“I like that idea.” I liked it a lot.
“Great.” He gave me a smile, and a kiss. “Then it’s settled. How do you feel about going this weekend?”
“This weekend is great.” I swallowed, wondering if I might have any news to share with him by then.
The next day, I texted my brother to come by and bring a pregnancy test. I didn’t like the thought of Dean running into me again on the way to the drugstore—or, hell, at the drugstore—and I’d bought his last time he got himself knocked up, so he owed me.
Like the great big brother he was, he obliged, showing up at my door just an hour after I’d first texted him. Thank God our mother was at the hospital with our dad. It seemed he was going to be released soon, and they had to discuss what they were going to do about their living situation then.
But I couldn’t think about all that now.
My pregnancy test came in a brown paper bag, which Eli held out to me without comment.
I accepted it grimacing. This was it. The time had come to find out whether I was going to be a dad or not. I took a deep breath, contemplating that.
“What are we hoping for?” Eli asked.
I had to laugh, because that was the exact same thing I’d asked him the last time he’d taken a test. He hadn’t been able to give me an answer, and now I understood why. This was so complicated. Ups and downs to every possible outcome.
“I get it,” he said, laying a hand on my shoulder when I didn’t respond. “I’ll wait in the living room until you’re done.”
I nodded, willing my hand to stop shaking. There was too much nervous energy cursing through my body.
Just get it over with, I told myself, and then I made my way to the bathroom to find out what the future held for me.
For a second or two, I wondered whether I should have told Dean that I was taking a pregnancy test, whether it would have been nice to have him here with me for this, but I didn’t want to excite or worry him unnecessarily, and I had Eli. I was alright. I just had to go through with this.
Deciding to rip the proverbial Band-Aid off, I closed the bathroom door behind me, got the test out of its packaging and went to business.
It said that I had to wait for two minutes.
Impossibly long.
Instead of standing around and waiting, I pulled my pants up, washed my hands, grabbed the test stick and took it into the living room with me.
“All done?” Eli asked. He sat on the couch and looked up as I came in.
“Kind of.” I shook the stick in my hand. “I don’t have the result yet.” Although, if I looked now, I’d probably know.
Eli stood. “Want me to tell you?”
Wordlessly, I held the stick out to him.
He took it and looked. He smiled, but I didn’t know what that meant.
“So?” I made myself ask.
His smile grew wider, as if he just couldn’t help himself. And then he said the words that sealed my fate. “Looks like it’s my turn to become an uncle.”
My mind blanked. There was a little life growing inside of me. I was going to have a baby. I was actually going to have a baby. A baby for my firefighter!
I nearly giggled, I couldn’t help myself. The part of my heart that had wished for this felt like it was going to flow over with joy. I hugged my brother.
“Congratulations!” he said.
“Thank you!” I responded, trying not to sniffle. Even though I was happy, it was a huge thing to process.
And I had no idea how Dean was going to react to this news. I was going to find out soon, though. This weekend, during the camping trip. I would tell him then.
30
Griffin
When we set out for the camping trip, part of me was excited, and part of me was scared. I had such big news to share with Dean over the weekend, and no idea how he was going to take it. I could only hope for the best. Things started out well enough. Sunny weather had been forecast for the whole weekend and as we set out into the forest, the sky above us was a cloudless blue. The mountain air mixed with the smell of the sea carried to us by a summer breeze, and nothing at all indicated that this wasn’t going to be a super fun weekend.
Even if Conner didn’t look super enthusiastic. His backpack seemed heavy, and I wondered whether he’d stacked it full of books.
But I’d brought a secret weapon to distract him; I’d brought Jake, who was already trying his best to lighten the mood.
“What do you have in there?” he asked, curiosity lighting up his features.
“Books,” Conner mumbled, confirming my suspicions.
“Cool. Do you have any comic books?”
“Uh… no.” Conner shook his head and pressed his lips together as if slightly embarrassed.
“You need to read some! They’re really cool. I’ll lend you my newest. It’s about people with all sorts of superpowers.” Jake grinned and spread his arms wide. “What would you pick if you could have a superpower?”
“I don’t know…”
“Maybe you should pick being able to breathe underwater. Then you wouldn’t have to learn how to swim!” Jake laughed.
Watching him and Conner chat reminded me of when Dean and I had been their age, bantering and teasing each other about silly things. The memory made me smile.
“You look like you’re in a good mood,” Dean commented.
“I am!” I said, grinning. “Remember that camping trip the school sent us on that one time? I was thinking about that.”
“Was that the one where Dean was caught skinny-dipping?” Shane chimed in.
“Oh, that wasn’t me, cousin.” Dean patted him on the back. “That was you.”
“Oh, right!” Shane grinned. “Good times!”
I shook my head at the two.
“What’s skinny-dipping?” Jake asked.
“Something you won’t be doing,” I replied. “You promised your daddy you were going to behave.”
Jake tilted his head and feigned innocence. “How do I keep from doing it if I don’t know what it is?”
Clever little—
“Skinny-dipping is swimming naked in a lake,” Conner said, surprising me. How did he know that? I glanced at Shane, who just held his hands up and shrugged as if to say he was wondering the same thing.
“I read it in a book,” Conner clarified when he noticed our confusion.
“Totally naked?” Jake asked before any of us adults could ask what books Conner was reading.
Conner blushed a little, and I decided to save him from answering by quickly changing the topic.
“That spot up ahead looks like a good place to set up tent, doesn’t it?” We’d reached the small valley we were heading for. I’d discovered it on a photo-taking trip recently, and it was perfect for our purposes.
“Looks great,” Dean agreed.
I smiled at him and set my backpack on the ground. “Ooof. That was heavy.”
Dean raised an eyebrow at me. He’d offered to carry my stuff earlier, but I’d declined. He and Shane were carrying the tents and our sleeping bags, and that was enough. “What did you bring?” he asked.
“Oh, only my most essential equipment.” I grinned. Just because it was the weekend didn’t mean I couldn’t sneak some work in. Who knew what great shots I might be able to take at this outing! A few of nature, and a few candid shots of my travel mates. My fingers itched to take a few good pictures of Dean. Maybe in the light of the setting sun with the red and gold mountain sky in the background…
“Why are you smiling like that?” he asked.
“No reason! C’mon, let’s set up the tents.”
When the day was nearing its end, the alphas started to set up a campfire so we could roast some marshmallows. No camping trip was complete without roasted marshmallows, after all. Shane and Dean were doing the bulk of the work, but Jake, and eventually even Conner, had enthusiastically helped gathering firewood.
I took the opportunity to pick up my camera. It was stil
l light enough to get a few shots, and I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather photograph than my alpha building a fire. All my caveman instincts adored the image in front of me, and since I’d decided not to argue with my instincts anymore, I might as well indulge them, right?
“Are you taking pictures?” Dean asked when he noticed me with the camera.
“No better motive than an alpha who knows how to handle a fire.” I grinned, but Dean’s face fell. The expression lasted only a fraction of a second, but I noticed. I had no idea what caused it, though. Had I said something wrong?
“Don’t you wanna help?” Shane asked, distracting me.
“Nah, you got it.” I fiddled with my focus and looked at the alphas through the camera, waiting for that perfect moment to click the shutter.
Dean got some sparks going and I pressed my finger down.
Click.
“This is so cool!” Jake nearly shouted, watching Dean in awe.
I grinned. Coming here had been such a great idea. I was having so much fun.
Smoke started rising from the wood, and I took another picture of Dean.
I was so focused on watching his every move and all the fine details of his face that I immediately noticed when a shadow fell over his features. I hadn’t imagined it earlier; something wasn’t right. He was staring at our little campfire as if it had just burned his grandmother on her birthday.
What was up with that?
I put the camera down and approached him. “Dean?”
His eyes snapped to me. He was pale, his body stiff, as if it was taking all his willpower not to shake. No one but me was looking at him, though, and I didn’t want them to, either. I had the feeling he wouldn’t want to be in the spotlight right now, so I took his arm and gently led him away from the fire and toward the woods.
“Where are you going?” Shane called after us.
“We’ll be back in a minute.” I forced a laugh. Let Shane think I was up to something naughty. At least that didn’t invite questions.
Shane groaned. “Really? Don’t take too long!”
“Right!” This wouldn’t take long, would it? I just needed to know what was going through my boyfriend’s head. He kept saying that everything was fine, but I wasn’t buying it. I’d never believed it, and I wasn’t going to keep pretending that I did. It was obvious now that something big was bothering him, and we needed to talk about that. We couldn’t have any monumental secrets between us when we were about to have a child together.
Oh God, we’re going to have a child together.
I hadn’t told him that yet, but I was going to. Tomorrow when we were alone. I took a deep breath.
Focus on the here and now.
Here and now, my alpha needed me. He’d relaxed a bit since we’d left the others, but he was still pale. I could see that even in the low evening light. I touched the side of his face to make him look at me, loving the feel of his stubble underneath my fingertips. “What’s wrong?” I asked, not willing to give him a chance to pretend like nothing was.
He swallowed and licked his lips. “It’s…”
“Don’t say that it’s nothing,” I warned. “I’m not stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid. It’s just…” He took a deep breath. “Difficult to say.”
I gave him a sympathetic smile. “I promise I won’t tell? Pinky swear?”
That got a little laugh out of him, even if it was short-lived. “I’m not worried that you might tell.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m worried what you’re going to think of me.”
I creased my forehead. How could he worry what I was going to think of him? Didn’t he know that I loved him? He was the only one I’d ever dated. The only one who’d ever broken through my barriers. He was the one. Whatever he was about to tell me wasn’t going to change that. “You don’t need to worry about that,” I told him, kissing the corner of his lips. “You’re my boyfriend and my best friend. I love you. Who could you tell if not me?”
He exhaled. “I don’t want you to see me as weak.”
I stroked a hand through his hair and kissed the tip of his noise, breathing in his alpha scent. “I could never see you as weak, but I don’t think anyone can be strong all the time. You know, my brother and I had to rely on one another all the time. Those first few years weren’t easy, but we made it through, because we had each other. I know I can rely on you like that too, and I want you to be able to rely on me as well.”
Screw alpha and omega roles. I could be there for my man. I wanted to be. Wasn’t that kind of the omega’s job, anyway? To pick up the pieces when the alpha crashed?
I could do that.
“Okay,” Dean said eventually, kissing my forehead. “I guess I need to tell you what this is all about.” He rubbed his face.
“Go on.” I took his hands in mine to show support.
“You remember why I came to Oceanport?”
“Because your cousin needed help.” It had impressed me a bit, how he’d left everything behind to help Shane out.
He grimaced. “That’s not the full truth.”
“No?” Had something happened to him before coming here?
He licked his lips again. “There was a fire before I left. A bad one.” He shook his head. “The house belonged to an old lady.” There was so much pain in his voice that I wanted to hug him, but it was probably better if I let him finish his story first.
“What happened?” I asked to prod him along.
“I tried to get her out. I could see her, but before I could get to her, the floor gave way beneath my feet. I broke in and I was trapped by rubble.” He took another deep breath, and I squeezed his hands. I couldn’t even imagine going through all that. It must have been horrible, being trapped like that. I got the feeling, though, that for Dean, not being able to save that old lady had been the worst part.
“A colleague got me out eventually,” he continued. “My injuries weren’t too bad, but I still asked for a break from work when I was released from the hospital.” He let out a breath, shaking his head. “I can’t get the memory of her out of my head.”
Of course he couldn’t. If Dean thought he was the reason this woman had died before her time, it would haunt him forever. No wonder the campfire had made him look like that, if this was the memory it called up.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” I said, letting go of his hands just so I could circle my arms around his back and rest my forehead on his chest, tucked under his chin, burrowing close. “You can’t blame yourself, though. I’m sure you did everything you could. I’m proud of you, no matter what. It takes a lot of courage to run into a burning building.”
Dean chuckled softly. “I don’t know about that. One time when we were called to a house fire, we had to stop a frat guy from running in to save a case of beer.”
I had to suppress a laugh at the image. “Okay,” I said. “It takes a sane person a lot of courage to run into a fire.”
“I know.” Dean sighed. “I just always feel like there’s something more I should have done.”
“I understand,” I reassured him, feeling him embrace me. “But it’s not true.”
“How can you know that?”
I looked up at him. “Because I know you.” From the time we were young, my friend had always looked out for everyone. If there was anything he could have done, he would have done it. He just cared that much. Of course, it was that same caring that was eating him up inside now. “Is this why you haven’t been sleeping?”
He sighed. “Yeah,” he finally admitted.
“Because you took that job at the fire department?” That was when this had started, wasn’t it?
“Kind of?”
He really didn’t like to talk about this, did he? “Maybe you need to put that job on hold for a while.”
He shook his head. “I’ve already let enough time pass. Going on a break didn’t help, so I figured I’d take it head-on.”
“But that’s not wo
rking so well either, is it?”
“I guess not.”
I could tell that it was not easy for him to share this with me, but I loved that he did anyway. “Maybe it’s time for a career change,” I suggested. Hadn’t he saved enough people? I would sleep easier too, if I knew he never had to enter another burning building.
“I can’t just stop being a firefighter,” he said. “It’s who I am. I don’t know what else I would even do.”
“Open a bakery?”
He laughed, as if I’d meant it as a joke. I hadn’t, but for the time being, I was just glad to hear him laugh. “And bake for someone other than you? Wouldn’t you feel betrayed?”
“You bake for the seniors all the time, and I cope,” I reminded him.
“I guess you’re just awesome like that.” He kissed the top of my head.
“I guess I am.” I grinned. “Are you ready to go back to the others? Should we just hide in our tent instead?” Absentmindedly, I played with the hem of his shirt. I couldn’t wait to be in a tent with him to show him just how much I loved him still—and always.
“I think I can manage the fire if I can hold on to you.”
I leaned up to kiss him. “You can hold on to me any time.”
“I’ll take you up on that promise,” he said, tightening his hold on me for a moment before letting go so we could walk back to the fire.
When we got there, Shane had already gotten the marshmallow roasting started with Jake and Conner. “Took you two long enough!” he greeted us.
I gave him a sheepish smile. “We had important things to discuss,” I said, knowing he wouldn’t believe me anyway.
“Yeah right.” He turned back to the fire.
I exhaled quietly and grabbed one of the twigs we’d prepared earlier, speared some marshmallows on it and started to roast them. Dean put his arms around my waist from behind. I leaned back into him, hoping my presence could chase the demons from his mind just for a little while.
A Baby for the Firefighter Page 17