by J. S. Scott
He stood and grasped my hand. “Let me show you to your room. Don’t argue with me. You’ll stay here where I know you’re fucking safe.”
My desire to disagree was slowly fading. I was so dazed and fatigued that my spirit had very little fight left, and I knew I wouldn’t sleep a wink if I was home alone.
I barely glanced at the beautiful living room we passed as he led me to an elevator to access the top floor.
“You have an elevator in your house?”
He shrugged. “Comes in handy when a lot of things need to go upstairs.” He hesitated before adding drily, “I think I’ve grown rather fond of elevators since I met you.”
I smiled weakly back at him, remembering the times we’d met in an elevator. I had to admit that it seemed pretty normal to be riding up in an elevator with Sebastian’s scent driving me insane in the small, enclosed space.
I knew I was going to cave in and stay here, at least for tonight. I was weary and wrung out like a limp dishrag. Emotional overload had set in, and I wanted to be someplace safe to sleep it off. “Thank you,” I uttered quietly, more grateful for his unexpected kindness than I could express.
As we exited the lift, he asked, “For what? For keeping a promise?”
“For being you,” I answered honestly.
Sebastian was a conundrum I hadn’t quite figured out, but he’d been so concerned and empathetic. And I was almost a stranger to him. He didn’t need to accept the responsibility of protecting me after my encounter with Justin, but he seemed to take the job on his broad shoulders without a second thought.
A soft light flicked on remotely as we passed through the entry, and it revealed one of the most beautiful rooms I’d ever seen. Just the bedroom was as big as my apartment, and judging by the door on the other side of the large space, I assumed it had a connected bathroom. Decorated in an elegant coastal theme with soft blues and greens, it wasn’t the kind of room decorated to intimidate or impress.
It was a space to relax.
“It’s gorgeous,” I said in a soft, breathy voice, still trying to take in my surroundings.
“Rest. Chill out. There’s clothing in the closet. I’m not sure what’s there, but help yourself. I’m going to go take a shower.”
Before I could thank him again, Sebastian was gone. I heard the sound of a door closing just a short way down the hall, so I was fairly certain his room was probably next door.
My bare feet sunk into the luxurious carpet as I walked toward the closet, finding that it held more than a few articles of women’s clothing. Most of the attire was casual: jeans, T-shirts, sweaters, and flannel shirts. I finally found a simple cotton nightgown, and I pulled it from the hanger, feeling guilty that I was borrowing someone else’s clothing.
Before my regret actually set in, I noticed that the garment still had tags on it.
It’s brand new.
I wondered if it belonged to an old girlfriend who’d never had a chance to wear it, but as I went to close the closet door, I noticed that many of the items still had tags.
“I hope whoever owns them doesn’t get pissed off,” I mumbled to myself, so eager to get out of the dress I was wearing that I headed toward the bathroom.
While I anticipated a hot shower, and getting out of a gown that was still a little damp along the hem, limp and cold, I was seized by a sense of anxiousness I hadn’t felt in a long time.
The en suite bathroom was just as gorgeous as the bedroom. I looked longingly at the bathtub and sighed, wishing I could sink into that much hot water and try desperately to warm my soul again.
I was emotionally exhausted, scared, and feeling the old sense of shame and helplessness that I’d experienced right after Justin’s rape. For years, I’d buried it, tried to focus only on my future.
Tonight, that technique just wasn’t working.
I’d gone to counseling, but my old ghosts had come back to haunt me, and I hated feeling vulnerable.
I stripped off the lovely gown, mourning the fact that it was most likely beyond repair. After taking off my panties, I washed them by hand and hung them on one of the many hooks around the room.
The shower was hot, but it never did warm the cold, empty places inside me that I now seemed to notice still existed.
The bathroom had everything, and every item was new. I unwrapped a hair brush and started running it through my freshly-washed hair and donned the nightgown, looking at my reflection in the mirror.
My eyes looked…haunted, which was exactly how I felt. I hated Justin for coming in and turning my life upside down all over again. He’d turned me into a frightened rabbit, and I resented that.
Worse, Sebastian had been there to watch me crumble. I loathed Justin for that, too. Granted, Sebastian had been supportive, and I’d be forever grateful, but no professional woman wanted to lose it in front of one of the owners of her new employer.
“Bastard!” I said fiercely as I remembered the smug expression on Justin’s face tonight, using more force on my hair than was necessary to get it brushed out.
“Talking about me again?” Sebastian said from the doorway.
His voice startled me, and my body visibly jerked as I turned my head to see him leaning against the doorjamb, looking just as confident in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt as he had in a tuxedo.
His hair looked darker because it was still wet, and his lips were turned up in a teasing smile.
“Not you,” I admitted as I yanked the brush through my hair again and faced back toward the mirror.
Looking at Sebastian was dangerous. I wanted to dive into his passionate nature and see what it was like to truly be bold.
In business, I was confident.
Personally, I was basically a recluse.
Yeah, I made the excuse that I was busy with my career. But I was actually a coward, afraid to experience life the way Sebastian had. I’d never traveled, and I’d never been free enough to do anything spontaneously. Not that I wanted to go from party to party. But I’d like to know what it was like to have some kind of fun in my life. It had been so long, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done anything without careful planning, except for the gala I’d agreed to attend with Sebastian tonight. And that spontaneous decision had turned out badly. Very badly.
He moved behind me and snatched the brush from my hair. “You’ll pull every lock of that beautiful hair out of your head,” he said in his lazy drawl. “What’s wrong?”
Sebastian brushed my hair out carefully and gently, waiting for me to answer.
“Other than the fact that I can’t seem to pull myself together, I don’t know.” I didn’t admit weakness to anyone except Kenzie. But I was tired of lying to myself.
I wasn’t always strong.
I wasn’t always brave.
I was human.
I had basic needs that I’d pretty much ignored since I’d been violated by one of the most vile, narcissistic pricks I’d ever encountered. Yeah, I’d put on a great façade, an act that only Kenzie had ever been able to look through to see the real me.
Sebastian stood behind me and gently finished brushing my hair, seeming to actually relish the task. “You don’t always need to be together,” he observed gently.
“I do,” I replied emphatically.
“What’s going to happen if you don’t? The world won’t end if you take some time to recover.”
“It’s been years since the incident happened,” I argued. “I should be over it by now.”
Our eyes met in the mirror, and once again, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of connection with him. His hazel gaze actually calmed me.
“Sweetheart, some things you never quite get over. You just learn to move on and deal with the emotions when they come up,” he drawled.
“I didn’t think I’d ever feel like that again,” I revealed shakily.
I had moved on, but maybe I’d never quite gotten over the unfairness of the situation. Justin had gotten away with violating me, and when I saw his face tonight, every emotion I thought I’d never feel again rose to the surface: anger, fear, regret, vulnerability, and a paralyzing helplessness, all of them stripping away the sense of safety I’d worked so hard to gain.
“You have the right to feel angry and afraid,” Sebastian answered as he put the brush down and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. “Don’t keep trying to hide it, or those feelings will eventually eat you up inside.”
I let my head fall back on his shoulder, grateful for his muscular, strong body and the way he seemed to sense what I was thinking.
He knew how I felt. His every soothing word eerily confirmed that for me. “Did you let your emotions eat you alive?” I asked curiously.
“Plenty of times,” he admitted readily. “But there comes a time when you just face them and quit running away.”
Is that what I’d been doing all these years? Had I been avoiding getting back into real life again by insulating myself with school and business? “When did you know it was time?”
He dropped a tender kiss on my cheek. “I suppose it’s different for everybody. But I knew when I saw my brothers again and realized they were doing something with their lives. Hell, even after everything Dane had been through, he was creating art and making a name for himself. It made me realize how useless to society I really was, how far removed I’d become from anybody who might give a shit about me. I think I wanted to drive them away.”
I thought about that for a moment before I asked, “Why?”
“Because I’d never found my own strength. I didn’t actually believe I had any. When you numb yourself with booze and getting high, you don’t have to really do any self-reflection. You just…float.”
“Am I hiding?”
“I’d bet my life on it,” Sebastian answered immediately. “I see it in you because I know that escape so well myself.”
His voice was husky and rough, and I knew he was sharing a part of himself that he rarely revealed to anyone.
I wanted to be just as honest.
Turning around, I put my arms around his neck and tilted my head back to see his face. His expression was raw, his eyes exposing his every emotion to me. My heart skittered because I knew opening his tormented past wasn’t easy. He was doing it for me, so I would understand he’d been where I was right now. I suddenly wished I could have been there for him when he’d struggled with his life-changing events.
Words flowed from my lips in response to the way he’d made himself vulnerable. “I used to be idealistic. Corporate law wasn’t my first choice. But I thought it would make me more powerful, so I focused on whatever gave me strength. When I was an undergrad, I thought that I’d meet the right guy, and I never gave up hope—even though most of my friends already had a steady boyfriend by the end of my Bachelor’s program.” I sighed tremulously and drew another quick breath just to get everything out there. “My mom used to say I’d just know when the right man came along. I’d never felt that way with anybody before Justin raped me.”
“Yeah, Trace told me the same thing about meeting the right person.” Sebastian’s expression turned suddenly grim. “What are you trying to say, Paige? Please don’t tell me that—”
“Yes!” I exploded as I interrupted him. “I want to tell you. I was a virgin when Justin raped me.”
CHAPTER 12
Sebastian
I’ll kill that motherfucking bastard!
I’d known what Paige was going to say before the words painfully left her mouth, and a fury like I’d never felt before consumed me. Maybe I was just used to being stoned or drunk, so I’d never had particularly violent reactions to anything. But I knew it was more than that.
Thinking about Paige being innocent and completely unable to protect herself while some demented prick played with her made me completely insane.
I was trying to stay stable for Paige, but my own volatile emotions were roiling right beneath the surface.
Murderous.
Fucking.
Wrath.
All I really wanted was to see Justin Talmage suffer. But his rich daddy had fucking protected him. The spineless puke had preyed on someone without his family’s power, a woman who had still dreamed of meeting a man she loved.
Not only had that bastard raped her body, but he’d stripped her of her innocence in more ways than one.
Christ! Had I once been a spoiled, rich bastard like he was? I immediately discounted that errant, angry thought. I might have been a guy who was drifting, but I sure as hell had never drugged and fucked an unwilling female. I’d gotten laid plenty, but it was completely consensual.
I looked down at Paige, a woman who’d been completely destroyed by what Talmage had done to her, but who had also gotten back up to keep fighting for her life. And dammit…she was successful, despite her internal torment. One look at her grades at Harvard and the fact that she’d also had to support herself while making those perfect grades made me feel like a damn slacker.
Finally, I swallowed my intense reaction and asked, “Did you need medical treatment?”
Oh, Jesus. Please say no!
“It hurt so badly that I was thankful for the times when the drugs he gave me made the pain go away. But I didn’t go to the hospital afterward. I could barely walk, and I woke up back at my place covered in so much blood it scared me. All I could think of was that I had to shower away the ugliness and dirtiness, then get out of my apartment. When I said he raped me, I meant in every possible way,” she shared quietly.
I fucking knew what she meant. He’d shoved his dick up her ass, too, and she’d bled from everywhere. “What did you do?”
“Luckily, I healed. The pain went away. I went to the only people I trusted…my parents.”
And her folks hadn’t given her the reassurance she’d needed back then. Jesus, that made my chest ache like hell. “So you’ve never actually had a boyfriend?”
She cocked an eyebrow at me for beating around the bush. “What you want to ask is if I ever had sex again.”
Paige was correct. I did want to know. “Yes.”
“I tried. I didn’t want to be emotionally involved, but I searched for a man who could make me feel something good once I was in law school and had gone through some counseling.”
“And?”
She lowered her head. “I didn’t feel anything. If your next question is if I’ve ever had an orgasm, I haven’t. I think I’m sexually dysfunctional. I just don’t bother to try anymore.”
So, she’d had a few fumbling college dudes try to make her feel pleasure instead of pain, and she hadn’t. “I can make you come, Paige,” I said, my voice hoarse with the need to touch her, see her body’s response as she screamed out my name when she found release. This woman deserved to see that sex wasn’t always bad. And I sure as hell needed to be the one to show her that.
For some reason, I’d always had the desperate urge to see her while she was in the throes of a massive orgasm.
Paige shook her head. “I’ve given up trying. And even though I have to admit I’m attracted to you, I can’t have sex with you. That would make things complicated.”
“They don’t have to be.”
She slipped out of my arms, and I felt the loss immediately.
“Sebastian, you’re the owner of Walker. I’m a junior attorney. I want this job.”
“Do you? You said business law wasn’t your first choice.”
“It’s all I have,” she mumbled, still not looking up.
Her melancholy response hit me square in the gut and left me wanting to tell her she fucking had me.
I knew damn well getting intimate would complicate our lives, but I didn’t care. I fucking wanted things to get complic
ated as hell. For the first time in my life, all I wanted was one woman…her. No female had ever made me react this way, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. But I was damn sure that I couldn’t ignore it.
“Sex only,” I suggested, lying my ass off. “No strings for one month. If I can’t make you come, you can dump me. I won’t mix business with pleasure. No bad feelings on either side. We could call it an experiment.”
She was silenced by my offer, and I could practically see what she was thinking by the changing expressions on her face. She was thinking about it, but I wasn’t at all sure she was going to take me up on my offer.
Honestly, it was purely selfish. I wanted to get my hands on Paige Rutledge, but I knew once I did, it was going to get complicated. Once she was mine, I’d be as fucking possessive of her as my brother was with Eva. Hell, I was already well on my way.
Problem was, I didn’t want to scare her off. My gut ached from wanting to make her feel important, desirable, and to be the guy she’d run to when she needed anything.
“I can’t,” she whispered, barely loud enough to hear.
I moved forward and pinned her against the vanity, resting one hand on each side of the counter so she couldn’t scurry away. My grip was so hard on the granite that my knuckles were white.
Her running and hiding days were fucking over. That behavior wasn’t Paige; it was her history.
“You can. Say yes,” I cajoled. “Let me show you how it can be.”
I wasn’t shy about my skills at making women orgasm. I’d certainly done enough perfecting of those talents over the years. And the chemistry between me and Paige was combustible.
Not able to stop myself, I leaned down to kiss her so thoroughly that her brain would stop thinking and her body would respond to me. At least I hoped it would.
It was a kiss made to tease, tempt, and get the answer from her that I wanted. My heart hammered as she opened herself to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and started giving as good as she got.
Relief flooded through my tense muscles. There was no way I was going to push her any harder. She had to make this her choice. But I was sure as hell willing to persuade her without crossing the line.