Run for It All

by Carolyn LeVine Topol

  Chapter 5

  DAVID WATCHED as his dad and Steve slowly walked into the living room. They weren’t holding hands, touching, or nudging each other affectionately, a complete turnaround to the behavior he had observed during their visits to see him in New York City. They could have been two strangers on a sidewalk, simply heading in the same direction but with no further connection. David felt a distinct pang of guilt hit him hard. He had promised his mothers he would give Rob and Steve the benefit of the doubt and make an effort to maintain a positive attitude for the duration of his time with them. Instead, the only thing he had accomplished was to stir up crap for all three of them.

  “What’s on your mind?” David’s father sat next to him on the sofa. Rob was dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, a significant departure from his normal weekday requirements of a suit and tie, as he needed to be prepared in case he had to go on the air in the studio without warning.

  It didn’t go unnoticed that Steve chose to take a seat in the armchair opposite the sofa. He looked at David and Rob but said nothing.

  “I said something the other day and didn’t give either of you a chance to respond or react.”

  Without missing a beat Rob responded, “No need to explain yourself. You can say whatever you want while you’re with us.”

  Glancing from his father to Steve, David watched Steve look down at his hands. David noticed Steve’s fists clenched in his lap.

  “I appreciate that, Dad, but I let out something I haven’t even spoken to Mom about. To be honest, I was kind of looking for a reaction from you and Steve.”

  With a tight grin, Rob nodded his head. “I see. What kind of reaction?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe giving a cheer that you sired another member of the tribe or some level of disappointment that you added another generation to the ongoing and difficult fight for gay rights—anything.” David stared at his father, pausing a moment before continuing. “Instead, you didn’t say a word. I wasn’t sure you had heard me. I still wouldn’t be completely sure if it wasn’t for the fact that I overheard the two of you arguing about it just now.” David shook his head. He needed to be honest with his father and himself. “No, that’s not true. I’ve been watching both of you for the past few days. I’m not blind. The distance between you is getting wider by the second.”

  “You’re not to blame,” Steve chimed in. “If we’re having a problem, it’s between us. It’s not something you should worry about.”

  David stood up and faced Steve. “Bullshit! I know when I’ve been selfish. My mothers raised me to be pretty damn aware of the choices I make and how I handle tough situations.” David took a moment to watch as Steve and his father finally took a moment to look at each other for the first time since they entered the room. “Maybe it was a test, a stupid-ass test, but a test.”

  “A test?” David’s father looked up at David, remaining seated.

  “Yeah, a ridiculous test to see how much you really wanted to be a father rather than play at it when it was convenient, like all those times you visited for a day here or a day there.”

  Rob pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced at Steve before turning his attention back to David. “I guess I failed. Steve knew I should follow up, speak to you privately, let you give me a complete explanation of what you were trying to say. Instead I took the coward’s way out and let it go.”

  “Dad, you didn’t fail.” David could see his father’s eyes glistening as he spoke to him. “You were just never given a fair chance to begin with. It was worse than a pop quiz in math class.”

  David noticed Steve’s shoulders relaxing. “The kids I coach on the high school track team tell me those pop quizzes are the worst. They’re more stressful than competing in a meet or asking someone out on a date when they’re not sure what the response will be.”

  Chuckling under his breath, David continued. “They can be, unless the person you want to ask out is a straight guy.”

  “Sit down, David.” Speaking softly, his father patted the sofa cushion, inviting David to retake his seat.

  Following the invitation, David sat back down next to his father. Steve leaned forward in his chair, clasping his hands together in his lap.

  “I’m new at parenting, but I hope to figure it out sooner rather than later.” Rob faced Steve and smiled. “I remember when I was pretty new at living with someone I loved; nearly screwed it up on a daily basis for the first couple of months. I’m just grateful Steve has staying power and is patient beyond the call of duty.”

  “Me too.” Steve stood and walked toward Rob to stand in the space between the picture window and the back of the sofa, just behind David’s father. “You can be a jerk sometimes, but I’ve never regretted a single day we’ve been together.”

  Steve came and took a seat on the sofa next to Rob and the two shared a loving look and a chaste kiss. “Good thing my partner has the patience of a saint.”

  David watched in awe as his father and Steve demonstrated how two men find a way to lovingly deal with a tough patch and get through it because the two of them as a team are more important than winning or losing an argument. He had watched his mothers in the same situation many times, but attributed the considerable amount of affection and the ability to apologize and move on as more of a female attribute. David was glad to see it was universal.

  “He’s smart too, Dad.” Steve and his father both turned toward David. “Remember, I overheard you earlier. I did open a door and now I need to talk about it.”

  David’s father finally found his voice on the real subject at hand. “You are gay. That wasn’t just a line you threw out to get my attention, was it?”

  Shaking his head, David looked at his father. “I’ve lived with my moms too long to say something so important as an attention-getting device. I’ve been interested in guys for a while but haven’t said it out loud until the other day.”

  “You never told your mothers anything, not even hinted?” David’s dad furrowed his brow.

  “No. I probably should have, but there never seemed to be the right time, and then, when I was ready to open up, they were planning this big mission around the world and I didn’t want to give them a reason to cancel. They were so excited about the work they planned to do and the contacts they were going to make. I didn’t want them to think they couldn’t leave me because I was going through some major life-changing moment.”

  Steve smiled. “So you waited until you were with the two gay men in your life to finally let out what you’d been holding inside.” He looked at David. “We should be honored you told us so soon after you arrived. It’s too bad we let you down with our lack of support.”

  “You didn’t let me down. It was good to hear you fighting. At first you both seemed too goody-goody to be true. It was like Martha Stewart gone gay. But there’s no reason to fight about this anymore.” David looked at his father. “I do have a lot of questions. I’m kind of hoping you and Steve can answer them.”

  “Anything you want, son, but if you could limit it to just a few at a time it would probably benefit all of us.” Rob chuckled. “Steve and I are clearly working our way along the road to parenthood, and I don’t think we’re ready for everything at once. We could easily screw it up if we try to take on too much too soon in the advice department. Can we start slow and work our way to some of the bigger topics?”

  “Like gay sex.” David grinned as he watched his father wince in response to his words. “Relax, I’m not ready for the bees and the bees talk just yet. This is all pretty new to me too.”

  “That’s a relief.” Steve stood up. “I don’t think either of us is ready for that talk yet.”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready to hear any of that from a parent yet, at least not in detail.” David smiled. “Why don’t we start with school?”

  David’s father sat up straighter and looked at his son. “What about school? I thought registering with Steve went smoothly.”

  “It did, but I’ve been atten
ding private school forever. It’s a school where a lot of my moms’ friends have their kids going as well, so there were never any issues with being part of a gay family. Going to public school is making me kind of nervous.”

  Rob looked at Steve. “You’re the expert on high school students. Why don’t you take this one and I’ll listen too—for once?”

  Steve bent over and kissed Rob once more. “Okay. It’s good to be working as a team again.”

  Leaning back in his space on the sofa, David felt relieved when he saw the way his dad and Steve looked at each other. Maybe living with his gay father wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to him after all.

  Chapter 6

  “DOES HAVING a conversation with you have to include this torture?” David huffed and puffed as he ran up the street alongside Steve and his father.

  Steve chuckled. “This could hardly be considered torture. We’re barely moving at a slow jog.” Rob remained silent, a few drops of sweat dripping from his forehead, but David noticed the smile on his face. “Whenever one of my students needs to talk about something important, they know the way to get my undivided attention is to run with me. I even set up appointments when a regularly scheduled practice isn’t planned.”

  “You mean those guys actually want to run, get all sweaty and out of breath, just to get some one-on-one time with their coach? Are they on drugs, or do you just have them completely hypnotized?” David couldn’t believe how insane it seemed to want to talk while running.

  “First of all, as I said, you can barely call this jogging, let alone running.” Steve was actually grinning. David was irritated. He seemed to be the only one of the three of them who was sweating more than anyone might normally do from merely walking briskly in the comfortable September weather. “Secondly, people tend to be completely honest and get to the point faster if they’re put in a position where physical stress alleviates their emotional stress.”

  “He’s got a point,” David’s dad chimed in. “Besides, someone your age shouldn’t have any trouble keeping up with, and even surpassing, two guys our age.”

  Steve nudged Rob’s shoulder. “Speak for yourself, old man. Besides, we both know you’re in pretty good form on and off the running track.”

  “Hey, TMI. Kid here.” David took a deep breath and tried to find his pace. It was annoying to see how calm and playful his dad and Steve were as they continued to move along, while he thought he might have a heart attack at any minute.

  “Okay, David. You have our undivided attention.” Steve looked at David as he slowed the pace even further, enabling David to slow a bit and allow his breathing to feel less labored. “How long have you known you were gay?” Steve paused for a moment and continued. “I won’t insult you by asking if you’re sure. I remember how pissed off I was when I came out to my very liberal parents and they still had the nerve to ask. Let’s face it; I wouldn’t have brought it up with them if I had any doubts as to whether I really was gay.”

  “So you don’t think I’m just guessing I’m gay because my parents are all gay?”

  David’s father turned to look at him, his eyes widened. “Are you kidding? That’s crazy!”

  “Is it really crazy?” Steve glanced toward Rob. “I bet it’s something David’s been asking himself for some time now, haven’t you?” Steve then turned toward David. It was as if the guy could read his mind.

  “Well, I couldn’t help but wonder if the influence of having three gay parents took its toll on my psyche.” David wanted to take back his words as soon as he spotted Steve’s reaction. He saw Steve bite his lip when he stated he had three parents rather than four. Steve was the one taking the most active role in supporting him since he had arrived, yet David had relegated Steve to the backseat in the role of parent. David hoped Steve would understand David was speaking from his entire life experience, not just from the recent past.

  Steve was clearly holding back. David was grateful Steve was mature enough to refrain from commenting on his own feelings and focused solely on David’s needs. “Have you ever liked girls in any way other than friendship?”

  Thinking of his history with girls in school, David huffed out a small laugh. “Only when I was five and wanted to play house, but if they did want to, I was happy to let them have careers while I’d stay home with the babies.”

  “Are you sure your mothers haven’t discussed this with you in the past? It sure as hell doesn’t sound like you’ve hidden your feelings.” David’s dad continued to jog slowly, facing forward but clearly listening.

  “If they noticed any signs of my sexual orientation, they never brought it up with me. My guess is they were probably waiting for me to open the door to the subject.”

  Steve continued to probe. “Have you ever dated a girl?”

  “I took one of my closest friends to the first freshman school dance last year.”

  “And?”

  “And while all the guys started making out on the dance floor with their dates, I was happy to dance to the music and glance at the star of the freshman junior varsity basketball team.” David sighed as he slowed a bit more. “At least my date was a good friend and wasn’t insulted when I took her home and just gave her a quick kiss, then left to go home.”

  “How do you feel talking about this with us?”

  David thought a bit about Steve’s question as they turned the corner, finally heading back in the direction of their home. “I guess I’m kind of relieved. I’ve never admitted how I feel out loud before, and it doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore.”

  “It’s not.” David’s dad added. “Especially not to us and not to people here.”

  Steve patted David’s back as they ran down the final hill. “Truth is, we’re in a pretty open-minded community. Sure, there are kids who like to find reasons to make fun of other kids, but being gay doesn’t seem to be in the top ten in our school district. Now if you wore the wrong brand of sneakers, you might earn a target on your back.”

  David found himself able to laugh as they finished their seemingly endless run. “I hope you’re right, Steve. I’m not sure how people will take to me, new kid and all.” David was worried about making friends and expected he would shy away from approaching anyone during his first couple of weeks in school.

  “There’re always new kids in school every year. We live in an area surrounded by loads of private schools. They’re the kind of schools that regularly raise tuition enough to force some parents to annually pull out their children when the cost gets too steep.”

  Steve’s assurances were welcome. Feeling less anxious about the beginning of school, having endured all his classes and having avoided any negative interactions with anyone, David mimicked Steve and his father as they stretched upon completion of their run. “How far was that? It seemed like we ran forever!”

  “You, my young friend, need to get into better shape. That was less than two miles.” Steve grinned but didn’t chastise any further.

  “Why don’t you join the track team at school?” David’s dad smiled broadly. “It’s a great way to meet new friends.”

  Nodding, David added, “My guess is track is one of the few sports where being gay isn’t frowned upon as much as others.”

  “Don’t let that be the reason for making your decision. Interest should be the only consideration.”

  “I see your point, Dad.” David was becoming more cautiously optimistic but didn’t want to assume anything until after the next week of school was underway.

  “Besides, you’ll know the coach, and I’m sure he’ll treat you fairly.”

  David glanced from his dad to Steve. “That’s the sport you coach at the high school, right? I just realized I never actually knew your position, thinking I wouldn’t get involved in any after-school athletics since I never have before.”

  Steve nodded. “Maybe now’s the time.” He did a few more lunges and then stood up straight. Steve’s legs were even more muscular than his arms. “But I’ll guarant
ee I will treat you completely fairly.”

  Smiling broadly, David finished his final hamstring stretch. “Sounds great.”

  “Just so we’re on the same page,” Steve continued in a serious tone, “that means no favoritism.”

  Understanding the message, David stood up to his full height. “Works for me.” Although he tried to sound confident, David still felt unsure about what the future held. Going to classes in a new school was difficult enough, but allowing the real him to come out—literally and figuratively—and exploring extracurricular activities and possible friendships was a whole new challenge.

  Chapter 7

  SCHOOL SUCKED! There was no other description David could think of to interpret his first month. None of the students spoke to him, other than to say excuse me if they wanted to pass him in the hallway and he was in their way. Even more irritating, a few of the oversized glandular anomaly football jocks simply brushed past him, shoving him to the side and not saying a single word. At least none of them noticed him enough to call him a faggot. He had feared that the most, but it hadn’t happened.

  The teachers weren’t much better. They treated David as if he had been in the school district forever, rather than as someone who was new and might need a little TLC. Although he would never admit it to anyone, least of all worry his mothers with his concerns when he regularly Skyped with them, David was hoping to catch a break with a faculty member who might take pity on the stranger who had no idea where the hell he was going or what the hell he was doing. He wanted to fit in, but it just wasn’t happening.

  Sitting outside on the empty bleachers at lunchtime, enjoying the sunshine, David smiled. He had found the secluded spot, and it was a highlight of his day. At least the southern New England weather was a welcome change from the prolonged humidity of a New York City summer.