Never Again Once More

by Morrison, Mary B.

  By the time Darius made it to his office, each of them was penciled on his calendar. The pressure from Ginger was suffocating and causing him major discomfort. Marriage was all she hinted about. But every time he saw her, he had to concentrate too damn hard for his big head to control the little one. Pressing the intercom button, Darius said, “Shannon, cancel all four appointments.”

  He couldn’t wait to tell Ashlee, so he hit redial. “Hey, guess what? I did it!”

  “Did what?” Ashlee asked.

  “By the time I got back to my office, every one of them wanted me.” Darius clicked his shoes on the wheels of his chair.

  Sarcastically, Ashlee said, “How?”

  Darius whispered, “In the worst way. Let’s just say if women had balls, that’s how I’d have them. Damn, I’m good!” Shannon interrupted him again. “Hold on, Sis, I’ll be back in a sec.”

  “Mr. Jones, Maxine is on the phone.”

  “I told her I’d call her back.”

  “She—”

  Darius switched over to Ashlee. “Where were we?”

  “You’re good, remember,” Ashlee said.

  “That’s right. Thanks. I can hook my male friends up with high-paying jobs. What you think?”

  Ashlee sounded annoyed. “I’ll tell you exactly what’s on my mind as soon as I see you. I’ll talk to you later. I’ve heard enough.”

  “Cool. Later.” Darius hung up the phone and “Crip Walked” to his restroom.

  He could use a nice blowjob, but that probably wasn’t a smart idea, considering how upset he’d made everyone. What did Maxine want? She knew he was running things, and yet she kept on calling. If she didn’t watch her steps, she was going to get fired, too.

  Chapter 23

  “God, why do you keep blessing me when I know I don’t deserve it?” Sitting in the front pew between Darius and Lawrence, Jada felt Wellington’s presence in the row directly behind her. The Lord could have taken Darius away from her when he was gravely ill and only two years old. He could have left her distraught when she lost Wellington to Melanie. The dark flesh that wrapped around her body could have ruined her self-esteem. Not once did God fail her. She clearly saw that Darius was God’s gift to her.

  Losing a loved one resurrected new life. Since life came in many forms, delivery of a child was one way. Convinced her mother’s death resuscitated the spirit she’d abandoned for twenty-one years, Jada refused to let her soul mate dissipate into the ever after.

  “You know the Lord is blessing you right now.” Pastor Tellings still spat into the microphone whenever he preached. “No one, uh huh, was more blessed—you don’t hear me now—than Sister Ruby Denise Tanner. This day is truly a time to celebrate her transition. No sir-ree, we are not mourning a loss. There’s no need to shed tears for a saint. Save your tears for the sinners. Sister Tanner was a woman who was never too busy for the Lord. Huh. Friends. Huh. Family. All right now, huh. Strangers. It didn’t matter. Heaven is no longer missing this angel.”

  If Pastor Tellings shouted any louder, she was going to have to move or get soaked. Somebody in the choir needed to hand Reverend a handkerchief, spit catcher, or something. Jada turned around and watched the congregation. Everyone’s head bobbed up and down. Doing a double take, she couldn’t believe her eyes. Cynthia was seated next to Wellington. And who invited Darryl? He was seated in the pew with Ginger, Zen, Miranda, Heather, Ashlee, and Maxine. Who was running her business?

  Why did the good ones have to die so soon? If anyone deserved to meet the Maker, it was Cynthia. Maybe her list of deceit was so long she would have created a backlog at the gates of hell, so Satan left her on earth to wreak havoc on innocent souls. She was the one who had invited Melanie from D.C., then had her stay at Wellington’s. Of course Cynthia was conveniently out of town that week, so Melanie couldn’t have lounged at her white house high up in the Sausalito Hills by her lonesome.

  Clearing his throat, Pastor Tellings said, “Brother Darius Jones and Sister Jazzmyne Jones-Dupree are going to sing ‘I Won’t Complain.’ Lord knows Sister Ruby never did.”

  Jada had a bigger problem than Cynthia: Darryl. How had he found out about the funeral? Forget that question. Jada already knew the answer. Terrell.

  When Darius stood beside Jazzmyne, his face became flushed. Then his tall frame collapsed to the floor. Before Jada could move, Wellington, Lawrence, and Darryl rushed behind the altar. This is not happening. Why today? Wellington attempted to hoist Darius into the firemen’s carrying position, but Darius’s body fell back to the floor. Darryl placed his hand on Wellington’s shoulder and said, “I’ll help you.”

  “Lord, not now, please. I’m not ready.” Jada thought she might be laid out next to her mama any minute.

  Almost everyone gasped or mumbled. The noisy ones trailed Cynthia, making their way to the rear of the church. Darryl grabbed Darius’s legs and helped Wellington carry Darius into the pastor’s study. The room was more like a small home office: a bookcase, a desk, a full-length standing mirror that stood in everyone’s way, a couch, and two wooden folding chairs.

  “Would everyone please be seated,” Pastor Tellings said. “Ushers, do not allow anyone else beyond those doors, and escort every one who is not family back out of here. Darius will be fine. Men grieve differently from women, and anyone who knows Darius, knows his My Dear meant the world to him.”

  The ushers moved each rubbernecker out. Jada bit her bottom lip. Jazzmyne, Wellington, Darryl, Maxine, Ginger, and Cynthia, who ignored the plea, stood packed like sardines. Lawrence left because the room was so overcrowded he couldn’t get in the door.

  Jazzmyne stared at Ginger and said, “Ginger. Out. Now. This is not business.” Then she grabbed Cynthia by the arm and shoved her toward the usher. “Please help Mrs. Jones back to her seat.”

  Whew! Saved by Mrs. P.R. Great interference, but the real dilemma still existed. The choir started singing “I Won’t Complain.”

  Pastor Tellings walked into his study and placed his hand on Jada’s shoulder. Jada grabbed Darryl by the arm. Don’t look at Wellington. Her eyes tried to sneak a peep, hoping Wellington wasn’t watching her, but he was. Damn it! Jada hesitantly looked away.

  “Smelling salt. Where’s my purse?” Jazzmyne ran out and returned with a small bottle. She removed the cap and passed it under Darius’s nose several times.

  Darius shook his head and whacked the container from Jazzmyne’s hand. “Whoa. What happened?”

  “It’s okay, son,” Wellington said.

  “Yes, it’s okay, son,” Darryl repeated.

  Shaking his head, Pastor Tellings said, “I’m going back to the congregation.”

  Darius looked at Darryl and frowned. “Why are you here?”

  “I’m—”

  Jazzmyne cut Darryl off. “Let’s not forget why we’re here. Darius will be fine. The rest of you can go back out front.”

  Darius looked at the small bottle. “What’s this, Auntie?”

  “If you went to church more often, you’d know,” Jazzmyne laughed. “It’s smelling salt.” Jazzmyne gave Darius another whiff.

  “Are you feeling okay, baby?” Jada asked Darius as she felt his forehead. “What happened to you?”

  Blocking the yellow solution, Darius coughed. “That’s enough, Auntie. I don’t know, Ma. I just saw all those people and realized they were here because My Dear wasn’t.”

  Seeing tears roll down her child’s face, Jada cried and hugged Darius. The last time she’d seen him that emotional was when the basketball scouts had lost interest in him.

  Darius looked up at Darryl and said, “Hey, Coach. You realized you needed me. Thanks for coming. Seeing you here means a lot to me.”

  “It’s all good. I should have been around a lot sooner,” Darryl commented.

  Jada hoped Darius wouldn’t respond. She wanted to rotate her eyeballs three hundred and sixty degrees at Darryl. The nerve of him all of a sudden just showing up, and of all places at her mother’s
funeral. “Let’s get your grandmother buried. My mother is probably turning over in her casket. Let’s go. Now.” Jada resumed her seat between Lawrence and Darius.

  “Is everything all right?” Lawrence asked.

  “Yes,” Jada whispered.

  “Next we’re going to have words from Jada Tanner,” Pastor Tellings continued as if nothing had happened.

  When Jada approached the podium, she wanted to pass out, too. Jada cleared her throat and stepped back, not wanting to get too close to Reverend’s soiled microphone. “I wrote this poem for my mother, and I want to share it with everyone today, entitled ‘Unconditional.’

  Mama, if I had one wish

  it would truly be

  to love someone other than my child

  Unconditionally

  I watched you, Mama,

  day after day

  caring for the family

  I saw you, Mother,

  time and time again

  sacrificing your needs

  But not just for us

  for strangers, too

  and people you barely knew

  Mama, if I had one wish

  it would truly be

  to love someone other than myself

  Unconditionally . . .

  Heaven is no longer

  missing its angel

  but, Mama, I’m missing you

  tell Daddy I said hello

  and one day I’ll see you two

  Often I’ve said

  if I had to do it all over again

  I’d do it all over again

  and I wouldn’t change a thing

  But now that you’re gone

  I can clearly see

  If—

  No, When

  I learn to love others unconditionally

  Only then will I be free

  Oh, Mama, if I had just one wish

  it would truly be

  to love someone other

  another and another

  my sister and my brother

  my husband and my friend

  and my soul mate

  Unconditionally

  Darryl hopped in the limousine with Jada, Wellington, and Darius. Just because he was accustomed to royal treatment didn’t give him the right to ride with family, but to get his arrogant ass out would definately cause a scene. Darius and Darryl rambled on about the stats for different players, including themselves. The congested traffic made the ride to Rolling Hills Cemetery longer.

  “Man, sounds like with the proper coaching, you would have been a star, too. But your head was too big for my team.” Darryl gestured, as though he’d hit a three pointer.

  “I know I could have started in the NBA. I was the next Kobe Bryant, only better.” Darius squatted and stretched out his arm like he was playing defense.

  “Good for you your mother provided a solid educational foundation. So what are doing now?”

  Nodding in Wellington’s direction, Darius said, “My old man gets his props, too.” Darius stuck out his chest. “I’m CEO and VP at my mom’s company. But you never mentioned how you know my mom.” Darius shifted his look from Darryl to Jada and back to Darryl.

  Jada curled up in the afghan Miranda had hand made and sent to her the day before. Then she quickly shut her eyelids and pretended she was dozing off, regretting she hadn’t accepted Lawrence’s offer and ridden with him.

  “Your mom and I were friends in high school. I proposed to her about twenty years ago.”

  Darius tugged at her blanket. “Mom, is that true?”

  Jada opened her eyes and gave Darius a long, cold stare. “Yes, sweetie, it’s true.” Then she tensely redirected the same look at Darryl.

  Darius and Darryl looked at each other and simultaneously said, “Back to stats.”

  Jada closed her eyes, leaned her head on Wellington’s shoulder, and dreamt she and Wellington stood before the altar getting married. Darius gave her away again. Pastor Tellings asked, “If anyone gathered here today knows why this man and woman—” Cynthia’s voice drowned out Pastor Tellings’s, “If the truth be told, Christopher, that’s one daughter-in-law I can live without.”

  Wellington stroked her cheek. “Ba, we’re here.”

  As Darius and Wellington balanced her, Jada sat in the center seat directly in front her mother’s coffin, gazing at the bleeding hearts. There weren’t enough chairs for everyone or sufficient standing room for people to be sheltered under the tent out of the sun. Pastor Tellings kept his words brief as Mama requested. Friends and church members picked roses and carnations from the arrangements. Everyone was dismissed and asked to depart so Mama could be lowered into the ground. When Darius and Wellington reached for her arms, Jada firmly squeezed their hands and said, “Let me be alone, please.”

  After they left, Jada said her goodbyes. “Mama, thank you for all you’ve done. Please don’t abandon me. I need you now more than ever before.” Jada stood, picked up a single red rose and one white rose and a red-and-white carnation. Then she reached into her black purse, pulled out Darius’s original birth certificate, laid it atop the coffin, and walked away.

  Chapter 24

  Mama’s burial was everything except peaceful. Jada paced back and forth in her mother’s living room. A steady breeze blew through opened windows in the three-bedroom home. Curtains flapped in the wind. The chilled orange juice cooled her throat, but not her body. Sweat poured from her fingers. Ding. Dong. A familiar but dreadful sound sparked the moment of truth. Jada peeked in the brass-trimmed mirror hanging above the fireplace and whispered, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the bravest of them all.” A gust of wind shook the blinds, rattling her reflection. Jada inhaled deeply as she opened the door.

  “Hi, Ma.” Darius kissed her cheek.

  “Hi, baby. Give Mama a hug.” She held on longer than Darius.

  “Lawrence left already, huh. When are you going home?” Darius stooped to her level, looked at her quizzically, and asked, “Ma, are you feeling okay? What’s wrong?”

  The flow of air felt hotter than the catastrophic heat waves in Texas. “Darius, I need to have a heart-to-heart talk with you.” The dreadful tone resonated throughout the house again. “I’ll get that.” Jada held the knob, inhaled, and then quietly opened the door. Wellington stepped inside.

  “Hi, ba. How are you feeling?” Wellington hugged, then kissed her.

  “I saw that,” Darius yelled from the next room.

  “I got here as fast as I could. What’s so urgent?” Gazing at the eleven-by-fourteen frame, Wellington smiled. “I see your mother still has our picture hanging on the wall.”

  Before Jada could answer, a third tune chimed, and her stomach twisted into knots like a soaked dishrag being wrung dry. Jada took another deep breath, released it, and then opened the door. There stood Darryl with two young men and a little girl. “Come on in,” Jada sighed. “Have a seat here in the living room. I’ll get Darius.”

  Jada made a detour to the bathroom. Bending over the toilet, she regurgitated her breakfast: juice, croissant, and fruit. She splashed cold water on her face, removed her lipstick, and rinsed her mouth with blue Listerine.

  She made her way to the kitchen where Darius was peeping in the refrigerator, uncovering the leftover dishes Mama’s church family had delivered yesterday. Most of them were untouched because Jada hadn’t encouraged the visitors to linger. Cynthia and Melanie had been the first dismissed. Melanie, that slut, had some nerve stepping foot into her mother’s house dressed in black from head to toe: purse, shoes, hat, veil, gloves.

  “Jada, I’m so sorry you’ve lost someone close to you again. My condolences,” Melanie had said.

  Jada had reached back. This bitch must have forgotten whom she was playing with. Maybe the first time she’d knocked Melanie across the room hadn’t been enough. Yesterday Jazzmyne had held her back.

  “Tell Wellington his wife said hello. If you need anything, just let us know.” Melanie waved bye as though she’d won the M
iss Universe contest. “Ciao.”

  “Melanie. Leave. Now. You, too, Cynthia.” Jazzmyne had said, wrestling Jada to the next room.

  Jada had enough on her mind now not to worry about Melanie or Cynthia. “Darius, honey. Please join us in the front.”

  “Sure, Mom.” Darius stuffed a whole slice of sweet potato pie in his mouth and followed her.

  Darryl was scanning their prom picture above the fireplace. She’d been so preoccupied she hadn’t noticed that against her wishes Mama had put the brown-and-gold foil paper-framed snapshot back on the shelf.

  Tensely, Jada said, “Everyone please have a seat.”

  “What’s going on? Hey, B-ball six-nine is becoming a regular part of the family.” Darius smiled. He tapped Darryl on top of his fist, and Darryl reciprocated. Everyone knew Darryl’s nickname.

  “Darius. Please have a seat, be quiet, and listen for a minute. There’s no easy way to say this. I’ve prayed about how to handle this all your life, sweetheart. Darius. I guess it took Mama dying for me to realize that I had to tell you the truth before it was too late. So with that having been said, Darryl Williams is your biological father, not Wellington.”

  “Aahhh heck no!” Darius jumped up and bounced around the open space in the middle of the floor. “You’re kidding. Right?” He paused in front of Darryl. “Is that why you came to my game five years ago and gave me a scholarship to GT?”

  “I wish I could say no, but, son, I honestly wasn’t sure if you were mine until I saw you at your AAU game.” Darryl remained seated.

  “Baby, I wish this weren’t true.” Jada froze. Wellington scooted as far back as he could in Daddy’s old recliner—the one Robert used to sit in—folded his arms, and rested his chin between his thumb and pointing finger.