“Give him a little more credit,” Eli said. “He might not be an omega, but I’m sure he knows what a hormone rush feels like.”
“I guess.” Maybe Eli was right, but I got tired of talking about this as I worked on the props. “Is Jake still as excited about the play?” I asked, trying for a lighter topic.
Eli smiled softly. “You bet.” Then his face fell just a little. “I’m not sure Conner feels the same way, though.”
“Conner?” I shot my brother a questioning look. What was wrong with Conner?
“Yeah, I watched him and Jake trying to read their lines together. I think he’s scared.”
I grimaced, sympathizing with the shy boy. The only reason he was trying so hard was to make his late father proud, I was sure of that. “Poor kid,” I said. “But things will go fine and then he’ll feel really good about himself. Maybe it’ll give him a boost.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Eli’s lips quirked up as he handled his needles. “Maybe he only needs to face his fears. We all do, don’t you think?”
I scoffed. “Subtle.” But I got what he was trying to say, and I knew that he was right. If I wanted to keep Dean, I had to face my fears.
But how?
22
Griffin
I decided to call Dean that evening. It would have been nice to ignore my problem for a while longer, but I knew that was pointless. Besides, I really wanted to see him, and I wanted to make up for being so standoffish in the morning. That wasn’t like me, and I didn’t want Dean to think that it was.
While my mother was preparing dinner—another chore she insisted on taking on—I went up into my bedroom and dialed Dean’s number. He answered his phone quickly, as always.
“Hey,” I said softly when I heard him pick up.
“Hey,” he returned. “I’m glad you called. Are you feeling better?”
“Well, I haven’t freaked out about anything in a couple of hours. Sorry about that, by the way.” I tried to play my embarrassment off with a laugh.
“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said, predictably.
“It’s a difficult thing not to worry about,” I admitted. “I want this to work. I want us to work.” I slumped back on my bed. I knew this was only my first relationship and most people went through a couple of them before finding the one, but I didn’t even want to consider moving on to someone else. I felt like I’d found my number one ages ago; I just hadn’t realized it then. And now I only needed to get over myself.
“I want that too,” Dean said on a sigh. “And we’ll make it work, I know that, but I don’t want you to stress yourself now. We have all the time in the world.”
“Do we?”
“Yeah, actually. I got really good news, and I was wondering if I could come over to your place to tell you all about it.”
I loved how he still managed to sound so happy in spite of everything. I was sure he was smiling on the other end of the line, and I wanted to see that gorgeous smile of his in person. “You can come over anytime.”
“Good. I’ll be right there, and I’m bringing cupcakes.”
“Oh God, I love y—” I cut myself off. “I love cupcakes,” I corrected what I was going to say. Way too early to tell him that I loved him, wasn’t it? Even if it was true. Yes, it was early, and we hadn’t even had sex, but I didn’t have to have sex with him to know that I loved him. It was all in the way my heart fluttered in this really happy way when I saw him—even when he wasn’t bringing me cupcakes.
He laughed, and he sound reverberated within me and made me feel warm. “I know.”
Do you, Dean? Do you?
Dean came over carrying a large box of baked goods for both me and my mother. I took it from him and brought it into the living room while my mom swooped down on Dean and tried to feed him some leftover dinner.
“I’ve eaten, thank you.”
“But a big man like you, I’m sure you could stand to eat some more. I know your mother doesn’t live here anymore and you’re not married, so who’s cooking for you?” She sighed. “And it seems I really failed to impart any culinary skills on my second son. Eli was always good with a kitchen knife, but Griff…”
“Mom!” I protested, dragging Dean away from her. “Dean doesn’t need me to cook for him.” Honestly, my family was more progressive than others, but my parents still held some pretty old-fashioned beliefs about how alphas and omegas should live.
“I promise I eat enough,” Dean said in good humor. “And I have enough cooking skills to keep the both of us from starving.” He draped an arm around my shoulders. “I don’t mind feeding Griff at all.”
I scoffed, but I couldn’t deny that he was feeding me regularly, and that I didn’t mind it. No, I didn’t mind at all.
My mom sighed again, but seemed somewhat placated. “Fine. I’ll leave you two to it.” At least she knew when to make herself scarce.
“Did you two hear anything from the hospital?” Dean asked as we sat down on the couch in the living room.
“Not really,” I told him. “Dad seems stable. I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she avoids the topic. I figure she’s just not ready to talk yet.”
“I guess. It’s not too unusual for people to react that way.” Dean put his arm around my shoulders again and I let myself sink back into his touch, closing my eyes for a moment as his fingers gently stroked the fine hair above my ear, sending pleasant tingles down my spine.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said on an exhale. I liked the way his fingers felt. He had large hands, but they weren’t rough, no part of him was. So why was I still scared? Dean would never hurt me or abuse any power he had over me in any way. I was safe with him.
No, it wasn’t Dean I was scared of. It was me.
“I’m glad you let me come over today,” Dean said. “I do have some news to share.”
“Good news?” He’d said something like that on the phone, hadn’t he?
His smile fell just a little bit, but not long enough for me to worry. “Really good news, I think.”
I looked up at him curiously. “Did you win the lottery or something?”
“Or something.” He laughed. “I called the chief of the local fire department earlier today.”
“About the fire at my parents’ house?”
He shook his head. “No, to ask for a job. Actually, he’s been trying to get me on board for a while, so it really wasn’t difficult to get in.”
“Oooh.” I felt my eyes grow wide and a happy, bubbly feeling rising in the pit of my stomach. “You’re joining the local fire department?” That meant he would stay, and I know he’d hinted at it before, but now it was like, definite. He didn’t need to go back to his old firefighting job if he could do the same in Oceanport.
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
Hearing those words, I got the same rush of euphoria I had the night before. And I reacted almost the same way too—I leaned up and kissed him. His lips on mine felt so good that, immediately, I wanted more again. God, I wanted him and everything I’d fantasized about in the shower that morning.
But I made myself stop and draw back, because what I did not want was a repeat of the night before. No, we needed to talk about this shit before going forward.
“I love that you’re staying,” I told him instead of expressing my feelings with kisses and touches the way I really wanted to.
“Because it means you’ll never have to go without cupcakes again?”
I burst out laughing because he managed to look so serious while he asked that. Silly Dean. “No, because it means… that we can be together.” That I finally got a shot at getting everything my brother had. That we could be a family someday, maybe, hopefully. The most omega part of me was already picturing babies with Dean’s eyes. I wasn’t going to tell him that, though. It was way, way too early for us to be having thoughts like that.
“Yeah, I love that too.” Dean kissed the side of my face, and it took me a second to remember that he was talking about being together
rather than starting a family. Silly me. In any case, I had to get over my sex phobia before I could think about having babies.
Honestly, though, if he was going to be wearing a uniform, that might just make things easier.
“When are you starting this new job?” I asked.
“I’m only on part-time right now, since I still need to help Shane, but I get to take a look around the department tomorrow.”
“Are they giving you a uniform?”
He smiled as though he knew exactly where my thoughts were heading. “I imagine so.”
“Can you put that on outside of work?”
A chuckle made it past his lips. “I could,” he said. “Why, would you like that?”
“I might.” I kissed the line of his jaw, trying not to imagine too hard how he was going to look in his uniform. “What about your cupcake business, though?” I asked.
He laughed. “You know why I made so many cupcakes? It wasn’t really because I wanted to open up a bakery.”
“No?” I tilted my head at him. That was news to me.
“No.” He ran his fingers through my hair, playing with the strands. “Do you know why I even started baking, honestly?” His eyes twinkled.
“Why did you start baking?”
“My mom made me help her bake cookies one day. I wasn’t all that interested, really, but then I met you later that day and gave some of the cookies to you, and you ate them looking like the happiest boy in the world.”
I blinked. Was he saying the only reason he was baking was to make me happy? “You’re too much,” I told him, punching his arm and feeling my cheeks heat up. I didn’t even remember the day he was talking about, but it must have been important to him.
“I do enjoy baking now, for what it’s worth, but seeing the expression on your face when you bite into one of my cupcakes is still my favorite thing.”
“Yeah?” I laughed, feeling just a little bit self-conscious, but he seemed happy, so I decided to put on a show by grabbing one of the cupcakes from the box he’d brought and biting into it with the most passionate expression I could muster.
Dean simply stared at me, mouth hanging slightly open as I went to town on the cupcake. I noticed too late that I was basically mimicking orgasmic bliss and that it was definitely having an effect on him.
“Fuck, you’re hot,” he said under his breath.
I stopped and swallowed. I hadn’t meant to rile him up, but damn if his enthusiasm didn’t make me feel sexy—and just for the heck of it, I licked my fingers, just to see him twitch. I had no doubt now that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
Sadly, I had no idea where to go from here.
Next to me, Dean took a deep breath. “Will you tell me what it is that’s scaring you?” he asked. “I mean, I know it’s sex and that you’re a virgin, but I just feel like… that’s not all it is, is it?”
“No,” I admitted, feeling myself deflate. “But I don’t know how to explain.”
“Try?” he asked. “And I promise I’ll try to understand.”
I licked my lips. “It’s… kind of an omega thing,” I started, lacking better words to put my thoughts into. “There’s this rush I get when I’m around an alpha, any alpha, but especially you.”
“I think I know what you’re talking about. I have a bit of a reaction to the way omegas smell too, although I imagine it’s a little different.”
“Yeah, probably just a little different.” I managed a smile, even though I wasn’t sure how. I wondered what exactly Dean felt when he caught the scent of an omega. Arousal, probably, but what else? For me, it was arousal along with a certain eagerness to be taken and thrown on a mattress—or the nearest available flat surface. What was it like for Dean? Did he want to dominate? Did all alphas want that? There was no way for me to find out other than asking him directly, even if that was a bit embarrassing. “When you smell an omega, does that ever make you want to do things?”
His gaze turned dark. “There’s a lot of things I want to do to you when I breathe in your scent.” The look of lust in his green eyes was so intense that for a moment, I forgot to breathe.
But at least he was taking my question seriously.
“What kinds of things?” I asked, because I needed to know, to prepare myself.
“Well…” His eyes darted to the door as if to make sure no one was listening in before settling on me again. “All sorts of things, really, but mostly, I want to be in you, I want to claim you, I want to mark your body to let the world know that you’re mine.” His eyes narrowed. “I can’t stand the thought of anyone else touching you. Like that creep from the school.”
“You’re still thinking about that?” I asked, trying to get my brain to work in spite of the images he’d just put in my head. Not an easy task. Not when such a large part of me wanted everything he talked about to happen in reality.
“Of course I am. That slimebag was trying to get into your pants, and you’re…”
“I’m what?”
Dean didn’t say anything for a second, as if he knew what he was about to say was stupid, but then he let the word escape anyway. “Mine,” he growled with a quiet vehemence.
I had to smile at that. “Do you feel like that about every omega whose scent enters your nose?”
He snorted. “No. Not exactly. The need to take is there, to some extent, but never as strongly. With other omegas, it sounds like a good idea, with you, it’s an imperative.” He looked straight at me as he said this, and I wasn’t sure at all how to react.
“That’s how you feel?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “I don’t think any other omega would interest me at all right now.”
I swallowed. He was so open and honest about all of this, and I loved all that he was telling me. But now I had to return the favor, didn’t I? Dean still wanted to know what I felt when I caught an alpha’s scent, when I caught his scent. I took a deep breath, getting a whiff of him, as if I needed the reminder.
I wanted to suppress the thrill that ran through me at being this close to Dean, surrounded by his scent. Instead, I grasped on to it. This was the emotion that I had to communicate to Dean, what I had to put into words in order for him to understand.
I could do it.
Closing my eyes, I opened my mouth. “When I catch your scent, I want to throw myself on the floor in front of you,” I said, trying just to get it all out before I could get cold feet. “I want to wrap my lips around your cock. I want you to use me in whatever way you want. I want to make you come. In my mouth or in my ass, it doesn't matter, just as long as I can get your seed inside of me. Just as long as I can please you. There's moments when that feels like the most important thing in the world, just to be what you need. It's like I exist just to be your fuck toy, and part of me likes that idea way too much.” I pressed my lips together to stop myself from talking, hoping I had said enough. I was positive that my cheeks glowed red, and I couldn't make myself look at Dean. I could hardly even open my eyes. But then I felt Dean's fingers on my chin, tilting my face to him. His touch was gentle, as always.
“Griff...”
I blinked my eyes open, only to gaze into the green pools of his.
“I'm not going to deny that I'm turned on as hell right now,” he said. “But I would never ever treat you like a fuck toy. Do you get that? You're way too good for that and you mean too much to me.”
“Even now that you know what a dirty mind I have?” I tried to crack a joke, even though my voice broke a little, heavy with emotion. Did I really mean so much to him? I hoped so, because he meant the world to me.
He gave me a smile, and it made that uncomfortable, embarrassed feeling go away a little. “Especially now that I know what a dirty mind you have. Makes us fit together even better!” He leaned in and touched his lips to mine. I ran my fingers into his hair, needing something to hold on to before my emotions could sweep me off my feet. How lucky was I that an alpha as kind as Dean was into me? For the first time, I wo
ndered if letting my instincts take over would really be so terrible.
Maybe with Dean, I could even enjoy it.
“I don’t care how long it takes you to get over your fear,” Dean said as we broke. “I love you, Griff.”
“You…” I looked at him wide-eyed. Had he just said what I thought he’d said?
Dean laughed softly, amused by my shocked expression. “You can’t tell me that surprises you.”
“But no one’s ever said that to me,” I got out.
“And that’s just my luck,” Dean said, kissing my forehead. “But no one’s ever confessed to me either. And do you know why?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t see how someone like Dean had managed to go through life without omegas throwing themselves at him left and right.
“Because I could never really get interested in the omegas who tried to date me,” Dean explained. “Because part of me was always stuck on you.”
But how could that be? I tilted my head at Dean, heart threatening to thump out of my chest. “I never knew.”
“No.” He laughed again. A good-natured sound. “You were always adorably oblivious. Of course, I didn’t think it was quite so adorable when I was a teen.”
I punched his arm. “You could have said something.”
“Nah.” He waved me off. “You weren’t interested back then and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you.”
“I might have been interested!” I just kept myself from pouting. If Dean had confessed to me all those years ago, I would never have made out with that dick Thomas Dayson in high school.
“Might have been?” One of Dean’s eyebrows arched up.
I gave him a shrug. “You may have noticed I can be slow about these things, but I can’t picture a version of me that could have resisted you at any time. I was heartbroken when you moved.” I leaned into Dean’s shoulder.
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