On Our Own

by Silver, L. D.

  “Hey, would it be okay if I plug in my PSP and play for a bit?”

  “Cassie! We just met Sam. Stay for a while and talk.” Dear God, did my mother just speak through me?

  “No, it’s cool. Let me show you where you can plug in. I’ve got a couple of PSP games in there, too,” Sam tells her.

  I open my Coke and take a long drink, enjoying the cold bite, then walk to the wall filled with pictures. There’s a giant poster that says, “Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks”. Nearby are some photos of a guy decked out in punk outfits who looks like an older version of Sam. In some of the pictures, he’s with a group of guys and in another he’s with a girl.

  I move on and find pictures of Sam. In one, he’s little and is standing in front of who can only be his mom and dad. His mom is blonde, thin and has a cute face. His dad is tall and has short brown hair and a serious look about him. Then there’s a picture of Sam with a blond boy, both of them standing in front of a forest, and Sam has a huge grin as he holds up bunny ears behind the other boy. Finally, there’s a picture of Sam and his dad, neither of them smiling, but holding up a fish together.

  “She’s all set.” Sam comes around the corner.

  “Who’s he?” I motion toward the blond boy in the picture. Sam walks over, and I’m suddenly very aware of his body next to mine.

  “That’s James,” he says softly.

  “He’s the one who was supposed to come with you, wasn’t he?”

  He nods. “My best friend. That was our first trip to the wilderness, ever.” He stares at the picture, and I feel bad for asking.

  “Your mom’s very pretty.”

  Sam’s eyes shift to her. “Thanks.”

  Well, crap, two for two. So I try something else. Motioning to the Sex Pistols poster, I ask, “Is that a movie?”

  His mouth opens wide, like a gaping fish. Then he closes it and narrows his eyes. “You’re messing with me, right?”

  “No.” I shake my head.

  Sam smiles this huge, happy smile. “The Sex Pistols are the best band ever. ‘Never Mind the Bollocks’ is an album of theirs.”

  He taps one of the pictures of the guy who looks like Sam. “This is Sid Vicious, the coolest guy in the band.”

  “He looks a bit like you.”

  Sam looks at me like I just gave him a shiny ring or some really good chocolate. “You think?”

  “Yeah, definitely.” I grin.

  “Thanks.” He smiles, seeming more confident now. He points at the picture with Sid and the girl.

  “Sid met this girl named Nancy, and they totally fell in love. Like Romeo and Juliet kind of love, you know?”

  I nod.

  “They loved each other so much that they couldn’t stand being apart. Sid left the band and tried to start a solo career, but they were doing a lot of drugs and that kind of fell apart. So they just did drugs and hung out together. One night he and Nancy got high, and she wound up stabbed and dead. There are some rumors that it might have been someone else, but it looks like he did it.”

  “Why would he do that?”

  Sam shrugs. “In this movie I saw, she kept begging him to kill her. It really looked like an accident more than anything else. It crushed him. He died right after they let him out on bail.”

  “That’s really sad.” In the picture, Sid has one arm on Nancy’s shoulder, with one eye closed and his fist clenched. He’s really skinny. Nancy has blonde, curly hair, and seems to weigh a bit more than Sid, although she isn’t fat. She isn’t smiling, but has more of a tough, pouty look on her face. I wonder how close to their deaths this picture was taken. It seems amazing and awful all at the same time – a love so strong that it destroyed them both.

  “Yeah.” Sam nods. “Do you want to hear some of their music?”

  “Sure.”

  Sam bounds over to the stereo, turns it on and hits play. The music is loud, brash and quick. The singer has a unique quality to his voice; not exactly whiny, but definitely unique. It has a good beat, but it’s definitely not dance music.

  “What do you think?”

  “Pretty cool.” I smile. I’ll definitely learn to like it. It has a beat, and I can get into anything with a beat.

  “Here’s one with Sid singing.”

  It’s a cover of song I recognize: “My Way”. The sound quality isn’t too good, but I like his voice better than the earlier music. It’s more normal, and strong.

  Sam goes back to the first album and turns it up. He starts doing that head–thrashing, fake guitar-playing thing guys like to do. I catch the beat, and then I start jumping up and down, occasionally turning in circles and waving my arms.

  Hey, look at that. I’m dancing with a guy. Even if it’s not at a school dance. Even though the rest of the world is gone.

  Here, now, I have a little slice of life.

  Chapter 56

  After a while, Cassie wanders in and looks at us like we’re nuts.

  “Can we have lunch now?” she asks.

  “Cassie,” I admonish, spinning to a halt and breathing hard.

  “No, it’s okay. I’m getting kind of hungry, too.” Sam turns off the music. He heats up hot dogs and mac’n’cheese, then gives paper plates and utensils to Cassie and soda and hot dog buns to me.

  “Follow me. I’ve got something to show you.” He grins. We walk back to the reception area and follow the circle to the third door on the right. Sam opens it and reveals a small room that includes an elevator. We go up, eventually coming out in another room with a solid door and a keypad beside it.

  “1776,” Sam says and Cassie punches in the numbers. The door clicks, and I pull it open and hold it while the others go through.

  We’re on a roof, decorated with a white plastic patio set in the far right corner with a bright blue sky as a ceiling. Sam heads to the table and Cassie and I follow, putting down the supplies once we reach it. Nearby is a little portable stereo, a bucket full of sand with cigarette butts sticking out and a pair of binoculars lying on the ground next to a rifle. Apparently, Sam likes to come up here a lot.

  We dig in. I know hot dogs aren’t the finest of foods, but oh, my gosh, this tastes good. That first bite, all warm with ketchup and a soft bun, eaten under a gorgeous blue sky... yum.

  I lean back in my chair, sipping from my Coke and eating. The sun warms me right through. This is the life.

  I stand up after I’m full. The roof isn’t too exciting, but we’re on top of one of the main buildings in the complex so I can see a lot of the other buildings from here. It does look more like an academy than a base. Somewhere out there, surely, will be a building full of guns, grenades and more.

  And to the northeast I can see a huge mass of zombies, right outside a double row of fences. “Can they get in?”

  Sam follows my gaze. “They haven’t yet.”

  I remember the binoculars near the table. “You come up here and watch them, don’t you?”

  “Yeah,” he says. “It’s something to do while I’m outside.”

  “What have you observed?” Cassie asks around a mouthful of hot dog. Sam’s eyebrows go up.

  “Yeah, she’s smart. And a little more mature than other kids,” I tell him.

  “Yeah,” he remarks. “There are two groups: fast and slow. They don’t really seem to like to hang out together, but occasionally they will mingle. The slow ones seem to do it by accident, while the fast ones are usually looking for food.

  “The slow ones seem completely gone up here.” He taps his head. “Nothing really left, just instinct. The fast ones have more of their brains left; more of themselves remain. I’ve seen different degrees in them, but they’re able to move better, grip things, apply some thought to things. They’re still not the brightest things on the planet, but there’s a spark there. Yeah, a spark.”

  “Have you seen any that seem to have a spark, but don’t move around?” she asks. I realize she’s wondering if he’s seen any like the town full of zombies we came across.r />
  “Don’t move around?” He frowns.

  “They just stay still and look at you, sometimes tracking you with their eyes,” I add.

  His gorgeous brown eyes fill with concern. “No. That sounds creepy. I would definitely notice that. I’ll let you know if I see any.” He leans back in his chair, still frowning as he bites into another hot dog.

  “What about you? What have you guys noticed?”

  “About the same.” Cassie leans back in her chair. I can’t tell if she just doesn’t like him, or doesn’t trust him. Maybe she’s holding back because of last night?

  “How about the creepy ones?”

  “We came across an entire town like that. They didn’t hurt us, just stared at us. Noticed that we were there. All ages: children, adults, all the same.”

  “Do you think it’s possible there are other towns like that?”

  Cassie nods slowly.

  “Do you think there’s anywhere where it’s progressed beyond that?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “Progressed beyond staring.”

  “Do you mean progressed, or do you mean they kept more of themselves?” Cassie asks.

  “Yes, that’s what I mean,” Sam clarifies.

  “We would probably have to travel the entire country to find out.”

  “Have you heard anything?” I ask.

  “Heard anything?”

  “Anything else like this. Have you talked to a lot of people? Have you come across adults?” I question him, and there’s a spark of interest in Cassie’s eyes. So last night didn’t take away all of her hope then.

  “I’ve only come across a few people.” Sam leans back in his chair, his eyes guarded. “They haven’t mentioned anything like the creepy ones.”

  “And the adults?”

  “I only came across a guy in his early twenties. There are rumors, though, of some settlements.”

  “Really?” Cassie leans forward.

  “Just rumors.” Sam holds up his hands. “I haven’t been able to verify anything yet. There’s supposedly one north of Denver, and another near Hoover Dam.”

  “Hoover Dam?” I ask.

  “Electricity,” he explains. “There were also brief rumors of people trying to break into NORAD, but I don’t know if that succeeded.”

  “The settlements… can you find out if they really exist?” Cassie grips her chair, her toes digging into the floor.

  Chapter 57

  Sam is silent for a few moments. Finally, he nods. “There are some things I can try. It’ll take a few days, though. In the meantime, would you two like to stay here?”

  I hold up a finger to him and lead Cassie to the other side of the roof. The sunshine’s just as bright here, and I can see about twenty zombies around the fence that’s six blocks away.

  “What do you think?” I ask.

  “If he can find us a settlement – like the one north of us – that would be great.” A huge smile breaks over her face and she’s bouncing on her feet. “One with electricity, and a great big lab room, and I could set up my PSP –”

  “Yes, but what do you think of him? Do you feel safe enough to stay here for a bit?”

  She studies Sam, and her face scrunches a bit before she waves her hand. “He’s all right. He’s weird, but I think he’s okay.”

  I try to see if she’s telling the truth, because I’d really like to stay here. I think he’s okay, too, but if I’m wrong, and I make this decision and she gets hurt then it’s my fault.

  “Okay, but if anything happens, just run. You remember the way out and the numbers, right? Just run. You’ll come out into the woods and that will be an easy place to hide. Okay?”

  Cassie puts her hands on her hips and glares up at me. “I got out just fine on my own last time. You’re the one who had trouble.”

  “You’re right. I’m just saying.”

  “Okay.”

  We walk back to Sam.

  “Thank you. We’d like to stay.”

  He shades his eyes with his hand and smiles up at me. “Cool.”

  “I’m playing PSP!” Cassie yells and is running to the door before I can say anything.

  I smile and drop into my chair. “Thank you for letting us stay and being so nice to us. It’ll be good to be safe for a few days and let her play games.”

  “That’s cool.” He shrugs and messes with the arms of his chair. Then he jumps up. “Hey, do you want to look at the zombies?”

  “Sure.” I shrug, thinking I probably didn’t want to.

  We stand in the corner of the building and he shows me how to focus the binoculars. I can see two distinct masses: twenty in the group Sam identifies as “slow” and ten in the “fast” group.

  “There’s one of them out there in the fast group, a guy wearing blue jeans and a short-sleeved white shirt. Blond hair. I catch him watching me a lot.”

  I move the binoculars through the crowd until I find him in the back, staring up at us. “He moves, right?”

  “Yep. I’ve seen him go after one of the slow ones. And the first time he saw me, he attacked the fence. It’s like he saw me and knew I was food.” He’s smiling and there’s a bit of excitement in his voice.

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  “What?” He shrugs, but his smile widens.

  “This whole predator/prey thing.” I gesture to the zombies and then to him.

  “We weren’t really meant to work in offices and live a safe, regimented life. This is closer to what we’re supposed to be.”

  I sit down on the table and put the binoculars beside me. “Running from place to place without any electricity or food? Scraping by until something kills us?”

  “No. Testing our skills against something dangerous. Not scraping by, but really living. Living with danger and adrenaline, like we’re supposed to. Not shut away in little boxes.”

  “Those boxes protect us.” How on Earth do I keep getting surrounded by people who jump into risks?

  “Those boxes keep us from living. Come on, how alive were you before all of this?”

  I think of my mom. I think of us laughing on the couch together, happy for a few minutes.

  “I was alive.” I shove off the table and walk away from him. I’m about halfway across the roof before he catches up, grabbing my wrist to get me to stop.

  “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bug you. I’m just saying that the adrenaline rush that comes with an attack… that didn’t happen a lot before. Know what I mean?”

  I think of those times when I wasn’t afraid, when I won and stood alive over something that had just tried to eat me. Yeah, I know what he’s talking about.

  “Yeah,” I admit grudgingly.

  “It’s okay to like it. It’s kept us alive. It means you’re strong.”

  No one’s ever called me strong before. “Yeah?” I ask.

  “Yeah.” He smiles. “Now, you wanna go play some video games?”

  “Sure.”

  As we head back down, I realize that he’s thinks I’m strong, which means I’ll have to hide from him that I’m really a coward. Crap.

  Chapter 58

  I jolt awake in a dark, unfamiliar room. I’m sure it’s still the middle of the night, but I don’t know what woke me up. I stay still, trying to figure it out. I don’t hear anything huge and crashing, so I don’t think we’re being attacked.

  Then I hear it. Moans. Long, crying zombie moans. More than one voice, more than one sound.

  My fingers dig into the blankets. Oh, God, I thought we were actually safe. I thought I’d found a place where I could truly sleep for a few nights at least.

  Moving slowly so I can stay quiet, I lean over and drag the bat out from under the bed. I get up and go to the door. My hand pauses over the knob, heart pounding. Not even one night inside and I’m already back to being this nervous?

  I steel myself, remind myself to be strong, and fling the door open, bat at the ready. I don’t see anything
there. I sidle out into the hallway, looking both ways, but find nothing.

  God, but I hear those moans. So mournful.

  Maybe they’re on the other side of that huge safety door?

  I head toward the living room with a bit of a quicker pace, going down a dark hallway full of closed doors until I get to one with a flickering light.

  The moans are right here. I raise my bat and step into the room.

  There’s a bank of monitors in front of me, along with a desk, a chair, and a puzzled Sam.

  “Are you going to hit me?”

  I lower the bat. “No. I was going to hit the zombies I was hearing.”

  “Oh, they’re just on the screen.” He motions to the wall of monitors behind him. I walk closer, dragging the bat behind me.

  There are ten displays, all with different views of the complex, all of them filled with zombies. On one of the screens is a young woman. Her eyes are clear of cracks, but the whites are replaced by blue. I can see dark blue veins above her shirt. She’s staring straight ahead, and for a moment I feel that she can see me. A shudder ripples through me and I turn away.

  “You can hear them? Why did you turn the sound on?”

  “Why not?” Sam shrugs.

  “Doesn’t it freak you out?”

  “Eh.” He shrugs. “They can’t get me. And you never know what you might hear.”

  “Are you thinking they might talk, or that you might hear someone scream?”

  “After what you and Cassie mentioned about the creepy ones, I wouldn’t be surprised if a zombie popped up that could talk. If it’s someone screaming, I won’t get there in time to help them, but I might get there in time to help their friends.”

  He pulls a chair with wheels out from under the desk. “Go ahead and sit down.”

  I sit on the edge of the chair, still gripping my bat. I notice there’s a Coke can and a bag of chips on the desk and gingerly reach in and take one.

  Crunching, I look from screen to screen. There seem to be a lot of families. There’s one young mother, maybe in her twenties, wearing a torn brown sweater and a blue jean skirt. She’s covered in blood and holding her kindergartner’s hand. There’s a bite mark on her cheek, a couple more on her forearms, and bits of cracked skin beneath that. She looks like she fought like hell, and I bet she did it all to protect her kid. The little girl holding her hand has on a matching outfit and curly brown hair. I don’t see any bite marks or blood on the child; just cracked blue eyes and cracked skin.