“Morning, sugar.”
He blinked at me, still half-asleep. “Sugar?”
“Can you think of a better pet name for an addict?”
“I’m not an addict,” he mumbled on a yawn. “Maybe just a little.” He sniffed the air. “Is that coffee?”
“It is, indeed. With lots of sugar, just the way you like it. Unless you’d rather drink it black?” I sat up and reached for the cup to hand it to him.
“Ew, no. Black coffee is poison.” Quickly, he grabbed the coffee from me before I could exchange it for something toxic. “Still not an addict,” he muttered under his breath.
“Fine. I’ll try to come up with a better pet name. How would you like my sweet red velvet cupcake or snuggy-bear?” Both things I’d heard my sister call her boyfriend at one point.
He made a face, and I had the hardest time keeping my own expression neutral. “Sugar is fine.”
“Thought so.” I placed a kiss on the side of his face and caught a whiff of his scent again. He wasn’t made of sugar, but he smelled just as sweet.
“You made pancakes?” he asked, peering at the tray on the bedside table. “How long have you been up?” He glanced at the alarm clock. “It’s not that late.”
“I’m used to getting up very early,” I lied, handing him the tray so he could eat. He started by pouring a generous amount of syrup on his pancakes, of course.
“I could get used to breakfast in bed,” he said. “Are you going to treat me like this every morning or only when I put out?”
“I think I’ll reserve this for special occasions,” I said, chuckling because he managed to look so serious while asking that question.
“Special occasions?” He had to laugh too.
“I don’t know about you, but I think last night was pretty special.”
A faint red colored his cheeks. He couldn’t claim virgin status anymore, but I figured a part of him would always remain innocent. “Was it?” he asked. “I have nothing to compare it to.”
“Did you enjoy it?” I asked. “Because I did. It was amazing.” He needed to know that. He had every reason to be proud of last night’s performance. I’d never expected all that from him.
“I enjoyed it,” he mumbled into his coffee. “We should do that again sometime.”
I had to laugh again and give him a kiss. “Yeah, we definitely should.” I couldn’t wait.
Griff looked tempted too, licking his lips as he looked at me. But then he said, “My mom could be back any second.” He glanced down at the tray, as if the pancakes were being particularly interesting. “Actually I’m probably going to the hospital with her today.”
“To visit your dad?”
“Yeah.” He cut into his pancakes with a little less gusto than before. He was clearly nervous about this, but I wasn’t sure how to help him. “My mom’s practically been begging me,” he said. “And I think, I don’t know. It might be good? I mean, I visited him in the hospital before, but it’s not like it really counts because he wasn’t awake, so if he got into another accident next week, it’ll still feel like I never visited. And…” he stopped himself. “Sorry, I’m rambling again.”
“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind. I think it’s kind of cute, actually.”
He raised an eyebrow at me, the disbelief obvious in his expression.
“I’m not just saying that!” I ruffled his hair. “You’re super cute. Especially when you’re rambling, so don’t apologize for that. It’s just how you process things. You’re nervous about seeing your dad. I get that.” I wasn’t super close with my own parents, but at least we were still on speaking terms and got together for all the big holidays. I couldn’t imagine it being any other way, really. “If I was in your position, I’d be nervous too.”
“Really?”
“Of course.” I kissed his hair. “You’ll be fine, though. Your dad is the one who messed up here. He has no right to judge you.”
“No… I know. I just… want to make up, I guess. I want things to go back to normal. Maybe that’s stupid. I don’t know…”
“It’s not stupid.” But it was very like Griff to wish for peace. I wanted that for him too. There wasn’t a vengeful bone in his body. I was pretty sure he’d never wished for bad things to happen to anyone. It just sucked that they still happened to him. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and hide him away from everyone who wasn’t as innocent as him. “It might not be easy, but maybe it’s doable. I guess you have to go talk to him to see if there’s any chance…”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Would you like me to come with you?”
He looked up at that. Then he shook his head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want to introduce you to both my parents in the hospital. And he would ask all sorts of stupid questions. It would be awkward as hell. It’ll probably be easier if I go by myself.”
“I see. But call me when you’re done, okay? I want to know how it went.”
“I’ll do that.” He leaned up to give me a kiss. “Thank you.”
“Nothing to thank me for. I want you to be happy.”
He showed me a soft smile and leaned his head on my shoulder. “I am.”
I couldn’t help but smile myself, wishing we could stay like this forever.
27
Griffin
My mother and I left for the hospital almost as soon as she got back from the bed & breakfast. I thought I’d be nervous the whole drive, but for the most part, she distracted me. My mom could talk like a waterfall. I figured I got that trait from her, even if I didn’t do it all the time. But maybe she was nervous too. If she really wanted us to be a family again, and I thought she did, she had every reason to be nervous about this meeting.
That wasn’t what she was talking about, though, no, she decided to pry for information about my date instead.
“How did it go last night?” she started innocently enough. But a simple fine wasn’t enough of a response. “No, I mean, did he like the food?”
I grimaced. “Well, he ate it. But he was probably just being polite.” And I wasn’t going to put him through that again. No more last minute cooking lessons from me. From now on, I was going to stick to what I was good at, which was… Well, I was going to figure that out.
“Still, that’s an important trait in a partner,” my mom pointed out. “And it sounds like he really likes you. I’m glad.”
“Me too.” I gave her a small smile. At least she approved of my choice in partner. Not that it would have mattered either way. I wanted to make peace with her, yes, but not enough to give her a say in who I dated. Involuntarily, I tightened my grip on the stirring wheel. It was Dean or nobody else for me, I knew that.
“Did he stay the night?” she asked without warning and I almost drove us into a ditch.
“Mom!”
“What? Can’t I ask?” She laughed, as if she’d inquired about the weather. I could only shake my head at her. “I’m not judging you if you let him stay,” she continued. “He’s damn fine.”
I bit my teeth together, trying to keep the blush from spreading on my face. Nothing I could do about it, though. I blushed too freaking easily. “He left this morning,” I muttered.
“Good, good.” She smiled. “I only hope you used protection.”
I swallowed. “Mom…”
“Just saying! But I know you’re old enough to be responsible.”
I only shook my head again and let her interpret the gesture as annoyance. In reality, though, I wasn’t annoyed. I was terrified. I got the creeping realization, that no, we hadn’t used protection. I hadn’t used protection.
Oh my God.
I’d completely forgotten about it. How had that happened to me? Going back over the last night in my head, I could even pinpoint the exact moment I’d almost thought of it, but then hadn’t, as if part of me had really, really wanted to go without. I swallowed again, knowing exactly what part of me that was.
Maybe I shouldn’t h
ave let my instincts dictate all the action.
Too late for regrets now, though. Now I could only hope that my stupidity hadn’t doomed me. It wasn’t like I never wanted to get pregnant, but I didn’t want to get pregnant now. I wanted to get pregnant some far off point in the future when I was ready to be a full-time adult and parent. For now, I liked being the goofy uncle much better, even if I loved Jake and Livvy like my own. The level of responsibility was just different.
But I’d only had sex one time, and how many people got pregnant their first try? Sure, omegas were super fertile, but it was still a long shot, right? Right?
Don’t panic, Griff. Nothing’s confirmed yet.
And I was going to have to wait at least two weeks before I could take a test. Two freaking weeks! Might as well be forever.
I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the road again. Panicking now wouldn’t help. I probably wasn’t even pregnant.
Right?
My dad was sitting up in his bed when we entered the room.
“Griffin.” His eyes widened when they fell on me. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”
I glanced at my mother, but couldn’t read her face. Apparently she hadn’t told Dad that I was coming. Great. This was already awkward. “I thought I’d drop by to see how you’re doing,” I said while my mom pulled up chairs for both of us.
“That’s… nice of you.” He reached for a glass of water that stood on his bedside table. “It’s been long enough since you’ve shown your face, after all.”
I grimaced. “What did you expect after throwing us out? That I’d be over for Sunday dinner?” This was ridiculous.
“I didn’t throw you out. Your brother decided to leave and you decided to go with him.” My father looked hospital-pale, but his face still had all the same hard lines it had had years ago.
“Eli left because you told him he had to if he wanted to raise Jake.” I’d been there for that conversation. He couldn’t confuse me now.
“He wanted to throw away his future and his reputation to raise a child at nineteen when he didn’t even know who the father was. I did what I could to make him see reason.”
I groaned. How could I have thought that my father’s bullheadedness might have changed over the past years?
“Boys, please,” my mother cut in. “Declan,” she addressed my father. “You told me you were ready to let this go, or I wouldn’t have brought Griffin to see you. Our sons did a very good job living their lives without us, and don’t think they won’t keep doing that if we can’t admit to our mistakes. Is that what you want?”
“No,” my dad grumbled in a low voice.
I looked at my mother, both eyebrows raised. All my life, I’d never heard her talk to my dad like that. A small part of me was also pleased to hear that she thought Eli and I had done a good job as well. But this wasn’t the time to preen.
My mother gestured to one of the chairs and I took a seat.
“You’ve been doing well, huh?” my father addressed me.
“Can’t complain, really.”
“He’s working as a photographer, as I told you,” my mother chimed in, sitting next to me. “He’s also seeing a very handsome alpha.”
“Mom!” My eyes snapped to her. Did she really have to bring that up now? As if this meeting wasn’t awkward enough already!
She patted my shoulder as if brushing off dust. “Dear, dear. You have nothing to be ashamed of now, do you?”
Not exactly, but that didn’t mean I wanted to discuss my love life with my parents. It was bad enough that my mom was living with me while I tried to get closer to Dean.
“He treating you right?” my dad asked in a gruff voice and I just about wanted to die on the spot. My family was progressive, insofar as my parents hadn’t tried to find mates for us, but they’d never made a secret of the fact that they wanted to see us married and taken care of. A good life for an omega, in their eyes.
“We’ve only been seeing each other for a little while.”
“But you’ve known him forever!” my mom interjected. “It’s that boy who used to come over to our house sometimes. Dean Kramer. You remember him, don’t you?”
My dad pondered this for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t recall. But it doesn’t matter, as long as you’re making good choices.”
I grimaced, because who was he to judge whether my choices were good or not? And also because I’d definitely made a poor choice last night, but he didn’t have to know that. Oh God. I hoped neither of them ever needed to know. “I’m doing my best,” I said.
He nodded. “Good. Good.”
“Tell him about your job, Griff!” my mom encouraged me, and I was more than happy to move on to a topic that didn’t concern my relationship with Dean. My parents might not know yet how hard I might have fucked up, but it was constantly on my mind.
I’d thought about calling my brother at the end of my hospital visit, but I didn’t. Instead, I went straight over to his house after dropping our mother off at mine.
“Griff? I didn’t know you were going to come over?” Eli said as he opened the door to me, carrying his daughter in his arms.
“Yeah, I was going to call, but I didn’t want to talk about this on the phone.”
Eli’s brow furrowed in an expression of concern. “Did something happen?”
I shrugged helplessly and looked at my niece, who was staring back at me with her big blue baby eyes. Was I going to have a baby like her soon? That couldn’t be. I couldn’t be a parent yet.
“Griff?”
I shook myself out of my stupor. “I’m not sure we should be talking about this in front of your girl.” How much did they understand at that age? Probably not too much, but I wasn’t going to risk it.
“Okay,” Eli said slowly. “Well, come inside.”
I took my shoes off and followed him inside the living room.
“Matt’s out grocery shopping with Jake,” he told me. “But I assure you Livvy won’t share your secrets with anyone. She won’t even say dada.” He glanced down at his little one. “I’m sure you could, but you don’t want to, do you?”
Livvy babbled something in response that was incoherent, but made her daddy smile anyway.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I was pregnant.
Jesus, what was I thinking?
I sat on the couch with my brother and ran a hand through my hair. “I’m an idiot.”
“I don’t necessarily want to disagree with you there, but tell me what happened first.”
Could I really? I took a deep breath. This was my brother, who had come to me when he’d screwed up—and he’d screwed up twice by now. I could admit one mistake to him. “Dean and I had sex last night,” I started, surprised that I got the words past my lips.
“You did? Awesome!” Eli grinned and patted me on the back. “I knew you could do it.”
“Yeah, well…” I exhaled. “I don’t know what happened, really.”
“Did something go wrong?”
I bit my lower lip. “I don’t know. Something just came over me. I mean, at first I was nervous, as usual, and then… I guess I decided to trust my instincts? And they completely took over. I wasn’t myself.” I shook my head, looking back on it. If I’d been in full control of my brain, I’d never have been so stupid as to forget a condom. I might have acted like I was twelve sometimes, but I wasn’t. I knew better than most people what happened when you got careless in bed.
“I don’t want to say this,” Eli started. “But it sounds like you went into heat.”
“Only teenagers go into heat.” I waved him off.
“That’s why I didn’t want to say it. I was just thinking, maybe… if you never actually had one as a teen… Or never acted on one…”
“You think I delayed it and now it’s come to bite me in the ass?”
“Kinda, yeah. I remember my own and it’s a bit like what you describe. Seriously, how do you think Jake came to be?”
�
�I try not to think about that,” I said, but it made sense, of course. When we were younger I’d always wondered how my brother had screwed up like that. Having sex without protection with his secret lover wasn’t like him. But now it made sense. If he’d felt the way I’d felt last night…
“Feels good, though, doesn’t it?” Eli elbowed my arm with a dirty grin. “Sometimes I wish I could be a teen again, but honestly, when you find the right partner the hormone rush can totally feel like being in heat. Maybe it was just that for you.”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. I’d never gone into heat as a teen, so I had nothing to compare last night’s experience to. “It doesn’t really matter what it was, I guess. Just that I did something really stupid.”
Eli raised an eyebrow at me. “What did you do?”
“Kind of the same thing you did to have Jake?” I tried.
“Oh.” My brother grimaced. “No condom, huh?”
I buried my head in my hands. “It didn’t seem important at the time.”
“Yeah, it never does, does it?” Eli rubbed my back. “Never seems like there’s enough time to put one on. And then nine months later…” He stopped. “I don’t want to scare you. We don’t even know yet whether anything really happened.”
“But what if it did?” I didn’t dare look up. “What if I’m pregnant? What do I do then?”
“We’ll figure that out when we get there,” Eli said. “But you’ll be fine, even if you are. Look at me. I’ve messed up twice and I’m alright.”
“Yeah, but you’re a lot more responsible than me. I’m not really an adult. If I could, I’d sit around in my boxers all day and watch cartoons while eating candy bars.” Sometimes I even did that when I had a day off.
“Don’t talk like that. You’ve helped me so much with Jake. You know a lot more about babies than I did when I first became a parent. You would make a great dad, I know that. My kids love you. Here, hold Livvy.”
A Baby for the Firefighter Page 15