Holding on to Us

by A. E. Neal

  Once I'd taken a shower, ate breakfast and put my feet up, they stopped and my back felt better. Ally suggested the pool again and I couldn't argue. It was September, but the sun still blazed, making it around ninety degrees in the afternoons. Zac called late that afternoon to tell me they'd already gotten four songs recorded and they were working on Keep You, which made me smile. He sounded distant, but I knew he was probably just busy.

  Ally ordered Chinese for dinner and as always, I made it 'til about seven o'clock before dragging myself off to bed.

  Wednesday

  Damn nightmare! I'd thought for sure it had gone for good, but I was wrong. I woke up again, covered in sweat and the contractions started again. This time, I grabbed my phone and pulled up the stop watch app. I timed each contraction and after twelve minutes, I started to panic. They were about three minutes apart and didn't feel like the others.

  "Al!" I shouted. "Ally!"

  She came bounding into the room with wide eyes and a grin. "Is it time?"

  "I don't know," I huffed. "Three minutes apart."

  She took my phone from me and started the clock when another one hit. "Holy shit, Ken. We've gotta go! Two minutes and thirty seconds. Has your water broke?"

  I reached between my legs and felt nothing. "No."

  "Where's your bag?" she asked.

  "In the baby's room with the car seat and the diaper bag." Another contraction. "Owe, owe, owe," I said, trying to take breaths in between.

  "I'm calling Zac," she said and ran into the baby's room.

  "Fucking shit, fuck, owe." They were hitting harder and hurt like hell.

  "NOW!" I heard Ally shout from the other room.

  She jogged back into the room carrying both bags and holding the car seat, which still had plastic around it. "I'm gonna put these in the car. I'll be back in a sec to get you, okay?"

  I winced and nodded. "Zac?" I asked.

  "He's coming. He's gonna get a flight out as soon as he can," she said and left my room.

  I'd read somewhere that a warm bath helped ease the pain and slow the contractions, so I held my belly and waddled into the bathroom. I didn't bother to strip my clothes off, I just stepped into the tub and started the water.

  I slunk down into the warm water and took deep breaths. That seemed to help, I focused on a bottle of shampoo, reading the words aloud, "Lather, rinse and repeat, if necessary. Lather, rinse; repeat."

  "Jesus, Ken. What the hell are you doing?"

  I glanced up at her as I breathed the words, "Later, rinse, repeat." She looked worried for a moment. "I can't have the baby without him. I can't," I said between breaths.

  "Sweetie, we need to get you to the hospital. I know it's scary, but we have to go."

  "No, I can stop it. I can hold it until he gets home, I can."

  "Kennedy, friend, please. We've got to go."

  "No, not without him." I'd begun crying and hadn't noticed until I saw the tears hit the water. "They're not so bad, anymore. See." I'd stopped huffing and relaxed my shoulders.

  Chapter 36

  Zac

  "She's having the baby, now. I'm sorry, but I have to go," I explained to David.

  "Listen, Zac. I've been there, I get it. But if you walk out now, not only are you jeopardizing the band, you're putting your career on the line. They'll have to replace you."

  "Come on, David, you're a family man. Wouldn't you give up everything to be at your wife's side, if she was giving birth to one of your kids?"

  He chuckled. "I missed both of my kid's births. Do I regret it? Yeah, maybe a little. But would I give up my career for it? Probably, not. My wife knows I put food on the table, keep a roof over our heads and when the girls have a new hobby, I pay for it all. It's business, Zac. You're too young to know that now, but give it some time and you'll understand."

  "Give me twenty-four hours, David, please. That's all I ask. I'll be back and ready to get to work. Music is my life, it's the only thing I've ever been any good at, but she'll never forgive me if I'm not there."

  He sighed loudly and after a moment, he cleared his throat. "You have twenty-four hours to get your ass back here or I'm finding a replacement."

  "Thank you, David. I won't let you down."

  "I'll hold you to that."

  "Yes, sir, I know. Thank you, again. Bye," I said, ending the call.

  "Fuck," I cursed under my breath and tossed my phone on my bag.

  "He's not fucking around, Zac. They'll hire someone else, if you don't get back in time," Alex said.

  "I know! I know, alright?" I snapped.

  I'd already called a cab the moment Ally hung up. When she'd said the baby was coming, my heart plummeted into my stomach. I silently prayed he'd hang on for a little while longer.

  "I'll be back tomorrow," I said and slung the bag over my shoulder.

  "Good luck, man," Alex called and I shut the door behind me.

  The cab was already in the parking lot waiting on me, I hurried down the stairs and jumped inside. "LAX, please. And I'll throw in an extra twenty if you can get me there in fifteen minutes."

  The cabbie nodded and sped into oncoming traffic. We hurried through the streets of LA, taking back roads and driving on shoulders. The cab driver was fearless.

  As promised, the cab came to a stop outside the main terminal within fifteen minutes. I tossed forty bucks over the seat and hurried to the nearest ticket counter.

  "I need a round trip ticket to Phoenix on your next flight out," I said to the ticket agent, still catching my breath.

  "The next flight for Phoenix leaves in forty minutes and it looks like the only seat I have available is in our first class cabin," she said as she looked over her metal rimmed glasses.

  "Fine, I'll take it," I said, sliding my credit card and driver's license over the counter.

  "Its twelve hundred dollars, sir," she said and I cringed.

  "Whatever, just run it."

  My patience was wearing thin and the slower she typed, the more impatient I became.

  "Can you please hurry?" I asked, noticing a hint of anger to my tone.

  She rolled her eyes, printed my boarding pass and handed me my ID and credit card.

  "Thank you," I said quickly and headed for security.

  If things hadn't already slowed me down enough, I was chosen at random for a private security screening. Which entailed a thorough pat down and a messy bag search. All taking exactly fifteen minutes.

  I was sure they'd started pre-boarding my flight, so I ran to my gate as soon as security deemed me okay to fly. Assholes.

  The announcement for the final boarding call came over the PA, just as my phone buzzed in my pocket.

  "Shit," I said as I held my ticket out to the gate agent. "Hello?" I answered.

  "Zac, she refuses to go to the hospital, you have to talk to her," Ally sounded frantic.

  "I'm getting on the plane, now. Let me talk to her."

  "Okay," she said and I heard Kennedy in the distance reciting something I couldn't quite understand. "He wants to talk to you," Ally said.

  "Zac?" Kennedy breathed. She sounded miserable and in pain.

  "Baby, you have to let Ally take you to the hospital now, okay?"

  "But you're not here."

  "I'll be there soon, I promise. I'm on the plane now."

  "Zac?" she asked again, sucking in a breath through her teeth.

  "Yeah, baby, I'm here."

  "Did you read my note?"

  Really? Out of all the damn things she could be worried about. I reached into my pocket, pulled the folded piece of paper out and held it in my hand.

  "Not yet."

  "Read it, now."

  I unfolded it quickly as the flight attendant urged me to end my call. I nodded at her and held the note out to read. "I love it, Kennedy, and I'm sure she'll love it too. Now, will you please let Ally take you to the hospital?"

  "You love it?"

  "Yes, I love it. Please, Ken, go with Ally. I have to go, but
I'll see you soon, okay?"

  "Okay, Zac. Love you."

  "I love you, too," I said and as much as it pained me to end the call, the flight attendant had rounded up her buddies and they were threatening to remove me from the plane if I didn't hang up. A first class passenger!

  "I'm sorry, my girlfriend is in labor and was refusing to go to the hospital. I had to talk some sense into her. I'm putting my phone on airplane mode, now," I said to the angry group of flight attendants.

  One of the women smiled and nodded. "Oh, honey, that's wonderful. Congratulations."

  Oh sure, now they were nice to me.

  She brought me a double Jack and Coke and whispered, "Here ya go, sweetie. I think you'll be needing this."

  She was right, I downed the drink in three gulps. The warmth of the whiskey burned down my throat, but it helped me relax a little.

  Once the plane was in air, the captain announced that we had a light tail wind and we'd be arriving in Phoenix ahead of schedule. Twenty minutes to be exact and I thanked the gods for giving me that much, since I swore the universe was out to get me.

  I sat, restless in my seat. Sure, the flight was only a little over an hour long, but I worried. What if Ally didn't get her to the hospital in time? What if she was giving birth in our kitchen? I pulled a magazine from the pocket in front of me, flipped through it quickly and tossed it on the empty seat next to me.

  After three drinks from my new 'fan' in the forward galley, Antoinette, I finally felt my body relax.

  "Did I hear you say your girlfriend is having a baby today?" an elderly woman asked sweetly from across the aisle.

  I held my drink up and smiled. "Yes. Yes, she is."

  "Congratulations, how exciting."

  "Were having a boy," I offered.

  "Oh," she squealed. " I'm sure he'll grow up to have his father's good looks too."

  Was she flirting with me? Oh God. Yes, she was.

  "Thank you, ma'am, that's very sweet of you to say."

  She winked at me and flashed her pearly white teeth, which I assumed were dentures and I smiled.

  One-hour-and-fourteen-minutes later, our plane landed in Phoenix. Since I was already at the front of the plane, it was easy for me to disembark quickly.

  I thanked Antoinette and flashed granny a smile, before dashing down the jet way and through the airport.

  I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Ally.

  "Zac, where are you?"

  "Just landed."

  "You sound like you're out of breath, are you running?"

  I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. "Yeah. How's she doing?"

  "She's in with the doctor, now. They broke her water as soon as we got here and she's dilated almost six centimeters. She's progressing pretty quickly, please hurry."

  "What hospital are you at?"

  "Scottsdale Medical Center," she said and I could hear the worry in her voice.

  "Why the hell did you take her there, Al? Is he there? Have you seen him?"

  She was quiet for a moment and sucked in a deep breath.

  "I called him...uh...just in case you wouldn't make it."

  "You what?!" I snapped, I was furious and felt my blood boil in my veins. "What the hell is wrong with you? So, he's there? With her?"

  "I'm sorry, Zac. I just didn't want her to be alone."

  "Is. He. There? Allyson don't lie to me."

  "Yes," she muttered under her breath.

  "FUCK!" I shouted in the middle of the airport and a few people covered their kids ears and shot me 'how dare you' looks.

  "Zac, I'm sorry."

  "Enough, Ally. I'm done listening to you. I'll be there in a half hour. If that fucking douche is still there, you better believe me when I tell you, it will be your conscience you'll have to deal with and his blood on your hands." I ended the call abruptly. "Goddamn it, Ally," I said in a hushed tone as I shoved my phone in my pocket.

  I balled my fists at my side and walked briskly through the airport. I reached the outside curb, waited in the taxi line and tried to calm myself down.

  Chapter 37

  Zac

  "Scottsdale Medical Center, please," I said to the cab driver.

  "Sure thing, sir."

  Of all the things my sister could have done, why did it have to be that? I know I'd been flaky in the past, and had never been one to commit to anything before, but all that changed when Kennedy got pregnant. That was my baby she was carrying. Not his. I couldn't even being to wrap my head around why she'd done it. Why she deliberately went behind my back. I hated her for it. She was the only thing I had left of my family, but right now, I despised her more than anything.

  Twenty-eight minutes later, the cab pulled up to the medical center, and I tossed the money over the seat and slid out of the car. I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed through the front doors.

  I spotted an information desk to the right and hurried over to it.

  "Kennedy Allen, checked in not too long ago, she's having a baby," I said to the woman on the phone behind the desk who threw her hand up to quiet me. I'd had enough of the world telling me to keep quiet for one day. I reached over the desk, took the phone from her hand, apologized to the caller and slammed it onto the receiver.

  "Obviously, I didn't make myself clear, my girlfriend is having my baby and I need to see her, right away. Her name is Kennedy Allen," I paused as she stared at me in horror. "Go on, type away. Do whatever it is you have to do, but for the love of God, can you please fucking hurry?"

  She eyed a security guard who was keeping post near the front entrance and he began walking toward us.

  "Seriously? You couldn't just give me the information I asked for," I snapped at the woman, who slid her chair away from the desk...away from me. The crazed lunatic, apparently.

  "Sir, is there a problem here?" he asked in a rough tone.

  I leaned my elbow on the counter and smiled. "The only problem here, is that Chatty Cathy over here," I explained, tossing a wave in her direction, "won't tell me where my girlfriend is. I just flew four hundred miles to see my baby being born, so if you don't mind, I'd just like to do that now...uh," I leaned forward and tapped the security guard's name badge. "M. Sanders."

  In an instant, he gripped my wrist, pulled it behind my back and held me there. Hurt like hell, too.

  "I'm sorry," I winced. "I apologize for touching your badge. Please, sir, just let me see my girlfriend. I promise I'll behave," I pleaded, but he ignored me and called for assistance on his radio.

  "Shit," I said as he held me tighter and I knew I'd gotten myself in trouble by opening my mouth.

  Sit," he ordered, leading me to a bench away from curious onlookers. I sat, folded my hands in my lap and waited. That was when I saw him out of the corner of my eye. Deacon was walking with another man in a white coat through the lobby, smiling. I felt the heat rise in my face and heard the pounding of my heartbeat reverberate in my ears. Sanders had his back to me, so I took the opportunity and made my escape. I sprinted across the lobby and lunged for Deacon.

  My fist met his jaw with a loud crack, but instead of falling, he caught his balance and threw a punch. I tried to duck, but his fist connected with my nose and blood instantly poured down my face.

  "Thought you'd just step in and take my place when the time was right, huh? Well, I'm fucking here now, and if you ever go anywhere near her again, I'll kill you. Do you hear me?"

  Sanders caught up with us and as I stood there, holding my nose with one hand, I noticed the look on Deacon's face. Sanders grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

  "She loves you, Zac. I can't imagine why, but she does. The moment I went to check on her, she told me that and it broke my heart. I'm not the kind of guy to just go and fill another man's shoes because he's not around. I'd never stoop that low, I'm not like you, Zac," Deacon said as Sanders dragged me into the elevator.

  I'd been an ass, a fool and I had no idea where I went wrong. The only thing on my mind was Kenn
edy and our baby, but somehow my world began to crash down around me and there wasn't anything I could do to control it.

  "Where you taking me?" I asked Sanders, but he didn't answer.

  Lovely, I was probably on my way to some holding cell so the cops could come arrest me. Deacon was right, I didn't deserve her. She deserved someone like him and I knew it. I'd spent so long trying to be someone she wanted me to be, but it just didn't suit me. I wasn't the nice guy, the guy who opened doors, pulled out chairs or offered my jacket if she was cold. That wasn't who I was, and nothing would ever change that.

  It was that moment, I realized I'd probably lost her forever. As soon as I didn't show up at her side, she'd never forgive me and I'd be alone again.

  We reached the fourth floor and Sanders nudged me out of the elevator with his elbow. We passed a few nurses who stared at me with horror in their eyes like I was some crazed serial killer who'd gone on a rampage in a middle of a hospital. The blood had finally stopped pouring from my nose, but my hands were covered in it and I'm sure my face looked just as bad.

  Another nudge to the back and we walked down a long hallway, passing more nurses, doctors and patients who all gave me the same look.

  "Wait, here," Sanders said and I stopped in place.

  He spoke to a nurse briefly, while shooting me a glance. She nodded and rested her hand on his shoulder. He returned a minute later. "Nurse Amy is going to clean you up. If I see you in my hospital again, pulling the shit you just did, I'll have you arrested on the spot. Do you understand?"

  "Yes, sir," I said and dropped my gaze to the floor.

  "Good, now go with Amy. Keep your mouth shut and play nice," he said, waving Amy over before retreating down the hallway.

  "You really did a number on yourself," she said as she inspected my nose. "Come on, I'll get you cleaned up."

  I followed her into an empty room and took a seat on the table. She rummaged around in the cabinets, pulling gauze and cotton out and set them on the counter.

  She turned to face me with a bottle of antiseptic and cotton in her hands. "Sanders tell me your girlfriend is here."

  "Yeah," I said weakly. "She's in labor."

  "This might sting a little," she said, dabbing my nose lightly with the damp cotton and I winced.