For Momma's Sake

by Bonnie Gardner

  Darcy forced herself to think of the present. “I’m not sure it’s up to the standards of an Italian restaurant, but I’ve never had any complaints,” she said, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “I’ll just get the bread out of the oven and the salad, then you can tell me what you think.”

  Why it mattered so much to her, Darcy didn’t know. After all, it wasn’t as if their marriage would fail if he didn’t like her cooking, she reminded herself as she removed the garlic bread from the oven.

  Their marriage was going to end. Period.

  She might as well get used to the idea now, and stop thinking as if she had forever.

  They only had until… Darcy swallowed a lump in her throat. They only had until Nettie was gone.

  Darcy set the salad on the table and seated herself across from Billy. It seemed strange to be sitting there like that, as man and wife, yet familiar as well. After all, they’d eaten at this same table together many times before. “I usually serve caesar salad, but I…”

  Billy covered her hand with his. “You didn’t know today was going to be a special day. It’s all right, Darcy. I’m amazed that you were able to produce this…this feast when you’ve been too tied up with my mother to shop.” Billy lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed her hand right over his mother’s wedding ring.

  Darcy felt the heat of his lips on her hand and all the way down to her toes.

  Bill felt the way Darcy trembled, but she didn’t jerk her hand away. She withdrew it slowly, tentatively.

  Had she wanted him to keep holding her hand?

  Maybe it was too intimate, considering the circumstances, Bill thought, but it seemed right. Darcy had made a great sacrifice in taking him on, and he wanted to show his appreciation.

  If he couldn’t love her in the physical sense, he could at least demonstrate that he cared.

  What he didn’t understand was his strong attraction to a woman he’d only known for a short time.

  He’d dated one girl all the way through high school, and he hadn’t felt this strongly about her. When he’d joined the air force, she’d forgotten him soon enough. She’d been engaged to someone else by the time he came home for his first leave, and he couldn’t have cared less.

  So much for true love.

  “We’d better eat before the spaghetti gets cold,” Darcy said, bringing him back to the here and now.

  “Yeah,” he said huskily. “I’m sure it’ll be great.”

  She smiled, a look that made him think of pictures of the Madonna from his one night-school art appreciation class. It made him think that she had a secret.

  And he couldn’t help wondering what it was.

  * * *

  DARCY WATCHED with silent pleasure as Billy uttered a satisfied sigh, then pushed himself away from the table.

  “If I’d known the cookin’ was going to be this good, I might have considered gettin’ married s—” Billy stopped.

  He must have realized what he’d said and had second thoughts about it. After all, their temporary marriage wasn’t the real thing, Darcy thought.

  She swallowed a lump. Was it because he hadn’t finished his compliment or for some other reason? “It’s all right, Bill,” she said softly. “I know what you mean.”

  He reached for her, but Darcy pulled away and made a show of reaching for his empty plate. “I’d better get this mess cleaned up. If the sauce hardens, it’ll be hard to get off.” That was a lie, but she didn’t need Billy watching her. She needed time to compose herself. To get herself together. “You go on. This won’t take long.”

  “I could help, and it would go that much faster,” Billy offered. His tone sounded almost eager. Hopeful? Should Darcy dare think his reasons might be something other than getting the kitchen cleaned?

  Darcy shook her head. “No. Thanks for offering, though. This kitchen is small, and it’ll be easier if I do it myself.” The kitchen was too small with him in it, and she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on what she was doing. Of course, she couldn’t tell him that.

  “All right,” Billy grumbled cheerfully. “Just don’t ever say I didn’t offer.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,” Darcy answered flippantly. “Now, would you just go,” she told him, more sharply than she should have.

  He stood there for a long minute, and Darcy wondered if she had hurt his feelings. She tried to ignore him, but he stood there, silent as a boulder, and just as immovable. Darcy didn’t know whether to relent and to let him help, or to shoo him off. As much as she wanted him to leave her alone, she also wished he would stay.

  Fortunately, Billy took the decision out of her hands. He sighed sharply, turned and, saying nothing else, left.

  Darcy felt more alone than she ever had. More alone than when she’d finally decided that she couldn’t marry Dick, or when she’d hiked along that dark country highway.

  But then, she knew she had to get used to not having him. He would never be hers to keep. She was borrowing him as her last gift to a dying woman whom she had come to love as much as her own mother.

  Tears welled in her eyes, and Darcy tried to blink them back. What was the point of crying when you didn’t even know why? Was she weeping for Nettie who would soon be no more, or was she weeping for herself…and the marriage that would never be?

  No, there was no use dwelling on that, she told herself sternly as she filled the sink with hot, sudsy water. She and Billy had married for good reasons, but they were not the right ones. They had not married for love. They had wed for Nettie. There would be no more of a future for them than there was for her.

  Darcy tried to lose herself in the routine monotony of the everyday task. Washing dishes was no more out of the ordinary than cooking the meal had been. She’d wash, she’d dry, and she’d put them away. Just as she did every night.

  Before she knew it, the dishes were done, and Darcy could find no more reasons to stay in the kitchen. There was nothing to watch on television but reruns. It was too early to go to bed.

  Normally, she and Nettie would sit together on the porch swing and watch the fireflies. The june bugs had retreated for another year, but crickets had taken up where they had left off. Nettie would tell stories about her beloved Raymond and their children, and Darcy would listen raptly until Nettie grew tired and went to bed.

  Sometimes she’d go inside with Nettie. Other times she’d stay out on the porch, breathing in the sweet summer air, until she, too, was tired. Darcy loved that routine, and there was no reason she couldn’t enjoy the porch tonight, as well. She dried her hands, hung up the towel, and headed outside.

  Billy stood on the top step, staring out into the night. His shoulder was braced against one of the porch supports, and he was chewing on a twig or a sprig of grass. He seemed to stiffen when Darcy opened the door, but he said nothing.

  Taking that as his way of saying he didn’t want to be bothered, Darcy silently settled onto the swing and began to sway gently back and forth. The only sounds were the crickets, the occasional call of a bobwhite and the creak of the porch swing.

  Darcy knew better than to expect anything of this night, her wedding night, but she couldn’t stand the depth of the silence. Yes, the night was alive with all manner of fauna, but it was the silence of the man so close to her, yet so far, that preyed on her mind.

  “It’s a beautiful night,” she murmured quietly, hoping to break the icy stillness.

  He didn’t turn, but he answered. “Yeah.”

  One word was better than none at all, Darcy supposed, though it wasn’t what she’d been hoping for.

  “There’s room on the swing,” she tried again, patting the seat for emphasis.

  “I’m fine.”

  Two words. It wasn’t exactly a conversation, but it was an improvement. Darc
y sighed. She wished she knew what Billy was thinking. Was he worried about his mother? Perhaps, he was thinking about his return to duty tomorrow afternoon. Was it too much to hope that he might be as frustrated about the situation as she was?

  Did she really want Billy to act as though he wanted her? What would she do if he did?

  “I miss the june bugs now that it’s July,” she tried again.

  Billy chuckled. “Yeah, it seems quiet without them.”

  Darcy smiled. “Be still, my heart. A complete sentence,” she murmured wryly. “I must be making progress.”

  “I don’t mean to be ornery, Darcy,” Billy said, turning. “It’s been a long day, and tomorrow’s going to be even longer.” He plucked the twig from his mouth and tossed it out into the darkened yard. “I’m gonna turn in. See ya.”

  It wasn’t the worst brush-off Darcy had ever gotten, but it was a brush-off. She didn’t know whether to laugh from relief or cry from disappointment. She sat there on the swing in the dark for a long time.

  Then she finally went inside. Alone.

  So much for her first night as a married woman.

  * * *

  BILL LAY AWAKE for hours alone in the bottom bunk in the room he’d shared with his brother Jim when he was small, listening to the silence. It was awful knowing full well that Darcy was lying just as alone in Earline’s twin bed across the hall.

  He couldn’t go to Darcy because he’d promised that this wouldn’t be a real marriage.

  She wasn’t his. She wasn’t anybody’s.

  Tomorrow, he’d go back to Hurlburt, back to his real life, away from the woman he’d come to love.

  Away from his wife.

  It was a bad way to start married life.

  Bill turned and punched the pillow again. He wasn’t married, he told himself. Not the way that mattered. He and Darcy had only recited some words to make Momma happy. They were only playing their parts until the time came to go back to the way it was before.

  He let in a deep breath, then let it out. He didn’t want things back the way they were.

  He wanted Darcy in his life.

  And, something about the way she’d acted tonight made him believe she wanted the same thing, too. How could he know for sure?

  There was only one way to find out.

  He tossed the covers aside and went to her door.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  BILL STOOD IN the quiet hallway, hand raised and poised to knock. Then impulse failed him.

  He couldn’t do this.

  He couldn’t put her in an awkward position.

  Bill opened his fist and lowered his hand, then, let out a long, low sigh.

  He wanted to know that she loved him, too.

  He slipped back into his room, quietly closed the door, and lay back down in the tiny, empty bed.

  He must have slept, for he didn’t remember seeing the night turn from black to gray to full sunlight. When he awoke, the sun was bright and clear and trying to burn through his sticky, swollen eyelids.

  Yawning and stretching, he climbed out of bed, and steeled himself to face the day.

  His second as a married man.

  * * *

  DARCY STOOD at the stove, turning bacon in the heavy, cast-iron frying pan. She sighed, or maybe it was a yawn. She’d gone to bed early, but she doubted she’d slept for more than a couple of short catnaps the whole night through. Yesterday was supposed to have been just another day.

  Yawning and stretching, Billy stumbled in, scratching his chest and looking as if he’d been out with his buddies instead of sleeping just across the hall. Had his night been as restless as hers?

  Darcy tried not to hope. After all, he could have been sleepless because the notion of marriage terrified him. Maybe he wanted out. As quickly as possible.

  The one shred of hope that she’d been clinging to fluttered away on the summer breeze.

  Well, she couldn’t give him his out. Not yet. After all, they’d married for Nettie, but she could make it easier for him to get away today. There was no sense in her making him hang around here when he was, apparently, miserable.

  She drew a deep breath and forced a bright smile. “Did you sleep well?” Obviously, he hadn’t, but Darcy was determined to be pleasant.

  “Yeah,” he muttered, his voice gravelly and thick as he poured himself a mug of coffee.

  “Your mother called already,” Darcy continued brightly. “She’ll be discharged as soon as we can go to get her.”

  “Good,” Billy grumbled over the rim of his mug. His lids appeared puffy, and his eyes were a roadmap. “I’ll go get her as soon as I’ve eaten and showered.”

  Darcy swallowed a sob and turned back to the stove. It was worse than she’d expected. He didn’t even want her to go with him to pick up Nettie. It didn’t take a scientist to tell her he couldn’t wait to get away. She swallowed again. “I think Nettie would expect us to come together,” she said, pouring off the grease. She added the eggs she’d already beaten and listened to them sizzle as they hit the hot pan. “It being our honeymoon and all,” she added.

  “Yeah, our honeymoon,” Billy said, and Darcy tried to interpret his meaning as she stirred the eggs.

  “I’ve already showered,” she said quietly, hoping not to show her hurt as she turned the cooked eggs onto plates. “I’ll be ready to go by the time you are.” Then she set the plates on the table, sat and tried to force herself to eat.

  It was going to be a long day, and she needed all the strength she could get to make it through.

  * * *

  “DO YOU THINK you should leave Momma at home by herself all day while you go to work tomorrow?” Bill asked Darcy after they’d seen Momma safely into her bed. He hated to suggest that Darcy quit her job so soon, but he didn’t want his mother to be left alone, either. He held the screen door open as they walked out to the porch.

  “I think I’ve got that covered,” Darcy said, settling into the porch swing. “Earline told me that Leah thinks she can deal with it. She’s free to be here all day. She can even sleep over sometimes so Earline doesn’t have to bring her here every day.”

  Bill took his position at the porch rail. He propped his elbows against the rail, leaned back and crossed his feet at the ankle. He’d come to think of the porch as safe territory. Neutral. As long as he didn’t sit next to Darcy on the swing.

  That would be too close.

  He wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her if he was close enough to smell her perfume.

  “What if Momma…needs help?” he finally said, trying not to think about what he’d started to say. “Will Leah be able to handle it?”

  Darcy leaned back on the swing, and gave it a good push with her foot. “I’ve already arranged to take the rest of the week off, and I’ll give her a crash course in what to look for.” She paused for a moment, seeming to enjoy the swaying of the swing, then she continued. “Let’s face it, Bill. Even if I were here, there would be nothing I could really do but get her to the hospital.

  “If I put Leah in charge and instruct her not to let Nettie talk her out of calling for help as she did last time, she’ll be fine.” Darcy put down her foot and stopped the swing from undulating. “More than anything, your mother needs Leah to make sure she takes her meds, to make sure she eats, and to keep her company. Leah’s a bright girl. She can do that as well as I can.”

  Bill chuckled, remembering the way Leah had learned to wrap him around her little finger by the time she was a year old. “Yeah, I reckon she can, at that.”

  He pushed himself away from the porch rail and heaved a big sigh. “I have to go,” he said reluctantly. “I’ve got a class tonight, and I already missed it last week because of the night jump. It’ll be a bea
r to make up if I miss too many.”

  “Yes, I suppose so,” Darcy said, pushing the swing back, then springing out of it as it swung forward. “Do you have time for lunch before you go?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it,” he said with false cheer. He might not miss lunch, but he’d definitely miss Darcy when he got back to Florida.

  * * *

  THOUGH THE DOCTOR had recommended bed rest for a few days, Nettie had insisted on coming out to the porch swing and watching the fireflies.

  “I do love settin’ out here this time of the day and reflectin’ on what the day brung,” Nettie said, her voice weaker than it had been prior to her recent illness. “I surely did miss watching the night come in when I was stuck down there in the hospital. A person needs to be outside in the fresh air to breathe.”

  Darcy set the swing into motion, but didn’t respond to Nettie’s comment. What could she say? After all, she agreed with her sentiments. Nettie might have limited time left, but she certainly wasn’t wasting it feeling sorry for herself. Darcy hoped that when it was her time to go she would face it with the same dignity as Nettie.

  “Reckon our Billy will call us tonight to let us know he got there safe?”

  Darcy loved the way Nettie had taken to calling Bill “our Billy.” It wasn’t really accurate, but it was sweet. Billy might be Nettie’s, but he wasn’t hers. “I don’t know. He said he had a class tonight, so he might not call because he wouldn’t want to wake you.”

  “Psh. I can sleep through anything these days. Once I get to sleep. I reckon if he calls to talk to his bride, it won’t bother me if I don’t get to speak to him.”

  Darcy swallowed and blinked back a tear. If Nettie only knew the truth.

  “Now, you know our Billy would be here if he didn’t have to go back to his base and get ready for that Sergeant’s Academy or whatever it is. And even if you could have gone with him, he wouldn’t have much time for you until it’s over,” Nettie said, trying to be soothing.

  Darcy choked back a sob.

  It would be weeks before Billy would be able to come home. An early slot for NCO Academy had opened up, and he couldn’t afford to let it slip away. Once the class started next week, he’d surely be too busy to call. So, maybe she’d be able to get back to her regular routine—whatever that was—and pretend… . What? That they had a future together as husband and wife?