19
Griffin
The next morning, I woke up before Dean and carefully peeled myself out of his embrace to leave the bed. I couldn’t believe what a total tool I’d been the night before. Just kissing would have been fine. Why did I have to pull Dean on top of me?
Because I’d been so happy at the thought of him staying in Oceanport and instincts had taken over.
And then I hadn’t been able to deal with what I’d brought on myself.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Berating myself, I got some clothes to change into out of my dresser and walked out of the room, careful not to make any noise that could wake my boyfriend. I needed to take a shower and really wake up before I was ready to face the day—and him. I didn’t deserve him, really. He was so kind and gentle and patient. One day soon he would realize that I wasn’t worth the trouble, that he could do better—that he could find a boyfriend who actually wanted to have sex with him.
Not that I didn’t, I just… had some hang-ups.
In the bathroom, I stepped out of my pajamas and quickly entered the shower and turned on the water. I needed to distract myself from all these thoughts running through my head. They weren’t like me. The events of the last day had simply overwhelmed me, and my troubled love life topped it all off.
Why couldn’t I just be like all other omegas? I wanted Dean. I’d been hard last night. I got hard now, simply thinking about it. Thinking about Dean and the hard planes of his chest, his masculine scent, the weight of his body pressing me into the mattress. Standing under the spray, I sighed and reached for myself, stroking up and down.
If I could just leave my fears behind for a moment, I knew exactly what I wanted to do to Dean, and what I wanted Dean to do to me. I wanted him deep inside of me. I’d never had a dick up my ass, no, but I was no stranger to penetration. I’d experimented. I wasn’t scared of it. The stretch felt nice, really, and it wasn’t so bad for omegas, or so I heard. I wanted to know what Dean would feel like inside of me.
I jerked myself a bit harder at that thought. God, I wanted that. Wanted him balls deep inside of me, the closest we could be. I wanted him to lose it because of me. I wanted to be the reason he came.
In my dirtiest fantasies, I was on my knees in front of him, his cock in my mouth, my nose pressed into his pubic hair, breathing in the scent of his arousal as my tongue made him lose his mind.
Yes, that was exactly what I wanted. So much so that I came at the thought of it, emptying myself on the shower tiles. I groaned as the hot water washed the evidence away.
Why could I fantasize about fucking Dean, but not do it?
“Did you sleep well, dear?” my mother asked me as I walked into the kitchen. Something smelled good, and it looked like she was preparing breakfast. I almost felt like I was twelve again, seeing her like that. Especially since I’d just jerked off in the shower.
“I slept okay.” Not the whole truth, but all the information she needed about the night before. “Thank you. How was your night?”
“Oh, it was fine.” She turned back to the stove, poking at something in the frying pan. “I’m making pancakes. I hope you still like them the way you used to.”
The way I used to meant sugary-sweet and drenched in syrup. Part of me wanted to tell her that I was a grown-up now and I ate grown-up breakfast… but that would have been a lie and I wanted my pancakes.
“Yeah, I do, actually,” I admitted.
This earned me a bright smile from my mom, so maybe it wasn’t all bad that I hadn’t lost my sweet tooth. Sitting at the counter, I watched her whoosh through my kitchen. “Anything I can help you with?”
“No, dear, you just let me do my thing. This is the least I can do to repay you for letting me stay here.”
“If you insist.” I rubbed my eyes. I didn’t have a problem with early mornings, usually, but this morning I was still a little bleary. I felt like I could have slept another day at least, while at the same time being too riled up to find any real rest.
My condition didn’t improve when Dean stepped into the kitchen, looking every bit as gorgeous as he had last night, despite his hair sticking out at odd angles from sleep. I wondered if there was anything that could make him less sexy in my mind. I couldn’t think of much.
“Good morning,” he greeted us.
I gave him a small wave and a grunt, choosing to look at my mother instead of him as memories of last night bubbled to the forefront again.
Dean sat next to me, regardless, and pressed a kiss on my cheek, since my face was turned away from him.
“That smells good,” he said to my mother.
“Thank you, hon. I hope you had a good night.”
“I did, thank you. But actually, I’m afraid I can’t stay for breakfast. I’m running late for work.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. I could pack you something! Although my son doesn’t keep this kitchen too well stocked.”
“It’s fine. I’ll have to drop by home before I go. I’ll grab something then. You two enjoy your breakfast.” He stood, and addressed me. “Would you like me to come back here after work?”
An innocent question, and yet I didn’t know how to respond. Did I want him to come back? Actually yes, but I also didn’t want to have the conversation I knew we were going to be having.
“Aren’t you busy?” I asked, hoping he would make the decision for me.
“Never too busy for you,” he simply said. “Call me later, okay?”
“I will.”
He gave me another kiss, this time on the lips, and then he turned to my mother. “Mrs. Stevens, if you need a ride to the hospital…”
“Maybe later, hon, thank you,” she waved him off. “They’ll call me if anything happens.”
“Alright then.” Dean excused himself and left.
“I know it’s not my place to ask,” my mother said when he was gone, “but did you two have a fight or something?”
I felt myself blush as she handed me a plate with pancakes. “What makes you think so?”
“Oh, it’s just that the air seemed a bit thick between you. I might not be an omega, but I can sense when my children aren’t doing well.”
I only looked at her. How could she say that when she’d kicked one of her children out of her house for getting himself in a difficult situation?
She licked her lips. “I know what you must be thinking.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. Really?
“I’m sorry for all that happened,” she continued, shaking her head. “I regret it all every day, but there’s nothing I can do to change the past now. I can only try to be here for you if you need me now. So if there’s anything…”
“Thank you, Mom. That means a lot.” To me, anyway. I wasn’t sure my brother could be placated so easily, but I’d never been as stubborn as he was, and I was sick of the family drama, to be honest. I could never stand any kind of drama. I just wanted everyone to be happy and get along. Was that too much to ask?
“Is anything troubling you?” she asked, taking a seat opposite me. Now I really did feel like I was twelve again, but when I was twelve, Dean and I were only friends and life had been much simpler.
“I’m okay,” I said. I appreciated her offer, really, but I wasn’t going to discuss my sex life with my mother.
If there was anyone I was going to talk to this about, it was Dean… and Eli. I remembered that my brother was expecting a call from me anyway, so I decided to ring him up after I finished my sickeningly sweet and absolutely awesome pancakes.
20
Dean
“You back already?” Shane asked me almost the minute I walked into the door as he wrestled with a little girl who did not want to put her dress on. I’d sent him a text last night, saying that I was staying over at Griff’s. “Didn’t think I’d see you before work.”
“Yeah, well…” I headed past him into the kitchen to get some coffee. I wasn’t hungry, but I definitely needed some caffeine after the nig
ht I’d had. I’d hardly slept a wink. “Things are complicated.”
“More complicated than getting this dress on this girl?” Shane half-shouted from where he was still standing in the hallway.
I had to laugh. “Maybe not!” Coffee mug in hand, I stepped back out into the hallway. “Mary, why do you not want to wear your dress?”
“Want blue dress!” she exclaimed, flailing with her little arms.
“I see.” The dress my cousin was currently trying to put on her was pink.
“But you like this dress,” Shane said as if to remind her, shooting me a helpless look.
“Want blue!” she insisted.
“Well. At least she knows what she wants. Does she have a blue dress?” I asked Shane.
He scrunched his face up, thinking. “Maybe?” He sighed, shaking his head just slightly. “Ron would have known.”
I slapped him lightly on the back. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. Let’s just see if we can find a blue dress for the little princess.”
He took a deep breath. “I guess.” He picked Mary up in his arms, and together we walked into the nursery. I marveled at how much progress my cousin had made. A few months ago, a moment like this would have sent Shane spiraling into depression for the rest of the day. Ron had been his whole world, and every reminder that he was gone seemed to break Shane’s heart a little more each day. But he was past that stage now. I wasn’t sure how he’d done it, but it felt like he’d used super glue or something to put the pieces of himself back together so he could be strong for his children.
I only hoped that it would hold up.
I had no idea how I would handle it if anything happened to Griff, and we hadn’t been married for ten years like Shane and Ron. We’d just recently become a couple, but we’d been friends for a long time and I cared about him a lot. We weren’t married, no, but getting completely ahead of myself, I could see that in our future. I didn’t know what I would have done if that had been him in that hospital bed instead of his father. I didn’t even want to consider the possibility.
“Dean? Are you listening? You went all pale there for a second.” Shane poked my shoulder, holding a light blue dress in his other hand.
“Oh, sorry.” I rubbed my face. “Spaced out.”
“What were you thinking about?” he asked as he helped his daughter into the dress of her choice.
“Nothing.”
“Oookay,” Shane said, clearly not believing me. “Are you going to tell me why you’re back so early? When you texted me where you were staying, I figured you would… you know…” Shane wasn’t shy about this kind of topic. The only reason he didn’t say I was sure you were gonna bang your boyfriend and drift through the day in happy bliss, was because his daughter was listening and if Ron had been still alive, that would have netted him a frying pan over the head.
“We’re still taking it slow,” I informed him. “And I wasn’t staying there because we were going to do anything. There was a fire yesterday, did you hear about it?”
Shane nodded absentmindedly as he straightened the dress out once he’d put it on Mary. “Everyone was talking about it.”
“The fire was at his parents’ house.”
“Oh.” Shane’s eyes went wide. “Is everything alright? The gossip varied. You know how it is.”
“It seems alright. I mean, it could have been worse. His dad’s in the hospital, but he’ll recover, and it looks like the house will need some repair work, but that’s all. Griff was pretty upset, though.”
“Yeah, I bet. Good thing he has a strong firefighter boyfriend like you to rely on, huh?”
I grimaced, because I so wasn’t living up to that image, and that needed to change. Griff hadn’t even wanted me around this morning. He hadn’t kicked me out, no, but his reluctance to interact with me in any way hadn’t been super subtle. I could take a hint when it was given to me, and I’d had a bad feeling ever since he’d woken and tip-toed off into the bathroom.
What had happened last night was really weighing on him, and I wasn’t sure how to help him, but I had to think of something.
First though, I had to figure out my own shit. “I think I’m going to call Daniel,” I told my cousin.
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Are you thinking about taking that job?”
“Maybe just part-time for now. I know I can’t leave you hanging, but I do need to get back into my actual job.” Sooner rather than later. I’d thought I could overcome my trauma by waiting it out, but clearly, that wasn’t happening. Confronting it head-on was the only thing I had left to try.
“Good for you,” Shane said.
“Yeah, good for me.” I gave him a smile and hoped he was right.
21
Griffin
Eli suggested that we meet at the school so we could get on with our theater work. He’d told me he’d gotten Eric to unlock the auditorium for us, but no one else would be there. Perfect, really.
“So how is it going with our mother?” he asked as we walked into the auditorium.
“It’s not too bad, really. She made me breakfast.”
Eli laughed. “Did she?”
“Yeah, pancakes.”
“Matt and Jake tried to make me pancakes last Omega Day. It was a disaster.” But he was smiling at the memory.
“Yeah? I think I remember you telling me about that.” We reached the auditorium and went inside. The school felt weirdly empty at this time, even though I knew it was only because all the students were contained in classrooms. “Mom really seems to be sorry about what happened,” I told my brother, just to see how he took it.
“Huh.” He didn’t give me any visible reaction at all.
“I think she means it too.”
“That’s nice.”
Okay, this was obviously not something Eli wanted to talk about. Message received.
“I’m sorry,” Eli said after a moment. “I know you want this to be true, but I also know she’s going to change her tune once Dad wakes up.”
“Do you really think so?”
He shrugged. “She wouldn’t have kicked me out if it wasn’t for Dad. But she did go along with it. There’s no reason for me to believe things are going to be different now.”
“I don’t know,” I said, preparing my paint. “I guess I just always keep hoping for the best.”
“It’s what you do.” Eli gave me a small smile. Still, it seemed he wanted a change of topic. “You said you had something you needed to talk about? Something other than our parents, I mean?” He pulled up a chair and got his yarn and needles out.
“Yeah, uh… You know I did ask Dean to stay over last night.”
“Oh? Good for you! Wait, don’t tell me he tried anything.”
“Oh no, he didn’t. I did,” I said with a grimace.
“You did what?” Eli seemed surprised, not that I could blame him.
“It just came over me!” I painted a broad stroke of green on the canvas.
Eli burst out laughing. Well, at least one of us was finding this amusing. I scowled at him, but couldn’t keep it up. I had to laugh as well. God, this was ridiculous.
“You’re amazing, little brother,” Eli said.
I stuck my tongue out at him. “It didn’t really go so well.”
“No? You can tell me, you know. Not all my sexual encounters have gone well. Did I ever tell you that I made Matt court me for weeks before I let him undress me?”
I shook my head. “No, you didn’t really talk much about that. Actually, you only told me about Matt when you were pregnant.”
He cringed. “Right. Sorry ‘bout that.”
I had to laugh again. It was so easy to talk to Eli; I didn’t know what I would have done without my big brother. I was so lucky to have him.
“So what happened last night?” Eli asked, getting us back on track.
“Not that much, really,” I said. “But I still feel kinda awful about it. I mean we were trying to sleep, you know? Just sle
ep. Only then I had to ask him how long he was staying in town, because I ended up wondering how long I had to get over my fears…” I bit my lower lip.
“I see. And?”
“He said he might just stay in Oceanport. Said he’s getting used to being here.”
“But that’s great.” Eli smiled. “Honestly, I was a little worried you might leave me along with him.”
“I was really happy too.” Even now I had to grin when I thought of Dean’s words. “I guess I was a little too happy. I wanted to kiss him.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah. And that would have been fine. We kiss a lot, only something hit me when we were lying there, and I… pulled him on top of me. And for like a few seconds, things were really good. Like, really good.” I shook my head as if to shake myself out of that memory before I could get caught up in it. “And then I realized what I was doing and my fear caught up with me and I froze.” I splattered some more paint on the canvas. Felt weird to be painting something so cheerful while I was in this mood. “I feel like I could have pushed through it if I’d been given a chance, maybe.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just that Dean couldn’t get away from me fast enough as soon as I froze.” My lips curled downward. I couldn’t blame him for considering my feelings, really, but I was still annoyed with the general situation.
“I see.” Eli gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sure he doesn’t like the idea of scaring you.”
“I know. I just can’t help it, and he’s gonna get tired of it eventually. And he’ll want to talk later, I know it, but I don’t know what to tell him.”
Eli thought for a moment. “Have you explained to him what exactly it is that scares you?”
“Not in detail. I just said that we needed to take it slow, I guess.”
“Maybe you have to give him a little more information so you can come up with a work-around together.”
“I don’t know. He’s not an omega, how would he understand?” This feeling, this all-encompassing need to please that scared me was difficult even for me to make sense of. I couldn’t expect Dean to get it when he’d surely never felt it.
A Baby for the Firefighter Page 11