Merriment, Mayhem, and Meows (Klepto Cat Mystery Book 21)

by Patricia Fry

  “Thanks,” Iris said, reaching for the photograph. But before she could take it from Craig, Vince stopped her.

  “Wait. Let me take a look at that, will ya?”

  After a few moments, Bart asked, “Do you know those people?”

  Vince scratched his head. “I don’t know. At first they looked familiar.” He stared for a few more moments, then said, “I guess I was mistaken.”

  Margaret moved closer. “We think they might be celebrities. They look familiar to us, too.”

  Vince stared at Margaret for a moment, then handed Iris the photograph and she walked back to her partner’s quarters with it. “Okay,” she said, upon returning to the dining room, “I’m outta here.” She nodded toward the men. “Nice meeting you.”

  Iris had reached the front door when she heard Vince ask, “You mean your wife did this renovation for a bunch of cats?”

  She stopped and waited to hear Craig’s response. “No,” he said. “It’s a hotel—you know, a lodge of sorts for people. She just has cats to make it—you know, homey.”

  Iris smiled and followed Margaret, Savannah, and Rags out through the front door.

  “Wow!” Margaret said when Iris caught up to her. “Those guys look fierce.”

  “Fierce?” Iris questioned.

  “Like they mean business. Where did Craig find them, anyway?”

  “Oh, what did he tell me?” Iris lowered her brow. “One of the men is a former government agent, for the FBI, I think. The other has been in charge of security for some high-profile people.”

  “Wow!” Savannah remarked. “Why would they take on a measly little job here in Hammond?” Suddenly, she tensed up. “Iris, is there something about this place you’re not telling us?” She narrowed her eyes. “You’re not expecting trouble, are you?”

  Iris laughed. “No. Nothing like that, honest.” She leaned toward the others, resting one hand on Savannah’s arm. “Actually, I asked Craig the same question. But he assures me those fellows have sort of rotated out of their government jobs. You know, they’re older now and they just want to take on the easy jobs until they reach retirement age.”

  “Makes sense,” Savannah said.

  “Yeah,” Margaret agreed. “I just hope they don’t scare away your guests.” When Iris stared at her, she explained, “Did you see the size of those guys? Anyone with a guilty conscience is going to run the other way when they spot those two monsters out front.”

  “Good,” Iris said. “The last thing I want to deal with here are criminals and other riff-raff.”

  Chapter 4

  “How’s Sparky?” Margaret asked after slipping into Iris’s car with her and Savannah a couple of nights later.

  “Wonderful,” Iris said. “I’m so glad you gals found out he had a problem. Now that he’s feeling better, he’s quite cordial and charming.” She glanced back at Margaret as she drove. “I’m pretty sure I saw him apologize to Oscar for his bad behavior.”

  “Oh Iris, cats don’t apologize; they’re above groveling.”

  “Well Maggie, he’s sure been nice to Oscar. I think he’s sorry.”

  Margaret grinned, then asked her, “What are you wearing to the wedding? Are you shopping for yourself tonight, too, or did you come out just to be my personal shopper?”

  “I’m here just for you, Maggie. I shop by opportunity rather than by need, so I have a couple of possibilities in my closet. I picked up a name-brand dress at a consignment store a couple of months ago, for a quarter of the original price,” she said smugly.

  “Wait,” Margaret said, “you’re not taking us to a rummage sale, are you?”

  Iris chuckled. “No, Maggie. We’re going to the outlet mall, where you have your choice of shops.”

  Margaret relaxed. “Good. I know you find great things in secondhand stores.” She shook her head. “But I go into one of those places and all I see are other people’s castoffs, all hanging haphazardly on over-crowded racks. And the smell…” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s like walking into a hoarder’s closet—a clothes hoarder.” She reached over the front seat and tapped Savannah on the shoulder. “Don’t you think so, Vannie?”

  Laughing, Savannah said, “Oh, I’ve found some nice things in thrift stores when I’m with Iris. I don’t do so well on my own, though. Some people just have a knack for bargain shopping.”

  “Yeah, Maggie,” Iris explained, “you have to develop an eye and be able to cull the diamond from the costume jewelry.” More excitedly, she said, “Speaking of gems, I once found an antique emerald ring at a yard sale—real emeralds. Turns out that thing was worth around $800.”

  “Wow!” Margaret said. “Wish I had that knack.”

  Savannah snickered. “First, you have to get past your distaste for digging through other people’s trash.” She turned to Iris. “So what are you wearing to the wedding?”

  Iris widened her tastefully made-up eyes. “Either the most smashing electric-blue, faux-dotted-Swiss number with a stunning sweetheart neckline and sassy flared skirt, or a cream-colored silk dress with beautiful lace detail—even around the hem.”

  “They both sound striking.” Savannah grinned. “I hope you don’t upstage the bride.”

  Rather than respond, Iris asked, “What are you wearing?”

  “Probably that green dress I wore to my class reunion a couple of years ago in Los Angeles, unless I buy something new tonight.”

  “Well, here we are. Where do you want to start, Maggie?”

  “Lead the way, Iris. Take me to those outfits you told me about that will look—what did you say—amazing on me.”

  ****

  The women had visited three dress shops over the course of an hour when Iris announced, “This is it! Maggie, where are you?” Iris spotted Margaret across the room and rushed in her direction, holding up a straight black skirt and a fitted over-blouse in soft shades of blue and grey. “Now, forget about that bulky purple sweater you’re looking at there, Maggie. Take a gander at this.”

  “That’s sharp looking,” Savannah said from the other side of a scarf display.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Margaret grumbled.

  “Try it on,” Iris urged. “Come on, let’s get you a room.”

  “But…” Margaret started.

  “Just try it,” Iris said, rather impatiently. She grabbed Margaret’s arm and ushered her toward the dressing rooms. Savannah followed. “And I want to see you in it, so come out of there after you get dressed.” Iris hung the garments inside the small room and started to leave, then stopped. “Maggie, do you still have those shoes you bought in San Francisco?”

  Margaret smiled and nodded. “I love those things. They make me feel so…so tall.” She looked up at Savannah and Iris. “Gosh, I wish I was tall and slim like you two.”

  “Well, you’re not, so we need to find outfits and accessories that give the illusion that you are.” Iris smiled. “Like those sexy high-heeled shoes I found for you and this little slimming number.”

  It wasn’t long before Margaret emerged from the dressing room, a smile on her face. She stepped up to a full-length mirror, stood up on her toes, and viewed herself from several angles. “I think I like it,” she said, while smoothing the slightly fitted blouse over her hips. She looked at Iris. “Does it come in any other colors?”

  Iris nodded. “Yes, actually. Let me see what I can find.”

  “I like that color on you,” Savannah said. “It’s flattering. But I especially like you in red.” When Margaret started to protest, she said, “I know you prefer purple. But Auntie, I think you’re smashing in red.”

  “It’s her dark hair,” Iris said as she approached with two more blouses. “She can wear shades from the winter palette of colors.” Iris glanced at herself in the mirror. “I’m fall and you, Savannah, you’re probably summer.”

  “Yeah, I like it,” Margaret said, still admiring her reflection. “I thought if the blouse came in other colors, I’d buy more
than one.”

  Iris studied the blouses she held. “Good idea, Maggie. Now, that skirt can be worn with a lot of different tops. You can wear one of these blouses with it to the wedding and another one to the open house.”

  “That’s what I had in mind.” Margaret looked up at Iris. “Do you think they’re dressy enough?”

  “Sure they are. The fabric and the style may not shout elegance, but they do speak it quietly and tastefully. With the right jewelry, you can actually elevate the elegance level.”

  Savannah laughed. “Ever thought of being a fashion-show commentator, Iris?”

  “Actually, I have,” she said. “I do know and love the lingo…and fashion.”

  “You could be a fashion coach,” Margaret suggested, while fondling the blouses Iris held. “I like them both—well, all three of them.” Cringing a little she asked, “How much are they, anyway?”

  Iris’s face lit up. “Would you believe they’re on sale? They’re half off, so you pay only twenty-two dollars each.”

  “Well,” Margaret said, “I guess that’s not too bad. And the skirt?”

  “It’s nineteen ninety-five.”

  “Really?”

  “Auntie, let me buy one of the blouses for you,” Savannah offered.

  “Why?” Margaret asked, as if the very idea put a bad taste in her mouth.

  “Why not?” When her aunt balked, Savannah said, “Hey, I’d like to repay you for always being there when I need help with Lily.”

  “You’re not going to pay me for playing with my grandniece.”

  “Well, then consider it a…a…a Aunt and Uncle Day gift.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, we missed it. Aunt and Uncle Day was in July. Didn’t you know that?” Margaret continued to protest, however, so Savannah spoke more sternly, “End of discussion.” She took one of the blouses from Iris and headed toward the cashier with it and a hot-pink-and-black dress she’d draped over one arm for herself.

  ****

  “Iris, you look stunning,” Savannah said ten days later at the Kaiser Bed-and-Breakfast Inn open house. “I would never have pictured you in that dress if I’d seen it on the rack, but lady, you can really pull it off. Good job.”

  “Thank you. You look amazing yourself.” Iris studied her friend for a moment. “Only you’re shorter today.” She looked at Savannah’s shoes. “Why are you wearing flats? I mean, they’re cute, but…” Iris leaned closer to her and asked, “Did your aunt bribe you not to wear your stilettos so she wouldn’t look so short?”

  “No. I’m on mommy duty. I may have to chase after Lily and I figured I’d better wear my sensible shoes so I don’t twist an ankle.”

  Iris smiled. “Well, you still look great.”

  “It’s amazing, all right, what a little makeup and a new dress will do.” Savannah chuckled. “And what about you? Lately, I’m used to seeing you in your scroungey worker-bee attire with a bandana tied around your red curls.”

  “That’s a fact.” Iris looked behind Savannah. “Speaking of Lily, where is she?”

  “With Michael. He stopped to talk to Colbi and Damon. Oh, here they come.”

  Suddenly, Iris looked down. Surprised, she asked, “You brought Rags?” She smiled. “Look how cute he is in his polka-dot bow tie. How’d you get him to wear that?”

  “Well, he’s used to the harness. He doesn’t really mind being dressed up for a special occasion. He was especially eager to come see his friends. How are they getting along, Iris?”

  “Nicely. Francine seems totally devoted to the cats. She says she can’t wait until we get more.”

  “Good to hear. But you might hold off bringing in more until you see how these four get along.”

  “Five.”

  “Huh?”

  “There are five cuddle cats, with Crystal.” Iris glanced around the room. “There’s Crystal on top of that cat-tree thingy in the lobby. She was one of Melody’s cats.”

  “Oh yes, I remember her and her twin brother. He’s quite a bit larger, though, right?”

  “Yes. Mavis says he’s kind of shy.”

  “By the way,” Savannah asked, “how’s the little one…Bonnie?”

  “Okay, I guess. The girls keep their personal cats tucked away in their apartment most of the time.” She faced Savannah. “I saw that Scottish cat of Mavis’s the other day.” She frowned. “Oh, my, he’s odd looking.”

  Savannah smiled. “The Scottish fold? I think they’re adorable.”

  Iris leaned closer to Savannah and spoke more quietly, “There’s something wrong with his ears. They’re all bent out of shape.”

  Laughing, Savannah explained, “The ears are supposed to be folded over like that. Those folded ears are what defines the breed.”

  Iris simply stared at Savannah.

  “Are they living here now?” Savannah asked.

  “Yes, they finished moving in a couple of days ago. So you were saying I should hold off bringing in more cats?”

  “Well, yeah. I just think that since this is kind of a unique situation, you may want to go slowly and make sure it’s working before you commit to taking any more cats.” Savannah glanced around. “Good turnout. Are you pleased?”

  Iris smiled broadly. “I sure am. The comments have been favorable. People love the idea of the cuddle cats.” She leaned over and petted Rags. “Why don’t you turn him loose and let him mingle?” Iris noticed Savannah’s reluctance. “Oh, don’t worry. He can’t get out. We have door monitors.”

  Savannah crinkled her brow. “Door monitors?”

  “Yes. See that woman standing next to the front door?” Iris grabbed Savannah’s arm and pulled her toward the dining room. “And see that young man at the French doors?” When Savannah nodded, she continued, “Those are our door monitors. They make sure the doors stay closed and, when someone goes in or out, that no kitties escape. I locked the door to the outside kitty room and Francine and I are the only ones with a key.”

  “Oh!” Savannah exclaimed. “Door monitors. What a novel idea. You’ve thought of everything!” She squatted down and released Rags. “There you are, boy. Go find your friends.”

  “Isn’t he handsome tonight?” Francine said as she walked up. She crouched and attempted to get Rags’s attention, but he sauntered on past her and joined Sophie midway up the large staircase. The cat-tender chuckled. “I guess he’s here to see his feline friends.”

  “Yes, he often snubs me, too. Francine, are you enjoying your job?” Savannah asked, smiling.

  “I sure am. The cuddle cats are such sweethearts. I just love them.”

  “So do you stay here?”

  Francine nodded. “Yes. My room’s attached to the cat lounge.”

  “Didn’t I show you that, Savannah?” Iris asked.

  Before she could respond, Michael walked up, holding Lily in his arms. “Oh, hi hon,” Savannah said. She turned to Francine. “This is my husband, Michael, and our daughter, Lily. Michael, this is Francine; she’s in charge of the cuddle cats.”

  “Oh yes, Francine and I’ve met,” Michael said, shaking her hand. He narrowed his eyes. “Let’s see, you were cat sitting for the Lamberts when their Persian had a seizure, right?”

  Francine put one hand over her mouth. “Yes. Oh, my gosh, that was awful. I’m just so thankful you were able to save her.”

  “It was your quick action that saved her, Francine.” He asked, “Have you seen her lately? What’s her name—Oprah, Odessa…?”

  “Ophelia,” Francine said. “No, I haven’t seen her in a while.”

  “Well, she’s doing well on her medication—no more seizures.”

  Francine let out a sigh. “I’m glad to hear that. Thank you for letting me know.”

  “Uh, Iris,” Michael said, “I have a question about the design of your catwalk.”

  Her face lit up. “Oh, did you check it out?”

  He nodded. “Yes, and I looked through the windows of the outdoor room.” He
made eye contact with her. “It’s a wonderful space, by the way. But I wonder, what if a cat stops on the ramp between the outdoor room and the attic room, how will you get to the cat if you need to—in case of fire or if she requires medication or something?”

  “Secret doors,” Iris said using a mysterious tone. When Michael and Savannah looked confused, she explained, “June cautioned me about leaving no cat behind. We knew the corridor running between the inside space and the outside room was too small for a human to go in and rescue a cat in trouble, so we created trap doors here and there along the route that we can use to access the kitty pathway. Plus, the cover over the walkway is constructed in sections and each section is removable.”

  “Ahhh, I see,” Michael said. He shook his head. “What a complex and clever design. You may want to patent your idea. This might work for homeowners who want elaborate cat accommodations like this, or for shelter directors.”

  Savannah put her hand on Iris’s arm. “Yeah, it could generate another source of revenue for you.”

  Iris smirked playfully at Savannah and Michael. “Yeah, like I need another project.” Suddenly, she said, “Uh-oh, looks like Sophie needs help.”

  When Francine turned and saw the calico cowering from a couple of children who were trying to climb the cat tree to reach her, Francine excused herself. “I’ll go.”

  “Cookie?” Lily said, squirming to get down.

  Michael kissed the baby on the cheek. “Okay, let’s see if we can find you a cookie.”

  Iris smiled. Then she gazed across the dozens of people milling around inside the inn and announced, “Hey, I’d better get back to mingling.”

  “Oh,” Savannah said, “I see my friend, Shelly, over there. I want to talk to her.”

  But before either woman could step away, Iris said under her breath, “Oh, good lord.”

  “What’s wrong?” Savannah asked, when she saw the scowl on Iris’s face.

  “That’s old Mr. Kaiser, isn’t it? What in the hell is he doing here?”