“No they haven’t.” Roni explains for me.
Thank you Roni. I’m in complete shock. I have no other word to describe it.
“Have they done anything other than him getting her off?”
Roni looks to me and I solemnly shake my head, no.
Banging his fist on the bar again, Tank grunts, his face cloaked in disgust.
“Then he’s fuckin her ass right now. Gage doesn’t go without sex. That’s Gage.” He doesn’t sound like he likes that Gage is the way he is, but the sigh he releases, tells me he’s used to it by now.
Unable to sit at the bar any longer I decide to call it a night. We’ve been here less than an hour and I’ve found out that my best friend is pregnant and my boyfriend is cheating on me. Not exactly a night I want to celebrate. I wish I could be happier for Roni tonight. I just can’t. I will make it up to her soon.
Hugging Tank and thanking him before we leave, he kisses my head and apologizes. Roni escorts me from the bar, her arm tucked into mine. I don’t say a word, I can’t. There’s nothing to say. I can’t blame Roni for bringing Gage into my life. I already accepted her apology. All I can do is blame myself for being so stupid. I should have known. Gage is a man; he’s a sexual man. Of course, he’d bang another chick’s ass. I bet he finds her prettier than me too and more desirable because I bet her skin is soft and unscarred. I bet her pussy is perfectly pink and her ass hasn’t been raped like mine has. I don’t know why I do this to myself, why I give myself hope, when my faith in the opposite sex only lies in one man. Lincoln, the only man who I love and would never hurt me. Maybe it’s because we don’t share that relationship vibe, that’s why I can trust him. I don’t know. I just know I can’t wait to sleep away all of this pain that is stabbing me relentlessly right in the heart. It’s like the grim reaper is standing behind me, using his sickle to rip me apart, bit-by-bit.
Riding home in the truck, I say nothing. Roni walks me into the house and tries to talk to me. It does no good. I’m done with this all. I’m done with this world. Schlubbing it up the stairs, I go into my room, strip naked, and fall into bed.
Fuck you cruel world. And most of all, fuck you Gage.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sunday
Lex
His hand reaches around to the front of me, capturing my nipple harshly between his course fingers. ‘Well-well the bitch is turned on. Does my bitch want me to fuck her hard or soft today?’ His beer soaked breath stinks up the barn as he whips out his hard dick. Rubbing it along my leg, up around my butt and painfully spreads my ass cheeks with his hands. ‘Awe, look at that pretty pucker, does it want my cock in it today?’
I don’t move; I don’t speak. I remain still and close my eyes. Praying he will stop, that he won’t make me bleed today. Three days ago, he stitched my breast, because he cut too deep. I don’t think I can survive this much longer. My ass is sore. He’s never gentle. He makes it bleed and I try not to cry out. My lips are bruised and sore from biting them. Why can’t God just let me die? Let Brian stab me hard enough today, so I don’t have to live another moment of this pain. Of this filth and degradation, I can’t take this punishment any longer. I’m sorry father for not being the son you wanted. I’m sorry mother for letting you hurt. I’m sorry for being what I am. Who I am.
Hacking on my pucker, he rams a finger inside and I curl my stomach forward in wretched agony, hanging from the barn rafters with rope, grating into my wrists. Tightening my stomach, I try not to vomit. Swallowing back the rising bile, it sears my throat. I haven’t eaten anything in two days. He keeps me weak so I pass out easier, so I’m looser and tenderer for him to fuck and have his way with. His rough hand pinches what little skin I have on my side and holds me in place. The thick head of his cock rubs my asshole and he groans as it circles its destination.
Suddenly with a triumphant yell, he rams into me to the hilt, ripping me apart, tears sting my eyes and I bite my cheek to keep from screaming. I can feel my warm blood start to trickle out of ass, bouncing little drips of redness onto the broken concrete floor.
‘That’s right baby let that blood lube us. It’s the best.’ He hisses, and laps my neck with his drunken, rank breath.
Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz.
Pulling out slightly he pounds into me again, digging his dirty nails into my pale colorless flesh, bruising me.
Buzz, Buzz, Buzz.
Teeth sink into my flesh as he begins to pound into me, spiking excruciating pain to rack my body like I’ve never felt before. I just want to die!
Sawing his teeth into my neck, blood sprouts from my skin.
“Ahhhh!!!!” I scream and fly up in bed. My eyes widen as I frantically search around the room. It was a dream; it was just a dream! I’m safe. I’m not with Brian. It’s over. Brian is in prison, I’m not being raped.
Taking in a deep breath, I lie back down to regain my composure.
Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, my cell phone goes off on my nightstand and I roll over and grab it before it falls on the floor.
It’s one in the afternoon already! Oh my god, I’ve never slept that late in my entire life. Maybe it’s because I cried for three hours last night and the long week of work I’ve had. That would make sense.
Clicking my phone, I see I have eight missed calls. All of them are from Gage and ten texts.
Not wanting to speak to Gage first, I check my other texts.
Roni: Gage has texted me all morning asking why you won’t return his texts. I haven’t told him a thing. If you want me to tell him to fuck off for you, I will. But I learned my lesson about butting into your life. I’ll only do it if you ask. Remember I’m here to talk if you want.
Mom: Gage was here asking about you. Are you okay?
Me to Mom: I’m fine. See you sometime this week.
I don’t text Roni back because I’ll just go see her in a bit. I’m very excited about her being pregnant. I’m a little jealous, but more excited than anything else. I get to be an aunt and that’s the best thing in the world!
Gage- 9:14 a.m. - Good morning sunshine.
Gage- 10:02 a.m. - You up yet gorgeous?
Gage- 10:24 a.m. - I was hoping we could do dinner tonight around seven. Is that alright?
Gage- 10:49 a.m. - Angel why aren’t you texting back? Are you busy working today? Just let me know about tonight.
Gage- 11:02 a.m. - Are you okay? This isn’t like you to not text back. I miss you. Love you.
Gage- 11:50 a.m. - Something is up. What happened? I called, you didn’t answer. Texted Roni and no answer. What’s going on? What happened, Lex? I’m worried. Are you alright?
Gage- 12:14 p.m. - Listen, I know you might be a little freaked about tonight. It being our first date and all. But I promise it’s going to be beautiful.
Gage- 12:53 p.m. – If I don’t hear back from you by two I’m coming over. I’ve called, I’ve texted and I’ve yet to hear from you. Talk to me sweetheart.
He is clueless!! He cheats and acts like it’s no big thing. Guess he doesn’t know he’s been caught so why would he act like he has a guilty conscious? The jerk!
Me: I’m fine. I just woke up from a nightmare. You’re not allowed to come over. Seven is not okay. And I’ve responded. So have a nice day.
Immediately back.
Him: Seven’s not okay? What time is then?
Me: How about a quarter past NEVER!
Him: What!!??? What happened?
Me: Why don’t you ask your fuck buddy!
Him: What fuck buddy?
Me: OMG there’s more than one!? How many are there!? Megan, I’m talking about Megan, the one you bang on Friday nights. You sick cheating bastard.
Him: I can explain.
Me: The fact you have to explain anything, tells me you’re guilty. Leave me alone Gage. I’m through with you.
Him: No you’re not. I’m not leaving you alone.
Me: Fuck Megan. She’ll keep you satisfied.
Him: I only want YOU! And no she w
on’t. Let me explain! Please!
Me: Fuck off!
My phone rings and it’s him. I answer it.
“What do you want Gage? To tell me you didn’t fuck her? I know you did. You’re as guilty as they come, you sick jerk. I loved you and look what you did to me!” I scream at him. Releasing all my pent up pain and suffocating anger that’s been drowning me since last night.
“You love me?” His voice is low, pained even.
“Don’t change the subject.” I snap, of course he wants to change the subject. He doesn’t want to be caught.
“I didn’t fuck her.” He states with no hesitation.
“Really? Is that why she was at your house last night, picking up your cell phone at ten at night. The same night I know you usually screw her brains out.”
“Who told you this?” He’s angry now; I can hear the edge of fury in his deep tone.
“Tank. He told me everything.”
“Ahhhh!!!! Tank!!!!” he growls, yelling into the receiver. I pull it away, so my eardrum doesn’t explode.
Huffing into the receiver, he growls again, “It’s true, but it’s not true.”
“That makes no sense.”
Apparently, he thinks I’m a moron.
“I used to bang her on Friday nights, I haven’t in a while. She came over last night because…well…it doesn’t matter…just know I didn’t fuck her.”
If he thinks, I’m going to believe him he is out of his ever-lovin’ mind!
“Gage Masterson, so help me… You better tell me why she was there.” I warn, in my no nonsense voice.
“No, I shouldn’t have to explain. You should trust me. I’ve given you no reason not to.”
Yes, he is officially out of his mind. No reason? Seriously? Did I just walk into the twilight zone?
“Gage, I am ending this call and never speaking to you again if you don’t tell me. I want to know it all.”
“I’m coming over.”
“No you’re not. If you come in here you’ll distract me.”
“How?”
“With your sexiness and your mouth. I know how you work and if you come over it will only lead to sexual things. I’m not talking to you in person.” And I know even though I’m furious I won’t be able to resist you. I want to say. But I don’t.
“I need to see you.”
No. What he needs to do, is tell me the godforsaken truth. How hard is it to be honest?
“No you don’t. On the phone. Now… Please.” I tack on out of politeness.
“Megan is my secretary and my former fuck buddy. I have kidney disease, Lex, and have fallen into renal failure twice. On Monday’s and Wednesday’s when you thought I was working late, I’m not the whole time, I’m at the hospital on dialysis. Megan came here last night, to watch Emma for me while I went to dialysis because I missed Monday’s treatment. I’ve been fighting with my insurance company to get an at home machine. It’s taking longer than I’d hope.”
He’s sick! My lover is sick. And I’ve been awful to him. What have I done?
Tears are welling in my eyes. “Are you dying?”
He chuckles.
I don’t think this is a laughing matter.
“At one time, yes. Right now, no. It gets better and worse. I have been placed on a transplant list for three years now. None of my friends know. And you can’t tell them. My doctor said he thinks my issues stem back to my childhood from my mother bruising my kidney’s so badly when she’d beat me. They’ve been damaged a long time and they don’t function like they should. Now, I sit for a few hours a week to make sure I don’t die. It’s been a hard battle, but I’m doing well, now. And having you in my life has made me feel so much better than I have in God knows how long.”
Now I’m ugly crying. Bawling like a baby into the phone, snot running down my face.
Gage is sick, my Gage is sick. And I can’t fix him.
“Don’t cry, Angel. I told you because you needed to know. I didn’t tell you sooner because I don’t want to you think you have to take care of me. I’m a big boy. I take care of myself.”
I want to take care of him. Doesn’t he get that?
“I know. I’m sorry.” I sob, rubbing my already swollen eyes.
“There is nothing to be sorry for. Tank had the right assumption. I used to have sex with Megan on Friday nights. I was lonely. But I haven’t done that in a while. I promise it hasn’t happened since we’ve been seeing each other. I couldn’t get it up if I tried.”
Still crying, sitting up in my bed naked, my knees pulled up to my chest, I ask, “So what about the night with Corey? Did you that night? And the night you were working late and Emma stayed. You weren’t working?” I have to ask because I need to know. I want to know it all, even if the truth will spear my heart and make it bleed. I’d gladly let it bleed for Gage. I love him.
What? I love him? Did I just….?
I guess so.
“First question, sweetheart, the night with Corey after I left the bar I’m not going to lie. I went to Megan’s after you left. I had every intention to sleep with her. But I didn’t. I got there, she tried for twenty minutes to get me hard enough to have sex and nothing happened. I couldn’t, it didn’t feel right. I hadn’t seen her for nearly three weeks before that. I was needing attention and it didn’t matter because my dick didn’t want anything but you. It only wants you, Angel. I swear on my life.”
He didn’t have sex with her. I can’t express how happy that makes me. Staying quiet I let him continue.
“As for the night Emma stayed. Yes, I did work. I have meetings on Monday’s and Wednesday’s but afterward is when I usually go to dialysis. It only takes an hour or so. I didn’t get in until late because I was doing like I said, working hard to fix the mess. I just left out going to the hospital for an hour. I’m so sorry, can I still take you to dinner tonight? I have a lot to make up for.”
Wiping away my tears, I take in a deep shaky breath to calm down before I reply. “You have nothing to make up for. I am the one who does. And of course, we can go out to dinner tonight. I’d love nothing more.”
Sighing into the phone, he sounds relieved. “Good. I miss you, sweetheart.”
“I miss you too.”
We chat a moment longer and say our goodbyes. I feel like crap. The man I am in love with has kidney disease and I accused him of cheating. I’m the worst.
Rolling out of bed, I traipse naked into the bathroom and start my weekend routine. I am beyond relieved to be having my first date with Gage tonight. I probably should have asked him what to wear. But knowing him, he’s got it all figured out and knows me well enough to know what I like and what I don’t.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lex
“Close your eyes.” Gage instructs and I listen without protest. A silken tie is pressed over my eyes and he ties it snuggly around my head.
“Do you trust me?” his smooth husky tone warms me like a shot of the finest tequila.
“Yes,” I wantonly bite my lip, replying in a whisper moan.
Tantalizing lips pepper the tiniest, most enticing kisses across my neck, down to my collarbone and a finger glides the strap of my white Grecian gown off my shoulder. More kisses follow the path as he drops the other strap, exposing my breasts to him. The gown cascades to the floor, pooling around my ankles.
“Beautiful.” He lustfully whispers, as his hot breath floats down my sternum and two warm hands cup my full breasts. Rolling my pert nipples between his fingers until they stand at firm attention, he suckles the right one into his searing velvety mouth. I gasp on contact, losing myself in the most exquisite pleasure.
Turning to the next nipple, he sucks it with the same vigor. Never leaving the other breast to feel left out as he uses his deft fingers to tweak and roll my nipple into a hard needy bud.
“I love that you’re not wearing any panties.” He breathes, my nipple resting on his lip, his tongue gently laving it, sending surges of powerful rapture to co
nsume my entire body and soul. Placing me at the mercy of his wishes and deepest desires.
“I did what you asked.” I mutter.
“Yes, Angel, you’ve been so wonderful, with letting me take control. I’m very proud of you.”
Knowing Gage is proud, fills me with infinite elation. I never thought another person’s opinion of me would matter this much. But Gage’s does. And after I’ve accused him of cheating, I will relinquish myself to him. Consensually placing my emotional and physical wellbeing in his strong unyielding hands, something I swore I’d never do again for anybody in my life.
“I’ve got so much in store for us tonight, sweetheart. I’ve been planning this moment for years. Playing out every last detail, first I want to bestow this gift to you. Please lift my tie over your eyes for a moment and look down.”
I do as he sweetly instructs and glance down to see him kneeling on my foyers hardwood floor in a crisp, stark black well-tailored suit, a white dress shirt tucked under a charcoal vest and a deep purple tie with an Eldredge knot around his neck. In his flattened palm, turned upright lays a white crystal encrusted leather strap, with a belt closure. It almost looks like a designer dog collar except it’s not long enough to fit around any dogs’ neck.
“This is your gift,” picking it up with his other hand he stretches the leather band out. “It’s called a cock ring, I had it custom made for you. I know you don’t have a problem staying erect. That’s not why I had it made. I got it to keep you hard for long periods of time. Like tonight, I’d like you to be erect the entire time we are eating dinner and this will help accomplish just what I want. Plus, the beautiful Swarovski crystals will make lady look exquisite.”
Wait a minute here. He wants me to stay hard through dinner? Why would that matter? And I don’t want people at the restaurant to see lady poking out.
“I don’t know.” I admit hesitantly. The leather band is beautiful crafted and I have no doubt it would look sexy accenting lady.
Lex (Unconventional Hearts) Page 29