept along.

  Honking his horn, an irate driver shouted, “If you can’t drive it, park it, lady!”

  What was his malfunction? Parking her car near Colorado Avenue, she somberly moseyed across the Santa Monica pedestrian bridge. The dawn atmosphere was serene. Bypassing the Ferris wheel, she watched as a few fishermen were baiting poles while other lines already tossed in the water waited for something to bite. The cop shop was quiet. The restaurant was closed, and no one was lingering at the end of the pier. Mama was her best friend. Her sister. Her brother. Her father after Daddy died. Jada had a million things to do, but every single one would wait.

  Jada dusted off her yellow hooded jogging suit. Her head throbbed, so she removed her L.A. Lakers cap. As she kneaded her temples, she heard, “Let me do that for you.”

  There was no need to turn around as she had on her wedding day. Wellington knew the pier was where she cleared her mind. Jada fast-forwarded the video in her head of the night they met. She must have played it a thousand times. Particularly when the floral delivery person showed up at her office like clockwork every Friday with sixteen red roses and one yellow. Initially, the arrangements were sent to her home, but after she married, Wellington had them delivered to her job.

  As Wellington took her cap and softly stroked her hair, Jada imagined, “That’s not the only thing you can do for me.” Her mother’s death didn’t seem real. Jada closed her eyes. Maybe the feelings of her wanting Wellington weren’t real either. Who was she fooling? As ideal as her life had been, it still wasn’t complete. If she confessed she’d lived a lie, that would be closer to the truth. She had a wonderful husband and the world’s greatest son. Jada slowly turned toward Wellington. Taking her cap, she folded the brim until the sides overlapped; then she pierced her gaze into Wellington’s eyes. Noticing his bared the same emptiness as hers, Jada clenched her hands which had become clammy.

  “What’s it all about?” Jada asked.

  “What?” Wellington replied, as he gave her his undivided attention.

  “Life. What’s life all about? Why are we really here? What’s our purpose? Where’s my mother? My father?” She didn’t care if he answered.

  “You know, sometimes I wonder the exact same thing.” Wellington took Jada’s hat, placed it on his bald head, and gazed out over the water. The waves gently splashed against the posts.

  The smell of the ocean reminded Jada of their first date in Carmel when Wellington chased her along the beach. “Death has a way of making you reevaluate your life,” Jada said. “It’s a reality you never experience until someone you love checks out. Now that my mother is gone, I feel alone. My mother and father loved me unconditionally, and that kept me strong. I have that same love for Darius, but what about me? Who’s gonna love me for me?” Jada sighed. Tears began to fall. She turned away from Wellington, placed her elbows on the rail, and nervously squeezed her wet hands as though she’d applied too much lotion.

  Wellington repositioned himself directly behind her. He placed his left leg next to hers. Propped his right leg upon the bottom plank. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. I’ve always loved you unconditionally, and I always will. If you hadn’t left me, we’d still be together.” Wellington eased Jada’s hands into his and rubbed passionately.

  Thinking he would comment regarding the sweat, she waited. After he didn’t, Jada said, “There’s so many things I have to do to make my life right before I die.” She inhaled deeply and blew it out through her mouth as if smoking a cigarette. Jada watched the fog disperse into the coolness of the air. November this year seemed colder than any other.

  “Speaking of Darius, I’ve decided to let him run the office by himself for the next two days. Until we leave for the funeral.”

  “We weren’t talking about Dariu
s,” Wellington said. “But since you brought up his name. What in the world were you thinking about promoting that boy to CEO and VP? Darius is not ready to handle the responsibility.”

  “Please, not now. Darius will do well. I’m training him, and I’m going to send him to management classes.” The truth: Jada would have done anything to keep Darius from completing another semester at Georgetown with Darryl. So she’d offered Darius a salary no one else would pay him, and promised if he did well, one day he’d become CEO. This was not the time for a declaration of guilt. She felt depressed and nauseated. But there was one confession she could make to change the subject.

  “Wellington, I’m still in love with you.” When Jada looked down into the water, she saw a blinding glaze. A mirage of her best friend Candice’s face appeared with a frown. Jada could hear Candice protest. “Don’t do it, girlfriend. After all these years you haven’t learned.” Losing her mother taught Jada that there was no lesson for loving someone unconditionally. Would she leave this earth never reuniting with her soul mate? Damn, he was standing right upon her ass, and married or not, it felt natural.

  “Diamond.” Wellington lifted her hair, and held it against his face.

  “Yes,” Jada replied.

  “Do you know what two things worry me the most when it comes to women?”

  Jada remained silent. She opened Wellington’s left hand and began to trace his lifeline.

  “One is letting down my guard and falling completely for someone who’ll abandon me. The other is dying alone, and I don’t mean lonely. It doesn’t matter if the relationship isn’t perfect. I’m not getting any younger, and I don’t want to die a single man. I mean, what if no one knows I’m dead in my house for days? Or if I get killed in an accident, they find my driver’s license and have to search for my next of kin? Even worse, what if I take ill or need surgery?” Wellington squeezed Jada’s hands. “It hurt me so bad when you moved away. But I had to let you go. And every day I prayed you’d come back. And guess what. Now that I’m almost fifty-five, I’m still hoping. I know you’re married and Lawrence is a wonderful guy, but I can’t help the way I feel about you. I felt so stupid that I fell into Melanie’s trap. After Melanie and I divorced, I thought if I didn’t marry you, I wouldn’t marry anyone. Then Simone taught me how to love again. I love her with all my heart.”

  Jada’s fingers contracted. Her eyes narrowed. She felt the hairs on her nape rise. After all these years, she cringed whenever she heard anyone speak of Melanie. Jada hadn’t seen Melanie in almost fifteen years. Their sex triangle was Jada’s first and her last. Daddy used to say, “If a baby put his hand in the fire and gets burned, that’s okay, because the baby has to learn the fire is hot. But if the baby put his hand in the fire a second time, something is wrong with that baby.”

  Wellington turned her around, pulled her in close, licked his lips, and passionately kissed her. She didn’t resist. Then he looked into her eyes and said, “Diamond. You are the only woman I have ever totally loved with my mind, heart, and soul.”

  Suddenly Jada leaned over the rail and regurgitated air several times. Then she gasped for oxygen. Her thoughts reverted to her mother. The temporary escape from reality helped because as soon as her thoughts shifted, her chest became tight like something had squeezed out the blood. She felt her stomach balled up in knots so strong Wellington had to break her fall.

  Chapter 20

  Darius stepped into his mother’s office as the sole operator. He kicked his feet up on the desk, leaned backward, and clamped his hands behind his head. This week he was the boss. Trapped inside, his feelings stirred like a shaken soda. Keeping the top on, he covered up his emotions because he had to be strong for his mother. Wellington volunteered to assist him in the office, but Darius reassured his pops he could handle it.

  Since each of his executives had met or at least seen his fiancée last Friday, Darius took Maxine’s photo out of his drawer and placed the picture on the credenza behind his desk. Her place was to support him, not to overshadow him. Up until Friday night Maxine had done great. Under his name his new title read CEO/VP. Damn, twenty years old and living larger than life. He was the shit.

  Picking up the phone, he said, “Shannon, cancel the group meeting and set up individual meetings for me. I want to see Miranda in my office at nine o’clock.” Miranda was definitely a morning person. “Zen at eleven. Heather at one o’clock, and Ginger at three.” He’d saved the best for last.

  “Is there anything else, Mr. Jones?”

  “Yes, tell each of them to come prepared to workout the details of their proposals for the conference and tell them not to bring their assistants.”

  Fifteen minutes before Miranda would be announced, Darius entered his private restroom, freshened his breath, washed his face and hands, and put a splash of cologne at the base of his hairline above his collar. By the time he sat at his desk, he had five minutes to spare, so he waited.

  Shannon buzzed again and said, “Mr. Jones, Miranda is here.”

  “Send her in.” Darius sat up straight.

  Miranda walked in wearing a red wraparound dress that stopped above her knees. “Well, hello and congratulations.”

  Darius changed places to the sofa and patted the cushion beside him. Miranda joined him. Her perfume and candy apple lipstick turned him on. “Thanks. I presume you mean my new positions.”

  Smiling, Miranda answered, “Yes, that and your fiancée.”

  On that note, Darius gave Miranda one foot of space as he scooted over. “So, how many sponsors do you have?” Darius asked. Maxine was not on their agenda.

  Rubbing his knee, Miranda asked, “How are you doing? I didn’t expect you to be at work today, considering your grandmother passed only two days ago. I know how close you were to her.”

  Moving a little closer, Darius said, “Well, my mother is in no condition to return. One of us had to be here, so that left me. It’s hard at times, but I’ll get through it. Thanks for asking.” His feelings were genuine, but playing the sympathy card didn’t hurt. Darius noticed Miranda staring at Maxine’s photo.

  “I can help take your mind off of things for a moment. That is if you’d like.” Miranda extended the V in her blouse. Unsnapped the front of her bra and exposed her breasts. Darius watched Miranda’s nipples harden.

  Darius gently grabbed Miranda’s hair. He loved the way her silky curls wrapped around his fingers. Then he pulled her lips close to his, and said, “No Thanks.” His erection objected, but he overruled because Miranda needed weaning. Red lipstick was too risqué and difficult to remove, so he fantasized about fondling Miranda’s breasts: One at a time. He stood, and Miranda assumed the position. She leaned over the couch. Darius loosened his belt and let his pants fall to his knees. He wobbled over to his coat rack and retrieved a platinum-wrapped condom from his inside coat pocket. Darius put the rubber on the head of his penis and stuffed the foil back where he’d gotten it.

  As he shuffled over to Miranda, he unrolled the condom to the base of his shaft. Darius spat on his hand and smeared it on the latex. Penetrating Miranda, he released what he’d held on to from his session with Kimberly yesterday. Darius came, placed the condom inside his handkerchief, and tossed the contents into a plastic bag.

  “May I use your restroom,” Miranda asked.

  When Miranda returned, Darius noticed her lipstick had been refreshed, so he made a mental note to check for remainders. Women were always trying to leave clues. Hairs. Tissues. Fragrances. Even the little twist caps from the douche bottles. A brother had to minor in forensic science just to stay ahead of the game.

  Resuming her seat, Miranda said, “So you’re sure you won’t take me up on my offer. You zoned out there for a moment. You do have a lot on your mind.” Miranda reached for his tie.

  Darius blocked her hand and put it on her lap. “So how many sponsors do you have?” Maxine was right. She deserved better, and since he didn’t want to lose her, he’d try. But it was hard as hell b
ecause he really wanted to explode inside Miranda instead of fantasizing about her.

  “Six,” Miranda said, moving to the seat in front of Darius’s desk.

  Following her lead, Darius sat in front of his credenza, obscuring Miranda’s view of Maxine. “Six? How much are they collectively contributing?”

  “One point five million.” Miranda gathered the opening in her blouse.

  “You’re one million dollars short. We need ten million dollars in sponsorship funds to have a successful conference. How do you plan to come up with your fourth of the funds?”

  “Well, before you came, we were able to do the conference with less.”

  “True, but the attendees were bored. That was the past. And that’s why I’m CEO. You know everyone is going to love my entertainment lineup for the conference. Not to mention my location. Next year it’s Trinidad!”

  “And it’s not a fourth; it’s a fifth. So I only need five hundred thousand. How much do you have?” Miranda positioned her pen as if she were preparing to take dictation.

  “I’m in charge! What I say goes, and if you don’t give me some respect, you’ll be out of here before the conference.” How dare that bitch question his authority.

  “But if you don’t mind me saying—”

  “Actually, I do. You have until Thursday to come up with one million dollars in sponsorships.” Darius stood. “End of meeting.”

  “What changed you overnight. Damn.”

  “Life is short. My grandmother lived to see me turn twenty. I believe that’s why she held on. She died at eighty-four. If I’m so blessed, I only have sixty-four years left. And I plan to squeeze in as much as I can every single day.” Darius zoomed in on Miranda’s breasts and said, “Somehow, I don’t think I’ll make it that far.”

  Miranda stood. “You won’t if you start pushing me around.” She unlocked the door and stormed out.