Startling

by Arabella Rose

  “Do you have another class right now? Or Lunch?”

  “Lunch,” I tell him.

  He nods his head. “Mind if I join you?”

  I smile at him, and we walk to the dining hall. I ask him what he wants to do, he seems like someone who’s determined, he doesn’t let idle things distract him like the other boys do. He’s always got his head in a book. He tells me he’s studying to become a Psychologist. His mother is one, and watching her throughout his childhood makes him even more eager. I take him to the spot where I sat last time, outside, away from everyone else. He sits with me and tells me more about his family—that he’s one of two boys the rest girls, and he’s also the middle child. I laugh at that, the way he says it emphasizing with his hands as if the middle child thing is an issue. His older sister graduated from college a year ago and now is a primary school teacher. He told me why he works at the burger shack, because having five kids to send to college is too expensive, and he felt the need to offer monetary support to the family. I tell him that I’m an only child, my father a detective, my mother a food hoarder, which is a half-truth. She does cook and buy more than her fair share.

  Henry stops mid-sentence as he speaks about his brother who’s still in high-school, and his back straightens up. It takes me a moment to realize why. And when I turn to see who he’s staring at, my heart starts beating harder and my palms become sweaty.

  “Voigt,” Henry says to Taj, who’s stopped in front of us and is now looking down at me. I squint when I turn to look up at him.

  “Voigt?” I question him.

  “Last name,” he answers knowing my question.

  “You two know each other?” I ask looking at Taj, but my question was to Henry.

  “We went to school together… high school,” Henry answers me. I look down to the ground, unsure of what to say or even do.

  “Are you coming tonight?” Taj asks. I know his question is directed at me. When I look up, his eyes are on me, penetrating me with his stare. I get lost in them like I have countless times before. It’s like looking into something that knows you, wants you, but knows it’s not right.

  “Where?” I ask confused because I really have no idea what he’s talking about. I haven’t spoken to him for a few days. Since I left his room.

  “It’s Nash’s birthday,” he says clearly confused himself. And I know why I should have known this. Why is he the one telling me this? I grab my drink and throw it into my bag, standing looking down to Henry.

  “Raincheck, I have to go.”

  His smile is easy when he looks to me, he nods his head and winks. I look at Taj, whose eyes are on me. He doesn’t speak, and I have no idea what to say to him. So I muster the best smile I can before I run off.

  When I make it across campus and to my room, Nash isn’t there. Just as I fish my cell out from my pocket, I hear a knock on my door. I pull it open, cell to ear when I see who’s standing there and a girl is standing behind him taking photos of his ass. Another is in the hallway, her eyes trained on him.

  I wonder how he puts up with it, they’re like vultures. I grab him by the hand, pulling my cell away and tugging him inside. Lucky he lets me because I wouldn’t be able to pull him, he simply outweighs me and is too strong. I scowl at the girl who was behind him and slam the door shut. When I turn around Taj is now directly behind me, literally behind me, my chest smacks into his front and my hands go to his sides. My mind tells me to move, to take a step away from him, but nothing happens.

  He smells so good, so good that all I want to do is lay my head on his chest and breathe him in.

  “You can,” he says.

  I groan loudly.

  Not looking up when I speak, “You have superpowers, don’t you?”

  He chuckles and I feel it vibrate through him. Then it hits me, it feels comforting. He doesn’t move, I expect him to. He doesn’t date campus girls, this much I’ve learned from everyone. His last known relationship was with a girl who’s a model. Or so I heard. He’s playing on dangerous territory being this close like he wants to see how far he can push me until I crack and jump him just so he can turn me away. I take the first step, side stepping and walking to the window to place some distance between us. When I turn to look back at him, his eyes are on me.

  “You and Henry?” he asks. There’s no malice in his voice, just idle curiosity.

  I smile because I really do like him. Henry is friendly, determined. All the things I love in humans.

  “He’s a good guy.”

  He looks down and I see the crease that embeds in his forehead before it’s gone just as fast and he looks up at me.

  “So tonight?” he asks again.

  Just as he speaks my cell starts ringing. I know it’s Nash when I put the cell to my ear. I stand there as Taj watches me without saying the word.

  “You rang,” Nash’s voice booms through the cell.

  “Happy Birthday,” I say louder than expected. She laughs at me, and I hear background voices, then I hear Turner’s voice. And it’s then that I know he’ll be there tonight. It’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just he’s too much. He sees too much. He digs too much.

  “How did you find out?” My eyes find Taj, and he smirks at me.

  “So what’s the plans? Taj said we’re going somewhere? Why am I only finding this out now?”

  “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. It was Turner’s idea.” I can hear the happiness in her voice, so I don’t tell her I really don’t want to go. I will, of course, because she’s one of my only friends here.

  “Okay, I have one more class. Are you going to meet me back here? Or should I meet you out?”

  “No, I wanna see you. Turner and I are having lunch now. I’m gonna head straight back to our room after, and I’m going to pick something for you to wear.”

  That makes me nervous.

  Last time I let happen I ended up in a bikini.

  I finish the conversation with her and put the cell down on my bedside table. Taj stays where he is. I often wonder how he can stay so still. The only movement that comes from him is the rise and fall of his chest.

  “Are you going… tonight I mean?” He doesn’t move, he just stands there in all his glory.

  I wonder how long we can keep the charade up.

  I wonder how long before we both combust.

  I’m afraid it’ll be me first.

  Chapter 8

  I have a short playsuit on, and I keep tugging it down around my ass afraid that it will come out. Nash taps my hands away every time I do it. She offered to do my hair and make-up and I declined, several times and finally got my way because the playsuit is enough. I don’t need to dress up any more than I am right now. Nash has on a playsuit as well, hers is pink and matches her tanned skin. She’s paired it with wedges, while I have on flats, which makes her tower over me.

  “Where are we going?” I ask as she grabs her cell and looks to the screen, concentrating for a second before she gazes back up to me.

  “The boys mentioned the beach,” she says looking back down to her cell and starts tapping away. I wonder who she means when she says ‘the boys.’ Taj didn’t say if he was definitely going or not. I assume he is because he’s the one that brought it up to me. “Who’s Henry?” Nash asks looking up from my cell.

  I give her a skeptical look. “How do you know about Henry?”

  “A friend?” She raises her eyebrows at me in question.

  “What? He is.” I shake my head at her. “Who told you about Henry?” She looks back down to her cell before she answers me.

  “Turner mentioned him. Said that you sit with Henry now. Instead of him.”

  I’m fighting a full-on eye roll that wants to happen.

  “Henry doesn’t distract me, Turner’s annoying.”

  Her lips start twitching. Before she can say another word, the door is opening to our room.

  Turner bounces in and he claps his hands together when he sees us. “Ready ladie
s?”

  I don’t answer him as I turn to my bedside table and grab my cell. I hear the sound of them kissing, so I try to ignore them and walk to the door. When I step out of our room, I see Taj. His head is down, baseball cap covers his eyes as it looks down. One of his legs is lifted and on the back of the wall, while his fingers fly away on his cell. He doesn’t notice I’m standing right near him. Actually, he doesn’t see people looking at him at all. It’s like he has the ability to block everyone out. Sometimes I envy that. He has on dark blue jeans and a plain white tee. I often wonder if it’s legal for him to be walking this Earth, it shouldn’t be legal as far as I’m concerned. Sometimes I don’t even think he realizes the looks he gets.

  His head snaps up to me, my eyes already on his face. He doesn’t smile. Though, I’ve hardly seen him smile at all. I sometimes wonder why he gives me the time of day because he doesn’t seem to give it to many people. His eyes drop lower, and I watch as he takes me in. I fight the squirm that’s building up in me as his eyes drop. He opens his mouth as his eyes come back up. Just before a sound leaves him, I’m pushed forward, falling straight into his chest.

  Nash laughs, I was standing too close to the door. His hands fly up wrapping around my arms, his chest is flush against my chest. I push, my hands touching his side. I try not to linger and push back fast. His hands leave mine, and when I look at him, he looks confused. His eyes are looking down to where my body just was, his eyebrows are scrunched hard underneath his cap.

  Turner speaks and it seems to snap him out of his daze. And then he nods to whatever Turner just said.

  The California weather is warm when we step out from our building. I don’t feel the need for a jacket. Turner and Nash walk ahead of us. I watch them as they step over to Taj’s black car. They open the back door and climb in. I look to him, to Taj, his eyes are on the ground.

  “Just one car?” I ask him.

  He usually doesn’t have anyone in this car, Turner usually has his own car.

  “It’s easier,” is all he replies as he opens my door. He doesn’t wait for me to enter as he walks around to his side. I hear them kissing and making out in the back. As soon as he starts the car my hand reaches out turning up the volume of the radio. I don’t intend to listen to them anymore than I have to. I see Taj smirk because I know he doesn’t want to listen either.

  We don’t speak for the rest of the car ride and I stare out the window for most of it. When the car finally comes to a stop, I see some lights flashing from down on the beach. I didn’t realize it was a party, but I guess everything with them is some sort of party. I also wonder if they actually study.

  The kissing duo are the first to leave the car. I stay seated where I am, looking at the twinkling party lights, and wondering how long I have to stay for.

  Next weekend, I’m going home to visit my parents.

  It takes me a second to realize, that he’s still in the car next to me. He hasn’t said a word, then again neither have I. Turning to face him, I see he’s already looking at me. Sometimes I’m glad he makes me speechless because I’m afraid of the word vomit that would leave my mouth if I did speak.

  “How many people down there?” His eyes leave mine as he looks forward.

  “At least a thousand.”

  My hands get clammy—who knows a thousand people?

  “I’m gonna be stuck here all night, aren’t I?” I groan louder than expected. He slightly chuckles next to me. I don’t look back at him, afraid if I do I may be stuck in this car with him. Choosing to not leave. He’s one of few, I like to be around. I hear his door open as mine shuts.

  He walks around to me. “You ready?”

  I feel his gaze on me and when I look back to him he looks out to the crowd. His hand clasps mine, and he gives it a slight nudge as he starts walking. His hand is warm, comfortable, our pulses are erratic. He doesn’t look back as he drags me through the masses, he just keeps a tight hold on my hand. There are barrels of alcohol, and bins are full of bottled water. He walks straight to one, grabbing a bottle and one for me. I take it, but my eyes flip back to the alcohol. I don’t know if I can spend hours here sober. I think I would fall asleep on the beach. I was never a big drinker and went to maybe two or three parties in a year. But this is college, it’s what you’re meant to do. Drink, have fun, live the crazy life. I don’t open the bottle of water. Instead, I walk to where the beers are, pulling two out. I have no idea where Nash is. The only person I know that I can see is standing right next to me. The only person I’ve kissed since starting college is standing right next to me.

  Is friendship all he wants?

  Someone starts talking to him, I open my beer and turn around to leave. Bodies of people are mashed together, and before I know it, I’ve already downed one beer. I try to look for a familiar face. Just as I open my second beer someone slams into me from behind, soaking my sandals with beer, which isn’t a good mix with sand. Half of my second beer is now gone. I’m ready to open my mouth and say something when a hand touches me lightly on the shoulder. I turn and am met with a pair of brown eyes. I smile up at him, and he smiles back.

  “You’re here,” I asked surprised. He nods his head and looks down at my beer. He starts to apologize and then turns and walks away. Before I can work out where he’s going, he comes back with another beer for me. I like Henry.

  “Want to go for a walk?” he asks looking toward the water. I hold my open beer in my hand as we walk away from the music. He sits down as the water comes in. If I stretch my feet out when I sit, my feet will touch the water. The background noise is still loud, but I can hear him perfectly when he speaks.

  “Didn’t take you for a party girl…” His eyes find mine before they go back to the water. I do the same watching as the waves crash down on the beach.

  “I’m not… but this is college,” I say shrugging my shoulders.

  “You here by yourself?”

  Shaking my head and lifting my head up to the sky, I lean back on my hands. “It’s actually not bad. When I saw the crowd, I didn’t wanna get out of the car…” And with that my head drops back down and I turn to face him. “You here with a girlfriend?” I tease him.

  He shakes his head. “Nope, got dragged down by my roommates.”

  I start drinking my third beer, while Henry tells me about an assignment he has due next week. He’s stressing about it, and I laugh at him. He’s the only male I’ve encountered that cares so much about his studies. He nudges me with his elbow, making me laugh harder.

  Maybe the almost three drinks are starting to affect me.

  He stands and offers me his hand, I take it, and when he pulls me up I notice Taj walking down the beach toward us. My spine straightens, and my hands start to sweat. I pull it away from Henry, and he looks at me confused. Then his head turns following my line of sight.

  In a few short steps he’s in front of me holding out a bottle of water. I don’t take it. Instead, I turn and smile at Henry and then introduced them, realizing they already know each other when neither of them says anything.

  “Nash has been looking for you,” is all Taj says.

  Henry nods his head and he walks away.

  I don’t say anything to him as I turn and look back at the waves crashing on the shoreline.

  His hand clasps mine.

  Am I ready for him?

  What will he offer me?

  The thoughts run rampant through my brain. He squeezes one more time actually silencing them.

  Chapter 9

  I don’t know how long we stay in the same spot, sitting the same way as Henry and I were just sitting. His hand clasps mine firmly. I tried to silence my thoughts, but it’s no use. I want to know what he’s thinking. What he thinks about me. Can I just be friends with him?

  I know I can be friends with Henry. But Taj, I’m totally unsure of. I pull my hand free and place it in my lap. I feel his stare on me, he wants to know why I did that, but he doesn’t ask. I’m just about to work up th
e courage to ask him when his name rings through our ears. His head turns backward, and his eyes widen. I follow his line of sight and am met with someone so beautiful it could almost rival him.

  He stands and doesn’t look back at me. His feet carve a pathway to this woman. Her hands fly around his shoulders, her legs wrap around his waist. She leans back, and then forward, her lips touching his. I shake my head, stand and walk in the opposite direction away from them.

  Someone walks around with shot glasses full of something. I snatch one from the plate, and then another. I hear Nash call my name, her friend Lauren is by her side. When she reaches me, I can tell she’s drunk, because she kisses me on the lips. I pull back and laugh at her.

  I was not expecting her lips on mine tonight.

  “I’m so drunk,” she screams pumping her hands in the air. Lauren rolls her eyes and hands her water, but Nash flings it away. She grabs a shot from the guy with the plate. Then she grabs two more, one for me and another for her. She smiles brightly. “Cheers bitches.”

  I drink it with her, trying to drown out his lips on hers. She pulls me into the crowd of people. The DJ is playing music, Taylor Swift sings through the speakers, and I start shaking my hips. My hands are pumping up in the air as I try to push him from my thoughts. And the alcohol seems to be doing the trick in helping me forget if only for a few minutes.

  Before I know it I’m in a mosh pit, there are hands and bodies everywhere. Nash screams the lyrics in my ear.

  Just as my thoughts of him are clear, he’s there again, grabbing my hand and pulling me away. I try to yank it back, but his grip is too strong. We don’t get far before I finally pull my hand free. He swivels, coming face-to-face with me.

  “Go back to your girlfriend,” I scream over the loud music. I try to leave, and then his hand wraps around my waist. Stopping me and pulling me upward, my feet lift off the ground and I scream. As soon as they touch the ground again, he starts tugging me away from the music. He walks me in the opposite direction of the beach, to where we came in from. I hear the click of his car being unlocked as he reaches it and opens the door, signaling for me to get in. I pull my hand free again, shaking my head at him. Then I stomp my foot for good measure.