Lex (Unconventional Hearts)

by S. K. Logsdon

  Walking into my office, I pass Daniel, and today, he doesn’t offer up his sexual services. It’s a good thing, because after this morning I’m not in the mood. Dropping my purse in my desk I toss my shoes roughly under my desk and plop down in my chair, that rolls back a few inches, and I scoot myself forward using the tips of my French pedicured toes.

  Turning on my computer, a knock sounds at my door and without thinking I yell, “Come in.”

  The door swings inward and in walks the prettiest woman I know, my mom, and in her arms is a giant bouquet of white Calla Lilies.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Sorry to intrude, darling, but these had to be delivered, and I figured it would give me a chance to see my daughter. You’d that think since we live two houses down from one another we’d see each other more often. Apparently not, since we’re both so busy.” Her light airy voice explains, setting the massive bouquet arranged in a crystal vase on the corner of my desk. I haven’t been keeping any of the flowers. I’ve been giving them away to employees every time another bouquet ends up here at work. And the ones at home I did keep until they started to wilt.

  “It’s okay, Mom.” I stand and she walks around my desk, wrapping me in a giant, mama bear hug. I really love my mom. She is the most amazing woman.

  Stuffing my face in her hair, I inhale her scent. She always smells like flowers and that is something I always find so comforting about her.

  “Can’t stay.” She chimes, kissing my cheek and releasing me. She waves me goodbye and out she goes. I hear her exchange a few friendly words with Daniel on her way out.

  Removing the card from the flowers, I already know who they’re from.

  Ms. Keagan,

  I really wish you’d reconsider my offer for dinner. I will be in town next week and would love to see you.

  Love,

  Your Donnie.

  Yuck, yuck, yuck. Not if you were the last man on the planet. No flippin’ way!

  I toss the card in the trash and take a seat. It’s time to write the Suit Master back.

  Opening up my email, my heart skips as I center my eyes in on another email from him. Why does my body deceive my mind? I’m not supposed to get this caught up in someone. Gee whiz. My traitorous body has me all excited. I shouldn’t be excited. I should be levelheaded. I’ve always been levelheaded. It’s one of my best qualities.

  From: SuitMaster6979

  To: Lotionlady319

  Wednesday 2:35 a.m.

  Pretty Lotion Lady,

  I know it’s extremely early in the morning, but I couldn’t sleep. So, I thought I’d email you instead. I hope that’s alright. I was actually hoping when I got on you would have emailed me back already. Are you playing hard to get? Because, Angel, if you are, I will play as hard and long as you want. I’m not going anywhere. And no, that’s not a sexual innuendo, unless you want it to be. –wink, wink.

  I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about that family you told me about. I’m anxious that they don’t have any legal help. I can’t believe Laura didn’t contact me sooner.

  I know I told you I wanted to tell you a lot about myself. Well, here goes. I’m divorced. Only once, eight months ago it was finalized. My ex-wife is one of those hoity toity stuck up women who grew up from privilege. I met her in college. I was a nobody when I was younger, so we didn’t quite fit. My dad is a businessman, but we were never fed with a silver spoon. His mistress and my mom consumed most of his earnings, leaving little for us children.

  Don’t feel sorry for me.

  I don’t know if I’m bearing my soul to you because I feel a connection, or because I’m tired and my laptop screen is partially blurry as I am typing this. But, I’ll continue telling you a little more about myself. Before I try to go back to sleep.

  Just so you know I don’t drink often, maybe once a week. I don’t have many bad habits. And I don’t smoke cigarettes. I did for a lot of years, but I quit when I turned thirty, for family reasons.

  I hope as you read this you will email me back. I look forward to hearing from you.

  Yours - Suit Master

  P.S. “A man is already half in love with a woman who listens to him.”

  Yes, it’s official; he is not the man for me. He is basically telling me he likes me as much as I do him. And he was raised similarly to me. I’m not writing him back. Okay, yes I will. Then I’m done, no more. He’s either A. Going to end up stalker material or B. I’ll end up hurt. I’m guessing both might be the case with this man. I know I like him. But sometimes cutting your ties before getting hurt can be the best for both parties. In this case, it rings true and clear. And I find it very hard believe he could be this wonderful.

  Time to make it short and sweet.

  From: Lotionlady319

  To: Suitmaster6979

  Dear Sir, Suit Master,

  I am sorry to hear about your past, and thank you for being so nice about taking the case with Laura and The Women’s and Children’s Shelter. I know it’ll mean a lot to them.

  As much as I value your emails and find your correspondents refreshing, I feel it’s time to break our ties. I wish you the best of luck in online dating. Thank you for being honest and opening up to me. Rest assured it’s not your past that deterred me. I don’t have time to date, and I realized it’s not smart of me to continue this.

  Best Wishes - Lex

  P.S. “Moving on is simple. It’s what we leave behind that’s hard.”

  Send

  Oh my God! I signed it my name! Son of a bitch! Oh well…

  I shrug.

  I guess if he really wanted to find out, he could have asked Laura. No big deal.

  Why does it hurt that I said goodbye? It was for the best. My heart seriously needs to catch up to my brain. My brain is always right. My heart is a dummy. I know this, because she was the one who told me to allow Brian, the man I loved, to tie me up and use candle wax on me. That scenario opened up a whole can of scary eel like worms. What a stupid girl I was.

  Turning my focus back to my desk, another email pops up on my online dating account.

  Dang it!

  From: SuitMaster6979

  To: Lotionlady319

  Wednesday 9:10 a.m.

  No! You do not get to say goodbye. That is not acceptable.

  It’s not over, The Suit Master

  Wow, he’s a lot more forward than I thought. That’s hot! Wait…no it’s not.

  From: Lotionlady319

  To: SuitMaster6979

  Yes, it is. You like me too much, and I’m stupid to admit I feel the same. We don’t even know each other, and you don’t know a damn thing about me. That I know for sure.

  Goodbye, Lex

  Figured I already signed it with my name once. Can’t hurt.

  From: SuitMaster6979

  To: Lotionlady319

  Wednesday 9:16 a.m.

  Yes, of course I like you. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and I know a lot more about you than you know. I’m not telling you what, so don’t ask.

  We will date, Suit Master

  Oh my God! He is infuriating. He knows more about me? Like what? Arg! It doesn’t matter. My mind is made up. I’m done. This will be my last message. The end. Then I have to do some actual work.

  From: Lotionlady319

  To: SuitMaster6979

  Fine, I won’t ask what you know. It doesn’t matter. I’ve made up my mind. This will be the last email you ever receive from me. I wish you the best of luck. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I feel this is best.

  Bye - Lex

  There that is the final email. Sounds good and nice. I’m not being mean.

  From: SuitMaster6979

  To: Lotionlady319

  Wednesday 9:21 a.m.

  That might be your last email to me, beautiful, but I will not give up. I’m a lawyer for a reason, and I fight for the things I want. Remember that.

  You will be mine – Your Suit Master

  You will be mine - Your Su
it Master? Shit, oh shit, oh shit! What if he’s a Dom!? I didn’t even think he meant Master in that form. When you think Suit Master. You think of a man who looks hot in suits. Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck. I might have just tormented a Dom. Brian was a Dom. Or a wannabe Dom. Please God if you are listening. Please, please, please. Don’t say I just pissed off a Dom.

  I remember the first time I pissed Brian off. We had already started our little sex experimenting. Or that’s what I called it. He took it way beyond that. It all drastically spiraled downhill from there.

  At the time, we lived in the country together, outside of Heartfair in his two story run down paint flaking farmhouse. You know the kind that you see in horror movies? With the rickety shutters, peeling paint, dilapidated front porch, and huge single pane windows with thick drapes hanging in them. Brian’s house was almost identical to that, except the interior didn’t match the outside. It was okay on this inside. Sure, it smelled musty from the basement’s cracked foundation that leaked water when it rained, and it had carpet; thirty years past its prime. It was livable and clean, for the most part. I wasn’t allowed to have anyone over to visit, so it didn’t really matter how clean it was. And I was forced to live with him and be his sex slave. No joke. I didn’t speak to my mom or Roni directly for months. Emails were exchanged but I was never the one emailing them. It was Brian.

  The first time I angered him I hadn’t prepared our dinner properly. I added too much milk to the macaroni and cheese. Chucking the glass bowl across the floor full of noodles, smashing it to smithereens, he stalked towards me and grabbed me by the back of my hair, dragging me outside the rickety backdoor, down the broken steps, and into the barn. That’s where he tied me to the rafters with yellow braided rope, in the freezing November cold and cut my clothes off with a sharp bowie knife. I was shivering so badly within seconds that my teeth we painfully chattering.

  I remember it all, like it was yesterday.

  “Why do you want to fix me bad food, you stupid bitch.” He smacked me hard across the face, and I spit a mouthful of blood onto the busted concrete barn floor.

  “If you do that again, I will make you lick it up.” He seethed, his tall lean body, stalking me with long powerful strides, around and around, as if I was his prey. He was wearing a pair of light washed dirty work jeans with holes in the knees, a black cotton V-neck long sleeved shirt, and his heavily worn work boots. I had been locked in the basement the entire day, in my makeshift daytime bedroom, and once he came home from work, I had an hour to prepare a meal, which was never much. I never learned to cook as a child.

  “You need to stop cooking shit food, Lex.” He snarled spitting on my naked goose bump covered stomach.

  Knowing from dealing with my father in my past, I knew I couldn’t speak up. That just gets you into more trouble.

  Grabbing my face, he forcefully squeezed my cheeks to pucker my lips and kissed them hard enough they bruised the next day.

  “If you weren’t so fucking hot, I’d have Sue Ellen over here so I could fuck her pussy. I’m really tired of fucking your ass. It’s boring.” His voice suggested he was severely uninterested. I’d wished he would get bored of me. He never did, though. I was his sexy prize.

  “So what kind of sex game do you want to play today, baby?”

  I didn’t respond.

  “How about we play the game, ‘let’s see how long it takes for Lex to scream’. I know you’re a tough woman, baby. That’s why I love the games we play.”

  That’s when he slid his knifes cold blade along the right side of my back, where my ribs end. I knew it had nicked my skin, because it burned and I could feel my warm blood washing over my icy bare skin. Like my father, Brian never hurt me in places people could see. It was always on my stomach and back, occasionally the upper thighs and butt, when he didn’t have enough canvas to bruise or batter properly.

  “Ummm…” He hummed in his throat, licking my red blood from his blade. I could see his dick, hard in his jeans. I made sure I kept my gaze hooded and never paying attention to any one thing at the same time. If you stare, it provokes the demon within to crawl out and attack more ferociously. They like the game. The more you offer, the more they are able to toy with.

  Loudly smacking his lips to draw my attention, he lustfully groaned. “You taste so good, baby.”

  I didn’t respond, and I forced the shaking of my cold body to diminish. Every time I’ve been abused and hurt. The men thought they had the upper hand, and if I had screamed and whined or begged. They would have. But I never gave them the satisfaction. I finally grasped that little trick when I was six. That’s the cold hard truth.

  After he licked the tang of his blade clean. A longer and shallower precise cut was sliced on my belly curving along my ribs. As the blood started to seep, Brian dropped to his knees in front of me. Reaching up, he ran his dirty index finger over my dripping wound. It burned so bad I sucked in a lung full of air and bit my lip to keep from screaming in agony. I refused to cry. Only babies cry when they’re hurt. That’s what I’ve told myself for years.

  “So pretty.” His sadistic voice, danced like a giddy child’s.

  Pulling his hard cock free, he masturbated kneeling in front of my bleeding body as he softly and lovingly laved my oozing slash. Soon it became free of blood and he sliced me again, closer to my pelvis this time and savored the rush of my fresh blood surging rapidly out of the deeper cut. Sucking his lips around it, my metallic freshness flowed readily into his inhuman mouth.

  Warm air shot out of his nose rapidly, skating across my pale skin; the closer he got to reaching climax. His grunts and moans soon filled the air, bellowing out of his throat, echoing in the steel barn. Just before he came, he stood up and grabbed a fistful of my hair.

  “Watch, my beautiful bitch.” He forced my head down to watch as he shot streams of his salty semen all over my clotting wounds. The excruciating pain finally became too much as he smeared his salty come into my cuts, that felt like salt water, and my knees instantly buckled from the intensity. As my eyes rolled back into my head, and I drew blood from biting my bottom lip to keep myself from screaming. Brian grabbed me into his arms right before my shoulders dislocated. Unlatching me from the rafters, he carried me like a rag doll into the house. Brought me into our only bathroom, bathed me with warm water in our small tub, and even scrubbed my hair with strawberry scented shampoo. Muttering over and over how much he loved me and how much I meant to him.

  I believed him. I believed Brian loved me. He was my first love. The first person I had ever had sex with. I had no concept of male love. I never have to this day. My father was my abuser and so was Brian. The only two men who have ever meant anything to me have hurt me and broken me in ways most people will never experience.

  Okay, enough of this crappy dwelling in my past, I’ve got some work to do.

  Chapter Nine

  Thursday

  Is today over with, yet? I hope it’s soon. I don’t think I can take much more. Thursday’s are by far the worst days of the week.

  Last night I worked late, again, only to come home and hear Bob and Roni having sex with her windows open. They were extremely loud and honestly, I felt worse for our neighbors than I did for myself. Apparently, she created enough ruckus to make someone in our neighborhood call the cops. And at eleven o-clock last night, my favorite police officer, Elias Lincoln, greeted me with a knock at the door. He is the kindest and sexiest cop on this planet.

  Opening my door in my blue silk pajama top and shorts, I flipped the porch light on and smiled.

  “Good evening, officer.” I greeted him.

  “Lex, I know this isn’t you creating that noise. But it is your property so I am required to speak to the owner.” He spoke in that deep husky voice of his. That always makes me wonder why he isn’t married. His voice is one of those voices that feels like he’s making love to you, no matter what words come out of his mouth. I’ve never heard anything more erotic in my entire life. Plus, the fact
he stands six foot six, and his biceps are thicker than a tree trunk, doesn’t hurt.

  “And that’d be me.” I bit my lip. I knew I wasn’t in trouble. But…when a hot police officer, who happens to be your own personal hero, shows up at your doorstep you can’t help but feel a slight bit giddy.

  Nodding he pulled open the screen door, inching closer to me and my heart climbed up into my throat. “Lex, I brought you this.” Reaching into his navy blue police jacket, he fished out a small white rectangular box and handed it to me.

  Carefully, I opened it to find a beautiful silver bookmark, that was intricately scrolled and had my name engraved on the top.

  “I know we don’t get to catch up much. I was meaning to give that to ya, over Christmas. But, I’ve been busy and it’s been sittin’ in my glove compartment in the cruiser for months. I know it’s a bit late, but I thought you should have it.”

  Blushing, I wrapped my arms the best I could around his neck to hug him and he hugged me right back, picking me up off the ground.

  “Thank you. It’s so beautiful.” I gushed, examining it like it was a fine diamond. Once he placed me back onto my feet.