Seed

by Lisa Heathfield

  “What’s happening?” Kate asks. She’s looking around us, but there are no answers in the air.

  I can’t hold my words in anymore. “Sylvie didn’t die when I was born.” I meant to whisper, but my voice is too strong. I can’t see behind the trunks of the trees. I can’t see if anyone is near enough to hear me.

  I take Kate’s hand and she lets me lead her again. In and out of the trees in silence, until we start to walk across the West field.

  Run, Pearl, run. My mother’s voice fills my bones.

  We’re standing in the middle, with nothing around us but the green grass stretching to the house and the white sky reaching down to touch the trees that line the fence to the Outside.

  “They locked her away.” I say it without hesitating.

  “Who?”

  “They locked Sylvie away.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She didn’t die when I was born, Kate. They hid her away.” The words catch in my breath.

  Kate looks toward the red bricks that make up our home. “Where?”

  “I don’t know. But they did something to her. They hurt her. And now she’s gone.”

  Kate turns back to me. There’s a sadness in her eyes I have never seen before. I need to ask her whether we put sticks on top of my mother’s coffin. Did the children laugh as we watched her body burn? But sickness grips me and it hurts too much to say it.

  “We can’t stay,” Kate says. She puts her hands on my shoulders. “Do you want to stay?” Her face is so close to mine that I can feel her anger.

  “I don’t want to be his Companion,” I whisper.

  She takes her hands from me and starts to walk away. Her blonde hair hangs, lifeless, down her back. She is going toward the fence that keeps us from the Outside.

  “Kate?”

  “Quickly,” she says.

  I have to run to catch up with her. Side by side we are hurrying to the edge.

  Run, Pearl, run.

  The air pushes into me, as the shadows of the trees creep over us. The wooden fence is here for me to touch.

  “This is where I meet Simon. If we go now, we can find him and he will help us.” But Kate sounds hesitant and she no longer looks strong.

  I touch the damp wood. It’s green on this side, where the sun never reaches. If I stand on my toes, I can see the road. It’s blank, until it turns a corner and disappears. There are no swarms of flies. Kate is looking back toward the house. She doesn’t move. She doesn’t climb over the fence.

  I know we won’t go yet, because Jack is at Seed. And Ellis. I won’t go without them. And Elizabeth is calling to me. I cannot leave her and our baby without saying good-bye.

  “Tomorrow,” I say. “Tomorrow, when that woman comes back, I’ll find a place to hide where Papa S. can’t see and I’ll tell her everything. And we’ll leave here. We will,” I promise Kate.

  Raindrops begin to knock quietly on the leaves above us.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

  A hand jolts me awake. I’m in bed and it’s still dark, but someone is shaking me.

  “Papa S. says we must all go to the work barn.” It’s Heather’s voice. She moves away. I see the figure of her going to Kate’s bed, waking her too.

  “Why?” Kate asks wearily. Something is not right. I know that I don’t want to go.

  “It’s not for us to question him,” Heather says gently. Then she’s waking Ruby and Sophie.

  Kate flicks on a bedside lamp. She looks sleepy, confused.

  “Your shoes, not your slippers,” Heather says to Sophie. “We will be walking outside.”

  Ruby sits in her bed, but doesn’t move. Her eyes are mostly closed. I take a sweater to her.

  “Come on,” I say. She lets me put the sweater over her head, helps me by stretching her arms through.

  Kate puts her coat on and does her buttons all the way up to her chin. “Do you know why, Pearl?”

  “No,” I reply. “He must want to tell us something.”

  “In the middle of the night?” Kate says.

  This feels so wrong. I need to wake up properly. I need to think.

  Jack is coming out of his bedroom when we walk into the corridor. His face looks strange, as though he’s been pulled from a bad dream. He has his coat over his pajamas, his shoes on his feet. Ruby reaches out to hold his hand. We walk down the stairs with the silence of the night whittling around us.

  The starlit air clears away the last dregs of sleep. It’s cold on my lips as we walk. We catch up with Ellis and he takes Sophie’s hand.

  “What shall we do?” I ask.

  The door of the work barn is open, spilling out a little light. I don’t want to go inside.

  “I don’t know,” Ellis says. But it’s too late. There’s no time to talk before we are all going through the doors.

  Papa S. is standing on an upturned box, near two of the cars. His arms are spread wide. His deep-brown cloak makes him look like an eagle. I expect to see claws at the ends of his fingers.

  Steve. Steve Elmack. Papa S., you have a name.

  I hear the sound of Kindred John closing the work barn door behind us. The heavy wood shutting us in.

  “My family,” Papa S. says, smiling. I kiss my palm and face it to him. I must do everything as he expects. I cannot make him suspicious that I am going to leave him. When I lower my palm, Kate takes my hand. I know she’s afraid.

  Don’t be, I want to tell her. Soon we’ll be free.

  “You may sit,” Papa S. says, his voice soft but clear.

  It’s uncomfortable on the floor. Bobby crawls into Heather’s lap and she strokes his hair. His eyes are already closing back to sleep.

  “Nature has asked me to bring you here,” Papa S. says. “To tell you bad news.” I look over at the others. Rachel’s eyes are wide as she looks up at him. Kindred Smith has Linda’s hand in his. Together they look up at Papa S. At Steve Elmack.

  “Outside has been taken over,” he says. Heather gasps slightly, but quickly covers her mouth with her hand. Jack doesn’t move. “Dreadful things are happening. There have been fires, floods, storms that have swallowed houses. And now, only bad people are roaming the land.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I hear Ellis whisper.

  Kate looks at me and I shake my head so slightly that only she can see.

  “They are swarming across the streets and the hills, and will destroy everything in their path.”

  Like the flies that he said swarmed into Elizabeth? There weren’t any flies and Elizabeth was pure.

  “They are coming closer,” Papa S. says. “Listen, you can hear them.”

  He is silent as we all listen. I hear nothing but the sound of our breathing. Linda is nodding her head and Kindred Smith too. But there is nothing. There is no sound of people swarming over the hills.

  “But no one will break up this family. We will never leave Seed,” Papa S. says, his voice getting louder. “We must all call on Nature to help us, to save us.” He is pointing to each of us. “We can only be saved together,” he shouts. “Close your eyes. All of you, close your eyes.”

  I look at Jack. Just briefly he sees me, but then his eyes are closed too. Kate holds my hand tight. I close my eyes.

  “Nature, save us,” I hear Papa S. call. Kindred John’s voice joins him, then Linda and Kindred Smith.

  “Save us,” I whisper. Save me from him. From Papa S. All around me, the voices get louder. “Save us,” I say. Because I want to be saved. “Please, save us.” I am shouting now too. Our cries fly up above our heads, crash around the walls. “Nature, save us.”

  Through it, I can still hear Papa S. And something else. It is an engine. “Save us,” I shout. The words fill my skin, my bones. Everything will be all right. We will be saved. On and on we call, until I feel as if I’m no longer here, as if my body is drifting away. The voices turn into a musical note that hums through me and lifts me and rolls me on the air.

  Someone puts something in my hand. I open my
eyes. I’m back here, in the work barn.

  “Drink it,” Papa S. whispers in my ear. In my hand is a mug with white liquid. “It will save you,” he says.

  His forehead is shiny with sweat. Instantly, I remember Elizabeth’s hair stuck tight to her lifeless skin. I don’t move and Papa S. leans toward me. His fingers are cold on mine as he pushes the mug up toward my lips. My mother is calling to me, but I can’t hear her words.

  Suddenly Jack pushes the mug from my hands. It falls to the floor, the liquid spilling. For a few seconds, we do not move. Papa S. stares at Jack with fury in his eyes. Jack doesn’t say anything. He just stares back.

  Kate has opened her eyes. Ellis too. He looks over at Linda. Her head is tipped back as she calls to Nature. There’s an empty mug in front of her.

  “Mom,” Ellis whispers. He’s moving his arm out to Linda, but he can’t reach her. There are empty mugs in front of Heather and Rachel. Bobby holds his mug in his hand. I can see that there is no liquid in it. But there is white on his lips. He looks at me.

  A strange noise comes from Heather’s mouth and suddenly she folds in on herself in pain, her eyes white. Kindred John holds a mug to Ruby’s lips and she’s drinking.

  “Ruby!” I scream. She glances at me in confusion as she swallows the liquid. I crawl over to her and hit her hard on the back. Her bones under her skin feel like sticks that will crack.

  “No, Pearl,” she whimpers as she tries to get away from me. She curls into Kindred John’s lap and pushes me away.

  “Spit it out,” I shout. But I’m too late.

  “We have to get out of here,” Jack says as he grabs my arm. “Now.”

  “We can’t leave them,” I say. But already I can see the paleness sliding into Bobby. My Bobby.

  Kate gets up, pulling Sophie with her. Ellis doesn’t take his eyes from Linda.

  “Sit down,” Papa S. says, smiling at Sophie. He reaches out his arms to her, but Kate grabs her away. “Sit down!” he yells.

  Papa S. begins to shake and I try to stand up, but he turns and grabs my cheeks. He is forcing my lips open with his fingers, pushing through another cup with white liquid. I bite him. My hard teeth sink into his flesh and he shouts and pulls back, just enough for me to escape him.

  “Nature will punish you,” Papa S. screams.

  I run with Kate and Sophie, but Kindred John is bigger than us, faster than us and he gets to the door first.

  “Sit down,” he orders. His spit catches in his beard. Suddenly Kate puts Sophie down and she lashes out at him, her fingers scratching at his skin. He raises his hand and strikes her hard across the face. I catch her as she falls, just as a heavy wrench flashes in the air beside me. It’s Jack who swings it, who crashes it into Kindred John.

  His heavy body crumples to the floor. I drag Sophie to the door. It is bolted. I pull at the handle. Ellis is behind us, but I can’t get the bolt open. It won’t move. I yank at it until it slips loose in my hand.

  Jack and Ellis push us all through the door.

  “Go,” shouts Ellis. “Look after Sophie.” He’s holding the door closed, because someone is pushing it from the other side. “I’ll follow.”

  We are running toward the woods. Jack picks up Sophie and I take Kate’s hand in mine. We run through the meadow in the cold darkness, the grass whipping at our legs. The trees’ shadows are clear in the moonlight, coming closer. Jack’s breathing is heavy in front of us. Sophie’s eyes are wide, her arms outstretched toward the barn.

  I only look back for a second, but it’s enough to see two figures in the distance, coming toward us. Sophie starts to scream, but Kate runs to her and puts a hand over her mouth. It slows us down, but we get to the forest.

  “This way,” Kate breathes in the dark, and I know where she’s leading.

  The trees hide us until we are in the clearing. Kate pulls the Worship Chair aside and yanks the trapdoor up. With no light, it is just a black, empty hole.

  “There are steps,” I whisper to Jack. I go down first, feel my way to the bottom. Jack stumbles with Sophie, and then Kate is inside and she pulls the door flat to the ground above us. I hear her feet on the steps and I reach out blindly in the dark until I have her hand.

  Sophie is crying. Our breathing fills the tiny space.

  “What is this place?” Jack whispers.

  “It’s where they put us when we become women,” Kate says, in the total blackness. Jack doesn’t reply.

  Sophie is weeping and I reach out to try to stroke her hair. Ruby was drinking the liquid. Little Bobby’s cup was empty. My heart feels like it’s on fire.

  “Where’s my mommy?” Sophie asks, her words difficult against her tears. Linda. There was an empty cup in front of her. She drank the poison. “Where’s Ellis?” Sophie whispers.

  Ellis had been one of the figures running from the barn. He was coming toward us. We had turned our backs on him. We closed the door in the ground before he even knew where we were. And someone had been following him.

  “He’ll be hiding safely,” I say. “Won’t he?”

  No one replies. There is just the sound of our breathing.

  “What if he’s not?” Jack sounds terrified. “We’ve got to go to him.” I can hear him moving toward the steps.

  “No,” Kate says sharply. “We can’t.”

  “We have to,” Jack tells her.

  “Ellis asked us to look after Sophie. If we go up now, Papa S. will be waiting for us.”

  “But Ellis.” I can’t say anymore. My mind is finding only blackness when I think of him. He is alone, out there. And I do not go to him.

  The dark keeps us silent.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  I don’t know how long it’s been. Hours, I think. Sophie has fallen asleep.

  “We can’t stay here,” I say. Yet what choice do we have? The alternative could be darker than down here.

  “We’re safe here,” Kate says. “He doesn’t know where we are.” But I can tell by her voice that she thinks it’s useless. Because soon Papa S. will notice that the Worship Chair has been moved. And if he doesn’t, we’ll die if we stay in this hole.

  “I’ll go first,” Jack says. I feel him passing Sophie into my arms. Her sleeping body is heavy.

  “Can’t we stay?” Kate asks. “Maybe Ellis will find us.”

  Ellis. Where are you?

  Will you kiss me, Pearl?

  There is the sound of Jack going up the steps. He must push the door open, as there’s a gust of faint light. The deep black of night has passed and dawn must be close.

  I follow him, carrying Sophie awkwardly, up the steps. I hear Kate behind us. Jack is crouching at the top, in the middle of the worship circle. He puts his fingers to his lips, telling me not to say a word. It’s light enough to see his face, as he points to himself and then toward the trees.

  Jack starts to crawl. He gets to the edge of the circle and then he beckons us over. Sophie is still asleep in my arms. I put a hand behind her head as I run toward him.

  We huddle together. The leaves whisper to us, but I can’t hear what they tell us to do. Jack looks around, his breathing quick. Kate takes his hand. She points silently to the driveway, but to get there we must go close to the house, and maybe Papa S. is waiting for us.

  Papa S. I loved you. Grief crashes into me.

  Kate is shaking my arm. Sophie is awake, her wide eyes looking into mine. Kate takes her from me and points toward the wall of the vegetable garden. We have to cross the open space of the meadow. Step over the empty plants in the strawberry field.

  I begin to walk, crouching low, the morning dew painting my calves wet. A pigeon calls out.

  And then suddenly we see him. But I can’t know. I won’t. Because his legs are twisted under him and his blood on his body has turned black.

  Sophie is screaming as Jack runs to him. “Ellis!”

  But Ellis cannot hear her. His life has gone. Jack grabs Ellis’s shirt in his fist. He’s hitting Ellis’s chest.
>
  I want him to stop.

  Push the blood back inside him.

  I want everything to stop. I want my heart to stop too.

  Ellis, wake up.

  Don’t go. Please. Please don’t leave me.

  Breathe again. Breathe, Ellis.

  Stand up, Ellis.

  Come with me.

  “Pearl!” Kate’s voice whips at us. She’s running with Sophie toward the safety of the wall. Because Papa S. is here. He has crept up and he is so close and he’s holding something and I know it is a gun.

  The sky is so white. So cold.

  Run, Pearl, run.

  But I can’t move. I stare at Papa S. At Steve Elmack. And it is only hatred I feel now.

  I stare at the metal in his hand that has taken Ellis from me.

  Ellis has gone.

  Jack stares at Papa S. Then he stands up, his arms spread wide. “Do it to me,” he shouts. “If you can do it to Ellis, then do it to me.”

  Papa S. raises his gun. We are close enough to see the hole at its end. Somewhere, Kate screams at us, as Jack closes his eyes.

  But Papa S. moves it toward his own head. The shot cracks through the air.

  I grab Jack’s hand and we run. The grass lashes my ankles. The echo of the gun is in the air. We run without looking back. Our feet are on the hard of the driveway. Our house is behind us. Ahead of us, Kate has Sophie in her arms as my mother calls me toward freedom. A freedom she never had.

  The gate is coming closer. Jack’s breath is with mine.

  We are so close.

  There is nothing but us.

  Us and the Outside.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  The biggest thank you goes to my mother—for letting me spend hours with my mind in books. And for telling me I could reach my dreams.

  To Veronique Baxter, the best agent in the world. Thank you for taking me on and for your unwavering faith. And to Laura West, for your early input that helped shape Seed.

  To Ali Dougal—I can never thank you enough for making all this a reality. And for your perfect edits, enthusiasm, and warmth. I hope Seed does you proud. Thank you also to the whole team at Egmont, especially Lucy Pearse—you spotted my book in the inbox and made enough of a fuss to get it noticed. And to my brilliant copy editor, Marisa Pintado—I’m in awe of your eye for detail!