The Laird's Lady

by Patti Schenberger

  My, the earth moved. I felt a warm rush fill my body as he did this time and again to me. I garnered my courage and touched him thusly with my own tongue. He groaned, the sound was music to my ears. I pleased him, he said.

  Diary, what shall I do? I know it is wrong to act so wantonly with both the Laird and Lord McPherson. I am betrothed to Lord Kyle, and while I loved his touch and the intimacy we shared, this feels so right. So good and so wondrous. Pray for me, Diary, for I fear I have sinned against Lord MacLay.

  Elsbeth

  Devin slammed the diary shut harder than she meant to.

  “Oh, crap.” Closing her eyes she fought for calm.

  Elsbeth had kissed Lord MacPherson! The diary was beginning to hold more secrets that most of the romance novels Devin had read in the past. The images Elsbeth painted were branded in Devin’s mind as she fought to make sense of it. Betrothed to Kyle, but kissing another man. Even back then it was unthinkable. It wasn’t done. There was definitely something brewing between Elsbeth and Lord MacPherson. Unable to contain her curiosity, Devin quickly opened the book back up and continued to read. As much as she wanted to forget what was occurring between Elsbeth and Duncan, she couldn’t. The more she tried to forget, the harder it was. The journal drew her in, like a moth to a flame. She felt like a voyeur, yet her need to learn what had transpired blotted out the present. On she read…

  June 29, 1602

  His kiss, it sets my body on fire. His hands, he touched me so gently I wanted to cry. I dare not speak of my time with Duncan. It is so unfair of me to betray Kyle as I have done. In a matter of weeks I am to become the new mistress of Castle Loch Haven. What shall I do? I have wronged my Lord Kyle. Dearest Diary, I should be full of shame but instead I long for our next secret meeting. It consumes my every waking thought. I think of it constantly. Does that make me wrong to want more?

  Elsbeth

  Devin didn’t want to know about the intimacies they shared, the things they did together. But it was to no avail, she couldn’t force herself to put the book down. As much as she knew it wouldn’t turn out to be anything good, she had to keep going. Picking up the journal, she pored over the next page.

  July 3, 1602

  Diary, I waited till everyone was abed this evening, then I snuck down to the storeroom. Duncan promised to meet me, and he was there, waiting in the shadows until I made my way to the bottom of the steps. He was so gentle, Diary. He spread a blanket on the ground for me to sit upon and we talked. We talked of many things. His hair shines in the light of the torch. He is so handsome; it was all I could do not to cry at the sight of him. Then it happened. Oh, Diary, it was wondrous. So very naughty and wanton, but felt so good I wanted more.

  . The kisses went on and on, diary. He touched my lips ever so softly with his own, and then I felt the taste of his tongue as he swept the inside of my mouth and the feel of his body next to mine. It was sinful, but oh, so delightful. I wanted more, but it felt so wanton.

  He removed my clothes one by one. I was so scared but he told me to fear not. He would protect me and never hurt me. He laid me back and touched my body, covering it with his own, warming me against the chilly night air. He is so strong where I am weak; he is hard when I am soft.

  He did things with his mouth, Diary, which I have heard the servant girls talk about. He touched me at the apex of my thighs with his tongue and I felt as though the world would come to an end. Then with his mouth and his hands, he took me higher. Right up to the Heavens. I swear I saw stars bursting forth behind my closed eyelids. I could hear my own breathing pounding in my ears. It was magical.

  Then he entered me, taking me and making me his own as he claimed. It did hurt a little, but not as much as my bedding down with the Lord, then, oh my, it was wondrous. The feel of his body pressed to me, the largeness of him inside me. I wanted more, I needed more and he laughed and promised he would always be there to give me more.

  I wanted to tell the entire world how joyous I felt, but alas there is no one. I dare not speak of my time with Duncan. It was unfair of me to betray Lord Kyle as I did. In a matter of weeks I am to become Lord Kyle’s wife. What shall I do?

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat. She wanted a love like that—a love so strong that it brought tears to your eyes. Devin felt her cheeks flame with the thought. She was intruding into their lovemaking, a lovemaking that took place hundreds of years ago. She told herself to close the diary and put it back where she found it. But she couldn’t.

  I want to learn more, Diary. He laughed when I asked that he teach me all he knows in the ways of love. Oh dear diary, he is so much more experienced than I. But my heavens above, it feels wonderful to lie in his arms and be held as though I am a fragile vase. Till the morrow diary. Elsbeth

  July 18th, 1602

  Diary, I have written Lord MacLay two letters. The first is to tell him that I cannot marry him. It would be impossible. I cannot go through with the marriage. It would not be right. I know my vows should be to the Laird, but I cannot. I am in love with Lord MacPherson. He is the man to which I wish to spend the rest of my life. The second is to tell him that I am safe and truly content with Lord MacPherson. I will have the letters delivered to him upon the eve of our marriage ceremony. Yes, Diary, I am a coward that cannot face the Laird and tell him myself, but I fear my tears and conscience will thwart what I know must be done. Dear Diary, I wish you could counsel me as to what to do. No matter the way of my actions, someone will be hurt by the ramifications. That I do know and I pray that I will find solace in my choice.

  Devin picked up the parchment paper and held it in her hand. She was almost afraid to open it and see what it contained. To actually see the words that would break Kyle’s heart and cause his downfall—the downfall that would lead to his suicide.

  Dearest Kyle:

  I beg of you to understand that I love another. And he loves me in return. Pray do not hate me for I am content and secure in my Lord MacPherson’s care.

  Bestow your blessings upon us for I could not go on without your support. I know this will come as a great shock to you, my lord, but it is for the best.

  Of that you will agree. You gave me the strength to do what I must, pray follow your heart and do the same, Kyle.

  As always, your loving friend.

  Elsbeth

  Searching through the pages, Devin couldn’t find the second letter. She shook the journal as carefully as possible but nothing fell out. No second letter.

  Devin imagined the young woman closing the diary and wrapping it safe and sound at the time, in the pristine white muslin. In her minds eye, Devin could see Elsbeth make the journey to the storeroom and tuck the book safely behind the squares of peat. Then quietly turn and walk away, the candlelight flickering in her wake, until she pulled the door tight behind her, leaving the room in total darkness once more. Never knowing she wouldn’t be able to go back for the book or the letter.

  To have its final resting place be a secret for all these years, never to have the truth be told until centuries later…at a time when no one but one man cared of the answer.

  August 5th, 1602

  Diary,

  How I wish I could speak freely to my lord Kyle. He does not yet know of the midnight visits from Duncan. The time is drawing near when I shall hesitate no more. I can barely get through the day without spilling my secret. It is so hard to tell no one, to keep my love for Duncan under cover, under the guise of darkness we meet illicitly. And even harder conceal my burgeoning waistline. Every day I fear someone will notice and tell my Lord of my reticence to eat.

  Elsbeth

  August 25th, 1602

  Diary,

  The wedding day draws close. The seamstress arrived this morning to make the final adjustments to my wedding gown. It is so lovely; the dress has the prettiest lace across the bodice, and the veil of the finest gossamer silk. I am told Lord Kyle had it made especially for me. I begged the seamstress to keep her tongue as to the thickening of my
waist. I am ill in the morns, my stomach lurches and heaves at the mere smell of food. I have told Kyle it is but nerves. Nerves of our impending marriage and all the planning that must occur. But I know the truth, as does the seamstress. It is the babe that stirs within my womb that causes the nerves. Not the wedding. The babe stirs at times that are most inconvenient, and I get so ill that food is most appalling.

  Oh, Diary, my heart is heavy with dread. For I know that I will never wear the gown outside of this room. I will never be wed to Lord Kyle. He has been such a kind and wonderful guardian to me, but I must do as I must. Pray assist me in my hour of need.

  Elsbeth

  August 30th, 1602

  Diary, the time is now. Duncan and I have agreed that in two days time I will take my leave of Castle Loch Haven, under the guise of darkness. Kyle will be furious, as it is our wedding eve. But later he will come to realize this was for the best. For all of us.

  I will not marry Lord MacLay in order to hold him to the vows made of our Fathers. We have not struck a love match. Nay, we share a great fondness for one another, yet nothing more. Kyle deserves a woman who can love him fully and that is more than I can offer. My heart is taken, given freely in love to another.

  Until my next and final entry, dear friend.

  Elsbeth

  August 31st, 1602

  Diary,

  The child in my womb conceived in love, yet under a cloak of darkness stirred again. This time it was when Kyle asked that I accompany him to the kitchens to instruct the staff on what I would like for the wedding feast. The smell of the venison was nearly my undoing, Diary. Oh, how I have longed to tell Kyle. To share my happiness, but I dare not say a word. My secret is harder to conceal with each passing day. My happiness will also be my ruin, I fear, should I ever reveal my secret to him.

  Someday, my secret will be told. But alas today is not the time for telling. Soon Diary, I shall reveal all, and my torment shall ease.

  Elsbeth

  Chapter Ten

  Devin flipped the page. Nothing. She scanned further through the book. All the pages were blank. This was the last entry Elsbeth had made. Devin closed the book with a soft thud and set it beside her on the bed. What next? She already knew the answer. She had to show Kyle the diary. Regardless of how made it made him, or how upset, he needed to see the truth once and for all. Would that end his torment and anguish? Or would it break his heart?

  Maybe a walk would clear her head, tell her the right thing to do. Great, now she sounded like Elsbeth. She knew what the right answer was. Find Kyle and hand over the diary.

  Taking slow, careful steps, Devin found herself atop the battlement, the diary in her sweater pocket. This was where Kyle came to think, she realized. The view was extraordinary. For miles, all you could see was green grass, dotted with bright bursts of flowers. Sheep milled about, their plaintive calls echoing on the breeze.

  She looked down at the faded scrap of tartan plaid cloth held tightly in her grip. The tiny piece caught between the pages of the old diary, hidden from view for all these many years. Carefully, she brushed off the smudge of dirt and examined it closer.

  An icy sensation started in her fingertips, moving swiftly up her arms to encompass her entire body. Everything went blank before her eyes, as though a movie theater had instantly gone dark before the feature presentation started.

  A low mournful song reached her ears. Devin could hear bagpipes being played. Voices talking, conversations all around her, whispers of the bride and groom to be came to her from a great distance, filling her head and flooding out all else.

  A gray veil of mist descended across the land. The bright sunny light of day faded to inky blackness as a full white moon hung low in the now dark sky. Silver shards of mist covered the land, creating eerie tendrils drifting to and fro.

  Devin watched a man all dressed in black emerge from the shadows. Slowly, he approached the base of the castle and paused. A young woman darted out from the gate, her steps sure as she ran to the man. He lifted her in the saddle behind him and placed a gentle kiss upon her lips.

  The pair on horseback galloped away from the castle, the young woman’s white gown stark against the bright contrast of the moonlight.

  Devin watched the woman turn back to face the castle and raise a delicate hand in farewell. Her words though spoken barely above a whisper were clearly heard.

  “’Twas not your fault that I love another, Kyle. My diary will explain all. Pray forgive me, my lord.”

  Devin stood transfixed, caught between the past and the present. Then she saw him as though through a fog.

  Kyle turned from his post atop the battlement, spying the pair below. Enraged, he bellowed out his displeasure and wheeled away from the wall. His boot snagged on the loose rock, his footing gone, his body twisted forward, toward the stone staircase.

  Devin watched paralyzed as he thrust his hands out in front of him, catching nothing but air. Kyle plummeted down the steps and landed in a heap, his body twisted and broken, blood slowly pooling at his side. The craggy moss covered boulders at the bottom his final resting place. Devin tried to scream, yet no sound issued forth from her lips.

  The mist abruptly cleared, as quickly as it had come. Sunlight broke through her line of vision to replace the darkness. She felt nauseous, and her body trembled violently.

  Somehow, someway, she had become privy to that fateful night centuries ago. The scene replayed before her eyes. A scene that while violent and ending in death had cleared the mystery surrounding Lady Elsbeth’s disappearance without a doubt. The world seemed to shift as the past rearranged itself into something completely different. Elsbeth hadn’t been kidnapped, she had gone willingly into the arms of another, Duncan McPherson as her diary had stated.

  Devin slowly leaned over the wall and stared down to the base of the stone staircase, afraid even now of what she might see. The stair was mercifully empty. The water ebbed and flowed from the lake as it normally did. Her stomach lurched as she carefully stood back up.

  Kyle hadn’t killed himself as the tales told. He had attempted to stop Elsbeth from leaving, and ultimately fallen from the tower. An accident…nothing more. Yet so powerful, it had prevented him from passing on to the other side.

  The facts filled her head fast and furious, as Devin tried to sort out what she had seen. Turning, she hurried down the steps and back inside the castle. The diary. Lady Elsbeth’s diary was the key to everything.

  “Lord MacLay where are you? I need to talk to you, right now.” She paced the Great Hall, waiting for him to appear. Praying he would. Now that she had her nerve, she wanted to get it over with. Give him the diary, let him read it, and then see what happened next.

  “You rang, milady?”

  He appeared before her, and her heart skipped a beat. Would she ever get used to his popping in and out?

  “I have something for you,” she said softly.

  “Have you found something? Yes, I can tell by your expression you have. But,” he paused, “Why do I get the impression it is not good?”

  “It’s good, I think. It answers a lot of questions that you have been searching for the answers to.” She pulled the diary out of her pocket and handed it to him. “I found it the day I was trapped in the storeroom under the castle. It’s Elsbeth’s diary. I think you should read it. No, you need to read it.”

  “What need have I to read a women’s personal writings?” He stopped and stared at her intently. “Milady, is there some reason you have held onto this and not shown it to me before now?”

  “Well…” Devin couldn’t find the right words to answer him.

  The flames flickered in the fireplace as she watched his features harden.

  “Is there something in here I am not going to like reading? And I take it you have read the entire thing as well?” He asked.

  She could only nod weakly.

  “Fine, I will read the diary, if that is what you wish.”

  “It is,” she repl
ied.

  He opened the diary to the first page. Devin watched as his eyes scanned the words. Then he smiled. “I gave her this as a wedding present.”

  “I know.”

  He turned the pages, reading further. Devin wandered about the Great Hall, poking at the logs in the fireplace, replacing the poker in the rack, then finally perched herself on the edge of a chair.

  “She was in my bed?” He groaned, his face scrunched up into a frown. She could see him trying to recall that fateful night. “I deflowered my bride before the wedding. No wonder she was timid to the point of being scared. I did that to her. I ruined her. What she must have thought of me from that moment on.”

  “Keep reading,” Devin said softly.

  Slowly, his anger became evident. It was palpable. It filled the room. The flames in the fireplace rose higher; the drapes began to whip wildly back and forth from their rods. The china vase on the end table teetered back and forth. Devin expected it to crash to the floor at any moment, yet she found herself frozen in place on the chair. She couldn’t move, she didn’t want to move. She wanted this all to come to an end, for the truth to be revealed once and for all. Now.

  His expression was as dark as the night sky.

  “Not only did he torment me, he humiliated me before my guests. He took a treasure that belonged to me.” His words boomed out, anger clouding every feature of his face.

  “Lady Elsbeth belonged to no one,” Devin replied softly. “She was her own person.”

  “She was mine.” Kyle slammed his fist down on the arm of the sofa.

  “No, she wasn’t. She loved Duncan MacPherson and she chose to leave with him of her own free will. You couldn’t have stopped her if you wanted to.”