Hey, Good Looking

by Fern Michaels

  “Are you finished traveling, Harriet?” Bella asked in a bored voice.

  “I’m enjoying my stay, if that’s what you’re asking. I came home for Russell’s funeral. My sisters tell me it’s time to stop, as they put it, gallivanting around the world. I think I was born with wanderlust. Do you and Marcus travel much?” Half the salmon on her plate was gone, and she had to concentrate on the soufflé. Bella was making excellent progress with her meal, to Ducky’s dismay. She’d have to make sure they lingered over coffee and dessert. There was no way she could let Bella leave if there was a chance the caper was still under way.What time is it?

  “Last year Marcus and I took a cruise to Alaska. He hated it, but he was the one who insisted on Alaska. It was just too cold. Our plans and vacations depend on Marcus’s health. We pretty much do things on the spur of the moment these days.”

  Ducky couldn’t eat another bite. She slid her plate to the side and signaled the waiter for coffee. “I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach,” she said ruefully.

  Bella stopped eating the minute Ducky moved her plate. “I think I agree with you. It was very good, but I rarely eat such a big lunch.”

  “Dessert, ladies?” the waiter asked, setting their coffee in front of them. Ducky looked at Bella, who seemed to be waiting for Ducky to make the decision. “As much as I love and crave sweets, I think I’m going to order the pecan tulle.” Bella seconded Ducky’s decision.

  “Will you excuse me, Harriet? I want to call home to see how Marcus is doing.”

  Ducky panicked. “My goodness, Bella, stop fretting. You did say Marcus had round-the-clock nurses, didn’t you? Let those nurses earn their money. Luncheon at the inn is special, enjoy it.”

  “You’re right. I do worry too much. It’s a habit.”

  My ass,Ducky thought. She almost exploded with relief. Now it was time to lay on the flattery. “I’ve been admiring your suit. I can tell it’s not off the rack.”

  “No, it isn’t. I bought it in New York when I was there last year. I love the color beige. Your own dress is quite lovely.”

  Ducky shrugged. “It’s off the rack,” she lied. “You know, a knockoff. It just goes against my grain to pay those astronomical prices to wear someone’s label.”Liar, liar, pants on fire. What time is it?

  The busboy worked his way to their table. Ducky almost fell off her chair when Bella asked if he had the correct time. The boy looked down at his oversize watch, and said, “It’s one-fifteen, ma’am.”

  “Are you in a hurry, Bella? I hope not. We should finish this coffee, it’s flown in from Hawaii.” Before Bella could answer, Ducky ordered refills for both of them.

  Ducky was so giddy with relief she made a mental note to add a twenty-five-dollar tip to the bill.

  “Isn’t this coffee delicious. It’s Kona. I never knew that. Did you know that, Bella?”

  Bella sipped at the coffee in her cup. “I can’t say that I did know that, Harriet. I guess that’s why the inn is so expensive.”

  “I think you have to be a coffee connoisseur, which I’m not, to appreciate it. I always use too much sugar and cream. They say you should drink it black. I can’t abide black coffee. It makes my nerves twang. Does it affect you like that, Bella?” Ducky babbled.What time is it?

  “No. Marcus used to drink coffee by the gallon all day long. Now, alas, he drinks herbal tea.”

  Ducky tried to relax. To her eye, Bella was getting jittery, her gaze flitting around the room.I’m boring her, she thought. “I have an idea, Bella. Why don’t we ask for a pecan tulle for Marcus. And a small cup of this special coffee. One little treat like that can’t hurt him, can it? Oh, dear, you did say Marcus had diabetes, didn’t you. That means no sugar. Well, they make the tulle with artificial sweetener. I saw that in one of their ads on television.”

  Bella looked flustered. “I don’t think…”

  Ducky wagged her finger at her luncheon companion. “We just had this scrumptious lunch. How can you not want to share it with Marcus? Please, let me order it for your husband. It will be such a treat. And it will still be warm when you get home.”

  I can’t stand this. What time is it?Ducky flagged down the waiter and ordered the tulle and coffee to go. “The diet tulle, Peter. It’s for Mr. Gunn. Make sure the coffee is black.”

  Ducky almost jumped out of her skin when Bella asked for the time again. Peter looked again at his oversize watch. “It’s one-forty, ma’am.”

  “You seem concerned with the time, Bella. Do you have to be somewhere soon? I can ask for the check as soon as Peter gets back.”

  “No need. I’m just not used to eating such a big lunch. It was very kind of you to invite me today, Harriet. If I haven’t been as gracious as I should be, it’s because I’m worried about Marcus. He had a bad night. Bad nights lead to bad days and doctor’s visits.”

  They talked about Marcus and how depressed he got when it rained for the next ten minutes. Ducky whipped out her credit card, added the generous tip, and waited for the waiter to return with the slip for her to sign.

  Bella picked up the to-go bag as she waited for Ducky to gather her purse and keys. She was fully aware that the other customers were watching her. It wasn’t a bad thing to be seen dining with Harriet Lane. Not a bad thing at all.

  12

  “We’re running late,” Dodo said as she stomped down on the gas pedal with a vengeance. The clunker of a truck shot forward. Flash, the K-9 who was sitting between her and Trixie, barked his displeasure. “This dog scares me, Trixie. One chomp from those teeth, and I’m toast. He looks like a killer.”

  “Flash! A killer! This sweet baby is a pussycat. He’s been taught to capture and hold. Forever if necessary. You know the story about Flash. His original handler moved on to the FBI, and Flash was retired because he was seven years old. He had severe separation anxiety when that happened. I adopted him. He almost died on me, but I finally figured out what wasreally wrong.” She turned to ruffle the hair behind Flash’s ears. “He missed going to work. So, I bought an old police cruiser, complete with siren and flashing lights, bought myself a cop uniform and a gun that shoots blanks. Then Fred planted marijuana on the farm. I don’t mean he planted plants. You know, a stash. Then I’d take Flash to work, driving the cruiser all over the fields, siren blasting, lights flashing, and him decked out in his bulletproof vest. We’ve been hiding the same bag of pot for three years now. He finds it every time. He’s my best friend now. Don’t worry, he knows exactly what to do. This dog is smarter than any human I know.

  “You look nervous, Dodo. Relax. This is just like plotting a book. Fred and I got right on it the minute you called. We anticipated every possible contingency. If you’re worried about Marcus’s meds, let me assure you we can get him everything he needs. He gets the same insulin that Fred gets. He’s on a low-dosage high-blood-pressure pill, a low-dosage aspirin, and a cholesterol pill. None of the above is for anything life-threatening. However, they’ve been giving him some pretty potent sedatives. We can have our family doctor check him over when we get back to Rayne. Now stop worrying, you’re in good hands. We’ll treat Marcus like a king.” Trixie looked over her shoulder to be sure Diddy was following in the Navigator. She was.

  Her eyes on the narrow road, Dodo said, “I wonder how Ducky is doing with Bella. That woman’s no fool. Even after all these years, I still can’t believe Marcus actually married her. He was supposed to marry Diddy. They were inseparable after his wife Myrna died. Then, just like that”—Dodo snapped her fingers—“Diddy was history, and we read about his marriage to Bella. Mind you, that’s how we found out, an announcement in the newspaper!”

  Trixie clicked her dentures to settle them in place. “How many times do I have to tell you, that woman had some kind of hold on Marcus. Fred and I would have figured it out, but you told us not to stick our nose in Diddy and Marcus’s business. Maybe Fred can get it out of Marcus once we settle him in. How much farther is it, Dodo?”

  “Not fa
r. A quarter of a mile or so. We need deep brush to hide our vehicles, and this is the best way. One good thing is there’s little to no traffic this far out, and we’re going in by the back end. No one has ever developed the land out here. Except for Bella. No one has been able to figure that one out either. Then again, it might have something to do with the fact that Gunn Enterprises owns just about all the acreage as far as the eye can see. Marcus talked once about selling some of it off, but nothing ever came of it. Here we go, hold on, it’s kind of rocky,” Dodo said as she turned the wheel sharply to make a right-hand turn. She steered the pickup to the right so Diddy could pull ahead in the Navigator, enabling the pickup to make a hasty getaway.

  The women exited their vehicles in unison. Flash stood still while Trixie strapped on his bulletproof vest. “The vest makes it official,” Trixie said.“Sitz,” she whispered, giving the dog the German command he was used to. The dog obediently sat. While she talked to the dog, Diddy and Dodo removed the wrinkled blue tarp from the battery-operated wheelbarrow.

  “Okay, let’s go. Not a sound now. This baby,” Dodo said, tapping the wheelbarrow, “is like a billy goat. She’ll take the incline with no problem. It makes barely any noise, so that’s a plus. Supposedly it can carry three hundred pounds and hold its charge for three hours. Do you believe that?” Dodo sounded like she couldn’t believe her own words. “It’s the super-duper top-of-the-line wheelbarrow.”

  “I’m impressed,” Trixie muttered. She snapped her fingers and pointed to the wheelbarrow. Flash hopped inside and sat on his haunches. He shook with anticipation. Dodo turned on the switch, and the wheelbarrow moved forward, with Dodo guiding it. She could hear Diddy sucking in her breath. She gave her a thumbs-up. Diddy offered up hermiddle finger. In spite of herself, Dodo laughed. She hoped she would be laughing thirty minutes from then.

  Overhead, the sun shone brightly, confirming that, aside from the humidity, it was a perfect day for lunch outdoors. Birds chittered as squirrels raced from branch to branch. The same woodpecker was having his lunch in the same old oak tree to the left. The women settled themselves on the ground to wait. Flash remained in the wheelbarrow. Trixie made lowering motions with her hand. Flash dropped on all fours, his eyes alert.

  Dodo rubbed her hands together in anticipation. “Okay, Let’s go over the plan. I go first, creeping up behind the nurse. I render her unconscious. I figure she’ll be out for at least two hours. She’ll look like she’s sound asleep. It will take me no more than ten seconds, if that long. Trixie and Flash head right for Marcus. I’ll be there to help load him in the wheelbarrow. That might take a minute or two unless he’s able to help us. If he fights us, it could take longer. He could also be a deadweight. If he is, you take his arms, and I’ll take his legs. Flash will patrol and follow us as we go down the incline to the truck. Shhh, here come the maids.”

  The women waited as the table was set with the same fine-looking crystal, china, and silver. Today there was a single yellow rose in a bud vase. “It’s just like yesterday,” Dodo whispered. “Here comes the nurse with Marcus. Shhh.” Five minutes later, she said, “It looks like they’re having meat loaf and mashed potatoes. Lima beans. Yuck.”

  Flash sniffed the air but remained quiet. The minute the maid finished serving the couple, Dodo crept from the brush. Trixie in her cop uniform, the fierce-looking dog at her side, followed. The only sound to be heard was the woodpecker, who was still dining on the oak tree. Trixie drew in her breath when Dodo crept up to within an inch of the nurse. She watched in amazement when the woman wilted like a flower left in the sun too long when Dodo pressed down on the pressure points in her neck. Dodo positioned her with her hands folded in her lap.

  “How’s it going, Marcus?” Dodo whispered. “We’re here to spring you. I hope you’re ready. Sorry about the vehicle,” she said, motioning to the battery-operated wheelbarrow, “but it’s all we could manage. It is top-of-the-line, though. Don’t make a sound.”

  Flash circled the wheelchair, his eyes boring into the man, who was stunned speechless. Two minutes later Marcus was in the wheelbarrow, his long legs hanging over the side. Trixie took one handle, Dodo the other. She turned on the switch, and the wheelbarrow streaked off, the women running to keep up with it and the dog, who was running directly ahead.

  “Bella…” Marcus stuttered.

  Dodo yanked at the wheelbarrow to slow it down. “What about her? Do you want to stay here?”

  Marcus shook his head emphatically. “Hell no.”

  “Then shut the hell up, Marcus, and let us get you out of here. Ducky is entertaining your wife. This ain’t no Mickey Mouse operation, Marcus.” Dodo thought she heard laughter coming from the old man’s lips.

  At the bottom of the incline, Diddy stood waiting. She was wringing her hands in agitation. Trixie and Dodo both looked away when she dropped to her knees. “Oh, God, Marcus, what happened to you?” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

  Marcus reached out a trembling hand. Diddy grasped it.

  “You can do all that lovey-dovey stuff later. We have to get out of here,” Trixie said. “Help Marcus to stand up so we can get this wheelbarrow into the truck.” Marcus stood. He was wobbly, but with Diddy’s help he remained upright.

  “Make sure the switch is off. In you go, Marcus. Don’t worry about anything. Trixie is driving you to Rayne. Flash is going to watch you. There you go.” It was a struggle, but the three women managed to get Marcus back into the wheelbarrow. Flash hopped in, nosing the man farther back into the wheelbarrow. He growled menacingly when Marcus refused to slide backward. Another growl, and Marcus did as he was told. The strange sounds escaped his lips again. Hewas laughing. He managed a thumbs-up before the tailgate was locked into place and the blue tarp knotted at the two corners of the tailgate.

  “Burn rubber, Trixie,” Dodo growled.

  The pickup backed up, then shot forward, dirt and rocks flying everywhere in her wake.

  Diddy and Dodo spent another ten minutes obliterating the tire tracks by gouging the marks with sticks and scattering the rocks. Diddy moved the Navigator to the shoulder of the road that was full of shale. She got out to peruse the ground. Satisfied, Diddy climbed behind the wheel of the Navigator. Dodo had to run to hop in the passenger side. “Are you nuts? Slow down. We did it. We pulled it off. He’s going to be just fine, Diddy. Trixie and Fred will take good care of him. They’ll do their best to get information out of Marcus. If anyone can do it, it’s Trixie and Fred. Our best hope is that they can convince him to turn on Bella and reunite with Ben. We need this information to discredit her. I’m hoping he’s able to help us. It’s the best answer I can come up with right now, Diddy.”

  Diddy sniffled into a Kleenex she had balled in her hand.

  “We go back to the inn, pick up my car, and go back to the shoe. I’m just sorry it took Russell’s death to motivate us. It doesn’t say much for any of us, Diddy.”

  Diddy blew her nose. She sniffled again. “We’re criminals. We’ll have a rap sheet. We kidnapped Marcus. He looked awful. Is he going to die? Tell me the truth.”

  Dodo digested her sister’s words. “We are not criminals. Notreal criminals. They can only charge us with kidnapping if Bella or Marcus press charges against us. And, no, he is not going to die. Well, someday he’s going to die, but not now. I’m telling you, Diddy, once all that dope gets out of his system, he’s going to be fine. You just wait and see.” She crossed her fingers, hoping she was telling Diddy the truth.

  “What time is it?” Dodo asked as they pulled into the inn.

  “It’s one-thirty.”

  “Damn, we’re good. Hustle, Diddy, we have to get to the shoe.”

  Exactly eighteen minutes later, Dodo parked her car in the alley. The sisters walked back through the alley and around to the front, where Ducky was haranguing the work crew, who were eating a Taco Bell lunch. She was shrilling about the litter they’d left scattered around. She almost fainted when she noticed her sisters. “I think you
should call the Board of Health, Diddy. These people are littering. It’s not healthful. I’d like to know where they go to the bathroom.”

  Diddy and Dodo stepped front and center. Diddy looked at her watch. “Isn’t it a little late for lunch? It’s after two. I’m sick of listening to that awful rap music, too. You’ve been playing it for the past two hours, and you’re giving me a headache. We were watching you from the front porch.”

  “No law against it, lady,” one of the men said.

  Damn, we are so good,Dodo thought.Diddy just established our alibi. She turned to walk away, her sisters following her. Inside Dodo’s kitchen with the door closed and locked, the three sisters fell against one another. They were all trembling, giddy with what they’d done.

  Ducky broke away first. “We need to act normal. Normal means we take out our tub of beer and retire to the front porch. One of us should probably let Darby know we’re home. Then again, maybe we should let well enough alone. We’ll just say we got back around eleven. Conceivably we could have left Rayne early this morning. If the cops come snooping around, Darby won’t give up anything. I’ll bring the beer. Diddy, bring some munchies. Dodo, bring your cell phone in case Trixie tries to call.”

  The front porch looked the same. Nothing had changed in the past few hours. The paddle fans whirred overhead. Diddy moved the table closer to the three chairs so she could center her tray of munchies. At the top of the shoe the rap music was still blaring. The three women did their best to ignore the music as they huddled close, whispering among themselves.

  Ducky held her beer bottle aloft. “I think we should make a toast to the successful Hatch and Snatch Caper.” Three beer bottles clinked together.

  “Someone has to know already that Marcus is gone. The nurse should be waking up about now, shouldn’t she, Dodo?” Ducky asked. Dodo shrugged. “The first thing they’ll think is that Marcus wandered off. Maybe they’re still searching the grounds. I say they don’t call the police until at least two-thirty.” Ducky took a huge gulp of beer.