Bear Naked

by Dana Marie Bell

That was all it took. Bunny was on his cell phone in an instant, calling in the troops. Knowing how the family reacted to threats, Ryan had no doubt they’d be converging on Halle within a day, even the ones in Oregon.

  “Smart move.” Julian peeked out from behind the curtain hiding the employee area. “Your cousins can watch over Glory when you can’t. I mean, you have to sleep some time.”

  With any luck, he’d be sleeping in Glory’s bed from now on. He caught Glory’s quick glance before she turned back to her friends. The flush on her cheeks had him wondering what she’d been thinking about. “Who said anything about sleeping?”

  “Hey.” Bunny stepped between Julian and Ryan. “Mom and Dad are making arrangements. The family will gather at Ryan’s apartment tomorrow night.”

  Since tomorrow was Sunday and they all had it off, it made sense. “Shit. I have to clean.”

  “Clean what?” Glory wrapped herself around his arm and he couldn’t have been happier.

  “My apartment.”

  “Uh. I’m not helping with that.” Bunny held up his hands and backed slowly away. “The last time I did something tried to bite me.”

  “It’s not that bad.” A few pizza boxes here and there, some dishes in the sink. Nothing to cause Bunny to shudder in horror. Like his cousin had never left a few glasses lying around.

  “Oh, it is.” Julian smirked as he leaned against the doorjamb. “Trust me on that one.”

  Ryan glared at Julian. “Since when did you become a domestic goddess?”

  “Since my mate will skin me if I don’t pick up after myself.” Now it was Julian’s turn to shudder. “She threatens to withhold video games.”

  Ryan blinked. God, the man was weird.

  Glory glared up at him. “Your apartment is dirty?” She smacked him in the stomach. “And your family is coming?”

  Ryan smiled weakly. He was going to kill Julian and Bunny for getting him into trouble with his mate. “Have I mentioned that you’re cute?”

  Glory rolled her eyes. “Girls?”

  “I’m in.” Cyn grinned as Julian tugged her close. “I have got to see what frightened Bunny.”

  “I’m in too.” Tabby literally bounced in place. “I’ve already cleaned our place so many times the polish is going to come off the granite.”

  “You’re nesting, Tabby.” Cyn shrugged. “It’s normal.”

  “I’m a Wolf. We don’t nest.” Tabby sniffed in disgust. “We make a den.”

  Bunny snarled and tugged Tabby behind him. “You’re not going anywhere near Ryan’s apartment. It might eat the baby.”

  Ryan rolled his eyes. “It’s not that bad.”

  Bunny stared at him. “It’s a petri dish for a mad scientist.”

  “Now I’m definitely going.” Tabby tickled Bunny’s side, the big man squirming away from her until she was able to maneuver herself in front of him. “When do we start?”

  “Tonight after work, if you’re willing.” Ryan was beyond grateful. He hated cleaning. “I’ll pay for pizza, beer and baby-appropriate soda.”

  Bunny shook his head. “I’m telling you. You’re all going to get eaten.”

  Tabby pouted at him. “You’re going to let me go alone?”

  “Uh…” Bunny, his expression panicked, backed up a step.

  Tabby batted big, brown eyes at her mate. “You’ll come with me, won’t you?”

  Ryan bit back a laugh. Bunny never could resist the Puppy Eyes of Death, and Tabby was a master at them.

  Bunny glared at Ryan. “If my baby comes out mutated I’m blaming you.”

  “It’s not that bad!” Geez. So maybe he should buy a vacuum on the way home. Maybe then they’d get off his case.

  “I’ll go get the hazmat suits.” Bunny was grumbling to himself as he left the shop, sending Julian into a fit of laughter.

  “Cyn? Do you know where we can get a blonde wig?”

  Ryan turned his attention away from Bunny’s antics and toward his mate. “We’re going to do it now?”

  Cyn, who was shooing a still-laughing Julian behind the curtain, paused. “What?”

  “Since Hope and I are identical twins, Gabe thought if we slapped a blonde wig on me and took a picture we could send it to area hospitals and police stations.”

  “So they’d have an idea of what Hope looks like now.” Cyn smiled approvingly. “Good idea. Let me see what I can dig up.”

  “Thanks. I don’t want to use one of those brassy Halloween wigs. I want to get as close to my natural color as possible.”

  Tabby settled into one of the turquoise chairs. “Do you even remember what that is? Or do you have to grab a mirror and drop your panties?”

  “Aw, Tabby. Would you like some coffee?” Glory smiled sweetly at Tabby as the Wolf gagged. “Extra cream, extra sugar?”

  Tabby gagged again. “I hate you so much.”

  Glory blew Tabby a kiss. “The feeling is mutual.”

  Ryan had to smile. She might have lost her biological family, but his mate had made one hell of a new one in her friends. Even if they were crazy as hell.

  “Y’all have got to see this.”

  Glory followed Cyn into the bathroom. Considering what else they’d found she wouldn’t be surprised to see an alien reading the newspaper. So far she’d found a box with what she thought might be pizza in it. Or a fuzzy new life form. She wasn’t sure. Oh, and the jar of peanut butter that had been sitting in a coat pocket since the dawn of time. The peanut butter was so hard the spoon was permanently cemented into the jar. And did they even make that brand anymore? And why was it in a coat pocket from his high-school days? He had to have packed the coat, moved it to Halle, and then unpacked it, all without removing the jar.

  And she didn’t think she’d ever forget what they’d found in the crockpot. Glory shuddered. At least now they knew why it had been duct taped shut. She was pretty sure the fuzzy stuff inside had tried to smack the shit out of her.

  The carpet, which they’d thought was a speckled brown and beige, was actually pale beige once they vacuumed it.

  And who the fuck didn’t own a vacuum? Seriously? They’d had to pick one up and put it together, sitting on the sofa because none of them wanted to risk the floor. Bunny had actually snarled at Tabby when she started to lower herself onto the carpet.

  The kitchen counters were sticky, the sink full of dishes, and worst of all, the entire place smelled like man-socks.

  The place was filthy. No wonder Bunny didn’t want Tabby here. The good news was, with a little elbow grease, it would be just fine. Ryan, for the most part, put things back in their places. He just didn’t bother to clean the surfaces.

  Glory peered warily into the corner of the tub where she’d put the experiment in creating a new form of life. That crockpot was going straight to the apartment building’s Dumpster. There was no way in hell she was risking unsealing the beast again. And Ryan was the one who was going to carry it there. The Grizzly might be safe from the rampaging fungus.

  And she was never, ever watching John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness ever again. The scene where the cylinder opened and spewed liquid Satan all over the place kept replaying in her mind every time she thought of opening the Crockpot of Hell.

  “What is that?” Cyn tapped a sad, brown piece of foliage sitting on Ryan’s toilet tank. It broke apart with an audible crunch, drifting down in a sad, brown powder.

  “An air fern, I think.” Tabby swallowed hard.

  Glory stared at it in disbelief. “Don’t they live on nothing but air?”

  Tabby nodded, obviously too horrified to even speak.

  Cyn lifted the toilet seat with the air of someone who was about to find a dead body in their freezer. When it was up they reared back.

  “What…what is that?”

  “Dear God, please let it be dead.”

  Tabby gagged behind her hand.

  “I didn’t realize Bears shed so much.” Cyn tilted her head. “Either that or Ryan has a thing for fuzzy toilet
seats.”

  Tabby was a little green around the gills. “That’s not Bear hairs. That’s…” She slapped her hand back over her mouth.

  “Ugh.” Cyn stomped out in disgust, muttering profanities in Spanish.

  “That’s revolting.” Glory took a step back, ready to bolt after Cyn. The man was simply not that cute.

  “Not my mate, pregnant, see ya!” Tabby slammed out of the bathroom. “Free! I’m free!”

  “Bitches.” Glory stared at the travesty of a bathroom and gritted her teeth. Ryan was so dead when he got back.

  It took the three of them hours to get the apartment ready for Ryan’s family, but it sparkled when they were done. The rug had to be not only vacuumed but shampooed before Glory was satisfied she’d gotten everything out of it. The toilet, tub and tile in the bathroom gleamed like new, and the kitchen, while dated, was as clean as beige laminate could ever look. Hell, they hadn’t even realized the place had a dishwasher until Tabby went to take care of the dishes Ryan had left in the sink. The leather sofa and recliner no longer stank of Cheetos and feet, and Ryan’s bedroom was neat as a pin, with fresh sheets. By the time they were done, even picky Cyn was satisfied with the place.

  Glory sighed as she stared around the apartment, realizing something she should have been willing to acknowledge a long time ago.

  It had to be love. No one cleaned a toilet that furry without adoring the man who’d fuzzed it. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to kick his ass when he came home.

  It was nearly midnight before the men got back. Alex, Julian and Ryan slipped into the apartment, looking guilty as hell.

  Ryan, his expression wary, held out a bag of what smelled like her favorite tacos. “Glory? We’re back. I brought you—”

  Glory went on the attack, swinging a roll of paper towels like a ninja sword. She proceeded to beat him to within an inch of his quilted, two-ply life, while Alex and Julian just stood there and laughed.

  When she was panting, sweating and ready to collapse, Cyn stepped forward. She held up her own fresh roll of paper towels. “My turn.”

  She then proceeded to attack Julian, hitting much harder than Glory could. “Ow! What did I do?”

  “You left me. You left me here. Do you know what was in that crockpot? Do you?” Cyn got in an especially good hit, half of the roll unraveling to pool on the newly cleaned carpet.

  Alex was laughing so hard he started crying. Tabby tapped her roll against her palm. “You’re next, sugar.”

  Suddenly Alex wasn’t laughing so hard. He held out his own bag, the scent of cinnamon pastries strong. “I love you.”

  Tabby bopped him over the head, then stole the bag. “Forgiven.”

  “Hey, I get some of those too.” Glory grabbed for the cinnamon goodness, only to come up short when Tabby dashed into the kitchenette. “You’re pretty fast for a whale.”

  Tabby poked her head around the corner. “I may be a whale, but I’m a whale with a bag full of fresh churros, bitch.”

  “Gimme.” Cyn grabbed the bag of tacos and led the way to Ryan’s small dinette set. “I’m starving. Let’s eat.”

  Glory collapsed onto one of the dining chairs and grabbed her share of tacos and nachos. “Star. Ving.”

  “Mm-hmm.” Cyn already had a mouth full of taco, an expression of bliss on her face. “So good.”

  Ryan placed a glass of soda in front of Glory, pressing a kiss to her head. “Thank you, by the way.” She growled at him, and he laughed. “Only SG could have gotten this place to look this good so quickly.”

  Glory sniffed. “You’re taking the crockpot out to the Dumpster.”

  He stared at her, looking confused. “Why? It still works, doesn’t it?” When she threatened him with the beat-up roll of paper towels again he held up his hands. “Okay, okay! I’ll toss it after dinner. But you’re helping me pick a new one.”

  “Only if you promise not to duct tape it shut again.”

  Bunny choked. “Geez, you still have that? How long ago did we make that chili?”

  Ryan frowned thoughtfully. “In college?”

  “That’s disgusting.” Glory almost put her taco down.

  Almost. They were really good tacos.

  “I was planning on cleaning it.” Ryan actually had the balls to look hurt.

  “I told you to get that flamethrower.” Julian moaned as he bit into his own taco.

  Glory shook her head. That wasn’t strong enough. “I think the life form inside would survive a little fire. No, that calls for something more drastic.”

  “Blast it into space.” Tabby came back into the room smelling suspiciously like cinnamon. She settled on Alex’s lap and pulled one of his tacos toward her.

  “Nah. I’m afraid if we do that, it will take over some planet, make slaves of the indigenous species and come back here with an armada and revenge in mind.” Glory waved her hand. “I think we need to consider sinking it into the sea.”

  “With our luck it would float to the Bermuda Triangle and mutate further.” Cyn laughed. “It could become the Triangle’s Nessie.”

  “Really. It’s not that bad.” Ryan grabbed another taco. “I think it can be saved.”

  “Oh, sugar, no.” Tabby patted his shoulder. “That stuff is way too evil. It will never come to Jesus.”

  Laughter erupted as Tabby calmly bit into her taco with a smug smile.

  “Seriously, though. I think it needs a hazardous waste container.”

  “Fine. I’ll carry it to the Dumpster after dinner.” Ryan gathered up the empty taco wrappers and carried them to the trashcan. “Wait a minute.”

  “What?” Glory got up to see what he was staring at.

  Ryan was looking down, but Glory couldn’t see anything strange. At least she didn’t until Ryan exclaimed, “Whoa. The carpet is beige?”

  Three sets of paper towel rolls hit him in the head at the same time.

  Chapter Seven

  Ryan woke the next morning to a strange sound in his living room. Slipping from between the sheets, he padded silently to the bedroom door.

  “Take that, asshole.”

  Someone had broken into his apartment and was in his living room, playing…video games?

  “Ha! I love it when their heads explode.” Suddenly the door was pushed open, knocking Ryan back a step. Whoever it was, the man was huge. “You coming out or not?”

  Ryan blinked. “Who the fuck are you?”

  The blond man had to be at least six foot eight, easily, and he smelled strongly of Bear. His gray eyes twinkled merrily under his cowboy hat. “I’m James Barnwell, but you can call me Barney.”

  “Shit.” Ryan immediately relaxed, remembering that this was the Hunter Gabe had sent for. “That was fast.”

  Barney winked. “Most of the Hunters I train only call me on the hard cases. You a hard case, Ryan?”

  “Ask me that after I’ve had coffee.” Ryan stumbled back into his bedroom to the sound of Barney’s laughter.

  “I brought breakfast sandwiches with me.”

  “I hope you brought enough for the clan.” Ryan tugged on a T-shirt and jeans, foregoing shoes. He wasn’t planning on going anywhere. Cyn and Julian had taken Glory home with them when Glory refused to spend the night at Ryan’s.

  Ryan was going to work on that. If she wanted him to move in with her, he’d be packed up and ready in a nanosecond. He wasn’t attached to this apartment. He had no trouble leaving it for Glory’s far more eclectic, colorful place.

  “Clan?” Barney leaned against the doorjamb, watching him dress.

  Ryan didn’t get any skeevy vibes off the guy. He seemed to be watching Ryan like a bug under a microscope, studying the way he moved and reacted. Well, Gabe had warned him Barney was a strange one. “My family is coming today.”

  “The Bunsuns, Williamses and Allens?” Barney whistled and glanced back toward Ryan’s tiny living room. “I think you need more seats.”

  Ryan barked out a laugh as he headed into the bathroom
. “You think?” He began brushing his teeth.

  “You’re surprisingly easy with me being in your apartment.”

  Ryan spit into the sink. “You’re here to protect my mate and Gabe vouches for you. That’s good enough for me.”

  “Hmph.” Ryan turned to find Barney walking around his bedroom, studying his belongings. “You should be more cautious. For all you know I am your mate’s stalker.” Before Ryan could react, Barney was across the room, his arm around Ryan’s throat. Ryan’s air was cut off as Barney squeezed. “I could kill you before you could—”

  Barney screeched as Ryan’s five-inch Grizzly claws sank into his balls. He let Ryan go immediately, cupping himself with a shocked expression.

  “Before I could what?” Ryan’s Bear was close to the surface. He suspected the Hunter was simply trying to teach him a lesson, but it was one Ryan didn’t need to learn. He knew Barney wasn’t there to hurt Glory, but damn if his attitude wasn’t pissing Ryan’s Bear the hell off. “You might want to think twice before pulling that shit on me again. Got it?”

  Barney took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Ryan could sense the healing spiral all Bears danced when healing. The damage he’d inflicted on the Hunter was slowly being repaired. “Got it,” Barney wheezed. As he slowly straightened, his expression turned speculative. “Have you ever considered Hunter training?”

  “Fuck no.” Ryan laughed and moved past Barney. His family would be here soon, and Ryan had to make sure everything was ready. “I’m not Hunter material.”

  “Mm-hm.” Barney flopped onto Ryan’s sofa and picked up the controller. “I think you’ll find that you’re wrong on that.”

  Ryan froze, his hand on the refrigerator door. “You’re kidding me.”

  “Nope.” Barney sighed wearily. “And I have to wonder. If an Oregon Bear with Hunter potential has moved into Gabe’s area, in Gabe’s backyard even, what the hell is going to happen around here?”

  “What do you mean?” Ryan pulled open the door and grabbed the bottle of orange juice.

  “These things happen for a reason. Always. The powers that be arranged for you to come here.”

  Ryan snorted. “That’s because my mate is in Halle.”