I had to sit up straight when Eli handed his daughter to me. She’d fallen asleep while we were talking and I was careful not to wake the little darling. She was so cute when she was asleep. And when she was awake. Basically, she was always cute.
Not that I was biased or anything.
“You can’t feel sad with a warm and happy baby in your arms, can you?” my brother asked in a low voice.
“No,” I agreed, studying my niece’s sleeping face with her tiny little nose. “I do want to have a baby.” I really did. “Just maybe not so soon.”
“I know, but we’ll figure it out, if you really are pregnant. You might not be.”
“Yeah,” I said, and something was wrong with me because, despite all reason, a part of my heart hoped that I was. I sighed. How was I going to make it two weeks without knowing? I had to come up with lots of good distractions. Starting now. “I went to the hospital today,” I told my brother.
“Did you?” His face didn’t betray his emotion, but his body tensed. “How did it go? Did you get to talk to Dad?”
“Yeah. It was a bit awkward because Mom wanted me to tell him about Dean.”
Eli snorted. “Oh, that’s just like her.”
“Yeah, but something weird happened today too. Mom actually told Dad off when he wanted to lay into me for leaving.”
“Really?” Both of my brother’s eyebrows shot up. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard her criticize him.”
“Right? I was surprised too. Maybe she’s really changed.”
“Yeah… maybe.” A thoughtful look crossed Eli’s face. “I’ve been thinking about inviting her to come see the play.”
“Jake’s play?”
“Yeah. I know she really wants to see the kids, and this way she could see Jake without the two of them actually interacting. I don’t want to introduce Jake to her now and then have her do a 180 when Dad’s released from the hospital, you know?”
I nodded, knowing how protective my brother was of his children. Even inviting our mom to the play would be a huge step for him. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She’s going to love Jake. Everybody does.”
Eli gave me a smile at that. “True. He’s the best, and super pumped about this play.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great.”
“I hope so.”
I returned my brother’s smile. Maybe everything would turn out for the best somehow. Or it wouldn’t, and I was doomed. Anyhow, nothing to do now but wait.
28
Dean
I couldn’t sleep. The whole week after Griff and I had first had sex, I got maybe two to three hours a night at most. Either I couldn’t get my mind to shut off enough to doze, or I was engulfed by flames in my dreams and woke with a racing heart. I didn’t blame Griff for that, of course. No, the hours I spent with him were the only time I felt truly at peace with myself. It was simply impossible for me to beat myself up when I was around him. His laughter had always been infectious. It was one of those little things I loved about him that hadn’t changed since our childhood.
But he wasn’t with me this night. No, I was lying in my bed at my cousin’s house, staring at the ceiling at 2am, willing myself to fall asleep and dream of something nicer than that goddamn accident. I had to get this under control if I wanted to function in my job. Hell, I had to get this under control if I wanted to be an alpha worth dating. Worth marrying, perhaps, someday. But I was getting ahead of myself, and I wasn’t going to fall asleep.
With a sigh, I decided to get up and grab a glass of water.
When I went down the stairs, I saw that the light was on in the living room. I figured maybe Shane had forgotten to switch it off when he went to bed, but as I stepped into the room to do it myself, I spotted my cousin sitting on the couch with a glass of something that looked like liquor in his hand.
What was he doing up and drinking in the middle of the night? We both had work in the morning.
“Shane?”
My cousin startled a bit when he heard me speak. “Oh, it’s just you,” he said, looking at me.
“What are you doing down here?”
He shrugged, and I noticed the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table beside him. It looked like he’d already consumed a considerable amount of it too.
I sat with him. “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said, half-heartedly. “Couldn’t sleep.” Well, that made two of us, but I hadn’t been aware that anything was troubling Shane. Anything beyond the usual, anyway. And it didn’t seem like he wanted to share. It was a stupid alpha trait really, never wanting to share your worries. Not that I was one to talk.
I grabbed the glass from him. “You realized that we have work tomorrow, right?” I asked because I knew the seniors meant a lot to Shane, simply because they had meant a lot to Ron.
“I know that.” He snatched the glass back from me. “Do you, though?”
“What do you mean?”
“I know you haven’t been sleeping, man, look at those bags under your eyes. You can’t judge me.”
I scratched the back of my head. Was it that obvious? Come to think of it, Griff had asked whether anything was bothering me too, but how could I tell him that I felt like I was suffocating on smoke every time I tried to sleep?
How was I even going to start talking about that?
I had no idea. Once or twice now I’d caught Griff looking at me with such open admiration that it felt impossible to let him down now.
“I just have a lot on my mind,” I told Shane.
The way he looked at me told me he didn’t believe me, but he wasn’t going to get anything more.
“This isn’t like you,” I said, gesturing at the bottle of whiskey.
He shrugged. “I have a lot on my mind too.”
I grimaced. He obviously wasn’t going to share if I wasn’t. “I’m having a hard time going back to my old job,” I said, putting it as harmlessly as possible.
“Really?” he looked up at me. “You’ve only been once or twice. Did anything happen?”
“No, nothing special.” Not yet, anyway. I shuddered to think of the first time there would actually be a fire in town. “It just still brings back memories of the accident,” I said.
Shane let himself sink back into the couch and stared at the ceiling. “You know that wasn’t your fault, right?” He snorted as if he’d had some funny thought, and I guessed the alcohol was taking effect. “I always knew you were gonna go back to being a firefighter someday, but I still hate it.”
“You hate it?” That was news to me.
“I hate that I have to find a replacement for you.”
Ah. Now we were getting closer to the heart of the issue. “I’m not going to leave you hanging, I told you that.”
“Yeah, you’re a part time firefighter now.” He laughed as if the idea was ridiculous. “You’re going to want to go full time sooner rather than later. I know you. You don’t fuck around like that.” He took a sip of the whiskey. “So I’m starting to look for someone to help me so you can move on. You’ve helped me a lot, Dean. I’m not gonna keep relying on you forever, man.”
While that was a nice sentiment, I really didn’t want to go full time in the near future. But Shane wasn’t going to believe that unless I told him a lot more than I was comfortable sharing.
“You’ve already started looking?” I asked, because I’d had no idea.
“Had a few interviews today, in fact.” He set the glass down on the coffee table.
“Is that why you’re drinking?” Did it go that badly?
He laughed again, although there wasn’t a hint of amusement to be found in his voice. “Kinda,” he admitted. “They’re all awful. I don’t want to work with any of them.” He sighed, and I got the feeling that something heavy was weighing on his mind. Something that went beyond the simple prospect of awful coworkers.
“What was wrong with them?” I asked.
/> He licked his lips. “They’re all… I don’t know. They’re not… They’re all omegas, of course, but they’re not…”
“They’re not Ron?” I asked. And by the silence that followed my words, I assumed that I’d guessed correctly. Offering private senior care had been Ron’s brainchild, first and foremost. I could see why Shane felt uneasy at the idea of replacing him. When I’d come here, I’d jumped in without asking and he’d mostly been to numb back then to protest. And my stay here was always supposed to be temporary.
“I don’t want to do this without him,” Shane admitted. “I thought I could, but… It just doesn’t feel right.”
I nodded. “Have you thought about selling?”
He shook his head. “I know I could, but that doesn’t feel right either. He would never have sold.”
“Perhaps not,” I agreed, “but he would have wanted you to be happy. There’s no point in holding on to a job that makes you miserable.”
“I guess.” He took a deep breath and exhaled, running his hands through his ginger hair. “You make it sound simple, but it’s really not.”
“I just think that selling is an option you need to consider. Find a job that makes you happy.”
He gave me a grim smile. “This job used to make me happy.”
I wasn’t sure what to tell him. Things change? That sounded so crude. “I know,” I said instead. “Maybe it’s just time to move on.”
“The way you’re moving on from your job?” he shot back.
Touché. “We’re not talking about me.”
“Maybe we should be.”
I scoffed. “No way. I’m way too sober to get into that.” Joining him, I let myself sink back into the leather of the couch as well. Maybe I did need to talk to someone, but if so, it should be Griff. Lately though, whenever I went by his place, his mom hovered around us. As much as I wanted Griff to reconnect with his parents, the fact that his mother was always around was really inconvenient. It had been a week, and we hadn’t had a chance to get intimate again after that first time—which was a shame really. I couldn’t wait to have Griff to myself again, find out more about his body, what made him gasp, what made him moan…
“What are you thinking about?” Shane asked, as if cluing in to the way my thoughts went off track.
“I think we need to get out.”
“Out?”
“Yeah.” I hadn’t really thought about it before speaking, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that I was on to something. “We need to break the routine.” It might just help us get a fresh perspective, and we could sure use a few hours of fun.
Shane regarded me curiously. “What do you have in mind?”
I stared up at the ceiling. What did I have in mind? What could you do for fun in Oceanport? The town had a small movie theater, but aside from that, there wasn’t much. As a teen, I’d spent a lot of time either hanging around the harbor or hiking in the woods. The weather had been good lately, so maybe… “How do you feel about camping?”
“Camping?” Shane looked at me as if I had gone insane.
“Yeah, you know, sleeping in tents, roasting marshmallows over a fire… the works.”
“You’re serious?” Shane paused. “I should have a tent in the attic. Maybe even two. Haven’t used them in forever, though.” His expression turned thoughtful. “We should take Conner, and I’m sure my mom would be delighted to have Mary for the weekend.”
I grinned. “Two tents are perfect. You can share with Conner, and I’ll take the other one.”
Shane snorted and boxed my arm. “You and who else?”
“Do you even need to ask?”
“Don’t do anything inappropriate with my boy around.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” But maybe sharing a tent with Griff I could finally sleep through a night. And maybe we could stay a night longer than Shane and Conner, to do all the things we couldn’t with Griff’s mother around.
29
Griffin
Dean looked like shit when he surprised me with a visit Thursday afternoon, when I’d been just about to run to the drug store. Not that he knew anything about my needs for a pregnancy test. Yeah, he’d been there when we had unprotected sex, but we’d never discussed it after. And honestly, he always seemed so exhausted lately that I never wanted to bring it up. He had such deep lines under his eyes that he couldn’t be getting much sleep. But whenever I asked, he pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about.
“Am I interrupting anything?” he asked, after I’d opened the door and given him a quick kiss.
I tilted my head and shot him a questioning look.
“You’ve got your wallet in your hand,” he pointed out. “Looks like you were going somewhere.”
“Oh, uh…” I glanced at the offending item in my hand. “No, I was just about to… order pizza?” Ugh, why did I make that sound like a question? I was such a horrible liar. This was the reason why, every year, Jake pestered me about what he was getting for Christmas—and why Eli had stopped telling me.
“You don’t sound too sure about that.” He smiled. “Maybe I should take you out for dinner.”
“Nah.” I took his arm and dragged him inside the house with me. “We can order in. My mom’s napping.” I waggled my eyebrows to entice him into staying. The way he looked he had no business taking part in any activities that didn’t mainly consist of sleeping or snuggling. At least he didn’t argue. “What kind of pizza do you want? I was thinking Hawaiian.”
That seemed to amuse him. “Figured you’d go for the sweet option.”
I stuck my tongue out at him. He kissed me, and I forgot why I was pretending to be mad at him. God, there was nothing better in the world than kissing him. The way his lips felt on mine almost distracted me from the outstanding pregnancy test. Almost. I sighed as we broke.
“I think I’ll go for Hawaiian as well,” he said.
“Oh, really?”
He shrugged, eyes twinkling. “Let’s just say I got a craving for something sweet.”
“Oh, you.” I shot him a look, and picked the phone up to order food. Not that easy, really, with a hot alpha kissing my neck while I tried to have a conversation. I choked on my words when he nibbled on my ear lobe and let out a not so subtle gasp.
“What was that, sir?” the pizza guy asked me on the other end of the line.
I blushed and tried to come up with something intelligent to say because Oceanport had only one pizza delivery service and I couldn’t even contemplate the tragedy of having to avoid them in the future. “N-nothing,” I stuttered when Dean sneaked his hand underneath my shirt. I should have pushed him away while I was on the phone, but damn. Never having pizza again sounded more acceptable than breaking from Dean’s touch just then.
We really didn’t have enough time to ourselves!
“Is everything alright over there?”
“Yes, everything’s fine!” I got out in one breath. “We’ll have an extra-large Hawaiian pizza.” Behind me, Dean chuckled. Asshole. Not that I could really stay mad at him when his fingers trailed up my chest, raising goose bumps in their wake until they found one of my nipples.
“Your address, sir?”
My… what? Oh, I was still on the phone.
Fortunately, Dean took it from me and completed the order in a few short sentences. Then he laid the phone aside and dragged me onto the couch with him.
“Couldn’t wait for dinner, could you?” I asked in between kisses. His hardness pressed into my thigh and made it difficult for me to focus, but I still wanted to tease him.
“Nope.” He grinned against my lips. “Needed to satisfy my craving now. What can I say? You're hard to resist.”
“I see.” And that was all the patience I had for talking, because he was equally as hard to resist. A small part of me still remembered being scared, but I could push that aside more easily now. Dean was never going to hurt me. With him, I could let myself be the omega I was born to be.
Without shame and without any genuine fear.
But, apparently, not without parental interference.
The sound of footsteps in the hall registered in my brain only seconds before I spotted my mom standing in the door way of the living room, looking at me as I lay on the couch with Dean draped all over me.
Shit.
My mom knew that we were dating of course, but her seeing us act like animals was still embarrassing as hell.
“Dean!” I hissed, because he hadn’t seen her yet. He shot me a questioning look as I shoved him off me, but then his eyes grew wide as they fell on my mother.
“Oh,” he mouthed.
I forced a smile. “I didn’t know you were up,” I said, facing my mother, because I really didn’t know what else to say, cheeks burning up.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you…” She said on a laugh. “Don’t mind me, boys.” She left the room again.
Clearing my throat, I looked at Dean. “Uh, sorry about that. I really thought she was out.” And honestly, while Dean was on top of me, I forgot about her existence altogether.
Dean shook his head. “It’s fine.” He sat on the couch beside me. “But this reminds me what I came here to talk to you about.”
“What’s that?” My mother’s sudden arrival had quenched my arousal, and slowly, my ability to think returned. “Was there something you wanted? I mean, aside from the obvious.”
“I’m hoping it’ll lead to the obvious,” he admitted.
“Oh? You have my full attention.”
He grabbed my hand and ran his thumb across my fingers, making some of my blood flow south again. He definitely had my attention.
“Shane and I were talking, and we were thinking it might be fun to go camping.”
“Camping?”
“Yeah, out in the woods. He and Conner would be coming, but we’d have our own tent, and we could stay a night longer. Think about it. Just you and me, and nothing but the wilderness. No one to run into us…” Dean gazed at me intently, painting all sorts of pictures in my mind of what we would be doing in that tent.
A Baby for the Firefighter Page 16