Run for It All

by Carolyn LeVine Topol

  As soon as he walked outside on the unusually warm autumn day, he felt a tap on his shoulder. “I’m surprised to see you here. I thought you’d quit on us.”

  Turning and looking directly into Kevin’s eyes, David could tell the double meaning behind his words was obvious. David had not only abandoned the track team, but even more significantly, he had abandoned Kevin. Unable to face Kevin, David turned back toward the track but did not walk away.

  “So are you back, or are you here to let us know you’re leaving before the competitive season begins? If you’re leaving I’m glad to see you are at least giving the team the courtesy of letting them know your intentions face to face.” Kevin’s words were harsh, but deserved.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I figured that much out when you completely ignored all my messages the past two weeks.” The edge in Kevin’s voice was worse than a slap in the face.

  “When those assholes punched you, I felt like a complete failure. I knew I’d brought this on and then when it counted, I couldn’t even help you when you needed me.”

  “I needed you for the past couple of weeks, and you weren’t there for me. I needed to know we were a team in good times and tough times.” Kevin nudged David, encouraging him to face him. “Their punches were far less painful than your damn cold shoulder. I thought you cared about me, about us, but I guess I was dead wrong.” Kevin started to walk in the direction of the track. David saw the team assembling and knew he wouldn’t be able to last through practice without saying what he had to say to Kevin.

  “Wait!” David was relieved when Kevin froze in place. Although he didn’t turn back to look at him, it was a start. After taking a deep breath, David continued. “I was the biggest asshole of all. Rather than standing up for you, for us, I ran. Those jerks in the locker room scared me, and I ran from everything.” David noted Kevin still hadn’t moved, so he ventured on. “A surprisingly wise man recently called me a coward. He was right. I was afraid to take ownership of who I am, and what I want, despite the consequences it might bring from ignorant bastards.”

  Kevin spun around to look at David. “Are you suddenly brave now that the truth has been shoved into your face?”

  It came out as a sharp accusation, and David accepted the challenge. He wanted his life back; he wanted Kevin back. “I’m still basically a coward, but I have to start acting brave to become brave.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” Kevin’s brow furrowed as he glared at David.

  “It means I want to be your boyfriend and stand by your side even if the crap in any part of our lives gets tough. It means I know I screwed up, but I care about you and maybe those feelings coupled with those jerks attacking us because of those feelings was too much for me to take and I let them get the better of me. It means I won’t run again if you’ll give me another chance.” David took the initiative and dared to step directly in front of Kevin and look him in the eye. “It means I have feelings for you I’ve never had before, and I don’t want to lose them because I acted like a frightened baby. Please give me another chance.” David drew in a breath and held it as he waited for Kevin’s response. He wasn’t even sure he would get one, but he hoped Kevin could forgive him.

  When Kevin finally spoke, his voice was soft. “I trusted you and you broke that trust. I need a guy I can count on. Your behavior the last two weeks makes me wonder if you can be that guy.”

  Without skipping a beat, David grabbed Kevin’s hand and squeezed it in his own. “I can. Please believe me, I can. Let me show you; give me the chance to show you. I won’t disappoint you twice.” David could hear himself pleading with Kevin and didn’t care if he sounded desperate; he was.

  “Damn.” Kevin spoke softly but the resolve in his voice was evident. “I was going to tell you to get lost when I finally saw you in person. I wasn’t even sure I wanted you back on the team, even though you’re one of our best distance runners.”

  “And now?” David felt like he was nearing the finish line of a 5,000. He tried to breathe evenly but knew his chest was visibly rising and falling through his fitted running shirt.

  Before Kevin spoke, David felt him squeeze his hand back. “I’m not sure why, but I can’t turn my back on you. It’s more than just a physical thing, although you are kind of hot for a former coward.”

  David felt himself relax a bit for the first time during their entire interaction. “You won’t regret this. I promise.” Inching even closer, David laced the fingers of their free hands together. “Can I kiss you, please?” He had never initiated a PDA before, having been afraid of what the outside world might think watching two guys kiss.

  “Are you sure you’re ready? I’m pretty sure the entire team is using us as their prepractice, afternoon entertainment.” Kevin released one of his hands and gently patted David’s arm. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. We can take it slower, especially in public.”

  Wrapping his free hand tenderly around the back of Kevin’s neck, David drew him in, pressing their lips together in a warm, yet chaste, kiss.

  After their lips parted, David gazed at Kevin. His smile matched the one David wore. “We’ll take it one day at a time.”

  David nodded. “Okay. Uhm, I noticed you didn’t change your Facebook status. I hope it was because you couldn’t rather than you just didn’t get around to it.”

  “I noticed you didn’t change yours either.” Kevin grinned tightly.

  “No, I didn’t want to. I think I was hoping I could find the confidence to fix the mess I made. How am I doing?”

  “Good start.” Kevin took a step back. “But I think we’d better continue this later. Right now we have to get to practice before Coach Garrett gets pissed off.”

  David chuckled as he followed Kevin the rest of the way from the locker room exit to the track. As they approached, the guys on the team welcomed them with catcalls and whistles. David and Kevin both laughed. It felt good to have a reason to smile and laugh.

  Kevin called ahead to their friends. “Shut up, you clowns.”

  Continuing to get a kick out of the positive attention, David spotted the smile on Steve’s face. He grinned back, and the two nodded their understanding to each other.

  Before long, practice began. Kevin, David, and their fellow distance runners were sent off on the track to do their prolonged laps. Feeling high from the newly acquired assertive behavior he had demonstrated accompanied by its apparent success, David felt himself fly around each quarter-mile lap. After the fifth lap, he noticed someone in running gear approaching Steve. David nearly tripped when he realized who was coming.

  Watching intently as he rounded the next curve, David wished he could overhear the conversation between Steve and John Lewis. Even more bizarre, David realized the school’s physical education department chairman and head coach accompanied that asshole. What the hell was happening? Moments after David thought everything was finally going his way, it seemed like his entire world would be crashing all around him.

  Pressing on, adding a bit more speed, David aligned his step with Kevin’s and tapped him on the arm. David pointed toward the threesome in the middle of the track, and Kevin slowed his pace, as did David to remain alongside him.

  “What the fuck?” Kevin whipped his head around to face David. His eyes were wide, and David knew Kevin recognized John. “What the hell is he doing here?”

  “He showed up in Jesse’s and my homeroom this morning. I was going to tell you later. But I sure as hell don’t know what he’s doing here, especially with the head coach.”

  “Well, I have no intention of running around in circles like a goddamn greyhound, and ignoring him. I’m going in.” David wasn’t sure if Kevin’s interference would stir up trouble, the kind of trouble David hated to be involved with.

  Shaking his head, David realized he was allowing his cowardly self to bubble up from within and reach for the surface. He fought the feeling and shoved down his automatic desire to flee
. This was the time to show Kevin he meant what he had said about standing by him. Although David hadn’t said a word to his new, unwelcome classmate during the day, it looked like there would be no escaping a confrontation now.

  “Kevin, wait.” Kevin stopped and faced David. “I’m going with you.”

  Although he had hoped to hide his nerves, he was pretty sure Kevin could see David’s anxiety building. “It’s okay. Those jackasses just held you. It was me they punched. I can deal with this.”

  “I said I’d stand by you. Those weren’t empty words. I meant every one of them. Besides, when those creeps hit you, I felt it too. We’re a team, both on and off the track, aren’t we?”

  Despite David’s increasing fears, Kevin’s half smile and nod instantly calmed him. “Yeah, we’re in this together. Let’s go find out what that prick thinks he’s doing here and why the head coach is with him.”

  “Steve doesn’t look very happy.”

  Kevin stopped midstep and squarely faced David. “Neither am I.”

  Before David could respond, Kevin had turned away, heading rapidly toward the middle of the track where Steve was still deeply entrenched in his discussion. David picked up the pace, making sure when they arrived, he and Kevin would be side by side. There would be no more question as to where David stood; he intended to demonstrate his unconditional support of Kevin. David had spoken the words, but now he had to show Kevin he meant every one of them, or they would be rendered meaningless and there would be no future for them as a couple. A chill ran up David’s spine. He hoped they wouldn’t regret anything about to be said.

  Chapter 18

  “COACH GARRETT, I would appreciate you making an exception in this case, as a favor to me.”

  “Coach Wilkins.” Steve paused. David noticed his Adam’s apple move up and down as if he was swallowing hard. “I appreciate you wanting to give every student an opportunity to be the best he can be, but I thought I had jurisdiction over who could or could not be a member of the track team.”

  “Normally, your word would be final.”

  “And why is this different?”

  David watched closely, trying to inch nearer as Coach Wilkins, the school’s physical education chair and head coach, put an arm around Steve’s shoulders guiding him off to one side. Nonchalantly stepping as close as possible without bringing attention to his maneuver, David listened carefully, trying to tune out all the extraneous noise on the field.

  “Steve, I’m going to speak frankly with you.” Coach Wilkins took a deep breath. “This kid’s parents were up front about how their son screwed up at the exhibition meet a couple of weeks ago.”

  “Screwed up!” The anger in Steve’s voice was apparent, although he was conscientious about keeping the volume low. “His coach and I gave those idiots a break by not having them arrested. Why the hell would you think I’d let him on the same team as the boys he participated in attacking?”

  “As I understand no one was really hurt.”

  “Only because we walked into the locker room in time. Who knows what they might have done to Kevin and David.” Steve narrowed his eyes as he looked at the head coach. “Besides, pain comes in many forms, some of which are emotional, unseen by the naked or untrained eye. I know—Rob and I have had to deal with the fallout ever since the attack. We were finally able to reach David, helping him work through this, and now you throw this jerk in his face.”

  “His parents came to this school because their son lost his prep school scholarship.”

  “Don’t tell me, it was based on his academic performance, coupled with his achievement on the track, but he was kicked off when his coach held him and his cohorts accountable for their actions.”

  “Exactly. And while they don’t have the money to fork over for the huge tuition costs, they do have the skills and contacts to assemble scholarship donors and, well—” Coach Wilkins stopped midsentence but Steve didn’t let the true words fall away unspoken.

  “And the catch is their son must be allowed to join the high school’s track team.”

  “They think it’s their only hope of getting him into a good college. He’ll need a track scholarship, and he won’t get it if he’s unable to join a team.”

  “Look, Coach, we’ve been able to speak candidly from the moment I took this position. I hope I can continue to do so now.”

  “Sure, Steve, go ahead.”

  “I think this is totally ridiculous and none of us should be expected to kowtow to this family, but I can understand the desire to supply a new scholarship for some worthy students in the future. However, there’s one thing we have to agree on.” Steve made eye contact with Coach Wilkins. The head coach nodded back his agreement. “If he takes one step out of line, performs below par, or dares to demonstrate any level of bigotry toward any of the members of my team, he’s out. I can’t control who the school admits or doesn’t, but I must have control over the track team.”

  “Any wrong move by John, I want you to document it, enabling us to give him the boot legitimately. Personally I think this is all greedy bullshit, but my hands are tied until the kid screws up.”

  “Let’s hope he doesn’t.” Steve looked toward the group of boys waiting to start practicing. “Now I just have to sell this to Kevin and David.”

  “Good luck, Steve. I’m sorry to have put you in this position. We’re lucky to have you with us. None of our faculty have as much experience with running as you. The articles you’ve written have given our physical education department a great reputation. West Hartford High owes you.”

  David walked back to Kevin, having heard more than enough. He relayed the overall content of the discussion to Kevin who shook his head, remaining silent. They would have to resign themselves to the foregone conclusion that one of the assholes who tried to beat them up, because of who they were, would run side by side with them under the same school banner. It didn’t make sense, but there was obviously no getting out of it or Steve would have.

  After finishing his conversation with Coach Wilkins, Steve slowly walked over to the center of the group of students who made up the high school’s boys’ track team. He gestured for John to join him. “Guys, I’d like you all to meet a new student in our school, one who has a reputation as a great long-distance runner. I’m sure he’ll demonstrate his skills to all of us in the coming weeks as he’s joining our team. I’d like to introduce all of you to John Lewis. He’s a sophomore, so we’ll get three good years of work out of him, as I expect from all my tenth graders.”

  David was impressed. Steve made a good show of welcoming the jerk, even though he knew this was not an addition he willingly accepted. David admired Steve’s professionalism, as well as his ability to set his personal feelings aside for the good of the team; none of whom, except for him and Kevin, knew about the encounter with John Lewis and his moronic cohorts during the previous competition.

  “John, you’ll get to know everyone as practices continue. I’d rather not waste too much time having each guy say his name. You’ll know them all soon enough.”

  John simply nodded.

  “However, it’s important for you to know our fearless leader.”

  The team chuckled, despite the truth of Steve’s words of introduction.

  “This is Kevin Ringer.” Steve waved Kevin into the middle of the team circle. “He’s the fairest and toughest team leader we could ask for. Kevin leads by example and expects all of the members of his team to respect and adhere to their responsibilities on the track, off the track, in the classroom, and last, but not least, to each other. Do you understand?”

  John nodded again.

  “I need your word of agreement stated aloud.” Steve was being firm with this guy, and David couldn’t have appreciated him more.

  “I agree to all the rules of the team and the school.” John spoke clearly, his eyes never leaving Steve’s.

  David wasn’t completely sure, but he had a sixth sense leading him to believe Kevin actually intimid
ated the jerk. John and his former teammates were all homophobes. Their actions at the meet had clearly demonstrated the truth, but somehow David had a feeling John’s story was different—he just couldn’t figure out how.

  Kevin spoke up, glaring so strongly in John’s direction, if he had been Superman, he would have burned him with his heat vision. “All right, team. We’ve wasted enough time on these meet and greet formalities. We’re here to run.” Kevin turned and gestured for David to stand by his side. “And look who finally got his crap together and has rejoined us.”

  Several members of the team chimed in, “It’s about time.” “Where the hell have you been?” “We’d begun to think you fell off the planet.”

  David was glad to be welcomed back with no further explanation needed. Now he had to keep reminding himself of his father’s words, backed up by Steve. David had to be brave, especially now. He wanted to make his dad and Steve proud, show Kevin he meant everything he had said to him earlier, and most of all, prove to himself he could be the person he wanted to be. It was time for David to find his way to becoming a man and leave boyhood behind.

  Steve instructed the long-distance runners to take to the track, do a quick mile, and then slow their tempo for the two miles after that. Running alongside Kevin felt right. David was exactly where he wanted to be. He smiled as he kept stride with Kevin, leaving John several steps behind.

  Rounding the first turn, David’s eyes opened wide as he realized that for the first time since he had moved to West Hartford, he wasn’t itching to touch base with his mothers or wishing they would come home early. David felt like he was in the right place, doing the right thing at the right time. Maybe being separated from his moms, and New York City, for a period of time, wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

  Chapter 19

  THE THRILL of reuniting and getting a second chance with Kevin, offset by the deflating experience of having to run alongside John as a teammate, had left David feeling more overwhelmed than he would have thought possible. After an intense workout on the track, he let any restraint he had been demonstrating during practice wash away in the locker room shower.