Courageous Love

by Jerry Cole

  “How can you be so calm?” Cecil asked, pacing back and forth again.

  I fiddled with the plastic teeth I was wearing. It wasn’t my best costume, but I was wearing that awful black interview outfit with a gold cape Stacy had produced out of nowhere for me and paired it with the fake vampire teeth. “I know ith will go well,” I said, struggling to talk with the teeth in my mouth.

  “But how can you be sure?” Cecil was wearing his normal clothes he always wore walking around the graveyard: a simple button up and dark jeans, but he also had a pair of tiger ears on his head and whiskers drawn on with Stacy’s eyeliner.

  It was very family friendly, but absolutely adorable.

  I spit the teeth out and grinned with my own canines showing. “I always hope for the very best.”

  “So if the worst happens?”

  “I can curse the universe for being so unfair,” I explained shrugging. At his distressed expression I continued, “But I never have plans and it usually works out. Think of how amazing this time will be with me thinking ahead!”

  He sighed. “I’ll try to think of it that way. Thank you.”

  I didn’t want him to thank me yet. I was confident of course, but I couldn’t strangle every single seed of doubt within me. All of this rested on one person’s shoulders.

  All four of us glanced up as the clock tower over city hall down the street began to chime five o’clock. There were several tense minutes when nothing happened. It did feel like we had failed.

  “Come on Mom, Dad; I promise it’s going to be great!” Jordan’s voice carried to us as he dragged his parents into the square.

  “But honey.” His mom looked over at Cecil. She was probably going to say something about how dangerous he was but once you saw him with drawn on whiskers, it was hard to say that to your kid without looking and sounding ridiculous.

  “They’ve got apple cider for free over here,” he said, purposefully ignoring her and treating it like the festival it was.

  “Okay.” His dad looked around suspiciously but they followed him to the apple cider booth and each got a cup from the vendor Stacy hired.

  Slowly but surely, families were dragged into the festival by their kids. Any time they tried to protest, their words would die once they saw Cecil, especially when they saw their kids walk up to talk with him and smile at him.

  That was the luck I was banking on all this time. I hadn’t seen any of the adults attack Cecil like the kids did that day. I was betting that they were just like my older siblings; talked dirty just enough to get others to do their bullying for them but never in front of their victim because they could prove it wrong. They couldn’t outright announce to their kids that Cecil was some kind of monster without looking silly. These kids could see right in front of them that he was just another guy at the festival. The parents’ words had no effect when they could see the boogeyman in the light of day.

  “I think we can enjoy the festival now too,” I said to Cecil and took his hand.

  He curled his fingers around mine. “It worked. It really worked.”

  “I think a lot of these folks are realizing how dumb they’ve been,” I said quietly as Cecil and I strolled around taking in the sights of kids playing fall games and people trying the different foods.

  “I can’t believe you threw a whole festival just for me,” Cecil said looking up at me, the night making him shine like always. He was a lightning bug, just glowing in the night.

  I realized in that moment I would throw a thousand festivals if it made Cecil feel better. But I couldn’t tell him that. “You didn’t deserve how they treated you before. You deserved a change.” I scratched the back of my head. “And I couldn’t come up with a plan that didn’t involve the festival. Honestly maybe I could have if you hadn’t mentioned it. After you did, it was all I could think about.”

  We drifted into each other, like our sides were glued together. It was probably because of the chill of the sun setting over the late October night but I could help but feel something regardless.

  “I needed you,” he said quietly.

  No one had ever needed me before.

  He needed me?

  He needed the fuck up, youngest son, accident baby, who just learned how to use a cash register?

  Still my heart beat to the words: he needed me.

  Chapter Twelve

  Probably the only kindness my parents let me have when they sent me off here was grabbing me in the middle of getting a new suit fitted. I had been holding onto it in the back of my closet for a special occasion. Tonight seemed special enough.

  The beautiful gold fabric hugged against me just like I remembered. I made sure my hair was neat, shaving the sides slightly and cleaning up my face while I was at it.

  “You sure are dressing up a lot for a dinner with a friend.”

  I turned the electric razor off and looked at Stacy’s reflection in the bathroom mirror. “You know me. I like to go overboard.”

  She clicked her tongue a few times. “You know what I meant.”

  “Stacy. He’s a friend. I’m trying to have friends now.”

  “He can still be a friend and be something more. And you have other friends now too. I’ve seen the light: Adam Westcott can have friends. It’s not like you’re pulling me up to your bedroom.”

  I made a face. “I could never.”

  She rolled her eyes. “That’s what I mean. I know you don’t feel this way about me or Beth. But you were super obvious about it all of Halloween.”

  “What?”

  “You two held hands literally the whole night Adam. And I notice everything else: the way you look at him, the way you still go out in the middle of the night to be with him.”

  “He might not want anything like that,” I tried to explain weakly.

  “It takes two people to hold hands,” she said and then turned around. “Whatever Adam. I’m just trying to help you out like always.”

  She left, but I didn’t watch her go. I was looking at myself in the mirror but seeing Cecil across from me. Stacy was right; I liked him. I wanted to see where we could go from here but…

  I shook my head.

  I’d never had a partner before. I’d never dated.

  For all the talk and moves I made, I never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. All of them were flings. Fun flings, but nothing more than that. You couldn’t date someone if you couldn’t be friends with them so I never took the first step. It made what Stacy said feel right, but I still didn’t know how to make that first move. I didn’t know how to ask him. I was afraid to try.

  I had never felt this kind of nervousness, this fear. I was all confidence and glamour back home but here I was, staring into a mirror worried Cecil wouldn’t like me back.

  The doorbell rang and I turned away and headed downstairs. It was just dinner with two of my closest friends. I could handle it.

  ***

  Cecil looked like he always did, button up, jeans, and his messy hair. I felt embarrassed that I had dressed up for dinner.

  “Go in the kitchen you two, I’ll wait here for the pizza man,” Stacy said shooing us away.

  Alone together we sat down next to each other at the large dinner table that I had no idea how my grandparents could stand since it was only the two of them here. It felt so empty that Stacy and I had stuck to eating at the kitchen counters. With Cecil here maybe it wouldn’t look so sad.

  “Sorry,” Cecil said quietly balling his fists in the fabric of his jeans; they were so big on him.

  “For what? You haven’t been here long enough to even do anything wrong or right.”

  “You look nice and I…”

  “Look nice too,” I insisted.

  “You don’t have to say that. I know. I just don’t have a lot of clothes. Most of everything I have are things my dad wore and left behind.”

  Well of course he didn’t have new clothes, he would have been chased out of every store in town with them thinking he’d bring doom to their
customers.

  “I can take you shopping,” I offered without thinking, as always. “And I’m not saying that you don’t look nice, I promise you the style works on you,” I was rambling. “I just know a lot about fit and cuts of clothes and I know it can be overwhelming, so I want to help you. If you want.”

  Cecil blushed and put a hand on my arm to stop my blabbering. “I’d like that.”

  “Oh. Good.”

  “In return, I’d like you to come over for dinner at my house.”

  “We haven’t even had dinner here yet.”

  “I know,” Cecil said with a little stubbornness in his voice. “I just feel like you’ve done a lot for me but I haven’t done nearly enough for you.”

  He made me feel needed. He said I was his friend without blinking an eye. He took me seriously even when most people would tell me to shut up and that I was being an idiot. He made me feel new emotions every time I saw him. He’d done so much for me and I couldn’t repay him. But I didn’t know how to say that all out loud. I was a coward.

  Stacy walked in with the two pizza boxes in her arms. She looked between us with suspicion in her eyes. I tried to express to her with my eyes not to meddle. Stacy was always looking out for the best for me, and now that I knew we were actually friends it all meant a lot more to me. But I couldn’t follow her advice.

  ***

  “I haven’t had this pizza since I was a kid,” Cecil said halfway through our meal. For such a small guy he was demolishing his slices.

  “We’ve been ordering it a lot, due to the not knowing how to cook situation we have going on around here,” I explained. It was a little embarrassing that both Stacy and I, adults who should have at least learned the basics, had no idea how to cook.

  “You both should come over and let me cook for you,” Cecil insisted. “Beth’s mom taught me everything I know. Come over tomorrow so I can repay the favor.”

  “I can’t make it,” Stacy said way too quickly for that to be true. “I have a conference call I have to be on the whole night.”

  “We can reschedule—” Cecil began.

  “No.” She waved her hands around. The way she lied was obvious to me, but so smooth at the same time to any outsider. She had years of practice dealing with my family. “I can come over another time. Besides, with the call, Adam will be all alone for dinner anyway. This way he has someone to keep him company.”

  I frowned. I had eaten alone plenty in my life. As much as my parents liked to preach togetherness, we rarely ate together other than at holidays, and that wasn’t always a given.

  “Then you better come over tomorrow,” Cecil said smiling at me like we were the ones conspiring not Stacy and her insistence on playing matchmaker.

  We’d been alone together already almost every night. Why did this invitation feel so much more important than all of that?

  After dinner Stacy claimed she had “work” to do and left me and Cecil on our own. We always walked together at night, so I wanted to do something a little different.

  “I want to show you something,” I said as soon as Stacy left.

  “Oh?” He looked at me, and God, his eyes were so large and clear.

  “Follow me.” I led him to the sunroom and watched him wander around the walls, putting his hands on the wall-sized windows.

  “Wow.” I watched his reflection in the glass and the way the setting sun looked on his hair.

  “I have a feeling this is why my grandparents loved this house so much,” I said, taking my place next to him, our sides inches apart.

  “You think they liked looking out over the graveyard?” Cecil asked. “I know it’s my life, my legacy, but I do know how creepy normal people find it.”

  “How self-aware of you.” I bumped my shoulder against his and my fingers brushed against his. Instantly a jolt went through my arm at the sensation of his soft skin. We held hands all of Halloween, why was this touch so electrifying? “But I just have a feeling. They recreated this exact room in our mansion back home. But instead of graves it’s flowers and trees. I’m sure there’s some kind of meaning there.”

  We looked out at the graveyard but I imagined the flowers adorning each stone suddenly sprouting and covering the whole place with twisting vines and beautiful colors. Each person remembered forever with blooming reminders of life.

  “Do you miss it?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Your home. Do you miss it?” In the reflection I could see how serious his expression was.

  I thought about it, but I didn’t need to think too long. “No. I never really felt like I belonged there anyway. I miss my phone and my clothes but everything else?” I shook my head. “No one there misses me, I promise you, so why should I miss them?”

  “You don’t miss your family?”

  I chuckled darkly. “I miss the garden more than them, and I never stepped foot in it. You said it yourself when I told you my tragic tale: they aren’t a very good family.”

  I felt his fingers hesitantly reach out to mine and curl around them. “I’ll make sure you are never that lonely again.”

  I felt my heartbeat stutter. “I wasn’t lonely! I was out every night at parties surrounded by—”

  “It’s okay Adam.” He smiled up at me and a gap in myself, like a missing tooth I hadn’t noticed falling out, slowly stitched closed.

  Chapter Thirteen

  If clothing stores were a jungle, then I was the lion. There I felt in my element. I felt in control. That afternoon, I waited outside the changing room door of the nicest, and only, clothing store in town, my hands clasped together and my excitement overflowing. I tried not to bounce too much.

  “How’s it going in there?” I asked. He’d been in there for a while.

  “I’m almost ready.”

  I saw most of the things he picked out but I couldn’t wait to see them on him. As much as my instincts told me to, I didn’t interfere too much with Cecil as he wandered around the store. I only offered my advice when he asked. I wanted him to be in charge today and wear what he wanted.

  “I’m coming out,” Cecil announced from behind the door.

  “I’m ready,” I replied and had to stop my feet from rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.

  The door creaked as it swung open. Cecil stepped out in dark tan cargo shorts that were much shorter than regular cargo shorts, a beautiful dark green button up and a fashionable safari style hat. It was surprisingly on trend for Cecil who claimed he didn’t know anything about current trends.

  “How do I look?” He asked, a light dusting of pink on the bridge of his nose.

  “You look amazing,” I gushed.

  Cecil held the shirt out. “I wasn’t sure what to do with this? Do I tuck it in or leave it out?”

  I stepped forward. “May I?” I reached for the edge of his shirt.

  He nodded looking up at me with so much trust in his eyes. I slowly eased half of his shirt into his pants. My fingers brushed the edge of his soft stomach and I felt goosebumps spread over his skin and mine at the same time. Moving slowly, even though I knew I didn’t have to, I worked half the shirt in and left the other half in the front hanging out. My hands lingered on the waist of his shorts for a little longer than necessary before I stepped back to admire my work. The half-tuck gave him a more casual look to the button up to match the shorts and the fun hat. It made the outfit look purposeful. It had never looked so good on anyone else.

  “Too bad it’s going to be winter soon,” Cecil said. “I like this outfit so much but I won’t be able to wear it until the Spring.”

  “I can’t wait to see it,” I breathed out but quickly shut my mouth.

  “Will you be here in Spring?” Cecil asked, his eyes searching my face.

  I didn’t want to lie to him. But I wasn’t sure if I needed to lie to him. I liked living here in Ravenwood. I didn’t want to leave. The only reason I’d leave was if Cecil were coming with me. “I will be here,” I promised. I hoped he could hear
the earnest truth in my voice.

  He seemed to sigh slightly and turned around. “I’ll go try on the rest.”

  “Y-Yeah,” I said, stumbling over the easy word. Was he actually not happy about that? Did he want me to go home? I thought I heard something like disappointment in his voice. I heard his words echo in my head until the dressing room door creaked shut again.

  ***

  It was the second time I had ever been in Cecil’s house. It still looked creepy but it was warming up on me. The kitchen was actually really nice. It looked like it had been updated the most recently, although that was still probably years and years ago.

  Cecil started pulling out ingredient after ingredient from his cabinets with a confidence in the kitchen I wished I could have.

  “How can I help?” I asked, determined not to be so useless.

  “Can you cut up this onion?” Cecil handed me an onion, a knife, and a chopping board.

  He probably saw the uneasy look on my face.

  “You don’t have to…” he started.

  “No,” I interrupted embarrassingly quickly. “I got it.”

  He grinned. He definitely knew I was lying.

  “I’ll be right back,” Cecil said and then headed out of the room leaving me with my new enemy: this onion.

  “You take the skin off, right?” I mumbled to myself.

  I had managed to cut the onion in half by the time I heard Cecil pad back into the kitchen.

  “How’s it coming?” He asked.

  I was staring daggers at the vegetable. “Great.” I looked up and felt the onion half I was trying to cut again slip out of my grasp.

  He had put on some of the clothes we bought earlier that I hadn’t seen him try on. It was a dark cream turtleneck sweater and deep forest green pants that hugged his slender legs. I watched him ruffle his bright white hair with his hand. It looked so messy and perfect.

  I swallowed without thinking. “You look, amazing Cecil.”

  “Thanks.” He started tugging on the back of his hair, I’d never seen him so shy in front of me. “I like it too. It makes me feel good. Is that weird?”